by Zuko, Joseph
“Hello,” Valerie smiled brightly at him.
“Hello,” Robin copied. He did not break a smile. Sweat dripped off his young clean-shaven face and onto the passenger’s door. Most people couldn’t resist the children’s cuteness, but it was like they weren’t even there.
“Is everything okay officer?” Karen asked. His head snapped in her direction. Some sweat flung onto the dash. His eyes burned with an intensity Karen had never seen before. He looked like he could cry at any moment.
His voice broke, “Has anyone sustained any…injuries?”
Valerie coughed and his head whipped back to look her over.
“Is she sick?!” he stared at Valerie. She smiled back at him and did not pick up on any of his weird social cues.
“She has a little cough, but no one here has sustained any injuries.”
“Move along, ma’am. Drive safe!” and his head was gone. He was on to the next car. This might have been the most exciting thing Karen had ever seen in Vancouver, Washington.
Chapter 2
It was only a fifteen-minute ride to Penny’s house but the kids drove Karen nuts the whole way.
“I gotta pee!” Robin announced from the backseat. There was a fifty percent chance the kid really did have to go. Karen didn't bring a change of clothes if she messed herself in the car.
Now it was a race. Could she get to her mother’s house across town or would the two-year-old lose control and piss all over her little self? A stressful few minutes later the tires screeched to a halt in the driveway. Karen ran. Popped open doors. Unfastened safety belts. Snatched up a panicked baby and let out a sick five-year-old.
They dashed to the front door. She fumbled with the keys till she got the door open. She rushed the slow-footed five-year-old through the front door and sprinted to the closest bathroom. Robin had her pants on so it took a few extra seconds to get them down, but she did it. Mission accomplished. No pee pants today!
Back in the front door hallway the house alarm went off. Valerie held her hands up to her ears and coughed out a loud scream at the top of her lungs. She did the same joke she did in the car. She screamed her head off because the alarm was too loud. It took Karen three tries but she finally remembered the code and got the alarm off. This headache all for some dumb chickens, but that’s life.
"I'm done," Robin called from the bathroom. Karen got her taken care of and set the TV on Dora the Explorer. She got Valerie set up on the couch with some more water. After some heavy convincing, Karen got Valerie to drink a little cough medicine and then handed her a bowl of ice cream to help wash away the taste. Karen took Robin to the back of the house. Robin knew exactly what they were here for.
"Tickens!" Robin said as her Mama fought to get rubber boots on her little feet.
The backyard was covered in mud and chicken poop. They left a spare set of boots for the kids here. Since Karen and Jim did not have a backyard for the kids to play in at the apartment they would come over here almost every weekend so the kids had a chance to play outside. The coop Penny built for the chickens was big. Really big. There was a good-sized area that they slept in and an even bigger fenced in area for them to play.
Chickens play, right?
She had it set up so you could pull a string on the outside fence area and it opened the coop’s front door. Karen let the ladies out and popped open the gate door. The gals had free reign of the whole backyard. Penny’s backyard was quite large and there was a tall fence surrounding all three sides. Karen let the kids play back here for hours without a worry. Robin chased the poor chickens around as Karen headed back into the kitchen.
She had to see if there was any snack food about to go bad. Penny needed help cleaning out the sweets every couple of weeks. Karen didn't throw them away, she ate them. She called it recycling. She didn't want the open bag of chips to go bad. Those Oreo's couldn't eat themselves. She didn’t know if Penny even noticed that the food went missing. Karen often thought Penny believed that she had eaten the food herself or that there was some kind of a food gremlin. Karen considered it a public service that she did for her Mom.
Jackpot!
A quarter bag of Barbeque potato chips and one little cupcake. She ate the cupcake quickly. If the little ones saw it, there would be no cupcake for Mama. She had a good hour here before she had to pack the girls up and head home. She fired up Penny's computer and did a little Facebooking. She watched through the window as Robin tried over and over again to pick up the same chicken. The girl was persistent.
"Mama, I'm still thirsty."
"Let’s see what Ganny has in the fridge," she said as she clicked "like" on a photo and headed back to the kitchen.
The bay window in the kitchen was full of little plants and porcelain bird figurines. It looked out onto the front yard. On the other side of the fence four cop cars raced down the street. Their sirens called out and let everyone know to get the hell out of the way. It was strange to see that many cop cars on this street. It was not a main road. This was way back into a suburb.
Penny did not have any kid drinks in the fridge. No pop or juice. Nothing. The kids must have drunk everything she had last night when she was watching them for date night. Karen grabbed a plastic cup from the cupboard and moved to the sink under the bay window. She poured a glass.
Her heart jumped when she saw a figure standing in the driveway. It was a man. Dressed in dark clothes. He spotted Karen in the window. He moved for the front door. A second later there was a knock. Karen panicked. She had heard too many stories recently about nasty home invasions ending in murder. Every time a stranger approached the house it put her on edge. Did she lock the front door? Karen couldn’t remember. She dropped the cup into the sink and sprinted out of the kitchen.
It was unlocked!
“Shit,” she whispered to herself.
“Hello.” The thick wood door muffled his voice. As quietly as she could she turned the lock. The bolt slipped into place and she let out a deep breath.
“Ma’am? I’m here to talk to you about satellite. Are you happy with your cable service?” he asked as he knocked again. “Ma’am, I saw you in the window. It’s rude not to say anything…ma’am?” He knocked again.
She couldn’t hold her tongue any longer, “It’s my Mom’s house and she’s happy with cable.” Karen watched him through the peephole.
He was missing a front tooth and had not shaved for a few days. He could have been handing out free chocolate and hundred dollar bills and she still would not open the door.
“See, that’s all you had to say.” He turned away from the door, “Rude ass bitch!” His voice trailed off as he shuffled down the walkway for the street.
Karen heard Robin playing loudly outside. She raced through the kitchen and to the backdoor. Robin tried again to pick up the same chicken. She never gave up on that stupid thing. Karen jumped out the door and picked up Robin.
“Mama, chicken,” she said as she pointed down.
“I know, chicken. Come on baby,”
“Beautiful little girl you got there!” A voice shouted. It came from the back gate. She faced the man. His big grin stared right at her. There was no lock on that gate. If he wanted to come in there was nothing Karen could do to stop him. Even if she ran as hard as she could for the backdoor she was not confident that she could get the sticky old sliding glass door shut before he got to her.
“I said she’s a beautiful girl! What amazing red hair she has on that little head of hers!” His fingers curled around the top of the wood gate. He pulled himself up onto his tiptoes so he could get a better look of the backyard.
“Oh, thank you. Sorry about earlier…it’s my Mom’s house and I don’t like to…”
“Answer the door, like a courteous human being.”
“I’m sorry.” She shuffled a few steps for the door.
“Could I get a glass of water?”
Karen stopped and forced a smile, “I got a sick kid in there I need to take care-.”
<
br /> “It’s so hot out today and I’m so…” his eyes floated up and down Karen’s body, “…thirsty.”
That was it. She had had enough of this asshole’s bullshit. She put down Robin and took a few steps closer toward the gate. Robin chased after the same poor chicken.
“Is that how you sweet talk all the women?” Karen stood with her arms crossed. “You close a lot of sales acting this way?”
A look of confusion flooded the man’s face. “I…I…”
“I don’t have time for this sir. I have a sick child to tend too. So please move along and go bug someone else.”
His jaw dropped open like a fish. He swallowed what little pride he had left and let go of the fence. The salesman turned quickly and ran right into a human body that stood directly behind him.
“Oops, sorry sir.”
Karen recognized the voice. It was her brother, Troy. She hadn’t heard him pull up. The salesman took a step back and looked up at the man towering over him. Troy stood a solid six two and two hundred twenty pounds. A cigarette hung lazily out of the corner of Troy’s bearded mouth. An old baseball cap sat backwards on top of his head and a set of dark sunglasses were perched at the end of his nose.
“I’m sorry I was just leaving.” The salesman spoke quickly.
“No problem. If you’re still thirsty feel free to drink from the garden hose at the front of the house.” Troy took a drag off the Marlboro and blew the smoke right into the salesman’s face. It was clear that he had heard everything the creep had said to his sister.
“Okay. Thank you for your time.” The salesman sidestepped into the little flowerbed to get past Troy.
“Watch the dahlias,” Troy hollered as he pointed down at the flowerbed. The salesman leaped out of the bed and speed walked down the driveway.
“Thank you for stopping by!” Karen yelled after him.
The salesman scampered down the street. Troy slid his sunglasses up onto his forehead and pulled the cigarette out of his mouth. “I think that guy really liked you.” He winked at his sister. Robin stopped chasing the chickens and realized who was on the other side of the fence.
“Uncle Troy!” she squealed.
“Red Robin!” he squealed back as he popped open the fence.
“What are you doing here?” Karen reached out for a big hug. She disappeared under her brother’s broad shoulders. Robin wanted up into his big arms right away.
“Mama texted me that she forgot to let the chickens out,” he said as he propped his little niece up on his shoulder.
“She texted me too.”
“Where’s Val?” he asked as he stubbed out the cigarette.
“She’s in there. Sick on the couch.”
“Well maybe Uncle Troy can make her feel better.” He gave Robin a playful shake as he headed for the backdoor.
On the ride home there was even more police activity on the streets.
It must be a full moon tonight.
“Mama, I’m hungry.” Valerie coughed into her sleeve.
“I offered you food at Ganny’s. Why didn’t you eat then?”
“I wasn’t hungry.”
Luckily they just passed a Burgerville. Karen pulled into the drive-thru. This was her favorite fast food place in the entire galaxy. She got the same thing every damn time. Burgerville should have just called it the “Karen Special” just so she didn’t have to waste time saying so many words.
“I would like two waters. A pepper bacon cheeseburger on a gluten free bun prepared and two cheeseburgers, no ketchup and cut in half. Plus a large fry.” See, the “Karen Special” would save so much cotton pickin’ time. She kicked the air conditioner on high and laid the fries out on the vents to get them cold enough for the kids. The fries were always so hot and for whatever reason her kids liked food almost cold. If the food were too hot they would spit it out and cry. She downed the burger like it was the only thing keeping her alive. Everyone's bellies were full and that made Karen happy.
It was the same race all over again on the way back home. This time Valerie was the one that had to pee. They sprinted back into the apartment. Again she fought with her keys to get in the door. The next-door neighbor stepped out of his place.
"Hello," he said as he waved at the kids. He was deaf. So Karen made sure she looked him in the eyes.
"Hello, David," she said back. David was the one neighbor’s name she could remember because he signed it to her the first time they meet. She didn’t know sign language, but the moment stuck in her brain. He noticed Valerie's pee dance.
"Someone's got to go," David said as he pointed at the little one.
"Yep. It's an emergency." Karen forced the right key into the hole and got the lock to pop. Karen pushed Valerie in first. "Bye. Have a good one," she told him as she closed the door.
"Bye." David signed the word at them as he said it.
A second after she closed the door there was a knock. She checked the peephole. It was David. He never knocked. Karen opened the door. David pointed at the doorknob.
"Keys."
Karen looked down at her keys hanging from the knob. Jim found her keys like this at least once a month.
"Thank you." She pulled the keys out of the door. Robin already had her pants off and she showed David just how free she was with her little body.
“Naked!” she announced.
David laughed out the words, "No problem," he waved again and headed out of the apartment corridor. She closed the door and turned the bolt. Valerie exited the bathroom.
"Lay down bubba. I'll put on a cartoon." Karen tossed the keys into her purse. Botchy needed to be let out the backdoor. Karen had set up a little fence to keep Botchy in the back porch area. Jim put a wood dowel in the sliding glass door track for safety. So Karen could open it for the dog and leave it open without worrying about someone walking in on them. It slid five inches before it came to an abrupt stop. Botchy scooted out the door. Karen’s phone rang and vibrated. It sounded like it was coming from her purse.
"Phone! Phone!" Robin pointed at her purse.
"Thank you for the phone update, baby." She found it at the bottom of the purse. It was Jim. He normally called about this time. Either he just had a good sale and he was calling to tell her about it or he was calling to say how dead it was at work and he was going to complain. She slid her thumb across the phone.
"Hello."
"Karen! Are you and the kids okay?" Jim sounded freaked out.
Chapter 3
At the local Safeway only a mile from Karen and Jim’s apartment, the upstairs neighbors Cliff and Tina, were doing some shopping. Their two-year-old, Brea, sat quietly down in the front seat of the fake car attached to the cart. She steered the toy wheel like she was the one running the show.
Cliff fought to get the stupid thing down the aisle. This kind of cart was a bitch to push around because it was a few feet longer than a normal shopping cart and handled like a boat. It kept the little one happy so it is worth the strain.
The two older girls wandered ahead of them. The little ones were dressed in colorful clothes, in stark contrast to how the parents were dressed. Tina wore a pair of skintight black jeans and a black Depeche Mode t-shirt. Cliff was in a pair of black jeans with the knees worn out. They flapped open with every step he took. His blank gray t-shirt was well worn and hung nicely from his broad muscular shoulders.
The kids pointed excitedly at every colorful box on the shelf.
“I want that,” the nine-year-old, Eve said.
“Me too,” the five-year old, Alex seconded her older sister.
“Me three,” the voice came from Brea down in the car. She loved that joke.
“Guys, Daddy didn’t get any overtime last month so we need to keep it simple,” Cliff said as he pulled a store brand box of cereal down off the shelf and tossed it into the back of the cart, “Plus I don’t think a girl that gets suspended from school for smoking in the bathroom gets to pick any food.”
“I only took on
e puff. Carly was the one smoking it.” Eve rolled her eyes at her Dad. She had been hearing this all week.
“Who got caught? Who was kicked out for a few days?” Tina said flatly.
“Me.” the eye rolls kept coming.
“What did you learn?”
“Don’t get caught,” she said as she pulled at her hair sheepishly.
“That’s right. If you’re going to do something bad, don’t get caught.” Cliff nodded his head at her. Eve was a very smart kid. Both parents knew she was much smarter than they were at that age. After the initial disappointment wore off, the lesson they wanted to teach had morphed. As the week of suspension dragged on the lesson went from: “Do not ever do anything bad ever again.” to a more realistic “Don’t get caught, dummy.” Maybe it was the wrong thing to teach the child. Who knew? Over the last nine years they had become keenly aware that they were making up most of this parenting shit up on the spot.
“We are really good parents.” Tina looked at her husband. In comparison, they were light years ahead of the people that raised them.
“Really, really good parents.” Cliff gave her a little smooch on the cheek.
“You guys are dorks,” Alex giggled into her hands. She was repeating something her older sister said way too often.
“Wow, you kiss your mother with that mouth?” Tina acted like she was more shocked than she really was. This kind of language had been popping up more and more ever since Alex started going to school. “You think you’ll get any extra shifts this month?” Tina asked as she touched Cliff’s shoulder with a gentle pat.
He hesitated with his answer. “Maybe, boss says there’s a new strip mall going up at the edge of town. If he gets the bid we’ll be floating in cash.” He muscled the cart straight again.
His wife read him like a book. He was keeping something from her but she didn’t want to get into it now so she kept the conversation rolling.