“I know enough.”
“I’m not sure you do.” My voice is low and barely audible as the smile on my face falters.
“I know you’re beautiful.”
“On the outside, you might think so, but…”
“On the inside you’re not,” he finishes.
I tilt my head and smile sadly. “To put it bluntly.”
“I know you’re not beautiful on the inside.”
A frown creases my face without permission as I take a deep breath, my chest expanding at the small jolt of internal pain that just struck me when he confirmed what I unknowingly worried he thought.
Jack swings his legs around and moves to copy my pose, our knees interlocking like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle finally coming together. This time it’s his turn to take my cheeks in his hands as he shakes the sunglasses from his face and lets them fall to the floor. “Beautiful is a weak word thrown around by those with no clear vision.”
My heart starts to beat faster, harder, more intensely - so much so, I’m convinced he must be able to hear it, even over the noise of the other guests in the pool and the light music that surrounds us. Everything around me seems to fall away and all I can focus on is the movement of his lips as he continues to speak.
“You’re broken, I get it. Broken, but fixable. You miss your friend, your sister. You feel lost and alone, blah, blah, blah.” He smiles, so fucking seductively, as he breathes the words out with quiet certainty and confidence, his mouth barely moving. “From what you’ve told me, you’ve spent your whole life loving others and getting nothing in return for your efforts. If you want my opinion, it’s because you scare them, Izzy.”
“Scare them?” I whisper in question.
“You scare me,” he says, slowly leaning forward and closing the gap between us.
“W-why?”
Brushing his lips against mine as he speaks, I feel our warm breaths mix together as he whispers softly. “Because you’re so pure. Everything you do is innocent but with a strong, powerful intention behind it. You think of everyone but yourself. When people tell you you’re beautiful on the inside, know that it’s a lie. It’s not enough. The beauty you hold is ineffable, completely ineffable.”
Stunned into a perfect moment of silence, I can’t seem to think straight. All I know is that before I have time to even think about it, my palm is sliding around the back of his neck and I’m pulling him down, softly guiding his mouth to mine. I can’t remember making the decision for it to happen, but the instant our lips meet and our breaths become one, a fire starts to burn deep inside me, one that hasn’t been lit for such a long time.
The moment I feel it, I decide I never want it to leave me again. Whatever Jack wants from me, he can have it. The old Izzy is gone. It's finally time to throw the rule book away and have some fucking fun!
Sixteen
Moments later
It doesn't take long to make our way back to his room. Time seems to bear no relevance as I lose myself in his affection. I’m blocked off to the world around me and all that exists is us - two strangers, losing themselves in a vortex of lust and desire. There’s no conscious thought of the lives that we led before, and there’s certainly no thought of the lives we will live afterwards. All I can think about is the way he touches me like I am the most fascinating thing he has ever held in his hands.
The door slams behind us as he spins me around in his arms and slow dances us across his apartment.
“I’ve never been much of a dancer,” I whisper softly as he pulls me back against his chest and glides me into another room. I’m walking backwards, but I’m not scared by my usual lack of balance. I feel strangely safe and protected in his grip.
“Maybe you just never had the right partner.”
“I know I haven’t.”
The heels of my feet suddenly hit the edge of his bed, the mattress sinking into the back of my knees as his arm encircles my waist. As he slowly dips me back in his grip, a small, dark curl of hair falls down above his eye. Reaching up, I gently push it back with the tips of my fingers before holding onto the back of his neck for support.
“I love your hair,” I breathe.
A smile tugs on the corner of his mouth while his eyes sparkle down on me, full of life. “You say the cutest things when you’re nervous.”
“Paris used to ha-” Before I have chance to finish what I’m about to say, he presses a lip to my finger and shakes his head. The quiet dominance he has over me makes my knees go even weaker than they already are.
“Just accept the compliment. No arguing it. No negative thoughts. I'll say it again, Izzy. You say the cutest things when you're nervous.” His grin is ridiculous. It takes all the willpower I have not to throw him down and just get on with this.
“You're just cute, full stop,” I tease. “But, I think you may have had one too many Mojitos out in the sun.”
“That's more like it. I love you like this. Playful, carefree, your cheeks flushed pink from allowing yourself to lose control. It suits you. Imagine how good you'll feel when you really let go and decide to trust me.”
“I’m not nervous,” I assure him.
“No?”
“No.”
“Not even a little bit, Izzy?”
“Not even… a little bit.”
Moving down to my neck, he places the lightest of kisses upon my skin, before pulling his chin back and looking down on the spot he’s just touched. “Then why is your heart hammering so hard against my chest?” he mouths in my ear. “And why, even though we’re in the middle of the summer heat, do you shiver when my hand goes anywhere near your breasts? Why are your knees trembling softly? Why…” he pauses, moving to trap my lower lip between his teeth. “Why does this quiver when you speak?”
“Anticipation... excitement,” I whimper back, almost inaudibly.
“Careful. You're starting to sound like you really want this.”
“Good.”
Jack stares back at me for what feels like a lifetime before the look in his eyes changes. The playfulness that was there has suddenly been washed away, and all that’s left is heat and smoky desire. In a few swift, graceful motions, he’s moved us to the top of the bed. The softness of the pillow beneath me allows me to relax, even though my insides are twisting and my muscles feel tight with tension.
He runs a finger across the band of my bikini briefs, causing a fire to rage across my skin from his touch, and the knot in my stomach to clench so hard, it’s almost painful. My whole body is already devoting all its attention to him. As he teases the edges of the material over and starts to roll them down my legs at a torturously slow pace, I already know this moment with him is going to break me. His lips stop to caress almost every inch of my sensitive, sun-soaked skin, all the way down to my feet, like I’m the deity he’s been searching the world to worship all his life. Tossing the material to the floor and quickly kicking off his own shorts, he stalks back towards me on all fours, his pure animal excitement already evident from the look on his face alone.
I should be overwhelmed with nerves. I know that I should. In some ways, I am. It’s been so long since a man looked at me this way, but I feel too alive to let fear try and ruin this. I’m on the edge of a cliff, and I don’t want to just jump… I want him to take the decision out of my hands and push me. While my thoughts consume me, his hands slide around my body, working the strings of my bikini loose before throwing both scraps of material through the air like they’re weightless.
His eyes darken as they roam up and down my naked body for the first time. As if laying over me isn’t allowing him the best possible view, he swings his legs to the side and kneels on the mattress beside me. The way he’s examining me, like his gaze has the power to penetrate my skin, would normally make me curl up in embarrassment and try to hide, but something about the appreciative look on his face makes me feel empowered. Raising my arms above my head, I let them fall on the pillow and carefully part my legs enough for him to unde
rstand the meaning of my silent communication.
It’s impossible to miss the widening of his eyes and the expanse of his chest, and that only adds to my own arousal. He’s turned on by me. He wants me. And, God, do I want him, too.
Licking his lips, he lets out a low growl, his eyes never leaving the curves of my waist as he starts to lightly trail a finger across my skin. My nipples tighten immediately. Everywhere tightens.
“What a fool I would be if I didn’t ask you to marry me right now.”
“Jack,” I gasp as his nail drags harder across the lowest parts of my stomach, causing my whole skin to prickle.
“I don’t ever want to stop looking at you.”
“I have no place else to be.” I smile up at him, softly.
“Forever?”
“Forever is a long time.”
“I can't imagine it ever being enough.”
“I’m here, aren’t I? I’ll be here for as long as you want me, for as long as you need me.”
Bending forward, he drops his mouth to my skin, slowly swirling his tongue around the edges of my belly button as one hand strokes the skin across my ribs with the most delicate of touches. My eyes involuntarily close as his other hand moves between my legs, parting me slowly before he discovers exactly what effect he is having on me already.
“I’m going to make sure you never want to leave me.”
With slow assault, he massages tenderly before finally sliding a finger inside, hooking and teasing deep within as though he’s known and played with this body of mine his whole damn life.
I want to speak, but I'm silenced by sensation as my skin begins to sing his name.
He feels like he's everywhere as his other hand climbs even higher and starts to pinch and tug at my nipples. It's been such a long time since anyone played with me this way, I know I won't last long under his relentless exploration of my body.
Shifting my hips beneath him, I shuffle and try to gain more friction, but the second I move, he withdraws, sliding his wet fingers up my stomach before crawling over my body, pinning my hands above my head and pressing himself against me.
“I mean it,” he says softly, slowly rocking his hips, applying the pressure between my legs that I so desperately crave. “Those other guys that look at you on the beach, by the pool, in the bars… They can't have you, Izzy.”
“I don't want them,” I whisper, my head sinking further back into the pillow. “I'm here with you.”
“You're mine.”
“Yours.”
“You belong to me.”
“To you…”
“You’re my prize.”
Lowering his lips, he leads me into a rough kiss and his tongue begins to attack mine like he's marking his territory. It feels desperate, it feels raw, and it feels brutal, but most of all, it feels really fucking good.
Raising his arse, Jack parts my legs further open with his knees, teasing me as he circles his hips once… twice… three times.
“Jack-”
“Tell me how much you want me.”
I try to raise my hips up towards him, but he pre-empts every move I make and shifts away. His refusal to return to me until I lay still beneath him makes me become submissive in an instant. It’s never been in my nature to hand myself over to anyone like this, yet here I am. He has me in the palm of his hand in more ways than one, and I can’t bring myself to question any of it.
“I need to hear you say it.”
Swallowing down and held captive by him from every angle, I eventually allow my eyelashes to flutter open and stare straight into his burning gaze.
“I've never wanted anything more than I want you. Whatever you need from me, take it, it's yours.”
The look of victory on his face is fleeting.
Less than a heartbeat later, Jack slams into me with such force that I'm silenced by the huge inhalation of air that catches in my throat. My back arches away from the surface of the bed before he falls back down upon me.
All I can think about as he holds still for a simple moment of calm is how euphoric I feel. My body is tingling with a sense of right that it hasn’t felt since the days of Matt Cooper, but even with him, I knew I wasn’t the only person experiencing what he was gifting me with. I was sharing him with another woman. But with Jack… it’s just him.
Just us.
A soft half smile spreads into my cheeks the second he starts to move inside me. The wave of his body rippling with such perfect accuracy and experience takes my breath away over and over again. He’s touching me like he needs me as much as I need him. Maybe he does.
And somewhere in between the haze of my intense build up, his seductive whisperings in my ear and the thrill of finally doing something just for me, an unusual thought comes to life in the back of my mind. I feel special for the first time in my life, and perhaps, what Jack is proposing isn’t such a bad idea after all.
Forever suddenly doesn’t seem like enough time to me either.
Seventeen
30th September 2004
I've been staring out of the window of the plane with a smile on my face the whole way home. Jack's hand rests on the top of my thigh while his head is thrown back against the seat, and even though his eyes are closed, I know sleep hasn’t managed to claim him fully.
The world below looks so small, almost like it's a play set and I'm the one who owns it. If I pinch my fingers together and close one eye, it looks like I could pick up a whole forest in my grip and move it anywhere I want. Everything down there just seems… insignificant.
Perhaps that’s because everything of significance to me is now flying high in the sky, holding onto my leg with a welcomed possessiveness that is new, but exciting.
These last two weeks have been the best of my adult life. Since the moment I laid myself on a plate for Jack Parker, I haven't been able to stop smiling. I've never laughed so much. I've never had as much mind-blowing, body trembling, soul-shaking sex. He hasn't left my side and I haven't left his.
The conversations we had, the moments we shared… I've never opened myself up to anyone the way I have with him. There isn't anything about me he doesn't know - my past, my parents, Paris - all of it. Every time I threw something at him that I was certain would send him running for his life, he just kept on coming back for more. Every time I tried to tell him what I felt was missing from my life, he would shut me down and make me focus on the positive. There were hours that went by without me worrying about my best friend and that was completely new to me. While she was never far from my thoughts, Jack was proving to be the perfect distraction I hadn't even known I’d needed until now.
Turning to take a lazy peek over at the man I've suddenly come to crave, I can't help but poke his arm to try and force him back to life. It's insane how much I miss him, even when he's sat right beside me. I wonder for the first time in my life if this is what love feels like, but I soon swallow the thought. It's too soon for that kind of talk, and while I might have let my guard down to a dangerously low level already, I'm not fully comfortable with the idea of throwing that much caution to the wind.
His head rolls softly from side to side, and that deep throated groan of his, which excites me so much, escapes the smallest of gaps in his lips.
“I told you not to wake me up until you were ready to marry me,” he growls, his eyes still closed tight as his fingers press deeper into my thigh in that masterful manner he has perfected to a tee.
“Okay, you can go back to sleep then,” I say, my lips twitching to fight a smile.
Peeking one eye open, Jack searches my face in a way that makes me feel like he can see straight through me without even trying.
“You're nothing but a tease.”
“And you're nothing but a sadist,” I joke.
That catches his attention. Shuffling up in his seat and widening his eyes, he turns on his side to look at me fully.
“You think I'm a sadist?”
“I think you like to watch me squirm a l
ittle too much, absolutely.”
“Oh, I don't doubt that.” The grin on his face widens suggestively.
Batting his arm in a playful manner, I shake my head and roll my eyes. “I didn't mean like that. You know exactly what I mean, Mr. Parker. All these marriage jokes… You should be careful. Go around making too many of those and someone, someday, is going to snatch your hand off.”
Jack holds his hand up to my face, letting his wrist fall limp as his fingers hang loosely in the air. “Please. Snatch it. I'd love nothing more.”
“Stop it!” I shout through a laugh.
“Never.”
“You know I can't marry anyone, anyway. I have no chief bridesmaid at hand at the moment.”
“Who needs one of those when you have me? Stop fighting it. It's going to happen, baby.”
Folding my arms over my chest, I bite back my smile and turn to look back out of the window, trying to change the subject as quickly as I can. “Did you say you were staying at your friend’s house in Rochdale when you get back?”
“We're getting married, Izzy.”
“Because Rochdale isn't too far away from me, and I can't stand the idea of you having to go back to London just yet.”
“As soon as we land, I'm going to start making arrangements for it all. I don't care where or how. Just the sooner you're officially mine, the better.”
“I'd need rehab after five days if I didn't see you. I've got so used to your company.”
“I'll even buy you your wedding dress. You won't have to do anything.”
“I'm pretty sure there's a direct tram to Rochdale, too. And my grandparents, before they passed away when I was ten, they once took me to this little tea shop there when I was really young. I'd love to know if it's still there. They made the best scones I've ever tasted in my life.”
“Izzy…”
“And they actually served it with the proper clotted cream stuff. I remember thinking that was so posh, what with me being from a working class family and all. We just used to swipe butter on them,” I ramble, fiddling with the hem of my top.
Izzy Moffit's Road to Wonderland (Road to Wonderland Series Book 1) Page 12