“You always give in to him,” Neo quipped.
“Do not,” Earth argued.
“Do too,” Beau sang.
Ivory laughed. “You totally do.”
I looked at Neo and Earth sitting side by side on the coffee table and smiled. “This is closest I’ve seen you two in a long time.”
Both men flushed, glancing at each other out of the sides of their eyes.
“You should come around more often,” Earth muttered.
“Maybe I will,” Neo replied.
I smiled. Today had been super shitty, but I guess if it got Neo and Earth on the path of being as close as they used to be, then it was worth it.
Ethan’s face swam before my eyes, and pain pinched my stomach. Curling a little tighter in on myself, I squeezed my eyes closed.
Even with all the hurt, I missed him. I craved the comfort only he’d ever been able to provide. I hoped for sleep, exhausted enough that it should have been easy to grasp.
But it wasn’t. This couch no longer felt like a bed, and the missing scent of pine was disturbing.
I left my eyes closed, though, because letting them all think I was asleep was better than being asked questions I didn’t want to answer.
“Where did he get a cat?” Beau whispered into the room.
“I should call Ethan. He’s been worried sick,” Ivory said.
My eyes almost sprang open at that.
Ethan was worrying about me? Beau said that he and Neo had called before. Was he looking for me? Why?
“Don’t you dare!” Earth intoned.
“Let him worry,” Neo spat.
Earth made a sound. “We finally agree.”
“How can you say that, Neo? You saw him earlier. He was practically out of his mind.” Ivory fretted.
I worried my lower lip, clutching the blanket a little tighter around me. Images of Ethan running through the broken glass to the elevator, begging for me to stop, assaulted me.
I started to tremble anew.
Maybe I should have listened to him, at least let him explain.
“You can’t call him,” Neo whispered fiercely, his voice near the kitchen. “Look at him! Ethan did this, and I won’t let him near Fletch again.”
Silence descended on the small apartment as I prayed for sleep to pull me under.
33
Ethan
* * *
It didn’t matter where I searched. The result was always the same.
Nowhere to be found.
I searched the Upper East Side. I searched Central Park. I searched everywhere between my world and his.
As I nudged the Mercedes down yet another nefarious-looking alley, my stomach tightened, hoping I would find him, hoping I would not. I didn’t want him in a place like this. Grungy, cold, and dark.
Worry gnawed away at my insides, feasting on me like earthworms in a fresh pile of dirt. Tendrils of anxiety wound around my heart, making my fingers shake with the desire to call the police. If I couldn’t find him on my own, I would hire people who could. Time was ticking away, and the longer he was gone, the more afraid I became.
If anything happened to him… I’d never be able to live with myself.
A wave of nausea rolled over me, momentarily making me heave. My head throbbed so intensely as though someone were hammering away at my skull. Occasionally, spots swam before my eyes, and my vision was slightly blurred.
I hadn’t had a head rager like this in a long time, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was finding Fletcher, making sure he was safe, and telling him the rest of what I wanted to say.
As day gave way to night, I started to think it might not change anything, that the damage had already been done. What if I irrefutably spoiled something between us? What if he wouldn’t be able to forgive me even after I explained?
I should have told him I loved him.
I should have shouted it even as he ran away.
Beside me, my cell went off, making my heart leap and then sink. It had been going off all day. Hour after hour. The first handful of times, I’d been on top of the ringing, thinking it was finally Fletcher or at least news of him.
It never was.
It was my father.
Bree.
My father again.
I didn’t show up for work. Everyone was probably freaking out. I couldn’t think about that now.
I should have just told my father the truth from the beginning. My hesitation caused all of this.
You hesitated to protect him.
Yeah, how’d that work out for you?
The phone went off again, and I glanced down. A strangled cry filled the car, and I slammed on the brakes, stopping dead center in some sketchy alleyway.
“Ivory!” I practically yelled into the line. “Fletcher?” I demanded, heart nearly pounding out of my chest.
“He came home. He’s at Earth’s with all of us,” she said, her voice oddly low.
Relief stole over me, and I folded in half to lean on the steering wheel. “Oh, thank God.” I moaned. “Is he okay? Is he hurt?”
“I have to go,” she whispered. “I just wanted to tell you where he is.”
“Ivory, wait—”
The line went dead.
Groaning, I tossed the cell in the passenger seat and revved the engine. Due to the narrowness of the alley, I had to back the entire way out onto the street. I did so in record time, tires squealing when I turned out onto the main road.
Barely even braking, I fired down the street, turning the corner to speed toward the lit-up sign of The Rotten Apple.
I parked in a no-parking zone right in front of the bar. I practically dared that bozo Fig to show up. Squinting against the fluorescent lights in the hallway beside the boisterous bar, I jogged up the steps, taking three at a time.
I could feel every pound of my heart in my temple, and my stomach roiled uncomfortably. I pushed it all back, staring down at the black Christian Louboutin’s on my feet. Fletcher’s were in the car.
I didn’t pause at all at the door, instead grasping the handle and flinging it wide.
Bang! It smacked against the wall in my haste. Somewhere in the room, a dog barked.
“What the fuck?” Earth snarled, jumping up from wherever he was sitting. When he saw me, his eyes narrowed. “Who forgot to lock the door?”
“Oh, hell no!” Neo spat, appearing from another room, charging right at me.
“Where is he?” I demanded, eyes scanning the apartment.
The longer I went without laying eyes on him, the wilder I became.
“Get out!” Neo slammed into my chest, shoving like he was some kind of human bulldozer.
Planting my feet, I refused to budge, hauling back and shoving hard, sending him flying back onto his ass.
Ivory gasped, and Neo swore, jumping right back up to charge me again.
“Back off.” I warned even as I readied for the hit, preparing to give another of my own.
“I’m here!” a familiar voice shouted, a golden head popping up from behind the sofa.
Forgetting about Neo, I turned toward the sight, entire body sagging in relief.
Neo’s fist bounced off my cheek, knocking me into the wall.
I didn’t even flinch. My eyes never once left Fletcher. At one point, he turned into a blurred mess, but even so, he was the best sight I’d ever seen.
“Neo! No!” Fletcher exclaimed, jumping over the back of the couch to rush between us.
Laying a hand against Neo’s chest, Fletcher said again, “No. Please.”
“Puppy.” The word ripped out of me, so raw that, at first, I hadn’t even realized it was my own voice.
He stiffened, turning slightly, sneaking small glances and looking away.
“I’ve been so fucking worried.”
He made a small sound, a sound he always made when he wanted my touch. Immediately, I pushed off the wall, blinking back the spots to go to him.
“Like hell you will,” Earth said
, suddenly right there, inserting himself and keeping me from filling my arms.
“This doesn’t concern you.” I snarled, looking at the hand he pressed onto my shoulder.
“I think that’s my line,” Earth deadpanned.
“Good heavens, can’t anyone have a conversation? Snarl, snarl, growl.” Ivory admonished. “That’s all you men do.”
Earth cocked an eyebrow. “You called him, didn’t you?”
Ivory sniffed. “Yes, I did. He has a right to know.”
“Princess,” Neo intoned wearily, “I said not to call him.”
“You’re not the boss of me,” she retorted.
During all this ridiculous conversation, I watched Fletcher climb over the back of the couch and disappear. His feet were still bare and dirty with cuts.
Completely appalled, I shoved Earth back, ignoring his shout of surprise. “Did no one look at his cuts? Did no one give him clean clothes or a shower?” I demanded, rushing over to stare down over the back of the couch.
My heart turned over, and I let out a small sound. He looked so small buried under that blanket, mop of hair sticking out everywhere.
“He was sleeping.” Beau defended. “He was about ready to fall over from exhaustion.”
“Why isn’t he in bed? Why is he on the couch?”
Everyone was silent for a moment. The blanket pulled down a bit, and I was rewarded with the flash of Fletcher’s face.
It was blotchy from crying.
My puppy had been crying.
“This is my bed.”
More spots swam before my eyes, but this time, it was out of anger. Despite the migraine and the sensitivity to sound, I started to yell. “You let him sleep on the couch? You didn’t even give him a bed? What the hell kind of place is this?”
“The kind that doesn’t hurt him.” Earth challenged.
The breath whooshed out of my lungs.
I deserved that.
But I also deserved to make it right.
Stalking around the sofa, I bent down and pulled Fletcher into my arms. He shouted in surprise, but I didn’t miss the way his arms automatically looped around my neck.
Even with the blanket draped over him, he was cold to the touch.
“Why are you so cold?” I demanded. “Why is he so cold?” I shouted to the room.
“Put him down,” Neo said, menace dripping from his tongue.
“What are you doing?” Fletcher asked, his voice wobbly and timid.
“We need to talk.”
“You already said everything,” he answered, turning his face away from mine.
“No. You ran away before I could tell you everything.”
“I heard enough.”
“You heard him. Put him down,” Earth demanded.
“Please,” I practically begged. “Please just listen. Then I’ll leave if you still want me to go.”
Fletcher didn’t say anything. He even denied me his stare.
Aching inside, I tried again. “I searched for you all day. Everywhere. Gwennie misses you.”
He sucked in a breath and turned to face me. “Did you kick her out?” He worried, eyes wide.
Great gods, I love him so much.
“Who’s Gwennie?” Beau whispered loudly.
“Probably that damn cat,” Earth muttered.
“What a lovely name for a cat,” Ivory added.
Despite the sideshow going on around us, I stayed focused on Fletch. “I would never kick her out. I promised her I’d bring you home.”
He sniffled. “She’s probably hungry.”
“I told Jane to feed her.”
“Who’s Jane?” Beau whispered.
“His house manager,” Ivory whispered back.
“Oh, for the love of God!” I moaned. “Everyone, out!”
“This is my house!” Earth commanded.
This was absolutely ridiculous. I was beyond exhausted, and all I wanted was to explain. If they wouldn’t get out, then I’d just explain to everyone. Let them hear. It didn’t matter who listened as long as one of them was Fletch. “I told her about you.”
Fletcher’s body stiffened, the arms looped around my neck jolting in surprise. “What?” he implored, staring up at me with wide eyes.
Eyes that were tired. Eyes that had cried too many tears.
“I told Sienna about you,” I said, voice gentle but loud enough for everyone to hear. “I took her to dinner, and I told her I was already involved with someone and there was no chance at all for us. I apologized that she came all this way because of my father, and I told her that as soon as she left, I was going to tell my parents about my relationship.”
“Y-you told her about me?” Fletcher asked.
Despite the fatigue in my entire body, I tightened my arms around him. “It felt so wrong not to. There was no way I could pretend.”
“That explains the photo,” Beau commented.
Fletcher gasped. “The photo!”
I groaned. “You saw it?”
Fletch shook his head. “No, Beau was about to show it to me, but Earth came home, and I forgot.”
I turned a cold stare to Beau.
He shrugged. “He asked.”
“What is it?” Fletcher wanted to know.
“Someone took a photo of Sienna and me at the restaurant and posted it in the newspaper.”
Fletcher’s eyes turned downcast, and I feared what I’d said wasn’t enough.
“Why’d you even take her to dinner?” Neo asked.
“Because my father made us a reservation and brought her to my office. It seemed honoring my father’s promise of dinner was the least I could do. I didn’t want to go.” Gazing at Fletcher, I implored him to believe me. “And I found you right after.”
A light-pink blush spread on his cheeks, and I knew he was thinking about the things we did last night.
“You’re the only one I want,” I whispered.
He didn’t say anything, so reluctantly, I gently put him down on the sofa. It infuriated me to no end that this was where he slept. That he didn’t have a bed of his own.
I felt him watching me as I pulled away. I hoped he missed my arms as much as I missed him being inside them.
“Neo said not to make you my dirty secret.” I spoke loudly, gazing at Neo with the line. “And I never once thought of you that way. But I have kept our relationship from my parents, from my colleagues. I just… I want so badly to protect you. I don’t want anyone to hurt you, and the moment I tell people, the less control I will have.”
“Oh, Ethan.” Ivory sighed.
I knelt in front of the couch, the edge of the coffee table digging into my back. Reluctantly, I rested my hands in Fletcher’s lap, tapping gently on the blanket covering him. “I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry. I don’t want anyone else. Only you.”
Silence draped over the room, but the only silence I didn’t like was from the boy in front of me, the boy still refusing to meet my gaze.
I waited for what felt like forever, practically holding my breath.
No reply came.
Crestfallen and completely gutted, I wasn’t sure what else I could do.
“You said your piece.” Earth’s voice cut through the thick quiet. “Time to go.”
With one last lingering glance at Fletch, I sighed. When I stood, I swayed a little on my feet, dizziness getting the better of me.
Fletcher gasped, reaching out to grab my leg.
I glanced down at where he held.
“Are you okay?” he asked, eyes ripe with concern.
Just knowing he worried made my heart skip a beat, but I wouldn’t play it up to my advantage. I didn’t want Fletcher if I had to manipulate him.
“I’m fine.” I promised softly. “Just a headache.”
His forehead wrinkled. “A migraine?”
Unable to resist, I brushed the hair out of his eye. “Don’t worry about me, puppy. I’m fine.”
Hesitantly, I reached down to pull his hand of
f my leg and tuck it into his lap. “If you need anything at all, I’m here.”
Walking away was the hardest thing I’d ever done.
In fact, the realization I was going to have to leave him here tonight made the idea of telling my parents I was gay seem like a piece of cake.
Neo was at the door when I approached. He opened it, but I was happy to see he seemed a lot less gleeful about it than ten minutes ago.
“Please take care of him,” I said quietly.
Neo nodded.
“He has cuts on his feet. Please—”
“Ethan?”
His timid voice gave me tunnel vision as everyone else in the room faded away. Turning back, my heart thumped unevenly at the sight of his eyes staring at me from the back of the couch. “What, puppy?”
“Can I come home?”
All the butterflies in my belly caught fire and turned to ash. I swallowed the lump of emotion suddenly blocking my throat and blinked back the tears rushing to my eyes.
A rough sound ripped out of me, and I practically ran back to the couch. The blanket slid off his body when he stood, offering me a shy smile.
I couldn’t say anything because emotion stole my voice. Instead, he tapped my shoulder so I would turn, and he climbed on my back.
Relief unlike any kind I’d experienced before flooded my limbs and loosened my aching heart.
“Are you sure about this?” Earth asked, frowning at Fletcher.
“I’ll call you all tomorrow. Maybe you can come over.” Fletcher leaned into my ear. “Can they come over?”
My voice was hoarse when I spoke. “Whatever you want, puppy. You can have anything you want.”
“See you tomorrow, then!”
“Fletcher—” Neo started, but Ivory shut him down.
“Let them work it out, Neo.” Her voice was every ounce the commanding heiress she was born to be.
I carried him out of the apartment, giddy excitement making me jittery. My car was still in the no parking zone, but there wasn’t a ticket or Officer Fig in sight. Once Fletcher was in the passenger seat, I shrugged off my jacket, leaning in to drape it over his frame.
He caught my hand when I pulled back.
I leaned back inside, meeting his stare.
“I ran away again.”
“That’s okay. I found you.”
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