Apparently, people changed.
She could do nothing about the tears that spilled down her cheeks. Stepping back awkwardly, unconsciously putting distance between herself and the furious, aggressive male, she held out a hand. “I shouldn’t have come. My mistake.”
Hutch only stared at her.
Everything crumbled in slow motion. The faux happiness that had helped her ignore their problems was a sham. She’d been living in a dream world.
One last time, she tried to get through to him. “I brought dinner. Chinese. Your favorite. I’ll grab it from the car.”
“I’m not hungry. And I’m not in the mood for company.”
“I see.” She didn’t. Not at all. But she wasn’t stupid. “Okay, then.” Embarrassed, humiliated, hurt and angry, she gave him a curt nod. Without another word, she fled.
It took her three tries to put the car into gear. She was crying so hard, she couldn’t see. At the end of Hutch’s driveway, she stopped. She shouldn’t operate a vehicle in her condition. Resting her head on the steering wheel, she wept.
* * *
Hutch had taken a bad day and made it worse. In the midst of his burning guilt and regret over what had happened at the hospital, he had added the poisonous taste of shame. The memory of Simone’s face galvanized him into action.
Racing around the side of the house, he inhaled sharply when he saw her car still parked in his driveway. He jerked open the driver’s-side door and felt like the lowest kind of scum when he realized she was crying too hard to make the short trip home.
“Oh, hell,” he groaned. “Come here, baby. I’m a bastard. Let me hold you.”
He scooped her out of the car without a struggle. Bumping the door closed with his hip, he strode back to the house.
Inside, he wasted no time. He carried her up the stairs and sat down with her on his bed. “I’m sorry, Simone. My bad temper had nothing to do with you. Please forgive me.”
She had cried so hard her face was blotchy and red. And she couldn’t stop. He held her tightly, unable to stem the flow of tears.
It was a hell of a time to figure out he was still in love with her.
The bolt of truth was a knife to his gut. Was this something new, or had his feelings for Simone lain dormant all those years in Sudan? Maybe deep down, his guilt over Bethany’s death wasn’t so much about not being able to save her as it was knowing he had never loved her the way he should have.
Bethany had given her heart and her trust to him. Had he unwittingly offered her far less in return?
He stroked Simone’s hair. “Hush now. You’ll make yourself sick again.”
It took a long time, but finally, Simone wore herself out.
He wiped her face with the tail of his shirt. To explain would be to dump some of his anguish on her, but how else could he account for being so deliberately cruel? “I lost a mother and a baby today,” he muttered. It embarrassed him that his voice broke on the word baby.
Simone struggled to sit up. She stared at him with big, wet eyes. “Oh, Hutch. What happened?”
He gave her an abbreviated version. “I don’t think the patient ever really had a chance, but we tried. God, we tried. I kept seeing the nurses’ faces. It’s hard, you know. We’re supposed to maintain that professional distance...so we can do what we have to do. Loss of life in any circumstance is difficult beyond words. This...this was devastating.”
“The baby couldn’t be saved?”
“No. She looked perfect. Tiny, but perfect. Still, it was far too soon. Sometimes, even with all our sophisticated equipment and technology, we can’t overcome that. We save dozens of preemies, often against large odds. Today we lost. She lived for an hour.”
Simone—generous, openhearted Simone—wrapped her arms around him and held him so tightly he could barely breathe. Or maybe that was his reaction to knowing he had the love of his life in his arms.
She shuddered. “I can’t even imagine what it was like for all of you. I couldn’t do what you do. How does anyone bear it?”
He knew what she was thinking. “You don’t have to worry about your pregnancy, Simone. The woman today had a serious medical condition. You’re healthy and strong and perfectly normal.”
“I don’t think anyone’s ever called me normal.” Her smile was wry, her face still damp as she pulled back and stared at him.
He wanted to ease her down on the bed and make love to her to erase the memories of the day. But he felt raw and unsteady and light-headed. It was a time for caution. Simone didn’t deserve to be used as tranquilizer. He needed to take stock of what was happening.
Carefully, he released her and stood up. “Did you mention something about food?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood.
Simone’s face was hard to read. She rose as well, her posture defensive, arms wrapped tightly around her waist. And no wonder. He’d treated her like dirt. She shrugged. “It’s hot outside. I don’t know if we should risk it. Food poisoning is not fun.”
He winced. “True.” And in Simone’s condition, it could be lethal. “What if we drive through somewhere and grab a milk shake and fries?”
She raised an eyebrow. “For a doctor, you don’t seem to have a grasp of good nutrition.”
He knew she was teasing him. “After today, I think we could both use some junk food, don’t you? How about it?”
Simone hesitated. “I need to get home,” she said.
“You’re mad.”
“No.” She shook her head vehemently. “I forgive you. But the next two days are going to be tough. Dr. Fetter says I need to pace myself.”
“Of course.” He didn’t want to eat alone. He sure as hell didn’t want to sleep alone. But his outburst on the back porch had changed something. Maybe Simone was rethinking her relationship with him.
The awkward conversation ended there. Simone headed downstairs with him on her heels. Once she climbed into her car and started the engine, he leaned down, one hand on top of the car. “Are you sure you’re okay to drive?”
Simone nodded. “I’m good.”
He winced, remembering what else he had to tell her. “I’d hoped to do something fun with you tomorrow, but my dad needs me to help him in the garden. The man does love his fresh produce, but he overplanted his year.”
“No worries, Hutch.” Her gaze was guarded. “I’m going to be working flat out, too. I’ll see you Friday evening.”
“What time do you want me to pick you up?”
“Five thirty will work. I have to be there early. I could drive my own car, though,” she said. “No need for you to hang around.”
“I could help.”
She pursed her lips. “Maybe. What if I let you know tomorrow?”
“I’m picking you up, Simone. End of discussion.” His temper started a slow boil. Something had shifted. Was it the things he had said to her earlier? Had he damaged a relationship already on shaky ground? Or was something else going on?
“Fine.” Simone revved the engine. “Good night, Hutch.”
He was forced to step back or risk having her run over his foot. After his recent behavior, he couldn’t blame her.
* * *
Simone refused to think about Dr. Troy Hutchinson. He could hurt her only if she allowed it. The new lives growing in her womb were all she needed. Even if Hutch wanted to hang around after the babies came, she wouldn’t have time for him.
Tonight had exposed a valuable truth. Hutch didn’t love her. It hurt to admit it. It hurt like hell. But she was better off accepting reality.
She didn’t hold his bad temper against him. Anyone in a similar situation would be raw and grief stricken and likely to lash out. No, that wasn’t the root of her sadness. What pained her was that Hutch, in his hour of need, hadn’t turned to Simone for help and comfo
rt. If she dug deep to the heart of their relationship, she saw the chasm between what she wanted and what he was willing to give her.
Friendship? Yes. They had mended fences over their earlier breakup and moved on. Sex? The sex was amazing...hot, intense and deeply satisfying. She and Hutch had no problems in the bedroom.
She could even see that the two of them had established a tentative relationship of trust. Certainly, she trusted him to look after her physical well-being. Not only that, but Hutch had been very honest with her about Bethany. There were very few secrets between them.
Though in Simone’s case, the one she had omitted was gigantic.
Tonight’s drama with Hutch had stolen her appetite, replacing it with the now-familiar nausea. Nursing a cup of hot tea, she curled up in the comfy chair in her bedroom and opened her laptop.
For some reason, she had never deleted the message from the mysterious Maverick. The cryptic note was evidence, in any case. Maybe he or she was not a threat anymore. Word of her pregnancy was slowly beginning to spread. The cat was out of the bag. Perhaps Maverick had wanted to extort money from her to keep her pregnancy quiet.
When she opened Facebook, she saw that she had received a new message. She clicked on it and read, “Your day of reckoning is near. Maverick.”
That was odd. And menacing. She placed a hand on her stomach, instinctively alarmed. It was one thing to fear for her own safety. Now she carried the responsibility for three tiny humans.
The only secret she had kept from Hutch and her friends...from everyone, in fact, was private. This Maverick person would have no reason to know what Simone had done...or at least why she had done it.
She hated feeling helpless. Even more, she hated feeling powerless to track down the subpar person who held grudges against so many of Royal’s upstanding citizens. She sure as heck wasn’t going to engage in an online conversation with Maverick. The best thing to do was to go about her business, pretending that everything was normal.
Thursday morning dawned bright and clear and sunny. After a restless sleep, Simone was grateful for weather that lifted her spirits. Sometime around three the night before, she had turned on the light and made a list. She was a mother-to-be with a successful business to run.
This thing with Hutch, well, it was fun, but it was also painful. After tomorrow night, it was probably best if she put an end to it. At least that way, she would be the one calling the shots and not Hutch.
Beneath her surface calm, her heart was breaking. She wanted it all. The babies. The company she had built from the ground up. The respect of her parents. And last but not least, she wanted the man she had loved since she was twenty-two years old.
Fifty percent wasn’t a bad average. In baseball, it was extraordinary. Too bad she had never been good at sports.
After showering and drying her hair, she put on a new black knit dress and topped it with a cheery hot-pink cardigan. The knit fabric and empire waistline were designed to grow along with her belly. Today, it simply looked liked a casual outfit suited to a pleasant spring day.
She had called Tess and told her she was coming in a little late. Tess was brilliant. Simone had hired the younger woman straight out of business school with a freshly minted MBA. At no time had Tess ever let her down or not been able to handle the work. Simone was counting on that.
When she made it in to her office, she asked Tess to come in and close the door. Tess might have been alarmed, but she didn’t show it. “What’s up, boss?”
Simone had insisted that Tess call her by her first name. But Tess had just as insistently refused. Simone eyed the girl on the other side of the desk. From her magenta-accented pixie cut to her triple-pierced right ear, Tess was an original.
For some reason, Simone was having a hard time getting this conversation off the ground. “Tess,” she said, “are you happy working with me?”
Tess nodded. “Of course.”
“And do you have plans to move up the ladder? To go somewhere else? Dallas, maybe? Or Houston?”
“None.” A tiny frown appeared between Tess’s brows. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“Not at all. Quite the opposite.”
“I’m confused.”
Simone realized she wasn’t handling this well. “I suppose you know I’m pregnant.”
Tess grimaced. “Yes, ma’am.”
“What you may not know is that I’m having triplets.”
“Good God.” Tess’s eyes rounded. “I hope it’s not contagious.” She shuddered. “I’m not antibaby, but three?”
“Yeah,” Simone said wryly. “It’s a lot to take in. But on the other hand, it’s a done deal, so I’m trying to make plans.”
“No offense, boss, but I’m not really a fan of little kids. They scare me. Probably comes from my dad dropping me on my head when I was six months old. I think it warped me.”
Tess was talking a mile a minute, clearly rattled.
Simone sighed. “Stand down, Tess. I’m not asking you to babysit. I want to know if you’re willing to be top dog of this company for a year. I’d still be involved in all major decisions, but you would be in charge. What do you think?”
“Where will you be?”
“At home. I’ll have help with the triplets...out of necessity. There’s no way I can do it alone. But I’ll be their mother. Even saying that out loud sounds strange. I want these babies, Tess. I’m going to give this motherhood thing a hundred percent of my time when they’re born, at least for a year. After that, if we’ve managed some kind of routine, I may consider day care. But that’s a long time off, so I can’t think about that now.”
“You’re awfully brave.”
“Not brave. Just determined. If you need time to think about this, I understand.”
“I don’t have to think about it,” Tess said with a huge grin. “I’m honored. And pumped. You can count on me, boss.”
“When we get around to this new arrangement, do you think you could call me Simone?”
Tess shrugged sheepishly. “Maybe. I’ll try.”
“Good. And, Tess?”
“Yes, ma’am?”
“This is between you and me for the next few months. I don’t want anyone to know I’m thinking about taking a sabbatical. It’s my business.”
“I get it.” She mimed sealing her lips. “Your secrets will go to my grave.”
“Thank you.” Simone shooed her out and tackled the stack of paperwork overflowing her inbox. Between snail mail and email, she never caught up. The business was growing undeniably. Soon, she might have to consider adding another employee. But then again, with Simone gone for a year, they might lose ground. It would be a game of wait and see.
For the second day in a row, she closed the office at five. As someone accustomed to keeping late hours when in the midst of a project, it was not her usual behavior. She liked to think motherhood was going to be good for her. Keeping a healthier lifestyle...all of that.
She didn’t call Hutch that evening. Or text him.
He didn’t contact her, either. Maybe they were both ready to admit their relationship was never going to blossom into something permanent. Simone had known that from the beginning. Getting pregnant with an unknown man’s sperm had erased virtually every chance she had to get married. No one she knew would be willing to take on a young mom with three babies, even if that man was madly in love with her.
Hutch wasn’t madly in love. She didn’t deceive herself there. He liked her. He enjoyed having regular sex. Neither of those things guaranteed a happily-ever-after. As she let herself into the house, she told herself she could handle this baby thing with or without Hutch.
Though she cooked oatmeal for dinner, she was barely able to eat half. Afterward, she read and watched TV until ten o’clock. Like a high school girl in the throes o
f a crush, she picked up her phone every ten seconds to check for messages.
The screen remained blank.
Uncertainty was painful and demoralizing. She was even more resolved to end things with Hutch after the ball. Never mind that her heart raced in panic at the thought. The two of them had enjoyed reuniting. Nothing that came afterward pointed to a rosy future. Even Hutch himself had never made any pretense of wanting to be a father to her babies. He was too honest to lead her astray.
More honest than she deserved.
When she finally turned out the light and curled up in a ball underneath the covers, her heart raced. Tomorrow night was big. Huge, in fact. A good turnout meant significant sums of money for the charity.
Unfortunately, all she cared about at the moment was seeing Hutch again and, hopefully, dancing the night away. Even if the bliss would only be temporary.
Fifteen
Hutch had some big decisions to make. He knew it, but he couldn’t quite wrap his head around what that would mean. Everyone thought he was so smart, so damned wise. The truth was, he was as clueless as the next guy.
It felt odd to put on a tux again. He’d been forced to buy a new one for the masquerade ball. His time in Africa had made him leaner, harder. Living life on the edge of civilization had taught him how to survive without many of the comforts of home. His physical stamina was greater than it had ever been.
He looked at himself in the mirror and straightened his bow tie with a grimace. All he had ever wanted in life was to make his parents proud of him. On a whim, he grabbed his keys and headed out to the car. It was too early to pick up Simone, but he had a sudden urge to see his father.
Both his parents were sitting outside on the porch enjoying a cold beer when Hutch arrived. His mother was her usual stately, put-together self. His dad was scruffy today. Apparently, he’d worked in the garden again.
Hutch took a wicker chair and sat across from them.
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