The last thing I hear is, “Because I am never letting you go, Rain.”
Chapter Seven
I awake muddled.
Not only were my actions abnormal last night, I am in a strange bed, with a male’s arms around me. I have a slight headache and when I shift to get comfortable my vagina stings. The pain is screwing with my mood. And Kent is so hot against me. Our skin is slicked with sweat and I can feel his body heat radiating off of him like an oven. My vagina hurts.
“Kent.” I nudge him gently.
His arms tighten around me. I’m starting to panic. I know it’s the pain. I never handle physical pain well. It makes me nauseous and panicky.
I try and calm myself down by thinking about last night. So much happened. Truths that we had both denied and ran from were finally set free, and emotions we’d forbade ourselves to have were felt the way they deserved to be. Recalling him on top of me makes the pain less painful. The image of us freefalling toward earth as our wings blazed leaves me yearning. I squeeze his arms to me and allow his sweat to melt with my own. My confusion fades away and Kent is left in its place.
I wait for it. I know it’s coming. It always comes.
How could you sleep with him? my common sense demands. She starts pointing out reasons for me to not have done so, but for once I don’t want to listen. I don’t want to hear it right now. I want to be in his arms before we part ways. I know that’s coming too. Kent said so last night. He isn’t going to change because I want him to. Auburn Hair is still out there, waiting to take the only man I’ve ever wanted. If he couldn’t stay faithful to Willow why would he stay faithful to me?
Before I can stop myself I ask my common sense one innocent question. What if I’m different?
It rages.
What’s different about me? I did everything I said I wouldn’t. Kent dragged me down, and though I fought him, he won. I’m naked, without my virginity, and covered in his sweat. And damn it, his sweat feels so good I know my demise is going to be painfully sweet. I shift my ass against his sweaty groin, sliding against him.
“Mmm,” he groans. “Are you asking for it or getting comfortable?”
The sound of his voice does strange things to me. I want to cry and smile at the same time. I settle on nothing. It’s in the middle. Sensing my distress, he lifts up and looks at me. Seeing his sleepy, breathtaking face does me in. I bite my lip to keep it inside, but I can’t help it. My tears pour out of me.
“Hey,” he says, laughing softly at me. “What’s wrong?” He touches my cheek and brings my face closer. “Tell me,” he orders when I cry harder.
What’s wrong? I can’t have you!
He had to hide his ex’s picture to sleep with me. My common sense is right. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking. I never do around him.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I slept with you.” I’m starting to panic again. My breaths are coming too fast and my heart is pounding. “We had sex.”
“I know. I was there.” His tone is dry. “Do you regret sleeping with me?” He can’t even look at me when he asks.
“No, no,” I insist, “I don’t, that’s the problem. I want you, Kent, but you’re not going to give yourself to me.”
“What happened to baby steps? You’re thinking too far ahead for me right now. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to think ahead,” he continues when I start blubbering. “Why can’t we take this slow? I’ve got too much to fix before I jump into another relationship. Rain,” he begs, watching me fall apart. “What do you need from me?”
“You don’t even want to be in a relationship with me?” I am an idiot. A moron. A stupid, stupid, woman.
“Raina!” he shouts, finally getting my attention. “Would you stop? I never said that. I’m trying to be what you want. Remember? You want a guy who doesn’t kiss you in a bathroom? You want a guy who doesn’t make you miserable. All I’m going to do is make you miserable if you don’t give me time. I need time. And so do you. You’re so quick to distrust me you won’t even give me a shot. It’s like you don’t trust anyone.”
I don’t trust anyone. Especially if they have a penis. “So we give each other time until when?”
“How about this? If we can go one month without giving up then I’ll give you everything you want. I need at least that long, maybe even longer, to fix this.” He touches his heart.
I touch it too, placing my hand over his. “So we’re not dating?”
“No.”
My stomach sinks. “You’re not going to sleep with other women, right?”
He smiles patiently. “No. Honestly? After you it would never be the same. Same goes for you. Erase Trevor’s name from your phone and let me handle James.”
“No. I want to handle James.” I give him a firm look. “Don’t be mean to him. He said just once to me.”
He frowns. “It’s almost like he kissed you on purpose.”
“Why would he do that?”
“So he could tell how I felt about you. He’s been on my ass about it, trying to get me to admit I wanted you. That little shit.”
“I guess he knows, huh?” I look into his eyes, but instead of falling into them I hold myself back. One month.
He reaches over and wipes my tears away with his fingers. “I guess he does.”
“One month? That’s the least you need?”
“That’s what we need. You have to admit you have some things to work on. We’re like gasoline and fire. When we’re together we explode. And Raina, I’ve never wanted to blow up so badly in my life. I don’t want to blow you up in the process. So let’s work on us.” He nods to himself, proud.
I’m proud too. “You’re kind of hot when you’re being responsible.”
“Oh yeah? You should see me when I’m emotionally mature.” He nuzzles my neck, leaving kisses across my pulse.
“Oh, Kent, talk dirty to me.”
He smirks against me. “How do you feel? Are you sore?”
“Sore is an understatement.”
He pulls back to look at me, appearing guilty. “That bad?”
I don’t want to lie to him. “That bad.”
“The messed up part is I’m not sorry. I’d do it all over again knowing it would hurt you. Last night was…unbelievable.” He swallows hard and the look in his eyes shows how much last night truly meant to him.
“I’d let you.” He grins and leans over to kiss me. I turn my head away. “Morning breath.”
His laugh brushes across my cheek. “I’ve haven’t wanted a kiss from a girl in the morning in so long and now I can’t have one?”
“Nope.” Pushing against his chest, I wiggle out from under his tight hold and painfully slide to the end of the bed. Upon standing I can feel him inside of me like a memory and the stinging gets worse. “Oh,” I huff, trying to bend down to get my panties. I scoop them up and quickly put them on. “I take it back. I wouldn’t let you.”
“You need some aspirin.” He jumps out of bed in his boxers and walks over to his dresser. Pulling out a pair of dark blue shorts, he hops into them.
I’m miffed he’s so unaffected. I can’t even walk and here he is, buoyant and gorgeous. I don’t bother putting on any more clothes. I hide my breasts with my arms and reach for his door. “I’m going to go take a shower.”
“Raina?”
I turn back before I exit into the hall. “What?”
“Don’t think too hard about what we’re doing. It’s easier to feel what you want sometimes. Please?”
“Why?”
“Because you might come to your senses.” He smiles wryly and opens the door. “I’ll bring you a towel.”
“Trust me, Kent. My senses want you as much as I do.” My common sense not so much. I wrap my arms around his waist and look up at him. His bare skin is still sweaty and it smears against mine. My breasts press against his chest in a way that makes me wish I wasn’t so sore. “Shower with me?”
He grabs hold of my
face. “Kiss me.”
I try to move from his grasp but he won’t let me. “Kent,” I groan. “My mouth tastes—”
He cuts me off with a hard, rough kiss. I sigh into his mouth and give up fighting. I press myself against him and tilt my head to the side so he has no problem giving me his tongue. I want it everywhere. A door opens somewhere and people are in the hall but we don’t stop. I couldn’t stop if someone paid me. I push Kent against the wall and reach up to intertwine my fingers in his hair.
“Yow!” someone shouts.
The voice makes me break away. Sophie’s sleepy-eyed and wearing nothing but her bra and panties. James comes out of his room behind her in his boxers.
I gawk at her and then at James, who is red faced and messy-haired.
“You and I need to talk,” Kent growls, pointing at James.
James crosses his arms over his chest, raising one eyebrow condescendingly.
Sophie walks unashamed around James and Kent. She grabs my hand and leads me into my bedroom. Once she closes the door, she screams. I’m so confused I don’t know what to think. I quickly get dressed and then I throw some clothes at Sophie.
“Did you and James hook up?”
“Hook up? You mean, did James rock my world? Then yes. Yes he did.”
“But you have a boyfriend.”
“Yeah, so?” She puts my shirt on over her head and then sits on my bed. “I don’t love James and who’s going to tell my boyfriend? Not me.” She swings her legs back and forth. “So you and Kent?”
“I don’t kiss and tell.”
“You don’t have to. You’re walking funny. He knocked it out of the park.”
Staring in disgust at sheets, I choose to overlook her assessment. “Sam and Trevor had sex in my bed.”
“No wonder they left together so early. I was searching for the bathroom and found James’ room. He signed the panties right off me.”
“You know how to sign?” I ask, surprised.
“Yeah, I took it in high school. My stepdad’s deaf.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Anyway. I gotta go. Shit to do. Can I give these clothes back to you later? Tell James to text me. I put my number in his phone.”
“Sure,” I mumble, confused. “I’ll walk you out.”
The living room is a disastrous mess. There are plastic cups and garbage everywhere. It smells like whiskey and burnt rubber.
Sophie grabs her purse off the kitchen counter and then leans over and kisses my cheek. “Thanks for the party. It was a blast.”
“I bet,” I respond dryly.
Her eyes are wicked. “See you at work.”
I don’t want to think about work. I don’t want to think about anything at all. I close the door, confused by Sophie’s actions. She smiles when she talked about her boyfriend and then she sleeps with James? What did Kent say about her? I can’t remember because I was drunk. I shake my head and choose to forget it. It’s her life. All I can do is hope she takes my advice when she needs it and hopefully she’ll get off my back about Kent.
I grab a change of clothes and waddle into the bathroom. The hot water feels good on my body. I wash last night off of me and shave quickly. After finding a bottle of aspirin over the sink I stare morosely at the mess the living room has become.
It’s driving me crazy. No, my thoughts are. There’s too many of them and I have no answers. Kent wants me to wait? What if at the end of the month he decides he doesn’t want what I want? I’m supposed to be satisfied with the heartache I know is waiting? I can feel it, like an ominous shadow waiting to swallow me up and take away this precarious pairing.
Kent is going to be my demise and I’m letting him.
I imagine it for one second. Kent, sexy, forever unattainable, smiling unapologetically as he reveals he never wanted me and his one month plan was a scheme to get laid. He has professed his fondness for a chase. My stomach plummets and I sway, holding onto the kitchen counter. I start to doubt last night. He has sex with everyone. How am I any different?
You’re not!
“Raina?”
I look up.
Kent cocks his head to the side and narrows his eyes suspiciously. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” I squeak.
“You’re overthinking it, aren’t you?” He takes a step toward me but I move out of his reach. “Don’t start this. You agreed.”
“We can’t do this. There’s no point. A month isn’t long enough. It can’t determine anything. You’re not the right guy for me.”
“I’m the only guy you want. Remember? The only one who can touch you? The guy you gave your virginity to. Don’t you remember how fucking amazing last night was?”
His words start to penetrate my fear. “I remember,” I whisper. “I’m scared, Kent.”
“So am I,” he admits. “But we have to try it. We have to risk this or I have a feeling I’ll be this way forever. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to forget you and you’ll never trust anyone if you don’t try to trust me first.”
“I don’t trust men.”
“I can tell. And it isn’t like I give you a good example.” He runs a hand down his face. “I’m going to try, all right, baby? I’m going to try for you.”
“I can’t stand men.” I cover my mouth with my hands, but I drop them, on a disparaging roll. “Men are everything I don’t trust. You’re all like my father. Lying, cheating, unfaithful, and unreliable bastards!” I shove at Kent. “How could he treat us like that? How could he leave us hungry for drugs? How could he come home smelling like other women and how could Mom let him come back over and over again?” I don’t realize I’m crying until Kent pulls me into his arms. “Let me go. I have to go.”
He holds me tighter. “You’re staying right here. With me.”
I feel trapped. I try to fight against him but his arms are metal bindings holding me in place. “Let me go.” I know Kent’s not going to let me go. I don’t understand why. Men let women go all the time. They let us go when we need them the most.
Trust is a brittle thing. It is a special delicate gift. Not everyone appreciates it. Some destroy it, taking their time ruining it for everyone else. Once it is gone it’s almost impossible to get back.
“I’m going to be the one man you trust. One month is all I need. Can you do that for me?”
“I can try.”
“Don’t think too hard.” He kisses me softly and then puts his hand over my heart. “Use this. This understands what’s happening. It’s responsible for this.”
His words are a balm. I relax.
“Good girl. Are you hungry? We can go get something to eat?”
I shrug.
“We’ll go eat. I need to get out of this mess anyway. You mind going to the library with me when we’re done? I have an assignment for my accounting class and it’s due tonight.”
“You’re only doing it now?”
“I’m a last minute kind of guy.” He laughs at my expression. “It was a joke. Smile or I’ll tell you one of my famous knock-knock jokes.”
I recall his last knock-knock joke and that’s all it takes. I double over with laughter.
He frowns. “I didn’t even tell you one yet.”
I laugh harder.
“My knock-knock jokes are legendary. You sure you don’t want one?”
“Positive.”
He shakes his head at me. “Let’s go eat. I’m starving.”
The sun beats down on us as we head downstairs to my car.
“Where’s your bike?”
He shifts his backpack on his shoulder uncomfortably. “I can’t remember.”
“What do you mean you can’t remember?”
“You remember how you drove me home?” I nod. “Well, I had Zeke bring me to Oblivion and I picked it up from there and then I don’t remember where I ended up with it. I’ll probably have to report it stolen. My dad’s going to kick my ass.”
“How are you going to get to school tonight?”
“Her name is Raina and she has the most stunning eyes I’ve ever seen.”
“I’ve never met her.”
He grins at me. “She’s special. A little psycho at times, but I think it comes with having a vagina.”
“I’m sure she’d resent that.”
“How would you know? You’ve never met her.”
I roll my eyes at him. “How’d you meet her?”
“She came over one day looking for an apartment. I was hoping for a cool-ass dude I could get drunk with and chase girls with. But this gorgeous blonde showed up on my doorstep with an adorable pouty face and something told me to give her a shot. I don’t usually listen to that part of my brain. But I listened this one time and I’m so glad I did. You want to know why?”
“Why?” I ask breathlessly.
“Because she’s giving me a ride to school.” He grins down at me.
I laugh in disbelief and shove him. He shoves me back. Soon we’re having a shoving match in the parking lot and my laughter is sweet and new.
Raising my hands in surrender, I relent. “I give up.”
“Loser.” He shoves me softly one more time and then winks.
When we get to my car I take my keys out of my purse and hand them to him. He opens my door for me.
“How gentlemanly,” I compliment.
“Not a word usually used to describe me.”
“Whose fault is that?”
“I wasn’t the one describing me.” He closes my door and walks around front, sitting down and adjusting the driver’s seat to accommodate his height.
I can’t help feeling like the seat is the least of it. He’s changing things about my life, making room within my walls. He’s carving out a piece and I have to trust he won’t destroy the entire thing.
I take a deep breath and think for the millionth time what I’m doing as he drives. He can make me feel so good in one moment and then so unsure in another.
“You better not be doing what I think you’re doing.” He cuts the engine at a pancake house. “Look at me.”
I do.
He reaches over and touches my face with the back of his knuckles. “Remember who I am.”
I close my eyes and take another deep breath, conjuring up images of us wrapped around each other. I leave out the bad parts, the ones that want our end, and only focus on the parts that crave this possible beginning. “Let’s go eat.”
My Sweet Demise (Demise #1) Page 18