I look up from my desk. I’ve been with many women but now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever had a girlfriend. Is that why I’m acting this way?
“She’ll like anything you give her.”
She leaves the box on my desk and walks out. So Setsuna-san is my first girlfriend. Did I do that on purpose?
“Sir, your plane is ready,” a guard comes in.
Now I’m thinking about it. My first girlfriend.
Chapter 14: Setsuna
It’s the rare t.v I get to watch and I’m watching it over and over.
“He did well, didn’t he?” I ask father.
I followed him to his office after the broadcast to watch the replay of Kyoya-sama’s interview. Father is on the phone discussing it.
“He’s well spoken, don’t you think?”
“Not now,” he says to me.
It’s all political to him. I was hoping he’d be impressed. I’m impressed with him. I get up and leave without him noticing. There’s no one for me to talk to since Yumi-chan left. I’m not allowed to speak on the phone and talking to her is no exception. There should be a letter coming soon or something. She couldn’t have forgotten me. I wanna hear about Han…and Kyoya-sama.
Even mother is making calls to our leaders. I go to my room and start my homework. I’m happy he would go public with the engagement. He said such nice things about me. No one here seems to notice.
“He thinks I’m beautiful,” I keep saying to myself.
It’s hard to concentrate. I waste the day dreaming.
“Princess, dinner is waiting.”
The day is ending already. I go downstairs and see mother and father in the sitting room. Normally they’re at the table before me. Probably a late meeting.
“Setsuna, come here. We have a visitor.”
They normally don’t want to me to meet the political leaders. I step into the sitting room. It must be okay for me to enter without my veil.
“It’s nice to see you again, princess.”
The man turns around.
“Kyoya-sama!”
“Manners, Setsuna.”
I’m stunned to see him. He’s really here.
“He came to see you right after his announcement.”
“Can we have a moment alone?” he says to them.
“Join us in the dining room, when you’re ready,” father tells him.
“Actually I have other plans, if you don’t mind.”
My parents walk out and the door closes with a creak and a bang. Did he really rush here to see me?
“You look well,” he says to me.
I step towards him unsure of how to greet him. When I’m within reach he grabs me and pulls me to him. I knew he would know what to do. I’m so happy to be close to him again.
“I thought about you every day,” he says to me. “You’ve been lonely, haven’t you?”
“I have. Yumi-chan is gone.”
“She’s fine. She’s having a lot of fun as my brother’s assistant.”
“Really?”
“She wanted me to give you this.”
He takes a box from his pocket. We part and he holds it out to me.
“Go on, open it. You’ll feel better.”
I open the lid and inside there’s a jeweled bracelet. She remembered.
“I can’t believe she was listening.”
“What do you mean?”
“I told her about this gem native to Han. I told her it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“It looks plain to me.”
“It’s a plain rock but it’s the story behind the rock. It’s about a princess trapped like me. Her uncle was in love with her and she refused to return his feelings. He trapped her in a cave deep in the mountain to punish her. And then she saw a trail of these gems. She followed it and it led her out.”
“Who left the path?” he asks me.
“No one knows but she’s certain it was the prince that loved her that was trying to save her.”
Yumi-chan remembered. I complained to her so much about how I hated being trapped here. My eyes start to get heavy and I cry. It’s a plain bracelet; it really is just a rock but it means so much to me.
“She told me…Kyoya-sama would lead me out. Just like these rocks.”
I can’t hold myself back. I start to cry with the bracelet at my chest. He grabs me again taking me back in his arms.
“There’s no need to cry. You’ll be out very soon.”
“Yumi-chan remembered.”
“She’s special to you?”
I nod to him.
“You’re special to her too. I’ll make sure you two are always together.”
“You…get along with her?”
“Yes, we get along well.”
“I’m glad.” I say wiping my tears.
I feel embarrassed crying in front of him.
“It’s okay to cry with me,” he says. “Soon enough I’ll know how to make you stop.”
“I’m not sad-”
“I know.”
He puts a hand on my head. I’m happy to see him and I’m not even acting like it.
“I want to go somewhere private with you.”
“Um…we could go to my room.”
“That’s fine.”
I walk back to my room with him. Mother and father are having dinner by now. I guess I’ll eat later. Being with Kyoya-sama is more important. He wants to be alone. I think he’s afraid of the servants listening in. I’ve never been suspicious of them.
We enter my room and he closes the door.
“Will you be staying over?” I ask him.
“Yes, it’s pretty late.”
“That’s wonderful.”
He stands nervously. He’s been here before.
“I wanted to get you a gift too but I have no idea what you like,” he says.
“I don’t need a gift from you. You are my gift.”
He looks down at me smiling.
“I feel the same about you.”
“But if I knew you were coming, I would have given you something. Oh! Let me show you something.”
I run to my bed and peek underneath. Through the years I gathered neat things that I wanted to share with him. It’s in a box in the corner; I haven’t taken it out in a while. I pull it out and feel him bending over me. I throw the box back in surprise and he backs away.
“Sorry, I was just curious.”
He sits down on the floor with me. I reach over and gather the contents. Where should I start?
“Oh, this is a Han actor I always wanted to ask you about. One day, I was sneaky and saw a movie with him in it. I wondered if he was famous there.”
“He’s Jon Ju.”
“Jon Ju?”
“He’s very famous.”
“Have you met him?”
“Actors and royals don’t cross the same paths.”
“Really? But you know about him?”
“I’ve seen his movies too.”
“You get to watch movies, Kyoya-sama?”
He chuckles with his head down. I only get to watch educational movies on television. I don’t want to make myself look uncool. I better move on.
He moves closer to me and I look down to see his legs are around me. I’m sitting between his legs while he’s looking at me sort through my junk. His legs are so long.
“What’s this one?” he says leaning forward.
“This seems stupid. I was so young when I gathered these things. This is a color I saw and I didn’t know the name of it. I wanted to ask if you liked the color too. This is a list of Hangese words that I don’t know how to pronounce. It’s childish-”
“It isn’t. But I want to you think less about gaining knowledge and more about experiencing feelings,” he says to me. “I think you’re very smart, even smarter than me but I think you haven’t experienced life.”
“But I-”
“It’s not your fault. You’ve been surrounded by the s
ame people your whole life and the same things. With me this close to you, tell me what you’re feeling now.”
What am I feeling? I’ve never been this close to another person before. His face is right at my ear.
“I don’t know.”
“I’ll tell you what I’m feeling first. I feel happy to be this close to you. I feel in charge of protecting you. I feel….like I wanna be closer.”
I can’t hone in on my feelings. Maybe if I was looking at him I could figure it out. I turn around to look at him. Every time I stare at him I feel so far away; he’s an adult.
“I feel so far behind you,” I admit to him.
He puts his hand on my head. Then he slides to my face. I hold my breath as he comes closer and kisses my cheek.
“Don’t feel that way,” he says to me. “Consider yourself beside me.”
Chapter 15: Kyoya
What’s wrong with me? I’m trying to force her to grow up so I can stop feeling guilty. Having her sitting between my legs looking up at me is too much.
I turn away to avoid her gaze. She lays her head on my chest. I’m tempted to take her hair down again.
“Kyoya-sama has a strong heartbeat.”
She looks up at me with such big eyes. In this moment I know what I want to do. I lean down and kiss her as soft as I can. Everything about her is pure; everything has yet to be touched. It’s waiting for me.
“Excuse me, princess.”
I pull away quickly. Who would dare to interrupt? A servant stands at the door. She hides herself in my chest.
“Leave,” I command.
“But the king is calling-”
“Leave!”
The door closes. Her room doesn’t have a lock on it but I thought people had the manners to knock. We can’t stay here much longer. She pulls me back to kiss her again. My hands hold on to her and kiss her like she’s a woman, my woman.
I push her away. She tries to kiss me again but I stop her.
“If we continue, I won’t be able to stop myself.”
“But I like kissing Kyoya-sama.”
“When we’re alone again we’ll kiss. But let’s keep this between us.”
I need a smoke. I don’t even think I should spend the night here.
It’s an awkward trip to the dining room, at least for me. She doesn’t seem to realize the seriousness of what I just did. I kissed her. It was agreed that we wouldn’t have any physical contact until she was sixteen.
“Kyoya-sama, it’s this way.”
I can’t keep my mind still. Her parents are waiting in the dining room.
“You two have returned. It’s nice that you’re so considerate of our Setsuna,” the king says. “I assure you Setsuna will not be in the public eye so there’s no need to prepare her.”
“Oh, I forgot to mention that I saw you on television. You were wonderful.”
“This is the first time you two have discussed it,” the queen says. “Then what were you two talking about?”
I feel oddly nervous. I sit down across from the king.
“I asked him about Yumi-chan.”
“I hope she hasn’t been a bother,” the king says.
“How many times have I told you to watch your mouth,” her mother scolds her.
“He never said I couldn’t speak to him,” she talks back.
“He’s just being polite.”
“He allows me to talk about a lot of things. He’s interested in my ideas and feelings.”
“No, he isn’t. He’s just being polite.”
“We’re in love and you’re just jealous.”
Now she sounds like a normal girl. I don’t want to interrupt. She better not mention that kiss. I take a sip of wine to calm myself.
“Setsuna, you’re disrespecting the prince. Keep your mouth closed.”
“You’re not in love with him,” he says to her calmly sipping. “I think it was premature for her to meet you. We’ll need to increase her training.”
“Training for what?” I ask him.
“To suppress her wild notions.”
I see Setsuna-san lower her head. She’s not even eating. She’s not talking crazy. It’s normal for a girl to act his way; it’s just a crush.
“I think it’s normal for her to have a crush,” I say to them.
“She was brought up better than that. She was brought up to respect you. Her actions are unforgivable. We apologize, Kyoya-sama. We’ll work on making her better.”
With the face she’s making, there’s no way I can part from her.
“Can you prepare a room for my pilot? I’m not up to flying tonight.”
“Consider it done, prince.”
So this is how it is around here. They suppress her feelings. No wonder she’s so sad all the time. After dinner a servant escorts me to my room. Before I open the door I see her peeking around the corner.
I step in and leave the door open. I could really use a smoke but I don’t want her to see me. She steps in nervously and I close the door behind her.
“I wanted to apologize. I didn’t realize I was being disrespectful by talking freely with you.”
“There’s no need for that. You never have to apologize for being yourself.”
“I feel as though I do.”
“Don’t worry about your parents. Their opinion won’t matter much longer.”
“Father is disappointed in me. He hates me so much. I really wish I could make him love me.”
“He does love you.”
“He’s never once told me, or hugged me.”
She really needs to make peace with her parents before it’s too late. I hug her to muffle her tears. I don’t want anyone to know she’s in here. It’s not safe for us to stay in the same room.
“You were born into a difficult position. You’re the last of the royal bloodline. They just want you to be the best representation of the country.”
“When we’re together, will you make me continue my lessons?” she asks.
“Not if you don’t want to.”
“I…don’t want to. So I just have to wait for that day.”
Just wait a bit longer. We’re alone again and I’m thinking about kissing her.
“You should go back to your room.”
“Will you say goodbye this time?” she asks me.
“Yes.”
I let her go and she looks up at me. I wish she wouldn’t admire me so much. She’ll let herself out. I go towards the balcony and she grabs my arm as I reach for the handle.
“Um…I feel as though it’s not okay for us to kiss.”
I wanted to avoid talking about it. I keep my back to her.
“That’s right.”
“Why?”
“Well, part of the opposition of our marriage is that we’re from two different countries and also, in both our countries…it’s illegal for a man my age to be with a girl your age. An engagement is just paper but if people found out we kissed, it would be troublesome.”
“I wouldn’t want to bring trouble to you.”
“You seem grown up in many ways but it’s still wrong.”
“I see. I’m sorry.”
It’s not her fault. Her hand falls away. I never wanted her to beat herself up over it.
“I won’t tell anyone. I’ll keep it a secret,” she says to me.
But it should be okay to do it in private. I don’t want to confuse her. I need more self-control. It’s quiet for a while but then I hear her whimper. I immediately kneel to her.
“I’m such a bad person. Even though you say it’s wrong, I still want to kiss you.”
I feel the same way. I can’t go any further or I’ll make a mistake.
“It doesn’t make you a bad person. Please, don’t cry about this. I want you to go back to your room and get some sleep. I promise I’ll say “goodbye” before I leave.”
She nods and runs off. I want to be there to help her through her feelings but I’m useless since I’m having the same ones. With her
gone I sit and smoke. No matter how many, the worries don’t go away.
The next day, despite my promise to say goodbye, she won’t see me. I eat breakfast with her parents and she’s nowhere to be found.
“This is so rude of her. I apologize,” her mother says.
“It’s nothing.”
“The servants can’t seem to find her. So childish.”
The time for my departure comes soon after. I wanted to say goodbye. I promised her I would. I go back to my room and see her crying in my pillow.
“Setsuna-san,” I call her.
I close the door and approach her.
“I can’t make it go away. I like you so much. I know it’s wrong, like you said, and I should wait but…I like you so much.”
“It’s not wrong,” I say to her. “It’s just not something anyone can accept. I don’t want any pain to come to you.”
She picks up her head from the pillow. I didn’t mean to make her beat herself up. I sit down to try to explain myself.
“I kissed you first. It’s what I wanted to do. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks. But, it’s not right to push those feelings on you so soon. You’re not ready. When you’re old enough, I’ll tell you.”
She nods to me. So agreeable.
“I need to get back. I have a lot of business to take care of. Promise me you’ll make up with your parents today.”
“I-I’ll try.”
“And…just know that I’m always here for you.”
“You’re saying “goodbye” now?”
“Yes.”
She falls to me. I hug her one last time. This is last time I’ll see her this happy. I’m sorry.
“Please see me soon,” she says to me.
“I will.”
Chapter 16: Kantarou
“You’ve been staggering around here since you returned.”
He’s writing in his book again. The day must be coming closer. He better not back down. Whenever it happens I better look busy. I should get back to training.
“I want to do it for a lot more reasons,” he says to me. “I want to do it for her but…I know she’ll cry.”
“It’s about power, not the brat.”
“At first it was but…”
“She must be a siren. What’s with that face.”
“It must run in the family. You make the same face when Yumiko-san is around.”
The Last Princess Page 5