by Jillian Hart
His eyes took on a hard shine. “How do you know?”
“I just do.”
The stream chortled over the rocks. She heard the chirp of a bird, then the scuff of Gabe’s boot on the dirt as he put his hands on his hips. Dressed in his Sunday best—a dark suit, a starched collar—he reminded her of a picture she’d seen of a gunfighter. He had the same glint in his eye and the same unmoving lips. To stop herself from talking, she turned her back.
An instant later, she felt his hands on her shoulders. Their shadows blended into a gray puddle, but she felt no pressure from his grip to turn around. She could smell his shaving soap and the sun’s warmth on his coat. Every fiber in her being cried out for this man. She wanted to rest in his strong arms, but at what cost? She’d lose her independence and he’d suffer the shame of loving a pariah. Eventually he’d resent her. Blinking, she thought of Rizpah chasing away the buzzards from people she loved. Cassie had to chase the town crows away from Gabe, and she had to look him in the eye to do it. In a single motion, she pivoted and stepped back.
“I’m not worth it, Gabe.”
His eyes hardened. “Who says?”
“I say.”
She braced herself for a harsh retort, but the lines around his mouth softened. As his expression shifted from hard to wise, he let his hands fall loose at his side. “You made that decision for us once before. I didn’t like it then, and I don’t like it now.”
“We don’t have a future.” She had to be firm, but the words had a tender ring.
“Is that what you want?”
“It is.”
She’d lied and she’d done it boldly. Guilt flapped its ugly wings. Her neck hurt and she felt heavy all over. Gabe didn’t budge. If he’d crowded her, she could have stepped back. If he’d touched her, she could have acted indignant. Instead he stood like an unmovable rock, one that held the heat of the sun and offered shelter from storms. She wanted to weep for all she’d given up and for what they couldn’t have. Instead she raised her chin. “What do you want from me?” she said in a hush.
“I think you know.”
As much as she hated silence, Cassie hated the truth even more. She knew exactly what Gabe wanted from her. Love. Trust. A future. She still loved him and she always would, but at what cost? After enduring Ryan’s abuse, she’d never lean on anyone again. She wouldn’t give up her independence for anything…or anyone. The silence spoke for her. What he wanted, she couldn’t give.
Gabe let out a long sigh. “I guess that’s my answer.”
The stream rippled behind her. She felt like a rock buried in the mud, doomed to endure years of drought and flood. She couldn’t move her feet.
His eyes faded with disappointment, but he still held out his hand. “Come on,” he said gently. “I’ll take you home.”
Looking at his outstretched arm, she longed for a different future. Today he’d shown her nothing but goodness. He’d defended her son and forgiven her for the past. He’d offered her a future and accepted her rejection without a hint of pressure. Looking at him now, she felt like a sparrow being tempted by bread crumbs. A home…Love…A father for Luke. She’d never known such generosity, but her longing had to be denied. Ignoring Gabe’s outstretched hand, she led the way to the buggy where she gathered her skirts to climb in. Gabe touched her elbow, lifting her with an easy strength. Cassie settled on to the leather, then faced him. “Thank you, Gabe. For everything.”
“You’re welcome.”
Their eyes stayed locked. Her breath caught and he gripped her hand for one last time. Warmth seeped into her fingers and flowed all the way to her middle. Gratitude flooded to her heart and she wanted him to know how much he meant to her. With her heart overflowing, Cassie leaned to the side and sweetly kissed his cheek.
She’d kissed him. Eight hours had passed, but Gabe could still feel the tickle of her lips, the brush of silk against his cheek. The spot she’d kissed had grown stubbled as he’d walked around town searching for Luke in the places a boy would hide. Gabe had walked for hours. He wanted to find Luke for Cassie’s sake, but mostly he’d needed to sort his thoughts. Just when he’d given up hope for their future, she’d kissed him. It hadn’t been the kiss they’d started in Reverend Hall’s office, but Gabe had the answer to his question. Cassie still loved him.
So why had she turned cold again? As he checked alleys for Luke, he’d thought about Ryan O’Rourke. The man should have been horsewhipped for beating his wife. He hadn’t broken Cassie’s spirit, but he’d left scars that ran deep. It made sense that she wouldn’t trust easily. He’d have to work to earn it and that meant going slow and respecting her worries. While walking around town, he’d passed William Drake’s bank. He’d been reminded of Maude and the ugly rumors she’d spread. If Cassie couldn’t make a living, she’d be forced to leave Guthrie Corners…and him.
“Fool woman,” Gabe muttered as he neared the sheriff’s office. Didn’t she realize he’d take care of her?
Worn out and hungry, Gabe went through the door, lit a lamp and saw a napkin-covered tray on his desk. He wondered if Cassie had left it until he raised the linen and saw Thelma’s lemon cake and a hearty sandwich. She’d also left a note that said, “We’re praying for you both.”
“We need it,” he said out loud. Twice he’d walked by Cassie’s store. Both times she’d been standing in the window and had shaken her head, an indication that Luke hadn’t come home. He’d resisted the urge to knock on her door. He could help her most by finding Luke, and he had to respect her request for friendship and nothing more. Once her situation settled down, he’d start courting her. Until then, he’d be wise to avoid the temptation to rush her.
Instead of saying grace over his meal, Gabe bent his head and prayed out loud for Cassie. “Be with her tonight, Lord. Keep her boy safe and guide me in my search for Luke. Grant me wisdom, Lord. And patience.”
Gabe groaned at the last word. Patience tested him like nothing else. After a heartfelt plea for Luke’s safety and for Cassie to know peace, he said, “Use me, Lord. Amen.”
He ate the sandwich in silence, thinking of the hard ways God sometimes used a man. Men died for people they loved. Jesus had suffered a cruel and haunting death. Gabe would have willingly died for Cassie to spare her pain of any kind. He was doing it now…dying to his desire to go to her…dying to his own need for companionship so he could meet her needs for time and understanding.
I love her enough, Lord. I’ll wait.
As he cut into the lemon cake, Gabe heard a train whistle. He stopped with the fork in midair. The Denver Special arrived every evening at ten o’clock and left after boarding new passengers.
“That’s it,” he said out loud. Luke wasn’t just licking his wounds somewhere. He was planning to run away. Pushing back from his desk, he raced out the door for the train station.
Chapter Six
When the night fell and Luke still hadn’t come home, Cassie put a lamp in the window with the hope of attracting him like a moth to flame. It hadn’t worked. The mantel clock had struck every hour since dusk, each time adding a chime until it struck nine times. She had to face facts. Luke wouldn’t be home tonight.
Shaking inside, she pulled her shawl tight around her shoulders. After leaving Gabe, she had walked through Guthrie Corners herself. She’d asked everyone she’d met if they’d seen Luke, but no one had. She’d even visited Miss Lindstrom, the schoolteacher, to ask about any boys Luke might have befriended. Just as she’d suspected, he didn’t have anyone but himself.
Neither did she. She had nothing but the store. If business didn’t improve, even that comfort would be taken from her. She’d have to sell the building and move back to Chicago. Her stomach filled with moths beating their wings. To Luke, the noisy city was home. He knew every inch of their neighborhood and had friends, disreputable or not, who’d take him in. Earlier she’d checked Luke’s room. Nothing had been touched. She was certain he hadn’t come into the apartment, but she hadn’t chec
ked the store. Her son knew exactly where she kept the cashbox. It didn’t hold enough money for train fare to Chicago, but the contents would feed a stowaway.
Cassie snatched the lamp, hurried down the stairs and went to the desk where she kept the cashbox in the bottom drawer. As the light spread across the floor, she saw that someone had left that same drawer ajar. She didn’t need to open the cashbox to know Luke had stolen from her, but she opened it anyway. Instead of bills and coins, she saw a single greenback, as if he’d left it out of concern for her.
Cassie blew out the lamp, then raced to the street. The Denver Special passed through town every night, signaling its arrival with a warning whistle. When she and Luke had ridden the train west, he’d been interested in everything—the route, where the lines switched. He’d have no trouble finding his way back to Chicago. If he hopped on the Denver Special, she might never find him. She had to get to the station now.
With her shawl whipping behind her, she sped down the boardwalk to the east side of town. The train station was situated a half mile away if she took the straightest path, but decent men and women drove their buggies down a road that skirted the block of saloons and questionable boardinghouses. Desperate for Luke, Cassie chose the straightest path.
As she neared the first saloon, she heard raucous laughter and women singing bawdy lyrics to the tune of a piano playing “Turkey In The Straw.” Cassie crossed the street to avoid the open door, but she couldn’t escape the smells of liquor and cloying perfume. Above her the stars burned bright, but she saw only Cassiopeia with her neck bent in shame. Thelma and Reverend Hall believed in God’s mercy, but Cassie had her doubts. She desperately needed a break, but between Maude’s gossip and another broken window, no one in this town would give her a second chance…except for Gabe.
As her heart cried out, she heard the thud of boots on the boardwalk. Startled, she turned and saw a man striding in her direction. He looked big, tough and mean. He also resembled Gabe, though she couldn’t be sure. Guthrie Corners had its share of ruffians, and the shortcut to the train station had taken her to a place she would never have gone. To avoid the man, she picked up her pace.
So did he.
She started to run, but her skirts got in her way. She caught her toe on a warped board and stumbled.
“Wait up,” the man called.
Cassie knew that voice, that bossy tone. It belonged to Gabe. He reached her in five strides, clasped her arms to steady her and raked her face with his eyes.
“What are you doing here?” he demanded
What did he think? That she’d come here for fun? “I’m looking for Luke,” she snapped. “What else would I be doing?”
“Getting yourself hurt, that’s what.”
His fingers tightened on her biceps, then loosened to gentle circles of warmth. His eyes held hers, lingered, then filled with a jealous possession that made her feel both loved and lonely. She couldn’t lean on this man, but she had to find Luke and he could help.
She stepped back. “Luke stole money from the cash box. I think he’s running away.”
Gabe’s jaw tightened. “To Chicago.”
“Yes.”
He hooked his arm around her waist and hurried with her down the boardwalk. In the distance she saw the station, a low building with lanterns illuminating an empty platform. Her gaze rose to the train where she saw a man in a derby looking for a seat. The train had already boarded. Any minute it would leave the station.
She wanted to run but couldn’t in her long skirt. “Go ahead of me!” she cried to Gabe.
After a squeeze of her hand, he broke into a run. Cassie ran as fast as she dared. A boiler shot a blast of steam into the sky. She smelled hot oil and heard two toots of the whistle. The engine chugged once, twice, then began to move.
She shouted Luke’s name at the top of her lungs and ran faster. Instead of climbing the steps to the platform, she veered left and chased the slowly moving train. She saw steps and an open door to a passenger car, but she didn’t have a prayer of reaching it. The engine picked up speed and the clattering cars turned into a blur of tears, grit and steam. As the caboose raced by, Cassie fell to her knees and wept.
“I’m sorry, honey.”
She felt Gabe’s hand on her back, then his arm around her shoulders as he dropped to his knees and pulled her head against his chest. “We’ll wire ahead to the next stop. If he’s on that train—”
Cassie raised her head. “I want to go after him.”
“I know you do, but you can’t. We don’t know where he is.”
She looked into Gabe’s eyes and saw an understanding that shot her back in time to another train, another parting. Had he chased after the train that had taken her away to Chicago? Had he watched it disappear around a bend? Had he heard the fading whistle and felt as if his body had been ripped in two? Cassie lowered her eyes in shame.
He lifted her chin. “Luke might not even be on that train.”
“He is. I know it.”
“Did you see him?”
No, but he had her blood as well as his father’s. “I just know.”
“I don’t.” His fingers slid off her chin. “Let’s go see the stationmaster. He might have seen something.”
Gabe stood and offered his hand. Cassie took it and let him guide her back to the station where he opened the door and ushered her into the narrow room with a counter. She recognized the clerk as Carl Martin.
Carl looked from her to Gabe. “Good evening, Deputy. What can I do for you?”
“Mrs. O’Rourke is looking for her son.” Gabe described Luke and gave his age.
Carl puckered his lips. “Ain’t seen no kids around. It’s usually business folks takin’ the evening train.”
“What about earlier?” Cassie asked. Maybe Luke had gone west instead of east.
The clerk shook his head. “What’d he do? Run off?”
“Yes,” she said quietly.
When the clerk grunted with irritation, Cassie read his thoughts. What kind of mother are you? Why weren’t you watching your boy?
Gabe touched her back, then spoke to Carl. “I’d like to send a wire to the next stop.”
The clerk handed Gabe a pencil and paper.
With Cassie watching, he wrote a terse message describing Luke and asking the stationmaster to check the train for stowaways, then he signed it “Deputy Gabriel Paul Wyatt.” His badge commanded a respect she couldn’t have gotten on her own and she felt grateful. As he handed the paper to Carl, the clerk promised to send it right away. Gabe thanked him, then guided Cassie through the door and into the night.
The air still smelled of steam and hot oil. With her heart aching, she stared up the empty track.
Gabe put his arm around her waist. “I’ll walk you home.”
“No.”
“Cassie, it’s late—”
“I have to keep looking,” she insisted. “If there’s a chance he’s here, I have to find him.”
She pulled away from his arm, but he tightened his grasp. “Let me.”
“But I’m his mother.”
“That’s right,” he said. “For all we know, he could be home right now. You need to be there for him.”
She’d never felt so empty in her life, not even when Ryan had hit her. That night she’d had a child to protect. Tonight she had nothing but empty arms. As much as she hated the thought of waiting in her silent apartment, she knew Gabe had a point. If Luke came home, she’d be ready with a meal.
“All right,” she said.
“Good.”
As they faced each other in the moonlight, Cassie blinked away her feelings. Earlier she’d cried in this man’s arms. She’d leaned against his chest and taken the comfort she’d vowed to forsake. For a few brief minutes, she’d shared her load and it had felt good. She couldn’t read Gabe’s thoughts, but she knew her own and they scared her to death. She loved this man. They belonged together, but she feared the consequences of braiding their lives.
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br /> Judging by Gabe’s expression, he had no such reluctance. Slowly…carefully…he drew her into his arms until his jaw scraped her temple. She felt the bristle of the whiskers he’d shaved before church, then the pressure of his hand as he tucked her head between his hard shoulder and the flesh of his neck. His breath caught the rhythm of hers. Their hearts matched in perfect time, reminding her of the past and how deeply she’d hurt him.
She’d hurt him again if she wasn’t careful. Intending to step back, she raised her head. His mouth was a whisper from hers. If he turned his head, they’d be kissing. The thought made her tremble, but even more tempting was the stillness of his embrace. The man she’d left had been impatient. He’d have already kissed her breathless. The new Gabe had the patience of Job. The future, she realized, was in her hands.
Looking down, he spoke in a rough voice. “I better take you home.”
“Yes,” she murmured. “Luke could be waiting.”
He nodded, but the look in his eyes had nothing to do with her wayward son and everything to do with a man’s wayward thoughts. Or worse, the noble thoughts of a man in love, a man considering marriage, children and the holiest of commitments.
They stepped apart and turned toward town. Instead of walking past the saloons, Gabe steered her down the longer road that curved by homes and gardens. Whether he’d done it to avoid the saloons or because he wanted more time with her, she didn’t know. Either way, she enjoyed walking at his side, sharing her burdens and worries with a friend…Just a friend, she reminded herself. If Luke had run away, she’d be destined to search for him forever. If—when—she found him, she’d still be unwelcome in Guthrie Corners and unable to support herself. With each step in the direction of her apartment, the future looked bleaker. It looked bleakest of all when they reached the mercantile and the stairs leading to her empty home.
“Go inside,” Gabe said. “I’ll come by in the morning.”