A sharp pain tears through my shoulder, and I spin around to see Callum coming down the hill toward me.
It's okay, Birdie, I'm fine, Beck's voice is hazy in my mind. Faded.
I lift my hands and using every bit of magic left in me, aim for Callum. My brother, who is laughing, grabs at his throat. Panic fills his eyes. I walk closer to him, tightening my fist, crushing Callum's throat with my thoughts. When I'm standing before him, he drops to his knees. His face is a mottled purple-red.
"Shall I end your misery?" I scream. "Shall I take revenge for all you've done to Mother, me, Beck, and our people?"
Callum rips at his throat as if it could help.
One more squeeze, and I'd be done with him. One more.
But I can't do it.
A hand on my shoulder. I lift my head and am greeted by Beck's olive eyes. He forces my hands down, and Callum chokes as air rushes back into his lungs.
"Beck," I say. "I need to end this."
He shakes his head. "No, I won't let you carry that burden." His words are soft, and I can tell he's been injured.
He takes my magic dripping hands and holds them between his. "Callum is defeated. There's no point in killing him."
And in my heart, I know he's right.
I am not a killer.
CHAPTER FORTY
Once the fighting ends, with me parading Callum through his captured forces, Annalise slaps a red wristlet around his forearm. A roar goes up amongst the Light and Dark witches who stood with me. Our numbers are less, that is for sure, but Callum's are depleted to nearly nothing.
"What should we do with him?" I ask Annalise.
She looks at me as if I asked a strange question. "That's your decision, Lark. You granted him mercy."
"Move him to Alcatraz." I say, naming the desolate island in the middle of the Bay. "Keep him in solitary confinement."
My sister-in-law nods while making a note on her tablet. "Should I mark him for execution?"
I blanch. "No. I think we've had enough killing."
"As for the others?" she asks, pointing to the desolate group that was once the Splinter group.
"Work crews in the far North."
Annalise makes a note on her tablet. "Very well then."
There is no humming of the Alouette today. No. There is only defeat - something far worse because it breeds contempt.
I scan the remaining Splinter group, unfamiliar with any of the faces staring back at me. How these people hated me without knowing me is beyond me. They just did. Because Callum told them to.
"Hey," Beck says, his breath tickling my ear. "Where's that brain of yours going?"
I turn my head slightly, and he catches my neck with his lips. A roar goes up amongst our troops, and a deep blush colors my cheeks.
"I was just thinking-"
"Well stop that. Enjoy the moment." Beck takes me into his arms and kisses me deeply. Another roar erupts, but this time I'm too lost in Beck to care.
The crowd surrounding us doesn't matter. Right now, in this moment, it's only Beck and me. For nearly the past year, I've had everyone telling me that we'd never be together. That I should leave him and move on.
I never listened.
Not really.
I lost all control at some points, but I always knew in my heart, I could never be without Beck. His laugh, his smile, his way of making me feel more like myself than when I'm alone.
I always knew.
His fingers are tangled up in the ends of my hair, his breath fans across my face. "I love you," he whispers into my ear.
"I love you, too. Forever."
#
The next morning, I awake to the sound of Beck humming. "Rise and shine, sunshine," he teases, tickling me through the blankets.
I squeal and bury myself deeper into the covers. Happiness fills me, and I sigh contentedly.
Until...
"You have morning announcements in an hour. Your prep team agreed to let you sleep in."
Not this again.
I peer up at Beck from my place down on the bed. "And what am I reporting on today? A battle that we want no one outside San Francisco to know about?"
"Callum had a horrible drowning accident while on vacation," Beck says with a straight face. "You're going to have to sit in mourning again."
Lovely.
I hold out my arms to Beck, and he instantly folds into them, but before I can get too comfortable, he lifts me up off the bed. "Work awaits."
I sigh. "And what are you doing today?"
"Working with Annalise on granting all Light witches who followed Callum amnesty. Hopefully, we'll be able to send the Eastern witches home soon and restock the Ag Centers with our own people."
"I thought they were going to work crews in the North?"
He shrugs. "The council met and decided this was the best option - for those that repent, at least."
I nod absentmindedly. I have no interest in any of this. All I want is to sleep for a hundred years, and maybe go to the Ag Centers myself. That's one thing I've learned over the past few weeks is that I am not my mother. I'm not cut out for this. I need a different life.
"What are you doing after that?" I ask.
His shoulders roll forward. "Well, Henry wants to work with me on self-control."
"Do you think you can do it?"
He smiles. "I swear, Lark, I've changed. I'm not the same guy I was. I've gotten myself under control."
My face stays frozen. He's worn me down so many times that I've begun to make myself immune to him. "You've fed me so many lies."
"Not this time. I promise." He grasps my hand. "You know, if you can change, so can I."
We've both hurt each other, but he never gave up on me. He never walked away. Yet here I am, contemplating walking away from it all. Perhaps I'm not as strong as Beck. Or maybe I'm just smarter.
Here's the problem though: I can't stop thinking about him. Every minute of every day is consumed by Beck. If I left all this, would it mean leaving him too?
"Do you remember how I stood fast? I never gave up on you, Birdie," he says.
"Stop listening to my thoughts."
"You know it's true."
"Then you also know that you were a fool. You should have thrown me to the Splinter group. Look what being devoted to me has gotten you – near death and possible insanity."
He smiles with the self-assurance of someone who has surely gone crazy. "A love like ours is unexplainable. It can't be fixed, and it can't be broken. It just is."
"You're a fool."
"I will never love anyone but you."
My shoulders sag, and I stand still. "I stuck around."
"You did."
"I love you," I whisper.
"I know."
"Why do we keep doing this?" I ask.
Beck lifts my chin and stares deep into my eyes. My stomach flops and is followed by a prickly heat that starts at the base of my neck and spreads throughout my body. "Because in our craziest moments, we're at our greatest. Our worst, craziest best, and you know it."
I place my hands against his chest and push. "You know it makes no sense for us to fight so hard to stay together. From the outside, we must look insane."
"But you know in your heart we belong together." He draws little circles across the back of my hand, calming me, clearing my brain of all thoughts but him.
"Why do we keep trying?" I ask.
"Because if we quit, I think we'd both regret it until the day we died.
#
After morning announcements, which required me to wipe the memories of all non-witch San Franciscans, I seek out Miss Tully. She may not be Bethina and know all the ways of the witch world, but she gives good advice.
I knock on her front door and wait. From inside comes the sound of shuffling feet, and the door swings open.
"Lark! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in meetings or dealing with State affairs?"
I shake my head. My heart sits heavy in my
chest. "I'm hiding."
She motions me in. "From what?"
"Everything."
Miss Tully's room is quiet and cozy, just as it always is.
"I don't know what to do," I say, grabbing onto the back of a chair. "I never wanted any of this. I just wanted to be bound to Beck and live a quiet life somewhere farming. Or work at one of the Ag Centers. I was never supposed to be Head of State. And I certainly never wanted to grow up to be a murderer."
Miss Tully pats the spot next to her on the couch, and I sit.
"You've taken on a lot of responsibility in a short amount of time," she says. "Perhaps that's what you need - more time to adjust."
I crush a pillow to my chest. "No. I want out. I want to resign."
"Callum's treachery is impacting you more than you are letting on." Her watery eyes probe mine, and it's like my heart is being exposed. Unlike the rest of the City, I instructed Miss Tully not to watch the morning announcements - for this very reason. I needed her mind right so she could advise me. "It's okay to question yourself. I won't make justifications for you, but do you feel it was the right decision?"
"It was the only decision." An all-over numb sensation settles into my bones. "If he hadn't been so bent on hurting so many humans and witches, he could have lived normally. But his plan to expose all of us...well, I can't let that happen. He needs to be locked away."
Miss Tully watches me closely. "Do you feel we - humans and witches - are safer now?"
"I think we're on a good path." I lift my hand and tick off our accomplishments. "With the help of the East and the Light witches, the food shortages have eased; we have a peace agreement with the East; and my kind are safe from persecution - at least I think we are."
"Then in your heart, you must believe you did the right thing."
I bite my lip to hold back a sob. "I do. I just wish it hadn't had to happen."
Miss Tully sets her cup of tea down, leans over and hugs me tightly. "It's okay to cry, Lark. It's okay to not always be strong."
"What am I going to do?" I say between sniffles. "Jack told me I should restrict my time with Beck, but how? He'll never agree to it."
"Do you think he's right?"
I shrug. "I don't know anymore. Beck seems better, and he's trying - really trying - to gain control over himself. He doesn't seem as erratic."
Miss Tully releases me. "I think you've made your decision, but you just don't want to say it aloud."
I inhale deeply and let the words rush out of me. "That we should limit our time together until we're sure?"
My friend nods. "You could always come live with me. I'm getting too old to farm myself, and you'd be doing me a favor." She pours us each a cup of tea. "Beck could live at Summer Hill. The two are close enough you could visit daily, in small doses until you see how it's affecting him."
My breath bottles up in my chest for a moment before releasing all at once. "Could I? That may just work."
Miss Tully pats my hand. "I'd love to have you, but it will be work. I haven't any maids or things you're used to."
"That's okay," I say. The hope building in me tickles my stomach like a hundred butterflies. "I'll have to share this idea with Beck first and get his opinion."
Miss Tully shakes her head. "No, Lark. You need to make decisions on your own from now on."
"But this impacts Beck. He may not want to move back to Summer Hill. He--"
"Is his own person, and the two of you need to start recognizing it. You are bound, not merged into one person. Two people, not one."
And that's what it comes down to: being strong on my own. Not with Mother's influence, or Beck's input, but making my own decisions without consulting a Council or advisors. From now on, like with the battle with Callum, I need to make my own decisions.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
I tiptoe down the long hallway, worried about waking the baby. My nerves jitter around my body like a live wire. How am I going to do this?
I pause outside the door.
"Annalise?" I whisper.
She's sitting in a rocking chair, holding her baby to her breast. "Yes?"
"Can we talk?"
"Of course. Come in."
I take a deep breath and rub my sweaty palms over my dress. A lump forms in my throat, but I have to ask.
"Would you be interested in being Head of State? Or at least letting me nominate you?"
She eyes me with confusion. "What are you talking about? You're Head of State. It's what you were trained for."
"I'm retiring." I give a thin laugh. "It's not the life I want."
"And what do you want, Lark?"
"To live somewhere quietly. To farm. To have the life I expected and hoped for before all this began."
"But what about Beck?" Her words stab at me. "Didn't you do all of this to be with him?"
"I did it to keep our people safe."
"And to be with him." She's right, so I nod.
Annalise stands with the sleeping Olivia in her arms and places her in a bassinet across the room. When she comes back to me, she says, "I'm a guard, Lark, not a politician."
"And yet, you know the ins and outs of the State better than anyone. Plus, people listen to you. Unlike me. You wouldn't have to scare everyone to gain their respect - you already have it."
She glances at the bassinet. "What about Olivia? Running the State requires endless hours of work, as you know. How will it impact my daughter?"
"You could send her to school to live with a nice housemother. She'll be close by and easily accessible. It doesn't have to be like Mother and me."
Annalise nods her head. "I wanted to keep her with me, but even if I stay a guard, I'll need help."
"You will."
She sighs. "Where will you be? At the Ag Centers?"
I shake my head. "No. Miss Tully offered to let me live on her farm. It's close to Summer Hill, and I thought Beck and I could get a little distance but still be close enough to see each other regularly - just until we're sure I'm not hurting him."
"You're not."
"How can you say that? We've all seen how he lashes out over my emotions."
"Emotions you now have in check."
I lift my eyes to meet hers. "Do you think that as long as I'm in control of myself, Beck will be too?"
"I do."
A smile stretches across my lips. "That's the best thing I've heard today."
Annalise smiles back. "I'll give you the second best thing: I'll consider your offer."
I jump up from my seat and hug my sister-in-law. To think I once feared her. If I had only known the truth about her life earlier, things could have gone differently. But there's no time for regrets, I need to get the Council to approve the changes to power.
First, however, I need to speak with Beck.
#
We're walking through the Presidio, not talking, just soaking up each other's presence. Beck's warm hand is enough to make me forget about the damp mist hanging in the air. In the distance, in the middle of the Bay, is Alacatraz - Callum's new home. Close enough to hear the sounds of the City, but far enough away to feel isolated. I can think of no worse fate for my power-hungry brother.
"Hey," Beck says lovingly. "Let's walk this way." He guides me away from the view of Alcatraz and toward the eucalyptus grove. "What's going on with you? You're so quiet today."
I sigh. I know I'm going to have to tell him at some point soon, but I was hoping for more time. At least enough time to figure out how to explain my plan to him.
There is no good way, so I blurt: "Miss Tully offered to let me live with her…at her farm. I want you to come with me."
"Birdie," Beck says, dropping my hand and stopping. "My job is here. My work, my friends, my life. I like living here."
"But this life isn't for me."
"You want us to live apart?" Beck says "Is that what you're saying."
"I want us to live the lives we want."
Beck crinkles his brow in concentration. "Is
that what you want? For us to spend forever apart?"
"Why would we need to be apart? You could live with me at the farm and transport to work everyday. It would be easy."
"What about the State?" Beck asks. "Who's going to run it? Sun-Wei? Who?"
"I've asked Annalise. She knew Mother's secrets better than anyone and is more than competent. At least more competent than me," I respond.
Beck runs a hand through his wind-blown hair. He doesn't look at me, but rather keeps his eyes trained on the ground like it's mesmerizing. "You want me to agree to this?"
"I want you to consider it."
"Can't you stay here in San Francisco while I work? You could transport back and forth. You'd have Kyra still and wouldn't be so isolated."
I shake my head. "I'm done with this life. You know it's not what I ever wanted."
My mate eyes me carefully. "I don't know, Lark. I don't know."
#
I thought it was a perfect plan: Beck and I live at the farm, and he transports into work each day. What I've discovered is that unlike me, Beck considers things other than me to have importance. Things like his job and friends.
With sagging shoulders, I slump into my desk chair and begin shifting through the numerous reports that fill my tablet. Until Annalise and the Council agree on a change of leadership, I'm stuck doing all this.
A knock on my office door.
"Come in."
Ryker and Kyra file in, one after the other and stop before my desk.
"Lark, you can't be serious!" Kyra's curls float around her face. Will she ever learn how to keep them tidy? "You're thinking of stepping down and leaving us?" Her voice trills up at the end as if holding back a sob.
"This isn't for me."
Ryker clears his throat. "You'd still need guards, you know that, right?"
I shake my head. "No. I just want a simple life. No guards, no State events."
"Just you, the dirt, and magic..." Ryker says.
"Yes," I counter.
Kyra sits on the corner of my desk. "Well this is deso. What will I do for a best friend?"
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