She laughs. “Guys like him can’t help it. I think he’d be even sexier if he tried.”
“Don’t come.”
“Rain.”
“I’m serious. I’m fine. I’m going to avoid him the best I can until this blows over.”
“Until what blows over?”
“Nothing.” Apparently. “I love you, Becca.”
“Love you too, Rain. If you need me, call me and I’ll be out there the next night.”
“Thanks.”
I hang up and sit there, feeling drained. I want to curl up in my bed and sleep. Instead I have to work eight hours. I think about calling in sick and then chicken out at the last minute. I have a couple hours till my shift and decide to make good use of my surroundings. I wipe my tears and head inside the store. At least this way Kent can’t think I was avoiding him. I was grocery shopping. And crying, and raging. But what does he mind? I’m some lonely, horny cat who keeps trying to hump his leg.
Angrily taking a shopping cart, I go down every aisle slowly. Why didn’t I stop him? I had so many opportunities. I let them slip by. The only conclusion I can come up with is Becca’s. I keep everything buried inside. Even my hormones. I was so damn lonely I was begging a man to touch me. And he was being so generous about it. I roll my eyes at the yogurt and keep going. What a selfless manwhore Kent was, loaning my vagina his fingers like a library card.
I was returning them immediately.
After I check out I drive home and grab as many groceries to carry inside as I can handle. Kent is sitting on the couch when I come in. He doesn’t look up and I don’t look over. I make two trips. James comes home as I’m putting my ice cream in the freezer. He drops his backpack on the couch and unbuttons his shirt, giving me a sweet smile when he enters the kitchen.
“I’m about to make a sundae. You want one?” I wiggle the ice cream at him.
He nods and rubs his belly.
I laugh and Kent turns the TV up louder. Jerk. I think about throwing the ice cream at his head and then scold myself for even considering wasting something so precious on him. I talk louder even though James can’t hear me. “Let’s hang out in your room. I don’t want to risk the couch today.”
He shrugs and waves me forward.
“I will,” I promise.
I assemble two killer sundaes. I top them with whipped cream, cherries, and some chocolate sauce I find in the fridge. As I’m carrying them through the living room Kent looks up at me in irritation.
“He can’t hear you. Do you need to flirt with him so loudly?”
“Sorry. I’ll keep it down in his bedroom.” I continue past him.
“Raina,” he warns.
Right. My smart mouth. “Kiss my ass, Kent. Or is that asking too much?”
He stares straight ahead. “Start looking for a new place to live.”
“My pleasure!” I snap.
When I get to James’s room I slam his door. He’s sitting in his little living room area. I plop down next to him and bitterly delve into my ice cream.
James raises his eyebrows at me.
As I talk he reads my lips. “Can you help me look for a new place to live?”
His eyes widen and his face pales. “No,” he says, setting his ice cream down. “No.”
“Kent and I aren’t going to get along. We’re too different.”
“The same,” he insists hectically. “That’s why we get along. You remind me of Kent. The old Kent.”
“Kent and I are not the same.” I feel insulted. “I’m not a whore, or a drunk, or a douchebag.”
He shakes his head. “Kent’s hurting.” He pats his heart. “In here. He doesn’t mean it.”
“I can’t stand him,” I lie.
“Stay for me.” He grabs my hand. “I don’t have many friends. It’s always been difficult to keep relationships and it’s easier to be alone. But I feel comfortable around you. Don’t leave. I’ll start talking more.”
My heart shatters. “James,” I whisper. I can’t say no to that. “People suck sometimes. I’m sorry they’re mean to you.” I reach over and touch his face softly. “You’re a great guy. You deserve better.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
“Then I won’t.” I smile sadly at him.
“Thank you,” he whispers, turning back around and staring at the television like he didn’t spill his guts.
I rest my head on his shoulder and together James and I eat our ice cream in silence until I have to leave for work.
“Be safe.”
I lean over and kiss his cheek. “I will.”
I have enough time to take another shower, needing to wash Kent off my body. I can feel him everywhere. He doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near my body, let alone between my legs. I scrub my new apricot soap all over and wash him away for good. When I’m clean I feel better, as if I can start fresh. So I failed once. One failure didn’t mean I completely lost.
I refuse to lose again.
Kent is nowhere to be found when I leave for Oblivion. I’m glad for his absence. He won’t be happy to learn I’m not moving, but then again, I don’t live to please him. I live to please myself.
Oblivion is expectedly crazy tonight. At least all of the waitresses showed up. Samantha doesn’t look any different, although I think twice she avoids me. I want to tell her she doesn’t have to be self-conscious. I fell for it too. We fell for his BS because Kent is made of it. Would we stop breathing? Stop eating? No, and we shouldn’t stop existing because of Kent Nicholson.
After my shift is over I drive around Jacksonville to give Kent time to “bag” his latest friend. When I get home it’s almost five in the morning and the couch is thankfully empty. I slip quietly into my room and fall swiftly asleep.
When I wake up and hear Kent I force myself to go back to sleep. The second time I awake I can’t hold my bladder anymore. I risk a dash for the bathroom. However, my worries are unnecessary. The apartment is empty. I sigh in relief and take full advantage of it. It won’t be so bad living with him if I don’t have to interact with him. My schedule allows it if I stretched it out.
I get dressed for work early and drive around Jacksonville until my shift starts. This city is as unfamiliar to me as the rest of the world. I’ve never seen much of it besides the small part that raised me. I’m not into stepping outside of my comfort zone. I’ve never even been out of the city before. That’s why I broke down when Becca left. We were each other’s wall and when she left I was forced to lean against myself for the first time. I found I was stable; I had my moments of fragility, yet I could support myself if I had to. Some part of me had to learn that lesson after relying on her my entire life.
I brace myself for Saturday night, our busiest night. Insanity at its basic level thrives on the main floor when I check with Henley. A catchy 80’s song plays overhead and people are going crazy. Even I can’t help it. I dance from table to table, catching the gaze of a green-eyed hottie in my section. As I approach his table a familiar laugh catches my attention. Kent and his manwhore friends are in Samantha’s section. She doesn’t know it yet. I spot her at the bar, shaking her own hips to the beat as her worst nightmare waits to be served.
I quickly move to the green-eyed hottie in case she asks me to take Kent’s table instead. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he says back, grinning. He’s got jet black hair and the beginning of a beard. “What are the rules about dancing while on shift?”
“She loves to dance,” Henley butts in. “Go on. I’ve got your tables for one song.”
I stare dumbly at them. He gets up as the song shifts.
“May I?”
I nod silently as he pulls me onto the dance floor. He’s lucky I love this song. I notice immediately the guy can’t dance and he only wanted me to. It’s adorable watching him try and keep up. Eventually I put him out of his misery and turn around to grind against him, doing all of the work.
“What’s your name?” he asks in my ear.
&nb
sp; I turn my head to the side so I can reach his. “Raina. What’s yours?”
“Trevor. I’ve been here a couple times, but I never seem to get your section.”
I turn around to hide my blush. As I do I sense eyes on me. They feel heavy and reproachful. I assume it’s Wayne, because I’m most certainly not working, but it isn’t Wayne. It’s Kent. He’s standing a few feet away from the entrance for the restrooms. He’s staring at me with a weird expression on his face. If I didn’t know any better I’d say someone just kicked his ass. He’s clearly in pain. I wonder about his expression, but Trevor turns me around and I forget. After all, wingwomen aren’t hired to care.
When the song ends he stops attempting to dance.
“Better get you back to work,” he says, winking. “I am starving, you know.”
He leads me back over to my section. Why did I dance with him? I scratch my cheek as I listen to him tell me his order. It’s Kent’s fault. I’ve been avoiding him all day and there he is, dressed deliciously in a tight white t-shirt and those sexy black jeans. His biceps stretch his shirt and his wallet bulges near the part of him I had been grinding against the other day. Images of me clawing at him as he rubbed me make me highly aggravated.
On my way over to the bar to get Trevor’s drink Samantha digs her nails into my arms.
“No,” I snap at her.
“Please, Raina. Please! I can’t see him again. He used me.”
“That’s what Kent does.”
“Now I know. Please. I’ll give you half my tips tonight.”
I sigh. “Keep your tips. I’ll cover their table. But you have to take that guy with the green eyes. Table fourteen. He likes me.”
She hugs me and spills some of the beer on the bar. “Thank you, girl. We should hang out sometime. How come we never have before?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever.” I’m doing all kinds of things I don’t want to do lately. “Take Green Eyes these drinks. I already put his order through.”
“What if he asks about you?”
“Tell him the truth. I’m wildly unattainable.”
She laughs and rolls her eyes. “Somehow I don’t think that’s going to work. I’ll get his number for you.”
“No!” I shout, but she’s already gone.
I grumble mean things under my breath as I approach Kent’s table. Jake and Zeke grin at me.
“Look it’s the hot roommate!”
“Roommate hot the it’s look!”
Kent’s head whips around and zeroes in on me. “Oh joy,” he mumbles.
I ignore him. “Hi, fellas.”
“Where have you been?” Zeke wonders, talking normally for once. “I’m having a party tonight. You should come.” He reaches over and touches my wrist, toying with my hair tie.
Kent glares. “Your girlfriend’s going to be there, dipshit.”
I gently extract Zeke’s hand from my wrist. “I have to work until late. Maybe next time. How about we order?”
The men I don’t recognize order first. Then Jake and Zeke, who want the hot wings and the wings hot, and then finally it’s Kent’s turn.
He looks up at me with condemnation in his eyes. “Give me a bottle of whiskey.”
My stomach drops. The entire bottle? Kent…
He leans over and gets his wallet out, giving me the same credit card as the other night. He doesn’t say anything else. I try to meet his eyes but he won’t anymore. A few minutes later I return to their table with their drinks and Kent’s bottle. He immediately cracks the top and pours himself a shot, tossing it back.
“Here’s to forgetting all of the cheating, lying women out there, and the ones who are too good for us.” While everyone applauds, Kent glances briefly in my direction.
I bite my tongue and leave, returning to my other tables. But I watch him all night. He manages to drink half the bottle before they leave the bar. He’s staggering on the way out with the rest in his hand. I hope he’s not driving himself. A knot unfurls in my stomach. Idiot. Forgetting wasn’t worth losing your life over.
You gave him the bottle.
If I didn’t someone else would’ve. Wayne only cuts people off after they’ve drunken a hefty bill’s worth. Turning someone down over one bottle because I was worried about them wasn’t going to go over well.
As I turn to check on one of my tables Trevor steps in my path. “Done babysitting?”
I laugh uneasily. “Yes. Did Samantha fill you in?”
“She did. I have to go but she gave me your number. I’ll call you some time, if that’s all right?”
I keep my face nice. I can’t stand being put on the spot. “That’s all right.”
“Great. It was nice to finally meet you, Raina.” He leans down and kisses my cheek.
I’m too stunned to move out of the way. I wait for it. That buzzing attraction, but it doesn’t come. So far Kent is the only man who can make me feel it.
I smile at him when he winks. “You too, Trevor.”
When he’s gone I find Samantha and pull her into the kitchen. “Who said you could give him my number?”
“He likes you. He’s a really nice guy. Smart too.”
“He doesn’t even know me.”
She pats my shoulder. “Relax. Guys flirt with you all the time and you ignore them. Why?”
I push her off as nicely as possible. “Don’t do it again, Sam.”
“Fine, grouchy. How was Kent?” Her cheeks fill with pink.
I know the feeling. “He was a drunk a-hole. So like himself.”
“How much did you see?”
I roll my eyes as we enter the main floor again. “I didn’t see anything, I promise. It was dark.”
“Dark like dark, or dark like sort of dark?”
“Sam,” I warn.
“Did he talk about me?” She sounds hopeful beyond hope.
“It’s not any of my business,” I say, resenting Kent for making me do this to her. He should be here breaking her heart. Not me. “But Kent doesn’t think about any of you. You shouldn’t think about him.” Because the idea of you two together is pissing me off.
I’m his roommate. His wing-woman. I’m nothing but a pity bang in the bathroom.
“You’re right.” She shakes her head as if to clear it of him. “Hey, you want to have a few shots after work? Wayne won’t mind. If you dance with him he’ll even give them to you for free.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “We both know how you like to dance.”
For the first time I think I need a few shots after work. “Yeah, cool. Thanks, Sam.”
“Thanks for not slut shaming me also. Kayla and Terry won’t stop snickering every time I walk past them, whispering slut under their breath. I’m not a…slut, right?” She sounds uncertain and worried.
I look her right in the eye. “No. You’re a grown woman who can sleep with whoever she wants. Sluts don’t exist anyway. They’re women who do what they want and are judged by people who don’t understand them. You think those two judgmental idiots wouldn’t want Kent Nicholson if he breathed their way? Don’t let them bother you.”
I pat her arm, but she pulls me against her into a hug. I’m momentarily stunned. I don’t have friends. My life is too much of a precarious tipping stone as it is without other women risking my footing. Plus with Becca always around I’ve never needed them. But Becca’s away, I’m on my own, and maybe having a friend around wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I recover and hug her back.
“Thank you, Raina.”
“Anytime, Sam. Let’s get back to work.”
The night continues to drain the life out of me. I’m accused of getting an order wrong, even though I know I didn’t, and the customer’s being a bitch with a side of cunt. I get no tip from that table, and my others are filled with touchy men who want more beer, my number, and something I’m not willing to give them. I eye a wedding ring on one finger.
My resolve to leave Kent alone resurfaces like a wild beast out for blood. That’s Kent. Handsome, spoiled, un
faithful, and drowning in issues I don’t want to unearth.
I wonder fleetingly why I need reminders to leave someone alone, when before my fears were always enough.
Chapter Five
Sam slams a shot down on the bar.
Oblivion is officially closed and we are officially free. Until tomorrow. The thought depresses me, so I take my proffered shot of vodka and slam it down. I can’t stand the taste and have to do a dance with my face all scrunched up to keep it down. The girls gather around the bar and chatter lightly. My mood is anything but light, but not wanting to be rude forces me to join in, supplying what I need to when prompted.
I take one more shot and then announce my departure. Samantha groans, opening her mouth to argue whatever point she has, but I quickly wave goodbye and duck out the back. I want to get home before the shots kick in. It’s not the wisest choice, but neither is drinking more.
When I get to the apartment I pause outside the door and listen for grunting and moaning.
“Kent,” a female voice says, followed by muffled giggles.
“Great,” I grumble, sliding down to sit on the porch. I dangle my feet over the railing’s edge and take my phone out. Angry Birds keeps me company while the two of them give the couch a workout.
“Kent!” she shouts at one point, but it sounds angry and unsatisfied. His dark chuckle follows, and then he makes a weird grunting noise.
“Get off of me,” she orders. “Let’s switch then.”
I try and tune them out. Great, now they’re fighting. There’s a lull in the conversation. I assume he’s kissing it and making it better. After a few minutes, however, she starts at him again.
“Kent,” she whines, making me cringe. “Get up. Wake up. What’s wrong?”
I turn around and stare at the door. I’ve never had sex but I doubt you ask those types of questions any time during.
“Shit. Kent, get up. Wake up!” She’s starting to get frantic. Hectic demands tumble out of her. “Stop shaking. Get up.”
I bolt to my feet and try the door. It’s locked. Kent never gave me my key. I pound with my fist. “Let me in!”
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