“Don’t touch me.” I back away from him. We can’t give each other what we want. “I have to go. You have to let me go like I have to let you go. We can’t do this anymore.” I am empty, exhausted, and I can’t do this anymore. “I can’t, Kent.”
He sucks in a sharp breath and the glossiness in his eyes shines. “Why won’t you ask me?”
“Because it doesn’t matter either way. I’m not different to you. You’re everything to me. How can that ever work?”
“We were trying. We can try again.”
“No.”
“Please,” he begs, truly in need of something. “No more other women. I don’t want them if they’re not you. No more drinking. I won’t have another drop. I bought a new couch. This couch is for you. I bought a new bed for us. You’re different, I promise with everything inside of me you are. I was mad. I was drunk. I didn’t mean any of it. You have to give me another chance.”
“How do I know you’re not going to do it again?”
“You have to trust me.”
I snort. “Like I did the last time?”
“Please. I want to be with you. I don’t need a month. I don’t need a day or an hour. I just need you, Rain.”
Don’t do it! My common sense demands.
I look my common sense right in the eye and shove her aside. I knock her down the way she’s been doing me, and then I crawl to Kent and he opens his arms for me. I fall into him. He wraps me in his arms so tightly I can’t breathe. I don’t need to. I squeeze him and inhale his skin, his hair, his everything. I need his everything.
“You need me?”
“I need you,” he promises. His dark eyes are glossy and sincere as they bore into me. “I can’t breathe without you. I can’t sleep knowing you’re not here. I can’t even think straight. I think that means I need you.”
“What about Willow?”
“What about Willow?” he asks, raising his eyebrows. “You’re all I’m worried about.”
“What about later when you want her still? That’s not fair to me.”
“Willow and I are done.” He doesn’t even balk. “We’re so done, I get it now. I get it. I accept it. After what she did I could never want her again. I don’t want a girl like that. I want a woman like you. Someone who’s so good she can’t not be. Someone who knows how to put up with my shit. Someone who loves my shit. You love my shit, don’t you, Rain?” He doesn’t pause for an answer, and I’m glad, because I don’t have one. “Don’t you want this?” He grabs my face between his hands and brings us together once more. “This consuming crazy scary beautiful feeling that’s been there since I opened the door. Don’t you want me, Rain?”
I press my forehead to his. “Kent, you’re not good for me and…”
“And what?”
“I want you anyway!”
“I can’t hear you.”
“I want you! I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
“Oh, thank you, baby.” He presses our lips together.
The second they connect the fear disappears. A dam crumbles inside of me and the buzzing is back. I am alive again. I am my pulse, my blood rushing through my veins. I’m living. I push him down and lie on top of him. His lips are desperate. Mine are no different. There is nothing sexy about this kiss. It is need and want colliding. We are crashing into one another and the destruction is all I’ll ever want.
He pulls away suddenly and looks at the door.
A moment later I hear it too. Fists start pounding. Becca’s here. I love my sister with everything inside of me, but right now I am immune to anything but Kent. I get up and grab his hand, pulling him along with me. I lead him away from Becca, away from everything that can tear us apart. I shove him into his room and lock the door. Fleetingly, I glance at his new bed. It’s done with new sheets and pillows, all creams and gold.
Kent sits on the end and rubs his face.
“Go to sleep.”
He glances at me and blinks. Then he gets up and opens his dresser. He pulls out Willow’s picture and stares down at it. “This is her fault.” He licks his lips determinedly and then rips her picture up into a multiple pieces. They fall to the floor like onyx acid snow. He bends down and picks them up and then tosses them in his wastebasket. “Now we can sleep.”
He walks slowly to his bed, lies down, and holds his arms out. I crawl to him and fold myself against him. He rolls us over so I am pinned to his body. His feet come around me and his arms encircle me to him. There’s no way I’m leaving. I don’t realize how exhausted I am until I let everything go. I let it all go.
“Ask me again,” he whispers, half asleep. “Please?” he begs, when I remain silent.
I take a deep breath. “Do you love me?”
“Yes I do. I love you, Raina. I love you and there’s nothing you can do about it.” He pulls back so I can see his face. His eyes spill over and I reach over to kiss away his tears. “Can I ask you?”
“Try it.”
He smiles sadly. “I think I know your answer.”
“Ask me anyway.”
“Do you love me, Rain?”
“Yes I do. I love you. You’re the first man I’ve ever loved. Please don’t hurt me anymore.”
Sadness turns his mouth down. “From here on out it’s only about making you smile; about making you happy. It’s about earning your love.” His eyes start to drift closed.
I kiss his eyelids before sleep joins our embrace. When I wake up I’m confused. At first I think it was all a dream. Kent, his embrace, our love—these things can’t be real. My heart falls. And then he stirs around me and I release my doubt. I snuggle against his chest as close as I can get without taking my clothes off. I need to be as close to him as possible. I’m not so sure he won’t get up and laugh in my face and run away forever.
“Are you finally awake?” His deep voice makes a chill travel down my spine.
“Have I been asleep long?”
“No. I slept long. You’ve been asleep so long I thought I’d have to kiss you awake.”
“Kent,” I warn. “Don’t.”
He laughs and tries to kiss my morning breath mouth.
I don’t fight him too hard this time. I wrap my arms around him as his lips and tongue caress me. For a few minutes we are nothing but this kiss. I know we’ll have to exist as more someday, maybe even soon, but for right now we are lips and breath. This makes sense. When we’re apart our separation feels senseless. He moves so he’s on top of me, pressing me into the mattress as his lips melt around me. Eventually he lifts up and I moan in disappointment.
“If we keep going, your clothes are going to disappear. If your clothes disappear, so will my self-control. I don’t think sex is the best thing right now. We need to talk.”
I give him my hopeful expression.
He closes his eyes. “Your spell has no power on me.”
I kiss his lips long and hard, earning a deep moan from him.
“Rain,” he pleads. “We need to talk.”
“We can talk after you make love to me.” I rub his back temptingly. “I need to be with you right now.”
“I want you to know how I feel.” He sounds serious. I cease moving my hands. “Tell me exactly what you want from me.”
“I want you to love me enough so my distrust has no power. It’s a part of me. There’s nothing I can do about it.”
“I can do that. You’ll trust me more than anyone someday. What else?”
“I want to know when we fight you’re not going to run. Because come on, we’re going to fight, it’s what we do.”
He smiles, chuckling because he knows it’s true. “No running. Where would I go? What else?”
“I want you to promise me no matter what you’ll never cheat on me.”
“I promise. I couldn’t find someone I wanted as much as you if I tried. Anything else?”
“I want you to get me a new job since you got me fired from my last one.”
His smile is twisted in
apology. “Sorry about that.”
“I’m sure you’re real sorry.”
“I am. Wayne was being a dick. Were you there?”
“No.”
“Shit.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Sophie made it sound like you were.”
“Sophie’s a lying, conniving witch. She wanted you the entire time. She made it so Trevor was right next to me when you got home. I didn’t do that on purpose.”
“I told you about her.” He closes his eyes in anger. When he opens them they’re once again calm. “You want anything else?”
“I want you—us to stop drinking. No more drinking. I don’t even like it and I’ve been doing it like crazy.”
“Done. I haven’t had a drink since I got arrested.”
“What happened?”
“Wayne dropped the charges after my dad wrote him a check.”
“Spoiled brat.”
He shrugs. “I feel kind of spoiled right now.” He presses me into the mattress to kiss me. “Is that all you want?”
“For right now.” I hug him to me hard. When I lift my arm to grasp his back, my shoulder catches his attention.
“You got a tattoo?” He frowns at it as he traces it. “Who’re you falling for?”
“It was a reminder to never fall for anyone again.”
His eyes sadden. “You really thought we were done?”
The reminder is still fresh. “I’m still not sure.”
“What do I have to do to prove to you you’re all I want? Do I have to marry you? Do I have to spend forever proving it, because I will?”
“I like forever.” Please don’t ask me to marry you.
“Would you marry me if I asked?” Psychic bastard.
“Yes, so don’t ask. We’re barely getting back together and we have so much stuff to work on. What do you want from me?”
“I want you to trust me. I don’t want to hear stuff like I’m still not sure. I want to know when I’m not with you you’re not thinking yourself crazy. You have to trust me.”
“I’ll work on it, I promise. What else?”
“Don’t be afraid to be happy. I want to make you happy.”
“You do make me happy.” I look down but he lifts my chin back up. “But you make me sad a lot also. All of the other women, the uncertainty, the games we play. I don’t want to play games anymore.”
“Me neither. Even though you lost,” he teases, still not letting his true self go.
“I’m not the one who got kicked in the face.”
“I got kicked in the face! No wonder my face killed. Where’s your phone?”
“Becca has it. She changed my number.”
“That’s another thing I want. I know you love your sister. I don’t want to get in the way, but you have to start speaking up to her. You have to tell her how you feel and what you want and accept she might not enjoy every choice you make.”
“She’ll never like you.”
“We’ll deal with it.”
“I’ll talk to her. But she’s so scary,” I whisper, making him chuckle.
“You’re telling me.” He sags down, taking me with him. As he does he traces my tattoo. “You’re kind of a badass now. It’s turning me on.”
“Sex?” I pop up, suddenly excited.
He laughs and reaches over to tuck my stringy hair behind my ear. “Don’t you want to talk some more?”
“No.”
“At all?”
“Not right now.” I splay my hands on his chest. “I want you right now, Kent.”
He drops his hands and lays them at his sides. “Then come get me, baby.”
Without further prompting I straddle him and find his mouth. I kiss this man as deeply as a person can, this slow intense kind of kiss I feel all the way in my toes. They curl up against his thighs. His hands reach up and cup my backside, gently squeezing and pushing me against his erection. The contact is a light in a room full of gasoline.
We both erupt.
I delve my fingers in his hair and take his mouth fervently. I pour all of my emotions into my lips, so he knows exactly how I felt and how he’s making me feel now. For the first time in what seems like forever I feel alive again. I am heat and fire beneath his fingertips. His hands reach under my shirt and slowly inch up my back. His skin on my skin makes me shiver. I lift up so he can take my shirt off and fall back onto his lip. I am falling again. This time I am not afraid. Not falling is a lot scarier.
Not having this is more frightening than the fear of losing it.
By the way he’s kissing me I think he’s feeling the same thing. His lips are soft yet hard, kissing me roughly and passionately. For a moment the clothes stay on and we remain in that position, kissing each other like the other is going away. But we’re not going away. We’re finally where we want to be.
I inch my fingers under his dirty white t-shirt, struggling to get it over his head with him on his back. Once it’s gone I run my hands over his body. He hasn’t shaved his chest and there’s a thin layer of fur over it. The silky hairs caress my lips when I kiss him there. The salt on his skin makes my mouth water. He tastes so good I keep going, licking down his chest to his abs.
Beneath me Kent groans.
I slide my tongue over his abs, into his belly button, and along his happy trail. He reaches up and smears the wet trail I left all over his chest, as if there isn’t enough of me on his body.
“Rain,” he moans, as if I’m killing him.
This time I know I am.
I reach for the waistband on his ripped pajamas and he’s up immediately so I can slide them off. I grip him softly in my hand, eager to feel him. Then I put him into my mouth. Beneath me Kent grips the sheets. I suck him hard, putting as much of him as I can into my mouth. I’m mindful of my teeth and curl my lip over them, pulling his thickness inside over and over again. The taste of him has me aching.
“Don’t come,” I warn.
He growls in response.
“Come and I’ll stop. Do you want me to stop?”
He laughs in disbelief. “Never.”
“Then don’t come. Save it for me.”
I torture him a few more minutes, my own fire near dangerous levels. When I can’t take anymore, and Kent is begging me again, I get up and go to his dresser.
“Hurry, Rain.”
I kick my bottoms off along the way and reach up to unclasp my bra. My panties are the only thing on and I don’t have it in me to see if they’re sexy. I grab the box of condoms. Both are open. There’s one left in one box and five in the other. I can’t remember which is ours and which is the couch’s.
“They’re just condoms. Pick one and fuck me.”
Pig.
I pick a box and extract a condom. Kent’s mine now. It doesn’t matter which one we use as long as he uses it on me. I slide my panties down my legs with one hand and then crawl to him on the bed. I’ve never done this before, but I’ve watched him. I rip the packet open with my teeth. I roll the latex material over him, pinching the tip the way he’s done. He watches without giving me any help.
“Is that good?”
“That’s damn good.” He reaches down to inspect.
Watching him touch himself is such a turn on.
“I want you on top so I can see your face. I’ve missed it.”
One look into his eyes and my fears and insecurities are banished. I crawl over him and he takes both of my hands in his, pressing our palms together and wrapping our fingers around each other. We’re connected. I have no choice but to find him by feel. I move my body around until my entrance connects with the tip of him. I stay that way, warming myself up before I begin to slowly fill myself with him. It’s been a while. I’m tender, but the pain somehow feels worth it. I’m earning this pleasure I worked so hard for, this deeply satisfying pleasure. I move my hips over him in a circle, and then up and down, learning which way I like most. I want to touch him but he holds my hands prisoner, looking into my eyes with an unfathomable amount
of emotion in them.
He pulls me in so my chest is pressed against his and then imprisons me by locking his arms behind my back. Then he starts to lift his hips, pressing himself inside of me so deeply I can’t feel anything else but him. The sensation fills my head with a haze. My legs are spread wide on top of him and he thrusts into me fast and hard, making sure I know where he is and where he’s staying. His groans of pleasure mix with mine, creating a sound that makes me impossibly hotter. I start to match his hips, pushing down on him when he pulls out. There is a certain desperateness to our actions now, growing within the fire.
We both fly toward the sun together with our wings burning red and gold.
He suddenly rolls us over so he’s on top. “Don’t ever leave me again,” he pleads, filling me to the hilt.
I grip the sheets and succumb to his methods. Doesn’t he get it? He’s all I want. “Never, Kent.”
“I can’t stand who I am without you.” He creates an intoxicating rhythm with his hips, feeding that ache inside of me while keeping me hungry. “I’m nothing without you, Rain.” He braces his hands on either side of my head, looks into my eyes, and then takes my body for everything it’s worth.
When I crawl down from the sun he’s on top of me, breathing raggedly against my neck. His weight is pressing me into the mattress and he’s still inside of me. I wrap my legs around his waist to keep him there. Little shreds of pleasure travel through me, not quite ready to let me go.
“So you’re nothing without me, huh?” I kiss the side of his face and lick the line of sweat trailing down his temple.
“We both know it’s true.”
“I think you’re something. You should too.”
As we lie there wrapped around each other amidst the ashes there’s a knocking noise. It’s muffled through the wall, but I can clearly detect it coming from the front door.
“Can’t James get it?”
“James moved out when you did. He went back to Tampa.”
My heart falls. “He left?”
“I don’t blame him. If I could leave me I would have.”
“I’m sorry.” I look away and stare at the window. Orange sunlight seeps in through his beige curtains. “It’s Becca. I don’t want to face her right now.”
My Sweet Demise (Demise #1) Page 27