“Right,” Jesse said.
“Come; sit with us around the fire. Would you like something to eat?” Aaron said.
“Aaron, he could be a spy for the Authority. CityWatch guards are probably headed here as we speak,” Kate said.
Jesse chuckled and Kate’s face filled with fury.
“We should do a perimeter check,” Sam said.
Remko nodded. Sam grabbed Wire and the two started off into the tunnels.
Aaron glanced at Jesse. “Are you a spy?”
“No.”
“Of course he would say no,” Kate said. “He isn’t very well going to tell us.”
“He saved our lives,” Selena said.
“Then you must eat with us,” Aaron said.
“No thanks; I should get going,” Jesse said.
“You are welcome to stay,” Remko said. Kate’s face drained of color and a couple of gasps echoed around him. He knew very little about the boy who stood before him, but against reasonable logic, Remko trusted him. There was something in his eyes that put Remko at ease.
“All are welcome to stay,” Aaron said.
“No, I’m good on my own,” Jesse said.
“Well, then, I will walk you out. I’m headed that way,” Aaron said.
“Aaron . . . ,” Kate warned.
Aaron walked to Kate and placed both hands on her shoulders. “Daughter of such little faith.” Her face flushed and she dropped her eyes to the ground. He placed a kiss on the top of her head and whispered something in her ear that made her nearly smile.
“You don’t have to; I’m pretty far—” Jesse started.
“I insist,” Aaron said.
Jesse nodded, understanding quickly that there was no way he was leaving alone. He glanced at Remko. “He’s not going to take me out into the tunnels and kill me or something, right?”
Aaron laughed, a loud warm sound that filled the air.
Kate stepped up in front of Jesse before he could move and drilled him with a dangerous glare. “He won’t, but if you touch him, I will.”
Jesse raised his fingers to the right side of his temple and gave Kate a soldier’s salute to signal that he understood, and it only made the lines in her face harden. But after a moment, Kate stepped out of the way and Jesse left, following after Aaron as the two disappeared into the dark.
12
Aaron didn’t return that night. Remko hadn’t expected him to, but his expectations hadn’t stopped Kate from staying up most of the night waiting. She’d paced back and forth, leaving a thin trail on the dusty tunnel floor on the outskirts of camp, until well after the sun was up. Sam and Wire had returned not too long after Aaron and Jesse left, happy to announce the perimeter was secure and the readings showed no sign of life for miles in any direction.
Remko turned in for the night with only a couple hours of dark left but woke by habit at the same time the sun was rising out in the aboveground world. He should have made himself go back to sleep, since a few hours barely touched the weariness in his muscles, but he didn’t. The camp was pretty quiet, most people still tucked away in slumber.
He made his way to the equipment tent, which doubled as a mission headquarters. The tent was small but tall enough that Remko didn’t have to crouch inside. There were two long, wide plastic bins in the middle, both filled with weapons and securely locked. The bins acted as a makeshift table, maps and charts spread across their tops.
Smaller square crates filled with supplies were stacked along the outer edges of the tent. Remko moved to sit on the single empty crate used as a chair near the temporary table. He got to work, recounting events, reviewing CityWatch patrolling schedules, cataloging weapons, and studying maps for different route options.
The tent entrance rustled and Remko looked up to see Neil and another Seer, Trig Mullen, stepping inside.
“Morning,” Remko said.
“We need to talk, Remko,” Neil said.
Skipping the pleasantries. Remko knew exactly where this conversation was going.
“Neil. I’m not sure this is a good time—”
“We were hoping to get some time with Aaron last night to discuss the big-picture plan here,” Neil said, ignoring Remko. “Like you promised.”
“The night played out differently. I couldn’t control that,” Remko said.
“Did you even try? You have pull over Aaron; we need you to keep your promise and set up a sit-down. People have questions and they are making threats. Threats about leaving.”
Remko thought again that he should have gotten more sleep as he tried to control the rise of anger filling his body. He was tired of having these conversations, tired of people assuming he could fix all their problems. They were all out here together, facing the same problems together—Remko included. What made them think he was better equipped to handle it?
“Then let them leave,” Remko said before Neil could continue.
Neil looked taken aback and glanced at Trig, whose expression was the same.
“Nobody is forcing anyone to stay here and be a part of this community. Anyone is free to leave if they feel the need.”
“But they were called here,” Neil said.
“Yes, by Aaron, and so we should follow his lead, and currently he wants us here, close to the city,” Remko said.
“To what end?”
“I know as much as you do, Neil.”
“I doubt that is true. And what of this new intruder? You invited him to stay.”
“Let all who come, come, Neil; that is what Aaron has always said.”
“Yes, let those who have been called come. But we know nothing about this boy. He could be a threat.”
“He isn’t.”
“How can you know that? What about our security? Our children sleep here!”
Remko slammed his fist down on the plastic bins and stood. “So does mine!”
Neil’s eyes dropped to slits and he leaned in close to Remko’s face so that Remko could feel the heat from his breath on his skin. “You are losing control of this situation here,” Neil said, “and you are putting our families at risk.”
“The situation is fine, but if you continue to stir things up around camp, then we will have discord among our own people,” Remko said, trying to remain calm.
“We already have discord.”
Remko pushed back from Neil and took a deep breath. “What would you have me do?”
“We want to speak with Aaron,” Neil said.
“I don’t control him; he doesn’t come when I call.”
“We want to speak with Aaron and soon.” Neil let his words stand in the silence for a moment and held Remko’s gaze before turning and leaving, Trig on his heels.
The long grass tickles the back of Carrington’s arm, but she doesn’t mind. In fact, the sensation is comforting and reminds her of how much she loves this field. Laughter bounces through the breeze and she sits up. Someone else is here. The sun is too bright against her gaze, and she uses her hand to shield her eyes. In the distance a shadow is dancing through the gleaming rays, a figure moving toward her with bouncing, twirling steps.
Her heart is racing and she stands to get a better look. Usually in this field Carrington is greeted by Aaron. He comes to give her comfort, to impart wisdom, to be a cool refuge when the rest of the world feels like a desert. Sometimes Aaron doesn’t come at all, but the spirit of something else sweeps through the grass like a hurricane. Violent and peaceful and beautiful. The mere touch of its air against her skin is enough to recharge her. Carrington senses it’s Aaron’s Father, her Father.
But this time is different. The shape is too small to be Aaron. Carrington takes a step forward, ducking around the beams of sunlight to catch a glimpse of the shadow. The figure giggles, closer now, and familiarity seeps into Carrington’s mind. She is running full throttle through the tall shards of grass. Tears fill her eyes, then dry against her cheeks in the wind. The figure stops dancing and the sun shifts so Carrington sees her face.<
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Larkin smiles and laughs as Carrington collides with her. The two girls topple backward into giggles and tears, the tall, thick grass catching them as they fall. Larkin rolls out of Carrington’s embrace and onto her back, her arms and legs spread out wide around her like a star. She stares up at the sun, her face full of joy.
Carrington props herself onto her side and keeps her eyes on Larkin’s face. She never imagined she would see her friend again, and the thought brings another round of tears.
Larkin glances at Carrington and shakes her head. “Don’t cry. It’s much too beautiful here to cry.”
“I miss you.”
“I’m right here. Miss me when I’m gone.”
“But you are gone.”
Larkin rolls onto her side to match Carrington’s posture. “Not really. I’m always here.”
“Then I’m never leaving.”
Larkin’s face changes; seriousness glides across her skin. “He needs you.”
“I need you.” Silence fills the field and even the wind seems to quiet. “Everything is different now. Things that should be the same feel foreign, as if I’ve never eaten or slept before. The loss of you is all that is familiar to me.”
“Loss is a powerful thing.”
“It’s more than loss—it’s fear, too. Fear that we all are destined for the same fate as you.” Tears slide off Carrington’s chin. Caught up in her own suffering, she avoids Larkin’s eyes. The warmth of the field is lost, the magic of this place hidden beneath her sorrow.
Stillness wraps them both, and the seconds slow. Carrington fears she may be stuck forever in this moment. Then Larkin reaches out and touches her shoulder. The stillness cracks.
“Don’t run from your fear. It will just chase you.”
“How do I defeat it?”
Larkin smiles. “Stop fighting.”
“Let it win?”
“No. Let it go. Accept it and surrender it.”
Larkin drops her hand and stands up. She reaches out for Carrington and winks. Carrington can’t help but smile and take Larkin’s hand. Larkin pulls Carrington from the ground and a chuckle falls from her lips.
“What is it about this field that makes me want to dance?”
A wild wind swirls around them and excitement lights up Larkin’s face. “It must be the wind.”
With those words, she races off into the field. Spinning and dancing while gusts of wind pull through her hair. Carrington follows, trying to keep up, but Larkin’s speed seems unnatural.
Fear clutches at her chest. What if Larkin gets away?
“Slow down,” Carrington calls, but her words are lost to the wind. Larkin’s laughter fills the space around Carrington even as her figure draws farther away.
“Larkin, stop.” Carrington races with all her might, but she feels as if she is running in place.
Larkin is now a spot on the horizon. Carrington again yells for her to return.
And then she is alone again. The wind dies down, and the grass is all that is left with her.
Carrington searches, spins, hopes that maybe Larkin is somewhere close, but all she sees is the open field. Abruptly she falls to her knees, the overwhelming sense of loss pushing her to the ground.
“Come back; please come back.”
Suddenly anger replaces her anguish and she balls her hands into fists. The wind took Larkin away; the wind is to blame. Carrington screams out against the air that whips around her. She thrashes her arms against it, trying to push it away. She doesn’t want it. She just wants to be free of it.
As if responding to her thoughts, the wind dies out completely. Only the sound of her own heart and ragged breaths fill her ears. And then her cries of sorrow. They crackle against the quiet sky and echo all around her. She pounds her fists into the ground and screams. She places her forehead against the dirt and muddies the ground with her tears.
“Larkin, please come back. Please!”
A hand shook Carrington’s shoulder and she opened her eyes. Selena Carson hovered overhead, and the shock of seeing her caused Carrington to shoot up from bed. Selena must have recognized the surprise on her face, because she took a step back and waited for Carrington to regain her senses.
She was in her tent, in camp. The space where Remko slept was vacant, and the misshapen crib at the end of the bed was empty.
“Elise,” Carrington gasped.
“Lesley has her. She was up very early and Lesley thought it was better to let you sleep,” Selena said.
“What time is it?”
“Nearly noon.”
Carrington stood and a wave of dizziness broke over her. Selena moved to assist Carrington as she sat back down on the bed. She closed her eyes and the dream of Larkin crashed back against her brain. The threat of tears pounded in her throat and she swallowed hard to keep them at bay.
Selena handed her a small glass of water and Carrington thanked her with a forced smile. “I should have been up hours ago.”
“Actually, I think you should probably stay in bed.”
Carrington glanced at Selena and couldn’t help but see Arianna in her eyes. She dropped her gaze as more emotion invaded her senses and drank the water that had been given to her.
Selena sat down on the bed beside Carrington and took her hand. The gesture came as a surprise, but the warmth of Selena’s palm was welcome. The tent was quiet for a while, Selena holding Carrington’s hand and Carrington avoiding thoughts of Larkin and Arianna.
“You were calling out for her in your sleep,” Selena said. “Larkin. I was walking by and heard you calling for her.”
Carrington bit her bottom lip and felt a shade of embarrassment heat her cheeks. She tried to think of some way to defend her actions, but Selena spoke before she could.
“It was months before I slept again. I still sometimes wake up calling out Arianna’s name.”
Carrington could see the pain gathering in Selena’s face and wished she had something to say that might offer relief. But all she felt was her own thundering sorrow.
“The pain of loss is . . .” Selena paused and swallowed. “Overwhelming seems too mild a description. Death would have been a relief from the agony. It felt like it was the only way to be rid of the pain.” She stared forward, her eyes collecting tears.
“I was so blinded by grief that I nearly destroyed my other two daughters. The blame is the hardest part to get through. As parents, we are charged to protect our children, and I let my daughter be murdered.”
Selena’s bottom lip quivered and Carrington felt a tear slide down her own face.
“The Authority imprisoned my husband shortly after the rebellion started, and I was so alone and controlled by my misery that I nearly left my other children orphaned.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I can’t tell you how often I was tempted to end it all, to give in to the pain and let it own me. To become a slave to the blame that echoed so loudly in my head.”
She wiped her face with the back of her free hand and turned her eyes to Carrington. “Did you ever see the Capitol Building’s gardens?”
Carrington shook her head.
“They were beautiful. Filled with colorful blooms, full bushes tall enough to hide behind and century-old trees that stood like pillars, shading the perfectly trimmed grass. Arianna always loved the gardens. She told me once that if the trees could still stand after the Time of Ruin and remain the same—beautiful, strong, and free—she should be able to do so as well.
“I knew Arianna saw things differently. She always questioned the Authority, not out of a place of rebellion as people wanted you to believe, but out of a place of wanting to truly know. Know what the world was, and how it worked, and who she was in it.
“I always thought her curiosity was beautiful—inspiring, even. I thought she was going to change the world.” Selena laughed and a fresh wave of tears moved down her cheeks. “When she died, I thought all those dreams I’d had for her were for nothing. I’d spend hours in the garden trying to
connect with whatever was left of her. Trying to remember anything other than the grief that haunted me. Aaron found me there. Probably in the same place he’d found her.”
“He came to you?” Carrington asked.
Selena nodded. “In the middle of the day, in the center of the High-Rise Sector, surrounded by CityWatch on all sides. Or maybe it was all a dream—I don’t even know. But he came and at first I was furious. He was the reason she had been killed. I accused him of murder, of being a monster, and he didn’t resist my accusation. In fact, he somehow connected with me; he wept with me, suffered with me.
“Then he reminded me of the truths Arianna had told me a hundred times. The truth of my identity and worth. The truths she died for. And, not all at once, but slowly, they took root inside my soul and I discovered that my dreams for Arianna had come true. She had already changed the world. Her belief and her faith in that belief changed my other daughters, you, me.”
Carrington smiled and nodded, wiping tears away.
Selena placed her palm on Carrington’s cheek and warmth flooded her face. “Grief is real and painful, but it is not the end of us or the ones we’ve lost. Every day that I change and see change around me, I see Arianna. Larkin will always be with you. Always.”
Her gentle words broke any strength Carrington had managed to maintain, and she began to weep. Selena pulled Carrington’s head onto her shoulder and Carrington clung to the woman as tears and painful sobs ravaged her.
Remko walked across camp. It was hard to tell what time of day it was inside these tunnels, but he imagined it was late afternoon. Carrington had emerged from their tent a few hours ago looking more exhausted than she had heading to sleep last night. He’d suggested she go back to bed, but she wouldn’t hear of it, and he knew there was no point in arguing with her.
He’d sent Kate and Sam on a scouting run to the west, while Wire and Ramses had moved to the north. They would need to find more food soon. Small game was easy enough to come by, but grains, fruits, and vegetables took some searching. Thankfully they had found a close water source, so for the time being they would survive.
He was weary; early mornings paired with lack of sleep and constant thinking and second-guessing were taking their toll. He wondered what would happen if he sneaked off to nap for only a moment. Would the world around him come crashing to an end? Something inside told him trouble was after him and taking time to rest would mean letting his guard down and endangering those around him. Then again, the voices in his head often told him all sorts of things he questioned. Don’t trust Aaron; don’t trust yourself; take your family and run; give it up; your efforts are useless. Maybe listening to his head was the source of his trouble. He really could use some sleep.
The Calling Page 12