by Destiny, Sam
“Get up,” I demanded, standing, but he didn’t budge.
“No…”
“Hayden, please. You have a son to take care of,” I reminded him. That finally seemed to get through to him. He blinked at me, then struggled to his feet, almost falling again. Dale, another colleague of his, and Knox were by his side instantly, steadying him.
I’d never been more grateful for people showing up as mere support as I was at that moment.
Sarah handed Cory back to me as we all made our way back to the car, Dale and Knox flanking Hayden, just in case. “Jesus, how can you stand seeing him like that, Katie? It shatters me, yet I’m not as close to him as you are.”
I started to reply when a woman hurried past us and grabbed Hayden’s jacket, pulling him back. I quickly handed the baby back to Sarah, hoping there wasn’t going to be trouble.
“You don’t get to leave, you filthy liar!” the woman screamed, beating against Hayden’s chest. It took a moment before he focused on her while we all stood around, frozen in shock.
“I’m not a liar,” he muttered, his voice gentle.
“You said you weren’t the father. You should’ve just married her, made a decent girl out of her, but no! You wanted to steal yourself away, didn’t you? You’re nothing but a pathetic excuse for a man!”
Leah’s mother. Has to be. I’d missed her in the hospital because she’d been led away before I’d joined the doctor at Leah’s side.
I reached for her. “Mrs. Wilson, I don’t think you should be—”
For someone who looked so fragile, she had a lot of strength when she pushed me away, catching me off-guard and causing me to stumble. My palms hit the wet pavement, pain radiating in my hands. When I lifted them, I saw stones embedded in my skin.
She stood over me, sneering. “Who in the world are you? His girlfriend? The reason he refused to admit that he’s Cory’s father? You’re no better than—”
“You should shut your mouth, and if you touch Katie one more time, I guarantee you’ll never see your grandson again.” Hayden’s voice, empty before, now sounded cold and hard, leaving no doubt he meant what he’d said.
He knelt in front of me, ignoring the raging woman behind him, taking my hands in his and gently brushing his thumbs over the scratches, making me wince. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. Let’s get you home and pick those stones out.”
He helped me up, tugging me into his side before he looked around and held his arm out for Cory. Smiling, Sarah placed him in the crock of his elbow. He gathered the boy close, pressing his lips to my forehead. When we reached the car, I opened the door so he could strap Cory in. Hayden and I were both soaked, but amazingly, Sarah had kept the boy dry and warm. I’d have to thank her for that.
We waved to Dale, Knox, Sarah, and Clare, then I turned the car back onto the road. Hayden grasped my fingers, being careful to stay away from my palm, but stayed silent. I wondered what to expect when we got back to his place.
* * *
HAYDEN
I placed Cory in his bed, making sure his diaper was dry, then slipped out of my wet clothes, showered, and put on fresh sweats and a t-shirt before taking my son back out of bed. He was awake and cooing softly, which made me smile.
Carrying him downstairs, I spotted Katie in the kitchen. I had taken care of her palms right after we got home, so her hands were bandaged. She was brewing something. I’d almost say tea, but I knew I didn’t have any. Or had we bought some when we went shopping that first night? She looked at me, as if expecting me to say something, but I didn’t know what.
Leah was gone, and it tore me apart. She’d been my second half for as long as I could remember.
“Did you love her?”
Katie’s words made me pause. I shifted Cory until he rested comfortably against my shoulder, then I turned back to her. “Love her?” I asked in a soft voice, then cleared my throat. “She was my best friend.”
“Yes, but…” She shrugged. “I don’t know, Hay. What happened earlier was intense.”
If I were being honest, I could hardly remember what had happened. The funeral was a blur. In fact, the whole day was.
Leah was in the ground, that much I knew, which meant she’d never come back. I had no idea how often I’d have to remind myself of that before it really settled in.
“No buts. Leah was my best friend. We’d been through the shitty teenage years together. She was what kept me in check. Did I want to hold her, kiss her, and get her naked?” I paused, looking inside myself again. I already knew the answer, though. “No, I didn’t. We tried that once. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t exactly pleasurable, either. Leah was the kind of friend you’d confide in when you had a wet dream.”
My throat closed. I exhaled slowly before licking my lips. “Whenever she had a new crush, we’d talk about him. We had no secrets. I knew which guys rocked in bed and which didn’t, and she knew which girls just pretended to be a prude but really weren’t. She was like a sister to me. And I mean that. I loved her, but not the way you think I did. If you don’t see that guys and girls can just be friends, I don’t know what to tell you.” I shook my head and stalked out of the kitchen.
“Hayden,” Katie called after me, but I didn’t stop, didn’t go back to her. Instead, I went into the living room and sat down on the couch, placing Cory on my lap.
How could a person be so tiny? To imagine he’d be as tall as me one day, grown up, probably a hit with the ladies—after all, I was going to raise him right—was crazy, nearly impossible.
His head turned red and he started to fuss. Lifting him up again, I sniffed him.
Nope.
Next, I held the knuckle of my little finger between his lips and he instantly started sucking.
Hungry.
Placing him against my shoulder, I walked back into the kitchen, glad when I found it empty. As much as Katie’s presence was soothing, most of the time, I needed to do this alone.
Cory was my responsibility, no one else’s. I found the formula and a bottle. As much as I had trouble opening everything with him in my arms, I eventually had the bottle filled with water and placed it in the bottle heater. Once I thought it was the right temperature, I put in the formula, closed the bottle, and shook it until everything had dissolved and incorporated.
Placing Cory in the crock of my arm, I held the bottle to his lips and watched as he drank.
This was easy. I could do this. I could focus on him and not think of anything else. Watch him, change him, feed him… I could do all that.
But what would I do when he was sleeping?
Well, I could always take a walk with him. Kids needed a lot of fresh air, right? I thought I remembered hearing something like that.
I scent of vanilla hit my nose and I looked up, finding a freshly showered Katie standing in the kitchen doorway.
Her eyes were weary. I knew my harshness earlier had hurt her, but I didn’t see any reason to apologize. Instead, I focused back on Cory.
“I got it, Katie. I’ll manage. You can go home. I appreciate your help, but I don’t think I need it any longer.”
In fact, I felt the need to get her out of my house. She was a constant reminder of the fact that Leah was gone.
She stepped closer. “I think you do,” she said carefully.
I glared at her. “You don’t know me, Katie. You don’t know anything about me, and you proved earlier that you don’t know anything about Leah and me, either, so don’t pretend. You have no idea what I do and don’t need. I appreciate all you’ve done, but I don’t need you in the house another minute.”
“Hayden—”
“I’m his fucking father and can take care of him!” I roared, causing Cory to jump. Instantly, I lowered my voice. “I don’t need anyone. I don’t need you, or his grandmother, or anyone else. Unless you can bring Leah back, you can just leave.”
She closed her eyes, not moving. I gritted my teeth when Cory started whimpering. “It’s oka
y, little man. I’m sorry. Daddy isn’t mad at you. Daddy’s just mad at the world…and the woman who just doesn’t understand she needs to leave.” I cooed at him until he eventually calmed down again.
“It’s the grief talking,” Katie finally said. I glanced at her, seeing silent tears on her cheeks. I lowered my eyes back to my son.
The bottle was empty, but he enjoyed the suckling. It usually helped him fall asleep, so I didn’t pull it away.
“You know, there was always something about you that just prevented me from talking to you. I think it was subconsciously knowing you and I aren’t a good match.”
Katie gasped, then cleared her throat. “This has nothing to do with us being anything. This is about you and me being—”
I shook my head and placed the empty bottle on the kitchen counter, then passed her on my way to the stairs. “There’s no you and me, Katie. I think Cory and I both need to rest. You know where the door is.”
With that, I made my way upstairs, not caring if she left or not.
KATIE
Two weeks later, I went back to work, my heart shattered. I knew exactly why Hayden had acted the way he did, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t hurt. He hadn’t apologized, and when I’d gone back to his house to check on him the next day, he didn’t open the door.
Hell, I’d even stood across the street until I saw him moving around the house. The fear of him having done something stupid was just too big, and no matter how he acted, I cared about him. Hell, I had from the moment he’d opened the door that fateful night.
“You look distracted.”
I glanced up, seeing my colleague, Tracy, take the seat across from me.
She was one of the few I worked with almost every shift. The hospital had a policy of changing up teams because they thought it was the easiest way to avoid relationships among the staff, but since doctors and nurses often worked longer than their designated shifts, you couldn’t really stop people from having quickies.
“I’m fine.”
She arched a brow. “Right. You haven’t been fine since you returned from those days off helping the newly single dad. What was his name? Kaden?”
“Hayden.” Just saying his name made me want to call him, even knowing he wouldn’t answer. I didn’t even know why I cared.
She nodded. “Hayden… So, what’s his deal?”
I cocked my head. “Besides his dead best friend?”
Her eyes clouded and she swallowed. “Yeah, I guess that would be enough to kick anyone over. So you stayed with him and helped with the baby?”
I sighed. I’d been stupid, hopeful, and started to crush on a broken man. “Yes. I showed him the ropes with Cory and also offered him mental support, but he didn’t want it for long. The day of the funeral, he kicked me out. Now it’s just him and the baby in the house.”
I could almost imagine how deadly silent it was whenever Cory slept. God, I couldn’t believe Hayden was hiding away in that house. I stood, starting to pace, while Tracy placed her feet on the chair I’d just vacated.
“You just left? I mean… You know the stages of grief. We probably know better than anyone because we see it all the damn time. What if… What if…”
Even she couldn’t finish the sentence I didn’t dare think about.
I swallowed. “Cory is the only thing he has left of his best friend. I don’t think he’d risk hurting him. In fact, I think he might be the only thing getting him through each day.” I hope.
Tracy leaned forward, her eyes imploring. “How do you know? I mean, have you spoken to him?”
I paused in my pacing, rubbing the back of my hand across my forehead. “He refuses to see me, and the way I understand it, he hasn’t spoken to Knox or Dale, either.” I knew how it sounded, knew what Tracy was going to suggest even before she said it.
“He is high risk for suicide and has an infant in that house, Katie,” she stated, her voice angry, but I couldn’t change the fact that he shut me out.
“I-I might have…” I furrowed my brows, wondering how best to phrase this without sounding creepy. “I might have stayed in front of his house until I saw him moving around. He and Cory seem to be okay.” At least that was what I’d deducted from their shadows.
Tracy raised a brow. “And stalking him is better than trying to force him to talk to you?”
Before I got a chance to reply, her beeper went off, for which I was grateful—even if it meant there was another emergency in the hospital.
I was done talking about Hayden and my worries anyway.
* * *
HAYDEN
There were beer bottles and empty takeout containers everywhere, but I couldn’t care less. The only pristine room was the bedroom…and that was only because Cory slept in there with me.
The kitchen needed a good scrubbing, too, but when it came to his things, everything was clean. I’d never allow Cory to suffer because of my misery. The need to call Leah had finally lessened, but that didn’t change the fact that I missed her.
Her parents came over almost daily, banging on the door and demanding to see their grandson. The way I looked, the way my house looked, I couldn’t let them in. I’d probably have child services on my ass sooner than I could blink.
I knelt next to the bathtub, carefully bathing Cory as he lay in his baby tub. He’d made a mess, shitting not only his diapers, but his legs and back. As much as I found it disgusting—hell, who wouldn’t?—I enjoyed the way he wiggled, cooing. He loved being in the water, and I loved seeing him smile. I’d read that, technically, they didn’t consciously smile until later, but that didn’t matter.
I was certain my boy was smiling at me.
Once I had him back in clean clothes, I saw his eyes slowly starting to close. He was exhausted, and I wasn’t the least bit surprised. Seemed being an infant was hard work.
I kissed his forehead and placed him in his crib, turning on the baby monitor before walking back downstairs. Blowing out a breath, I sat on the couch and reached for another bottle of beer, watching daylight start to dwindle outside the window. I wouldn’t get drunk, but I needed something to take the edge off the pain, and beer was a good alternative.
I took out my phone and flipped through a few sites about baby care, but I didn’t really see them. Other than an occasional car passing outside, the house was utterly silent.
Dropping my phone onto the coffee table, I ran my hands across the hair on my chin. I’d meant to shave days ago, then again a few days later, but now… I just didn’t care anymore.
Cory liked to grip the hairs, and whenever he pulled, the pain let me know I hadn’t died alongside Leah.
Plus, the day I’d meant to shave had also been the same day I’d wanted to go apologize to Katie.
I knew exactly what had gotten into me the day of the funeral, but that didn’t mean I felt bad for what I’d done to her.
I did today, couldn’t have cared less yesterday, and tomorrow? No idea.
When I heard a soft knock on the door, I decided to ignore it. Leah’s parents never knocked softly, and…
Katie.
The only person who knocked softly had been Katie. I had heard her previously, had stood next to the door while she demanded I open up, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know what she’d see, didn’t know what to say.
I was tempted to step up to the window and see if I could catch a glimpse of her. Just one. I missed her. Missed her quiet presence in the house, missed having her there when I needed a hug.
The knocking didn’t cease. Finally, I forced myself to my feet, downing the beer before opening the door.
While Katie stood there, she wasn’t alone. Both women gasped.
“Fuck, Hayden. You look like shit.” Sarah drew me into her arms and hugged me tightly.
Even with Sarah in my arms, my eyes were on Katie. She stood on the porch, unsure what to do or say. I couldn’t make it better because I didn’t know what to say, either.
I was more sorry than she could imagi
ne, but I wasn’t sure I could handle having anyone around. I was usually angry lately, more than just a little, and I knew if she stuck around, she’d be the one taking the brunt of it.
“You stink,” Sarah announced and stepped back.
I didn’t even react. The hurt in Katie’s eyes was obvious, but damn, I needed her to hug me.
I opened my arms, giving her the choice. “You heard it. I stink, but—”
She didn’t even let me finish before she rushed into my arms, her head tucked under my chin. “I was so damn worried,” she whispered as I squeezed her tightly.
“It’s a mess in here, Hayden,” Sarah stated, ignoring the profound moment Katie and I were sharing. “You have to clean this up.”
Reluctantly, I let go of Katie, then turned to Sarah. “What the hell do you care how it looks in here? I didn’t invite you to come over, did I?” This was my house. How I lived in it was my decision.
Katie touched my arm. “She doesn’t mean it to be insulting, Hay, but if you don’t clean up, you could lose everything,” she whispered. Her words chilled me, yet I arched a brow at the two women standing in my hall.
“Could I? All I have left is Cory.” When they both stayed silent, it settled in that was exactly what they meant. My eyes widened. “Wait. He’s mine. She put it in the papers, so no one can come and question it.”
Sarah stepped forward, hands raised as if she were talking to a cornered animal. Maybe she was. “Calm down, Hayden.”
I wanted to scream, and rage, and kick them out, even though I’d been happy to have Katie here a second ago. I hated these mood swings, but what the hell could a man do?
“How about you go take a shower, then we can talk when you come back down?” Katie suggested, but I didn’t want a damn shower. I wanted to know what was going on. “Listen, nothing will happen tonight. Please. Go shower, put on fresh clothes, then we’ll talk.”
I finally sighed and gave in. After all, the women clearly wouldn’t say anything until I was clean again.