“Hi boys! Wow, we do have a good turnout this year don’t we?” he proclaimed brightly. “So, first things first, we need some equipment. May I have a volunteer?”
One of the hopefuls stepped forward and offered himself.
“Ah, perfect,” Ben said, “it’s Paul isn’t it? Would you be so kind as to fetch the hockey equipment from the sports hall?” He handed the volunteer a key and explained where to find the paraphernalia and sent him off to complete his errand.
Ben surveyed the assembled hopefuls as he waited for the hockey equipment to be brought out, “So, who’s played hockey before then?” he asked.
Uwe thrust his hand skyward.
“Ah, Uwe, great. It’s always good to have someone with a little experience. Perhaps you’ll take the hockey virgins under your wing.”
“No problem,” said Uwe.
“And we’d better make you the captain of one of our try-out teams today then,” Ben added. He cast his eyes over the group and was greeted by Hugh’s grinning face. “Well, it looks like you fancy your chances here, Hugh. Have you ever played before?”
“No,” came Hugh’s honest reply as the volunteer, Paul, returned dragging a box of hockey sticks and balls behind him, “but I’m keen to learn.”
“Well, that’s the spirit, Hugh! But I guess I should explain the rules of the game then,” Ben announced enthusiastically. “First the captains have to wear these arm bands,” he said handing Uwe and Hugh an arm band each, which they duly slid up their forearms and onto their upper arms.
“So, before we start the game one of the captains must decide whether they want to have first push back at the start of the game or they can choose which end their team is going to attack first, but they have to choose one or the other,” Ben explained methodically. “But does anyone know what we have to do first to make that decision?”
“Toss!” Bruce shouted like a Tourette’s sufferer.
“He’s right. We toss a coin,” said Ben.
“I go for tails every time,” Bruce said lewdly with a customary nudge to his closest neighbour’s ribcage.
“So let’s give that a try. Hugh, make the call,” Ben ordered as he threw the coin into the air.
“Heads!” cried Hugh as the coin came spinning down towards Ben’s hands. As the coin neared chest height Ben’s right hand swooped down and pushed the coin flat onto the back of his left hand. He carefully lifted his right hand and Hugh and Uwe craned their necks to see fate’s choice.
“Tails,” declared Ben, and Uwe’s nostrils flared. “So Uwe, make your choice.”
Uwe answered instantly. “I choose to have first push back, and begin play.”
“Okay, thank you Uwe,” said Ben. He turned to look at Hugh, “So Hugh, this means you can choose which end you want to attack in the first half.”
Hugh pondered this for a moment, seemingly unable to make a decision. “Err, that one?” he said unsurely as he pointed to the area furthest from him.
“Good choice,” Ben said, “so you’ll defend this goal for the first half and then you’ll swap ends.”
Both captains nodded to acknowledge that they had understood.
“Well Uwe, since you won the toss I guess it is only fair that Hugh gets first pick for his team,” suggested Ben firmly.
Hugh grinned from ear to ear and said, “Right, this is an easy one really. Tony, I choose you.”
Tony walked forward to join Hugh and the assembled hopefuls stared at his arse as it appeared to fight to release itself from its hot pants prison.
“Nice outfit, Tony, well done for making an effort,” Ben congratulated.
“Tony,” Keenan called out, “it looks like your arse is chewing a toffee.”
The group laughed and Tony pulled uncomfortably at the bottom of his makeshift hockey shorts.
“Actually, I think it looks quite nice,” came a soft voice from behind them as the crowd fell silent.
They all turned to see Louise, “Don’t listen to them, Tony,” she said kindly, “just rise above it all.”
“Ah, so good to see our number one supporter again Louise,” Ben shouted over and gave her a friendly wave.
“I never miss a match Ben, you know that,” she replied keenly, “and I couldn’t resist seeing this year’s hopefuls.”
Impatiently Uwe said, “May we continue? Can I make my choice now?”
“Be my guest,” replied Ben sarcastically, bowing towards Uwe.
Uwe pointed at Bruce and announced his choice, “I’ll have you Bruce.”
“You can have me whenever you want to you sexy beast,” growled Bruce.
“Urggh,” Tony complained. “Watching you two flirt is like watching porn with your parents; it’s bloody uncomfortable viewing!”
Hugh and Uwe then took turns to make their selections until both teams were picked. Each player then took a hockey stick from the box and Ben threw a ball to Uwe.
“There are no fixed positions, but there are formations that you will need to learn. But since we’re just starting out you can go anywhere you like, so find your natural places and let’s begin,” Ben informed the two teams.
They made their way onto the pitch and took their positions, Hugh stood nearest the centre of the pitch and his team flanked him like migrating geese. Uwe placed the ball in the centre and Ben blew his whistle. Instantly, Uwe surged forward into a hapless Hugh knocking him to the floor roughly.
“Wow! That Uwe’s really got some spirit, bravado and a touch of derring-do!” cried Ben as he watched him streak towards his opponents’ goal and into their ‘D’. Then with a loud crack Uwe belted the ball into the goal and it thumped against the back board.
“Arggh, shit!” screamed Tony, “who’s the goalkeeper Hugh?”
“But, but, but …” Hugh stuttered, “Ben said there were no fixed positions.”
“Yes, but he didn’t say don’t pick a goalkeeper or have a strategy did he?” replied Tony angrily.
“Oh, well what do you think Tony?” Hugh asked timidly.
Tony sighed and pointed to various members within their team, “I think that he should be the goalkeeper, they should be in defence, they should be midfielders, you can be the centre forward and I’ll be the sweeper.”
Ben watched from the sidelines taking note as Tony gave Hugh instructions. He realised that Tony appeared to be applying football knowledge to the hockey game and made a note to speak to him about this.
“Okay, that sounds good to me,” Hugh said. “Aren’t the goalies supposed to wear some sort of padding?” he shouted out to Ben.
“Yes, but as I keep saying this is just a trial today. Everyone needs to see where they fit best. We can’t have everyone taking the padding and helmet on and off every few minutes. We’ll deal with that later.” He looked over to Uwe, “Nice play, but we need to have a talk about the push back as well, okay?”
Hugh’s team took their new positions and Hugh walked to the centre of the pitch with the ball. He placed it carefully on the ground, stood up and waited for Ben’s whistle.
As soon as he heard it blow he tapped the ball to Bruce and almost immediately Uwe ploughed into him knocking him to the ground savagely. Uwe smirked and he pushed forward breaking the defence line and raising his hockey stick as he prepared to smack the ball once more into Hugh’s team’s goal. Then, like a flash of lightning, Tony appeared from nowhere knocking Uwe backwards onto the ground and sweeping the ball from under his nose then surging towards the attacker’s goal. Uwe lay on his back as he stared at the cloudless sky unsure of what had just happened as he heard cheers around him as Tony scored.
“One-all,” bellowed Ben from the sidelines. “Just take it easy, Tony, that was technically a foul that you committed then.”
Tony stood over Uwe and put his hand out, “Let me help you up from down there, Uwe.”
Uwe swatted Tony’s outstretched hand away from him and clambered to his feet unaided. He stared at Tony, “Arschloch!” he muttered before he made h
is way back to his half of the pitch.
“Hey, Hugh, perhaps you’d be better in goal, you don’t want to get hurt now do you,” Tony suggested, gently pushing Hugh towards the goal area.
“Yes, maybe you’re right,” he replied as he took his position.
The game started again. With Uwe in possession of the ball once more, he passed the ball to his team mate, Keenan, and ran towards the goal. Keenan dribbled skillfully around his opponent and hit the ball back to Uwe waiting near the goal. Uwe controlled the ball masterfully and there was a loud crack as he smacked the ball towards the goal. It lifted off the ground and flew towards the top right hand corner of the net.
“Not the face, oh please, don’t let it hit the face,” screamed Hugh in terror, and he lifted his arms to protect himself. The ball rebounded off the side of Hugh’s head knocking him to the floor before it bounced towards Tony’s feet.
“In a real game, blocking it with your head would be considered a foul, but since this isn’t a real game play on,” Ben shouted.
Tony nodded that he’d understood and instantly took control of the ball. He raced with it towards his opponent’s goal. With a gritty determination Uwe ran up the pitch after Tony. Tony passed the ball to another player and went around Bruce and the other defenders. The ball was passed back to Tony as he readied himself to score another goal. But at that moment Uwe charged up behind Tony and hooked his hockey stick between Tony’s legs and pulled back hard, tripping him. Uwe stepped on Tony’s back as he lay on the ground and took the ball from him. The whistle sounded and everyone stopped play except for Uwe who continued to make his way down towards his opponent’s goal. Ben blew the whistle hard again, but Uwe ignored this still. Hugh saw Uwe approaching and jumped out of the way as Uwe hit the ball into the goal for the second time that game as the whistle screeched yet again.
“Are you deaf, Uwe?” shouted Ben angrily, running down the field towards him. “Did you not hear the whistle?”
“Yes I heard it, but why were you whistling? It’s not half time yet,” replied Uwe.
“That was a deliberate foul on Tony and I was whistling to give you a green card. If this had been a real game and you’d have ignored me completely, you would have earned yourself a yellow card, and therefore time in the sin bin,” Ben explained irritably. “You’ve just blown your chances for the captainship of this team.”
“What! Do not be ridiculous!” Uwe cried out in frustration.
Tony brought himself to his feet and turned towards Ben and Uwe. Like a raging bull he snorted as he charged down the field.
“No! Stop!” cried Bruce trying to hold Tony back.
Realising what was going on Hugh and the other team members ran at Tony trying with all their might to keep him back. But like Canute, they could not hold back the waves.
Ben saw Tony breaking through the ranks, “Go inside immediately Uwe,” he ordered hastily before he made his way over to the melee.
Uwe turned and wandered back to the changing rooms in disgrace.
“Now Tony, calm down,” reasoned Ben, “I have given Uwe a yellow card and I’ve removed him as a captain and that should be enough.”
Tony lashed out at the crowd as they tried to hold him back.
“That bent bastard is a dead man,” Tony shouted, his eyes almost red with rage.
At this point Louise walked onto the field and fought her way through the group, “Tony, look at me for a moment.” She placed her hands upon his heaving chest, “Look at me!” Tony’s gritted teeth relaxed marginally as he took his eyes off the changing rooms and focused on Louise. She looked him directly in the eyes and patted his chest. “You did really well out there today.” His breathing started to slow as his testosterone levels began to drop. “Really well!” she reiterated softly.
“But…” Tony started.
“But nothing,” Louise interrupted gently, “what matters here today is that you appear to be a natural. Have you ever played before?”
“Err, no, never,” he replied.
“Wow, then that’s all the more impressive,” she stated heaping on the compliments.
“Ah, well, erm thanks Louise,” he said shyly, conscious of this tender moment surrounded by so many gay men.
“Ooohhh, Tony’s got a girlfriend,” mocked Bruce to a chorus of wolf whistles.
Embarrassed, Louise stepped back and removed her hands from Tony’s chest. She coughed, “I’m in charge of the facilities here and I don’t want you lot smashing up the place. The paperwork would be horrendous. Okay, Ben, I really must be getting back to my duties now.” She turned and walked back across the field to the main building.
“Aren’t you going to kiss her goodbye, Tony?” ribbed Keenan.
“Shut up,” Tony said.
“You’re blushing, Tony,” Keenan said, pointing at his face.
“Okay, okay, break it up. Enough’s enough,” Ben ordered clapping his hands together. “It’s time to talk business. So line up, please!”
They lined up accordingly but before Ben had a chance to speak, Hugh started to address them all, “Hey everyone, what about me?” Hugh whined. “The bloody ball hit me in the head and almost knocked me out,” he added dramatically.
“Sorry Hugh, in the kerfuffle I forgot about that,” Ben apologised. “You should really go and see the school nurse and get it looked at just in case.”
“Thank you for your sympathy, Ben,” Hugh said, “and as captain I would like to make my first decree…softer balls.” He stood grandly as he went on, “We shall use softer balls from now on, perhaps something like a tennis ball.”
“Err, Hugh, we can’t change the balls,” Ben said awkwardly. “Maybe you’re not cut out to be the team captain.”
“Oh,” exclaimed Hugh softly and dejectedly.
“Perhaps Tony is better suited to this role,” Ben added tentatively.
Hugh looked despondent for a moment as he studied his shoes, “You know what, Ben? Perhaps you’re right. I agree to relinquish my captaincy to Tony for the good of the game,” he declared magnanimously.
“Oh, how gracious of you Hugh,” joked Ben. “Good decision though I think, though you’ve still made the team.”
“Have I really?” Hugh asked incredulously.
Then an idea struck Ben, “Maybe you could captain the design of the hockey kits? What do you think to that?”
Hugh clapped his hands together, “Fantastic!” he squealed, jumping up and down on the spot.
“Good, then we’ll speak about this later and put a team of designers together,” Ben said before moving on to Tony. “You really have a flair for this game and I’d really like to see you enter the team, so to speak.”
Tony winced slightly at the thought.
“Sorry Tony, force of habit. Perhaps you’d like to captain the team and help me train them?” Ben asked.
Tony’s chest swelled with pride, “Yeah alright Ben. I reckon we can soon whip them into shape.”
“Kinky!” Bruce shouted out before Tony cut him off.
“Shut it Bruce…too obvious,” Tony said tersely as the cheeky smile disappeared from Bruce’s face.
“One thing though Tony. I still want Uwe to join the team; he’s got a lot of talent, but he’s also got a lot of attitude. Do you think you can handle him…without coming to blows?” Ben asked nervously unsure of what the answer might be.
“Without a shadow of a doubt,” Tony replied confidently and without too much malice.
Ben’s face brightened. “Great news! We’ll make him vice-captain then. We’ve got our first game coming up really soon, so we need to start work immediately.”
“No problem Ben,” Tony said. “It’ll be the first manly thing that I’ve done since arriving here.”
“Err, quite,” Ben added with disapproval. “Okay, right, let’s move on quickly.” Ben then worked his way down the line of hopefuls. “We need sixteen players to form a hockey squad and since there are only fifteen people here today, I am delight
ed to inform you that you’ve all made the team.”
The team cheered and waved their hockey sticks in celebration.
“Don’t get too excited though, since only eleven can play at any time, but we’ll rotate our substitutes so you all get a game. Does that sound fair?” Ben asked.
The team nodded in agreement.
“Wonderful. Okay, that’s enough for today then, time to hit the showers!” Ben concluded.
The team whooped and hollered at this and rushed towards the changing rooms leaving Tony and Ben on the pitch.
“I think I might stay out here and practise for a while longer,” Tony said seriously.
“Completely understandable Tony,” Ben said warmly, “I know it’s going to take some getting used to, but I am sure you’ll fit in here in your own special way.”
Tony made a noncommittal noise and tapped his hockey stick against hit foot.
“Anyway, practise makes perfect,” Ben said as he walked away, “I’ll speak to you later to discuss tactics.”
Tony waved goodbye then weaved across the field hitting the ball and trying to get comfortable with his hockey stick.
Later that evening when it started to get too dark to practise Tony made his way back to the Larry Grayson boudoir. The changing rooms were closed so he kept his hockey stick and the ball with him. The group were sat around gossiping about Tony and Uwe’s run in during the hockey try-outs. The door creaked as Tony pushed it open and the group fell conspicuously silent. Tony looked at them and noticed Uwe wasn’t there.
“Talking about me and Uwe were you?” he said as he walked towards his bed and sat down, wincing slightly at the pinch of his hot pants. He slid the hockey stick under the bed and put the ball in his bedside cabinet drawer.
Hugh coughed and tried to change the subject. ”Have you been out there practising all this time Tony?” he asked.
“Yeah, I was just trying to get a feel for the game,” Tony replied kicking off his trainers onto the floor. “I’ve never played hockey before; football’s my game as I told you before.”
Bruce pondered this statement for a moment before speaking up. “Tony, I have never quite understood football, really,” Bruce admitted, “which is very odd when you think about how gay football actually is.”
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