His hand pulled free from mine. One steely muscled arm stretched across my chest, holding me back against the seat. The Mercedes braked hard and fast, still managing to make the abrupt stop smooth.
The brake lights of the cab in front of us disappeared because we were so close to his back end, but there was no crunch of metal or crash.
“It’s okay.” Ethan soothed. “Everything’s fine.”
I collapsed into the seat, his arm still stretched out like a giant shield. As I glanced at it, my chest tightened.
His first instinct was to protect me.
“I’m sorry I scared you. Are you all right?” he asked, reaching around to cup the back of my head.
My eyes tried to flutter closed, but I forced them to remain open. “I didn’t think you saw,” I murmured, watching the cabbie in front speed off.
His low chuckle was like a blanket, and when his fingers left my hair, I really wanted to complain for him to put them back.
“I’ll always pay attention to anything around us that can do you harm.”
I turned my head to stare out the window again, letting his words go without reply.
A few minutes later, we turned onto my street, the bar a welcome and familiar sight.
“Thank you for the ride,” I said, fingers wrapping around the door handle.
“Not so fast.” His voice left no room at all for argument.
Slumping back into the seat, I reluctantly looked up. Gentle blue eyes stared back, watching me with patience and care.
“You don’t want me to pick you up after work?”
Yes. So much. “No. I’ll just stay here tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because this is where I live.”
The air around him changed just slightly, and creases formed between his eyes. I knew he wanted to ask for more answers, and if he did, I might not be able to deny him.
Leaning over, I pressed a kiss to his cheek. His expression had changed to one of surprise and happiness by the time I pulled back.
“I’ll see you later, okay?” I said, smiling as I opened the door to exit.
“Puppy!” he called, making me wince.
I knew I wouldn’t get away that easily.
Rotating, I took my time lowering myself back into the open door. “Yes?”
“If you need anything, call me.”
All the nervousness I felt vanished without a second thought. I smiled. The simple offer of him just being there made me feel so full. “Okay. Thank you.”
He held out my violin case, reminding me I’d left it inside.
I took it, hugging it against my chest when I stepped farther onto the sidewalk so he could drive away.
When the shiny white Mercedes turned off the street, disappearing from sight, my anxiety came back tenfold, and I had to resist the urge to chase after his car to crawl back inside.
Instead, I went up to the apartment I shared with my brothers, listening to all the locks slide free for them to allow me inside.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Earth said the second he saw me. His scowl was the same as always, but his eyes swept me from head to toe as I came inside.
“You knew where I was,” I muttered. “It’s not like I didn’t call.”
“We thought you abandoned us!” Beau yelled dramatically from behind his wall of computers.
“Whatever,” I muttered, setting aside my violin case to drop on my knees to greet Snort who was lumbering around my feet, wagging his entire back end. “Hey, boy!” I said, rubbing his ears. The loud sound of his breathing increased, his underbite on full display. “Did you miss me?”
His entire stout body flopped onto the floor, offering me his belly to rub. The entire time, I felt Earth staring, the back of my neck prickling with awareness.
Moments later, the dog gave a loud sneeze, jumped up, and wandered off to his water bowl.
When I stood, I nearly fell back because there was a wall of two brothers standing side by side, glaring expectantly. They mirrored each other’s positions, arms folded over their chests, feet apart. Earth’s eyes were dark and fierce. Beau’s eyes were green and not nearly as intimidating… but still, I was unsettled.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” I demanded.
“We’re waiting for an explanation,” Beau said, and Earth grunted in agreement.
“An explanation for what?”
“Why you haven’t been home for days.”
“I told you—” I began, but Earth cut me off.
“Yeah, yeah, we got the phone calls. We let it slide then, but you’re home now and we want more than a flimsy excuse about a contract and a job.”
Scowling, I reached into the fleece-lined hoodie I was wearing for the envelope full of cash and a copy of the signed contract.
Earth’s eyes narrowed. “Nice jacket,” he said. “New?”
“It’s Ethan’s,” I mumbled, remembering the way he refused to let me out of the apartment this morning without something warm over my long-sleeved T-shirt. It was gray and had some kind of thick, ultra-soft lining inside that felt like fur (he promised it wasn’t real). Even the inside of the hood was lined with it, and the cuffs around the wrists were tight so it kept the cold wind from blowing against the skin on my wrists.
Now that I had some cash, I should go and buy myself a new coat and maybe some jeans that weren’t too big. Then maybe Ethan wouldn’t keep wrapping me up in his clothes.
But I kinda like it when he does.
No. You have to take care of yourself, Fletch.
“You’re wearing his clothes now?” Beau commented, arching a red brow.
I ignored them both to pull out some money, hastily counting out what I owed. “Here,” I said, handing the first stack to Earth.
Glancing between me and the money, he said, “What’s that for?”
“Rent. I’m behind two months. Now I’m caught up.”
“Fletch—” He began, but I halted whatever he would say.
“Take it, Earth. I earned this. Well, I will when I play at the event, and we all pay rent here.”
He nodded once, taking the cash and slipping it into his pocket.
I felt better watching the money disappear like a weight I didn’t know I carried was suddenly lifted off my shoulders.
Next, I counted out some more cash and handed it to Beau.
“You don’t owe me any money,” he said, backing away from it.
“I’ve been borrowing your clothes and shoes, and you put money in my pocket almost every time I leave this apartment.”
“That’s what brothers are for,” he argued.
“You don’t do that with Earth and Neo.”
His face changed like he’d swallowed a lemon, but he didn’t argue because I was right.
Reluctantly, he took it, holding it at his side like he didn’t want to put it in his pocket.
“I’ll get groceries for the house too since I haven’t for a while.”
“Why are you doing this?” Beau asked.
“Doing what? Acting like an adult?”
Both of them shared a look, then gazed back at me.
“I told you I’m not your responsibility, and I won’t keep taking money from you. I got a job. I’m paying for my own way.”
“And what happens when this job is done?” Earth challenged.
“I have more offers.”
“You took them?” Beau asked.
“Not yet,” I mumbled. That scares me too. “But I will.”
I didn’t like being afraid. Not at all.
“So you won’t let us help you, but you’ll wear designer clothes from Ethan and let him get you jobs,” Earth deadpanned.
His words pierced me, stinging like an open cut caught in the rain. Why was it that everything I did was always somehow wrong? Why did I always seem to disappoint everyone?
My fist closed tight around the envelope I held, the crinkling filling the room. Filling my lungs with a deep breath, I star
ed straight at my dark-haired brother.
“Ethan didn’t get me those jobs. I got them because I play well. I got them before I even started…” What to say? “Before I knew him. Ask Ivory.”
Beau slapped Earth on the shoulder when he stood there stonily, staring without a word. He sighed. “I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t get a job on your own. We all know how good you are at violin. You just… disappeared with that richie for days, and now here you are handing out cash like it grows on trees.”
“I’m just paying what I owe!” I yelled, frustration boiling over. “You guys should understand that!”
“We do,” Beau said, always the calmer voice of us all. “It’s good you are settling what you owe. We just want you to know that if you need anything, you can come to us, okay? We’re family.”
Shoulders slumping, I stuck the envelope back into my pocket with a nod. “I know. Thank you.”
My stomach grumbled, and I rubbed at it. I thought about going to the kitchen for a snack.
“Fletch,” Earth said.
I forgot about food, and embarrassingly, I felt my lower lip wobble. Rather than let it betray me like that, I sank my teeth into it to make it stop.
“You know I’m just worried, right?” he said after a minute, his tone low and serious.
I rushed forward and hugged him, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I didn’t mean to make you mad,” I said against him.
“I’m not mad.”
“Yes, you are,” I argued.
“He’s always mad.” Beau compromised.
He was right. Earth was permanently grumpy.
“I’m not mad at you.” He tried again.
I pulled back. “Really?”
He grunted.
I smiled.
The smile stretching my face didn’t last long because he pinned me with another one of his piercing stares. “What’s going on with you and Ethan?”
A little squeak left my lips, and I backed away from my larger brother. “Me and Ethan? Nothing. Why would you ask?”
“Even you aren’t that clueless, Fletch,” Beau added.
I gasped. “You’re ganging up on me too?”
“You don’t stay at some guy’s house for days because of a job,” Earth deadpanned.
“He’s our friend!” I argued.
Earth lifted both eyebrows. “So you and him are friends?”
Well, not exactly. I was pretty sure friends didn’t kiss like that, and they definitely, definitely did not get hand jobs from each other.
I didn’t like to lie. I wasn’t good at it and it seemed like a bother, but I wasn’t sure what we were. Well, I wasn’t sure I was ready to admit it.
I mean, hadn’t I just practically run from his car because of it?
“I-I’m not sure,” I stuttered in lieu of a direct answer.
“You know we don’t care about that, right?” Beau said. I could feel his eyes follow me as I went to the couch to flop down.
“About what?” I wondered, confused.
“If you like him.”
I blinked, still not really getting what he was trying to say.
Earth muttered something under his breath and flung out a hand. “If you’re gay! We don’t care if you’re gay!”
My shoulders left the back of the couch, eyes wide. “I don’t think I’m really gay. But if I was, why would you care?”
Earth groaned, and Beau laughed. “We wouldn’t.”
It never even occurred to me that they might care if I liked Ethan because he was a man. Why would they care if I didn’t?
“So you don’t like him?” Earth asked, his voice strained.
“Of course I like him.”
“For the love of God…” Earth muttered, making Beau pat him on the shoulder.
“So you like him like him, but you aren’t gay and you aren’t sure if he likes you?” Beau surmised.
“Oh, no, he likes me. He told me.”
The silence in the room stretched on. Both of them just stared at me until I felt an uncomfortable heat creep up the back of my neck.
“Please help us understand.” Earth nearly choked, dropping onto the coffee table.
Beau stifled a laugh.
“Do you have to be gay to like another man?” I wondered. “I just like everyone. That’s what I told Ethan.”
Beau laughed again. “If anyone asks, just tell them you’re bi.”
I shrugged. Why would anyone ask me that? I don’t really understand the need to label it like that. I mean, if Ethan was a girl, would I have to tell people I was gay or bi? It seems stupid. Can’t I just like who my heart picks?
“So you and Ethan are dating,” Beau announced.
I nodded.
“Why didn’t you just say that?” Earth bellowed.
I winced. “You didn’t ask.”
“I need a beer,” Earth declared, storming from the living room into the kitchen.
“It’s not even eight a.m.,” I whispered to Beau.
“He’s been worried.”
“I don’t know why. Ethan’s apartment is very safe.”
“Not about your physical safety,” Beau returned, but then he frowned. “But about that… Have you and Ethan…?”
Shatter!
The sound of glass breaking in the kitchen made both of us look up.
Earth appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, eyes wide and wild. “Did he touch you?”
I dove behind the tall back of the couch, cheeks heating like they were on fire.
“I’m going to kill him!” Earth roared.
Forgetting all about my mega embarrassment, I leaped up and over the sofa, rushing to stop him as he stormed toward the door.
“No!” I demanded. “Earth, no!”
Earth paused, and I kind of wanted to laugh because he looked like a charging bull. But I held it back because there was also a murderous sheen in his dark eyes, and I knew—we all knew—what he was capable of.
An announcement of murder from Earth was practically a promise.
“You promised no more bad stuff!”
“I promised no more jobs,” Earth growled. “I didn’t agree to not take out perverted rich dudes who take advantage of my little brother.”
“He didn’t take advantage of me!”
Earth’s nostrils flared. “That makes it worse!”
Moving me aside, he went toward the door. I spun to look at Beau, who was looking more alarmed than usual.
“We didn’t do anything!” I yelled.
Earth stopped, hand on the doorknob. “He hasn’t touched you?”
“Well, I mean… we kissed.”
Releasing the handle, Earth spun. “Is that all?”
Is that all? I giggled. Clearly, he’d never been kissed the way Ethan kissed.
My reaction did nothing to soothe his raging assassin.
“That’s all.” I promised.
Look, I said I didn’t like to lie, and I wasn’t that good at it. But this was do or die.
Literally.
Besides, it wasn’t like we’d had sex.
Just the thought of it sent a rush of heat and blood down south. The unforgettable image of Ethan’s silhouette hovering over me in the dark bedroom, his hands slipping over my skin, grabbing onto the neediest part of me…
“Fletcher!”
I snapped out of it. “Huh?”
“He hasn’t taken advantage of you?”
I shook my head. “No.”
It was the absolute truth because everything that happened between Ethan and me was totally consensual.
“Fine. I’ll let him live. For now,” Earth announced.
It was ridiculous he acted like he could decide… but still, I was relieved.
“Thank you.”
Suddenly, everything we’d just talked about became more of a realization, and awkwardness descended over the entire apartment. I gazed around at some of the art Neo painted all over the walls, but really, I couldn’t be distracted from t
his wild conversation.
Beau cleared his throat first. “Well, since it’s already kinda awkward, I just want to say if you ever have any, ah, questions, you can come to me.”
I felt my nose wrinkle. “About what?”
Beau sighed. “Sex.”
My eyes grew wide. “You’ve had sex with a man?”
Earth started to laugh, true laughter that rang out through the room.
Beau choked, green eyes nearly falling out of his face. “Ah, no.”
“Then how would you know anything?” I muttered.
Earth laughed again.
I don’t know why he found this so funny.
“I can Google it,” Beau mumbled, itching behind his ear, his face suddenly as red as his hair.
All three of us started to laugh, anger and awkwardness suddenly giving way to humor. When at last the laughter faded away, we all stood there in the middle of the living room, gasping for breath.
“So,” Beau said, voice still kind of breathless. “Everything between you and Ethan is all good?”
Dividing my stare between my brothers, I lied again. “Yeah. It’s great.”
This lie was a little harder to pass off because it wasn’t do or die. And because as far as Ethan was concerned, everything was all good. It was me with the problem, me who was afraid.
21
Ethan
* * *
Something was going on with him, and it was affecting me. I wasn’t used to other people’s moods influencing mine or worrying about someone when they weren’t in sight.
He said he wanted to stay at his place tonight. Just the thought of going home to a dark, empty penthouse was depressing.
After a few days of him bouncing around, exclaiming over everything, eating copious amounts of food, and clinging to me in his sleep, I was… well, addicted.
The genuine way in which he did everything made me feel as if I’d just woken up from a lifetime of slumber.
Which was likely why his morose mood in the car this morning clung to my clothes like bad cologne, lingering all day and invading my senses. It seemed he was trying to put distance between us, as if he were pushing me away.
I couldn’t accept it.
The hands on the clock neared six, and I was almost done with the pile of work in front of me. After work, I would go to the Grimms and make him say again that he didn’t want to come home with me.
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