by W. J. May
“So this is what you wanted to show me?” Natalie took off her seat belt and leaned forward, looking out the front windshield.
“Yeah, it reminds me of summer vacations with my family when I was a kid. I know it’s no beach, but it’s the closest thing we have here in Austin.” He waited to turn off the truck, still not convinced that she wanted to be there.
“It’s beautiful. The water looks so inviting. I may have to jump in.”
He noticed a change in her face. Maybe she would be okay after all. “People come out here to get certified for scuba diving. Do you wanna take a walk?”
Natalie nodded. “Sure, why not.”
He let out a sigh of relief and opened his truck door. He came around and opened the door for her. He stuck out his hand, helping her get out of the truck. When she didn’t let go of his hand, Ryan didn’t hesitate to interlock his fingers with hers. They walked down to the water, holding hands. It felt good to be next to her; natural and right, in so many ways.
“Wow, there’s sand.” Natalie dug her shoes into the brown, sand-like dirt.
“I know. That’s why I like coming out here so much. Feels like I’m at the beach.”
“Just a minute, I don’t want to get my shoes wet.” She bent over and removed her sandals before the water reached them. She held on to them by the straps, allowing them to dangle from her fingers. “What about you?”
He glanced down at his boat shoes. “Nah, I get these wet all the time.”
Something caught his eye as the water splashed over Natalie’s feet. He had to take another look. For a split second, he thought he saw her legs and feet liquefy into water. The structure of them remained solid but they were clear, like the lake. He shut his eyes tightly and shook his head.
“I can’t believe the water is so clear, almost like the ocean. Hey, are you okay?” Natalie pulled at his arm. Her grip tightened and she shook him a couple times. “Ryan.”
“Yeah?” He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. He looked back down and saw they were normal. His eyes had to be playing tricks on him. He figured the anxiety building up inside of him caused it, since he still needed to have that talk with her.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I was just thinking that we should come out here during the day. Ya know, go swimming or rent a boat.”
“Yeah, that sounds like fun.” Natalie smiled at him but he could see the doubt in her eyes.
“C’mon, let’s walk down this way.” He motioned with his head.
He led her down the sandy shoreline holding her hand. A cool breeze blew off the calm water, not at all typical for an evening in May. Out in the distance, he spotted a few boats and saw a couple of people dotted along the beach area on the other side of the lake. He figured there would be more people at the lake because of the nice weather but they were practically alone.
Natalie gazed out into the horizon. “It’s a beautiful sunset. I’m glad you brought me here.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
Her lightly tanned skin shimmered in the setting sun’s rays and her hair flowed freely in the breeze. She looked radiant, almost Goddess like in her white dress. Then again, Natalie looked good in anything she wore.
Even though she excited him, she also calmed him. She put him at ease and he felt his heart surrendering to her. Never did he imagine falling for the quiet sophomore he knew back in high school. Her beauty mesmerized him and he nearly forgot that he needed to have that heart to heart honest conversation with her. There were so many ways to do this wrong. He had to do it right. He had to be completely honest and open with her.
With his shoe, he smoothed out the sand, thinking of the right words to say. “Natalie... I don’t want to step out of line again, but the feelings I have for you are beyond controllable.” He held his breath waiting for her response.
She turned toward him, gazing deeply into his eyes. She reached up and touched his cheek with her hand. “My feelings for you are uncontrollable too.”
His heart skipped a beat. So she had the same overwhelming feelings he had about her. He took her in his arms. “You don’t know how good it feels to hear you say that.”
“I’m scared though,” she mumbled.
He cradled her face in his hands and stared into her pale blue eyes. “Don’t be.” He glided his finger over her lips. They parted and he heard her let out a soft sigh. The plumpness and fullness of her lips were inviting, making him want to take them captive.
She glided her hand down behind his neck and leaned into him. Cautiously he brought his lips to hers, afraid that she might run off again. When she closed her eyes, he kissed her deeply and tenderly. It released every ounce of fear that consumed him, allowing him to show everything he felt for her. It had to be the most passionate and intense kiss he had ever experienced.
She responded willingly and didn’t pull away this time. He pulled her body closer to his, holding on to her tightly. Her hot breath against his mouth made him dizzy with desire and need. They continued kissing, not even stopping for a breath of air. His feet sunk deeper into the sand burying him up to his ankles. She wavered back and forth in his arms, and he struggled to keep them both upright. She pressed her body against his and his head swirled. For a moment, he lost all sense of direction and he felt his body lifting. He swayed back and then forward before finally losing his balance.
He held on to her with one arm, protecting her as best as he could. He used his other arm to break their fall. She cried out when they fell back on to the sand.
“Are you okay?” He lifted himself up off of her. “Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m fine.” She glided her fingers up and down his arms, awakening every nerve ending in his body. “Kiss me again.”
He leaned over her, caressing her neck and trailing kisses up to her luscious lips. She responded back with soft and light kisses. Her lips tasted so good, he didn’t want to part from them. He closed his eyes, taking in each kiss fully. She moaned low in her throat and it tormented him to the very core. He wanted her badly. Never had he felt this way before about a girl. Desire flooded his senses. He was losing control.
He pulled away. “I’m sorry.”
Natalie opened her eyes. “What? Is something wrong?”
He knelt down on the sand and shoveled his fingers through his hair. Why couldn’t he control himself around her? She was so irresistible but that was no excuse. He had to bridle the passion and feelings he had for her. This couldn’t go any further. He got up and walked off.
“Ryan. Ryan, what’s wrong? Did I do something?” Natalie chased after him but stopped when he held out his hand.
He ignored her pleading for a second, gathering his thoughts. He took a deep breath and let out a long and drawn out sigh. “No, ya didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me.” He held on to his head with both hands, pacing back and forth along the sand.
Natalie stared at him, looking confused. Who could blame her? He gave her all the right signals to only push her away. He had to be honest with her, otherwise how would he know if she was the right gal for him.
He walked up to her and took her hand. “I’m sorry. I really need to finish my talk with you.”
“Okay.” Her eyes sank the glow across her face faded in to a worry.
He led her back down by the water and sat down. She knelt down next to him, keeping some distance between them.
“Natalie, there’s something I need to tell you.” He grabbed a fist full of sand and sifted it through his hand.
She placed her hand on his arm. “If it’s—”
“It’s not what you think. I need to be honest with you.”
She pulled her hand back. “Oh...okay.”
He hesitated for a moment and then looked over at her. His mind reviewed the words carefully before he spoke. “When I’m around you, I find it really hard to control myself. Like I said earlier, my feelings for you are beyond controllable.”
&nbs
p; She nodded and barely mumbled, “Uh-huh.”
He cleared his throat several times. “Every time I’m with you, I want to lose myself with you. But I can’t. I made a promise and I’m sticking to it. I just don’t know if you are willing to accept that and if you’re not then...” the words hung in his throat before he managed to spit them out, “I’ll have to end our relationship.”
She winced and had a puzzled look on her face. “What? I have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t understand.”
“What I’m trying to say is that... I’m a virgin.” He felt a flash of heat hit his cheeks.
She let out a small sigh. “That’s what this is all about?”
He dug the heels of his shoe into the wet sand. He took a deep breath and let it out quickly. “Yes. I’m twenty-one and still a virgin. If you can’t accept that, I understand. I made a promise to not have sex until marriage and I intend on keeping it.”
She laid her hand on top of his. “That is the most admirable thing I’ve ever heard from a guy. I only wish I could say the same.”
Ryan felt everything drain from him. His shoulders sank and his head dropped down. He felt his body sinking deeper into the sand. “I understand. It’s not easy to make this type of commitment.” He stared into her eyes. “I wish you could walk down that same path with me, because there is nothing more I want than to spend each and every day with you.”
Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head. “I... I don’t think I made myself clear. I meant that I wish I could say that I was a virgin, but I’m not. I don’t intend on having sex again until I marry. I only did it because I really thought Tony and I would marry. I’ve been beating myself up over making such a dumb mistake.”
“So you’re okay with me being a virgin and not having sex until marriage?”
She smiled, wiping the tears that trickled down her face. “Yes. I’m perfectly fine with that. I really value sex like you do.”
He reached forward and took her in his arms. Her eyes met his and deep inside, he knew Natalie was the gal for him. “Then you’re willing to have a relationship with me and fight off the urge not to give into our sexual needs? No matter how strong they are?”
“Yes, I am. I have to admit that I’ve never had a problem controlling myself but for some reason I have trouble with you.”
“Then we will have to work extra hard. It won’t be easy but I’m willing to give it everything if you are.”
“I am.”
He leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the lips. Everything about her felt so right. She leaned her head against his chest and he held her close. He could see himself spending the rest of his life with her. He didn’t want this day to end. They sat there; his arms wrapped around her, watching the sun vanish along the horizon.
“Are you ready to go? It’s getting dark.” He whispered in her ear.
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay out here a little longer. It’s therapeutic for me. If you know what I mean.”
Ryan kissed her cheek. “I know exactly what you mean. Why don’t we go over there?” He pointed to a pile of wood down the shore.
She followed his finger. “To that pile of ashes?”
“Yeah. How about I start us a fire? I think I may have a few pieces of wood in the bed of my truck and a lighter somewhere.”
“Sure. Too bad you don’t have a blanket and your guitar.”
“Oh, I think I may have those too.”
She put her hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed. “Did you plan this, Ryan Garrett?”
For a moment, he thought he did something wrong. Then he saw her lips curl up into a full smile. He winked. “Yes, right down to the fire.”
Δ
Chapter 6: There’s No Denying
Natalie felt the vibration of her phone against her leg. Her heart skipped a beat, hoping it was Ryan sending her a text. She pulled the phone out of her lab coat and kept it under the table. She looked around for the professor and spotted him helping several other students a few tables in front of hers. She saw that Ryan sent her a message.
Wish me luck. I’m headed to Kronberg for day one of my internship.
She texted back:
Good luck. I know you’ll do a great job and impress them.
She waited a few minutes and received his next text:
Hope so. I’ll call you when I get off. Maybe we can grab a bite to eat. I miss seeing your smile and looking into your beautiful blue eyes ;)
She couldn’t help but smile. He made her feel so giddy inside. She texted:
I miss you too. I can’t wait to see you.
“Natalie. Natalie. Which one do you want?” Sean nudged her while waving a piece of paper in front of her face.
“Huh?” Natalie shoved her phone back into the pocket of her lab coat. She took the paper from his hand.
“Which project do you want us to work on? We need to make a decision quickly before the good ones are gone.” His arm fidgeted against the lab table and his hand inched upward, ready to rise the moment they decided.
“Oh, ummm... let me see.” She felt completely lost. She hadn’t heard a word the professor said.
“I think we should go with—”
“How about the aptamers one? Sounds interesting.” She pointed to one of the selections.
He adjusted his thick black frame glasses. “I guess.”
“You don’t like that one?”
“Honestly, I thought the one with biofuels because of the global warming sounded more interesting. It says more than one team can choose that one.” He showed her where it said that on the paper.
Global warming. It caught her attention and she thought about Ryan’s ranch and the problems with produce around the state. “Yes, let’s do that one.”
“Great.” Sean took the paper from her and raised his hand. He waved it in the air until the professor acknowledged him. Even though Sean seemed a little persistent, she knew choosing him as her lab partner made sense. She met him during the spring semester in a biology class they both took. When it came to schoolwork, he proved to be reliable and dedicated to his studies.
He nudged her arm. “Are you coming or what?”
Natalie rubbed her forehead and brushed her hair back away from her face. Why did she feel completely distracted today? “Yeah. Sorry.” She took off her lab coat and shoved it into her backpack along with her textbook.
“Are you okay? You seem a little out of it.”
“I’m fine. I guess I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.”
He held the door open for her. “How many classes are you taking this summer?”
“Just two and the lab class.” She adjusted her backpack on her shoulders.
“That’s a full load for summer. Plus the internship, right?” He reached over and zipped up her backpack. Apparently, she had forgotten to zip it closed.
She shook her head. “Thanks. Yeah, I’ll be working on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays in the afternoon. By the way, thank you for putting in a good word for me. I know they typically want juniors.”
“No problem. Besides, your grades spoke for themselves. You’re going to really like working at Kronberg. It’s cool and Dr. Kronberg takes the time to work with us and answer questions.”
“That’s so awesome. I can’t wait for tomorrow. What days do you work?”
Sean held up his hand, shielding his eyes from the sun. It shined brightly but for some reason it didn’t bother her, even though the rays peered right into her eyes. “The same as you. I’ll be there to show you around tomorrow. I need to warn you about Franz. He’s a little, eccentric.”
“I’ve met him. He interviewed me for the job. Red frizzy hair, brown eyes and freckles all over his face?”
Sean nodded. “That’s him alright.”
“He’s kind of freaky and weird.” She shuddered. Thinking about him gave her the hebegeebees.
He arched his eyebrow and gave her one of those looks. “That’s an understatement.
He’s a freakin’ schitzo if you ask me. Most people call him the ‘Mad Scientist’ behind his back. I think he likes it. Don’t worry, he keeps to himself most of the time. Even though he’s supposed to supervise us, he doesn’t.”
“So, who does?”
“You’re talking to him. Since I’ve been there for a year, they offered me a part-time job as a lab assistant. I work closely with all the interns, so you have nothing to worry about.”
“Wow! You didn’t tell me that.” Natalie gave him a friendly slap on his forearm.
“Owww.” He rubbed his arm. “What do you have in that hand of yours? Lead?”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you so hard.” She felt bad, wondering if she had actually hurt him. Poor Sean, he was so tall and skinny. He didn’t have an ounce of fat on his body or much muscle either. Why didn’t he take the workout supplements from Kronberg Laboratories? She refrained from asking or suggesting it to him, even though she wanted to.
“It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt.” He shook his arm, like he was trying to ease the pain. When he noticed Natalie staring at his arm, he quickly ran his fingers through his dark black wavy hair. “I didn’t tell you because I just got the job two weeks ago.”
“Good for you.” She tried to keep her eyes off the blaring red handprint she left behind on his fair skin.
“Yeah, thanks. Do you want to go get something to eat? We can get started on our project afterwards, if you like.”
She checked the time. It was ten minutes after two o’clock and her stomach grumbled with hunger. Since Ryan and Lise were both at their internships she agreed. “Sure, that’s fine. We both have to work tomorrow and the project’s due in a few weeks. Do you want to eat at the union?”
“Yeah, there’s plenty to select from there.” Sean said.
They walked down the stairs and crossed the street to the main campus area. The union buzzed with chatter and Natalie had to dodge the steady stream of students passing in and out of the building.
“I’m thinking we should make this a set time. You know, work on our projects after lab class. What do you think?” Sean pushed his way through the crowd.