by Hazel Kelly
My eyes grew wide. How did she-?
She leaned over and put her hands on my shoulders. “You can’t fuck this up, Zo. The guy likes you. All he wants is to know if you like him back. That’s the hard part. It’s not the physical stuff. Animals can figure that out. The chemistry is the hard part. If you have it, do something about it. Life’s too short to torture yourself like this.”
“What if I kiss him, and it’s as amazing as I fear it will be?”
She threw her hands in the air. “Then we’ll have something exciting to discuss at brunch tomorrow.”
I whined as I hugged the dress against my upset stomach.
“Will you just try that on already? This conversation is making me feel guilty for spending all week hoping I might score a meaningless hook-up tonight.”
“Yeah?” I stood up and pulled my T-shirt off so I could slide the dress on over my head. “Got anyone in mind?” I wriggled out of my shorts and dragged the stretchy fabric over my hips, desperately trying to yank it down farther than it wanted to go.
“Anyone but a frat boy,” she said from inside the dress she was putting on.
“What do you have against frat boys?” I asked, opening my closet so I could look in the full-length mirror.
“It’s not the frat thing,” she said. “It’s boys in general.”
“So a fratman would be acceptable?”
“I suppose,” she said. “If that were a real thing.”
“Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Frat-Maaaaan!”
“Please don’t sing that again,” she said. “I really don’t want that stuck in my head all night.”
“Might be too late for me, unfortunately,” I said, cocking a hip in front of the mirror.
“Wow.” Her head popped over my shoulder. “I don’t think you even need to try any more on.”
“Where did you get these again?” I asked, turning around and looking over my shoulder to make sure my backside wasn’t a pile of panty lines.
“Sadie,” she said, inspecting the only pair of heels in my closet before tossing them away and crossing over to hers. “Everything in her closet is black.”
“Is that an emo thing?”
“Not exactly.”
I was about to inquire further when Nina dangled some heels in my face. “Here. Try these.”
I recognized the red bottoms instantly. “Wait, are these-?”
“Fake,” she said. “TJ’s.”
“Right.” I bent over, slid them on, and found my footing again in front of the mirror. “If I fall in these, I’m going to moon the whole party.”
“So don’t fall,” she said. “Just stand there looking fucking fierce.”
“I suppose I do look pretty good.” I let my eyes fall down the dress, which gathered flatteringly at my waist before hugging my hips all the way to the tops of my thighs. “Not like myself, but definitely hotter than I would’ve looked without your help.”
Nina pulled the cap sleeves of my dress down off my shoulders. “Do you have a strapless bra?”
I nodded and smoothed my hands over my stomach one last time.
“Perfect.”
“Why do you think he didn’t invite me tonight?” I asked quietly.
“Who knows,” she said. “Why don’t you ask him looking like that? See if he can even speak.”
T W E N T Y F O U R
- Logan -
Even Carter’s fancy headphones couldn’t block out the noise from the party downstairs.
Not that I was surprised. The fact that it almost got canceled practically guaranteed that it was going to be wilder than ever. But in the end, the sororities we talked to said just because the average Hollywood exec didn’t know right from wrong didn’t mean we shouldn’t all keep playing dress-up on the other side of the country.
Even so, our president called an emergency meeting to remind us that if we wanted to keep being the house the hot sororities wanted to party with, we needed to keep our hands to ourselves and be extra respectful. Otherwise, he threatened, we’d all end up holding our own dicks at the end of the night and for the rest of our college careers.
Needless to say, his comments painted a sad picture that no one wanted to see become reality.
I was doing my part, though. After all, there was no way I was damaging our reputation from the confines of my room. If only figuring out what I wanted in a website wasn’t proving so difficult. I was nearly cross-eyed from clicking between open tabs at this point.
Admittedly, getting a site up wasn’t urgent since I was selling just enough pieces by word of mouth these days that it wasn’t interfering with my course work. Still, I knew I had to be proactive if I wanted to have a fully-fledged business by the time I graduated.
Fuck struggling paycheck to paycheck with no plan like my dad. I wanted to be a business owner like Mr. Petersen, earning enough money to not only create jobs, but to ensure I could feed my family, no matter how big of one I wanted.
I ran my fingers through my hair, wondering if his little girl was downstairs dressed up like a ho. Would he be ashamed of me for what I did the last time I saw her, for what I still wanted to do?
I took a swig of bottled beer and raised my eyebrows when Carter poked his head in my room.
His lips moved, but I couldn’t make sense of what he was saying.
He gestured for me to take my headphones off.
“What’s up?” I asked, pulling them halfway down my neck.
“Just wanted to let you know we’re having a party downstairs.”
I scowled at him. “By the sound of things, everyone from here to Beijing knows we’re having a party downstairs.”
“The Chi O’s just showed up in matching red dresses.”
I forced a smile.
“Might as well be a bunch of bull flags.”
“Glad things are going well.”
“Are you really not going to come down?” he asked.
“Nope.”
“Not even to see Zoey?”
My throat closed up, but I tried to keep my expression steady.
“I hadn’t noticed the pins she’s been hiding till she strolled in on those heels.”
“Don’t fucking look at her.”
“Oh, I’m not,” he said, placing a hand on his chest. “Out of respect for you.”
“Good.”
“But I can’t do shit about the sixty guys downstairs that don’t know she’s off-limits.”
I leaned back in my chair. “You’re just trying to get a rise out of me.”
He scoffed. “Why would I do that when I can go get a rise out of your sister’s skirt with half the effort?”
“Fuck this shit,” I said, tossing his headphones on the desk and storming down the hall. Now I was pissed. Just because I didn’t want to see Zoey getting leered at didn’t mean it was okay to sit back and let it happen.
I stepped up to the part of the landing that overlooked the main hall and looked down at the sea of partygoers. Every girl was dressed in skimpy clothes and heavy makeup, and every guy was dressed like an idiot, mostly in cheap, shiny shirts and fur-lined jackets. Some were even wearing cheesy top hats in different colors from neon orange to zebra stripes.
With each moment I couldn’t find her, I felt my heart rate surge. Just let her be okay, I thought. Just let me see that she’s okay.
“By the fireplace,” Carter’s voice said over my shoulder.
My eyes found her a second later, and I had to do a double take. She was wearing so much makeup she didn’t even look like herself. She looked hot, though. Dangerously hot. And far less innocent than I knew she was. I let my eyes fall to her bare shoulders and admired how sexy the dip of her collarbone looked even from far away.
I couldn’t see how short her dress was, though. There were too many people- too many guys- surrounding her and Nina where they were wedged against the wall, separated from the horny predators by nothing except the red Solo cups they held in their hands.
Fuck.
“Yeah.” I stared at her glossy red lips, remembering how it felt to have them so close to mine and realizing the kiss I’d wanted to give her was still on the tip of my tongue.
Her eyes found mine a moment later, and she stared back at me.
I waited for a smile, but it didn’t come. Instead, she just watched me from behind her heavy lashes, like I was someone who looked familiar, someone she used to know. Then she turned back to the conversation she was having and lit up again.
“Ouch,” Carter said. “What the hell did you do to deserve that?”
I didn’t answer him, and I didn’t take my eyes off her either. I let the rest of the room blur instead and kept watching her without blinking. Maybe she could ignore my attention, but she certainly couldn’t escape it. We had unfinished business.
Unfinished business that urgently needed to be dealt with.
But with every moment she didn’t look back at me, my chest constricted, and I became increasingly worried that I’d driven her away. That I’d misread her every word, her every breath.
If I touched her like that- wanted her like that- when it wasn’t what she wanted, I would never forgive myself.
I didn’t even give a shit anymore that she hurt me. My feelings didn’t matter.
She mattered.
She was fucking everything.
And seeing her again made me remember how much I cared for her, how much this wasn’t about me and my chipped shoulder. How much I wanted to make her happy.
Or at least, see her happy. Even if it was without me.
Even if it killed me.
And right when I felt like my head might explode from the frustration coursing through my temples, right when my knuckles had gripped the banister so tight and for so long that my hands started to cramp, right when I’d nearly convinced myself that I let us both down terribly, she looked up again with wide eyes.
And mouthed “hi.”
And in that moment, it was as if the sun had peeked through the clouds, changing everything.
T W E N T Y F I V E
- Zoey -
I couldn’t read his face from so far away, couldn’t tell whether he was happy to see me or whether he was angry I showed up uninvited.
Even after I tried to say hello, his expression was stoic, but I guessed it wouldn’t be long before I knew how he felt because he tore his grip from the balcony and headed for the stairs.
With every step he descended, my heart rate increased. I knew in my bones he was coming for me, and I was as relieved as I was nervous. His eyes found mine again when he turned on the landing of the wraparound staircase. He stood out in his flannel shirt, the only guy at the party who wasn’t dressed up in a tacky costume.
Nina elbowed me, jolting me from my trace. “Derek asked you a question?” she said, nodding towards the guys we were talking to.
I couldn’t even remember which one was Derek. I’d been thinking about Logan since the second we walked through the doors, since before that even. I parted my lips to speak but stopped when I saw him making his way through the crowd, his eyes on me like I might disappear if he blinked.
He was only pushing his way past drunk students, but he could’ve been slaying dragons for the swelling hope his imminent arrival was triggering in my chest.
Finally, he arrived, ignoring everyone and stepping up to me.
I could tell something was on his mind and was waiting as patiently as I could to hear what it was.
But he didn’t say a word.
He just tilted my chin up and kissed me hard, as if acting on the momentum he’d gained stalking me across the room. It wasn’t a tender kiss, more of a clashing of lips, and I didn’t even have time to take a breath before he did it.
In a split second, he went from crushing his wet lips against mine to pulling my hair back so he could open my mouth wider, causing my stomach to drop right through the floor. By the time he was holding my face in his hands, my tongue had surrendered to him, and with every twirl of his, I grew dizzier.
“Come upstairs with me,” he said, his eyes dark with desire as he continued to ignore everyone around us.
It took a moment for me to register that he was speaking English, that I was supposed to respond. I lowered my voice, “I need to think about this for a second.” Could I even walk in heels after that? I struggled to get around in them when I wasn’t intoxicated by attacks of unforeseen passion.
“You already have,” he said, grabbing my hand and turning back towards the stairs.
His grip on my hand was tight, as if he were a caveman dragging me back to his dwelling. I glanced over my shoulder at Nina, whose face was lifted in a knowing smile. Like she was rooting for me. Like she wasn’t half as shocked as I was at what just happened.
“Slow down,” I said. “I can’t walk that fast in these shoes.”
Logan glanced back at my feet. “Where are your boots?”
“Nina said hos don’t wear Docs.”
“You’re not a ho,” he said, starting up the stairs.
“I look like one, though, don’t I?” I asked, stopping on the landing.
His eyes looked me up and down, and when they arrived at the bottom of my dress, his mouth twitched as if it were watering. “No,” he said, finding my eyes again.
“Really?” I cocked a hip. “Because I made a real effort.”
He scanned the sea of guests in the great hall below. “C’mon,” he said, leading the way again.
I had to hurry to keep up with him, my heels pounding the worn carpet in the upstairs hall as I followed him to his room, my mind racing even faster than my feet. What did he have planned? Why was I following him if I didn’t know? Why had he kissed me like that and was he going to do it again?
When I stepped in his room, he closed the door and backed me against it, planting his hands over my shoulders but not coming any closer.
“What’s going on?” I asked, unsure if he would even answer.
“I owe you an apology,” he said, hanging his head.
My stomach knotted, and I imagined the worst. That he would apologize for kissing me. Say it was a mistake.
His eyes climbed my body so slowly I felt naked.
“What is it?” I whispered, my heart thumping against my chest.
“I thought that would fix everything.”
“I don’t understand.”
His eyes met mine. “I hoped- part of me hoped- that I would kiss you and feel nothing. That you would feel nothing. That this thing between us… that it would go away.”
I swallowed.
“I thought maybe we’d be cured. I thought maybe I only wanted you because I couldn’t have you.”
“And?” I asked, my eyes on his mouth.
“I still want you,” he said, dragging one of his thumbs across my bottom lip. “If anything, I’m more determined to have you than ever.”
“Logan-”
“What did you feel?” he asked. “If you say nothing-”
“No.”
He raised his brows.
“Closer to everything.”
His shoulders dropped with an exhale, and he leaned off the door, straightening up before me.
“But maybe we should try again to be sure.”
His mouth curved into a smile. “How do you like it?” he asked, inching closer.
“Umm.”
He lifted my chin with his fingers and dropped his attention to my lips. “I realize I probably wasn’t as gentle as I should’ve been back there but-”
“No. But it was perfect.”
His palm slid across my cheek, and his fingers sank into my hair. “Show me.”
My breath hitched in my throat as he slid his other hand along my waist.
“I promise I’ll kiss you back,” he said, his eyes daring me.
I was too high from his touch to think, too full of desire to question my gut. “Okay.”
His normally kind eyes were f
ull of primitive lust. “Anytime, princess.”
I leaned forward slowly, closing my eyes when my lips were a whisper away from his.
He responded gently at first and followed my lead, but a moment later, he sucked my tongue into his mouth and pulled me to him so suddenly he nearly lifted me off my feet.
Somehow, I relaxed into his rhythm, melting into him more with every flick of his tongue. As I felt his hard-on swell against me, my fists clenched the fabric of his sleeves and my body gushed for him.
We both gasped for air sometime later, our serious expressions breaking into wide smiles, which gave way to nervous laughter that left our cheeks flushed and our eyes wide and incredulous.
“We’re fucked now, aren’t we?” I asked when he sat on the end of his bed and put his elbows on his knees.
“Yeah,” he said, lifting his face. “Totally fucked.”
T W E N T Y S I X
- Logan -
We stayed like that for an eternity.
Zoey, leaning against my bedroom door, and me, perched on the end of the bed with my face in my hands.
I glanced up at her when I saw her remove her shoes, revealing light pink toenails. “Where did you get that dress?”
“Do you like it?”
I’d like it better on my floor, I thought, keeping the comment to myself. After all, she was too good for clichéd innuendos, too good to even be at a party like this. Hell, she was too good for me, but I wanted her so bad I didn’t want to dwell on that, didn’t even want to question why she kissed me back.
When I didn’t answer her, she yanked the short hem further down her thighs.
“You want the truth?” I asked.
“Of course.”
“I like it in private.”
Her brow furrowed. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I don’t like other guys seeing you looking so…”
“So what?”
“Fuckable.”
She pressed her lips together.
“Sorry to be blunt.”
“Is that why you didn’t invite me to this thing?” she asked. “Because you didn’t want to see me dressed up?”
“I like you dressed down,” I said. “I like when you look comfortable.”