Soulshine

by J W Rocque

  “He offered to pay for his treatment in cash,” said Hugo, “and wishes to be discharged tonight. But there is still a lot of diagnosis, research, treatment and healing left to accomplish first. It is highly suspicious that he wants to leave in his condition.”

  Linda pondered the situation. “Doctors, we"ll proceed as I said we would. Keep me abreast on the patient"s demeanor. If I need to contact the authorities sooner rather than later, I will do so.”

  August, 1953 Edward Thomas woke as the sunlight poured into the window near his bed. It was time to move on. It was already decided that today would be the day. In his mind, he wondered if he should finally stop the endless rambling. The Midwest was pleasant. He liked doing odd jobs on the farm, and getting paid under the table definitely had its advantages for him. It was becoming increasingly difficult to find places that provided room and board as well as work for income without having to provide legal working documents. But enough people had seen him around town for years. He had to leave before he had to answer to the suspicions that were sure to come.

  As Edward packed his belongings and prepared once again to steal away before anyone could spot him, he paused and clutched the small glass container in his hand. It was no bigger than an after-shave lotion bottle. He thought of Debbie, the farmer"s daughter. I owe her at least a hug and a goodbye.

  Edward looked out the window of his loft above the barn and saw Debbie walking out of the farmhouse. That was sometimes her strategic method of catchingEdward"s eye as he prepared to make his way down the steps to the barn and begin the morning"s chores. Edward drew a deep breath, put the bottle among his other belongings inside his duffle bag, slung the bag over his shoulder, and made his descent to the lower level.

  Debbie made her move into the barn as she heard Edward"s footsteps on the wooden steps. She expected him to be ready to start his chores as he usually did on any other day. She had a way of convincing Edward to postpone his work responsibilities in favor of some early morning fun. Usually, the memory of the previous evening was fresh in both of their minds, and the anticipation of the following night"s plans was generally the foremost topic of conversation.

  “Hey there , stranger,” flirted Debbie, kind of surprised to see Edward coming out of the barn with a duffle bag instead of staying inside the barn to get his work done early, as was his habit. Edward could not help but look at how much Debbie had grown in the past four years. She was not yet twelve when he first entered town. She was starting to develop as he started hanging around with her a couple of years later. Now she sported a beautiful body on the brink of sixteen. They had been good friends for the last two years. “Are you going somewhere this morning?”

  “Well,” managed Edward, “I was planning to see you before I took off for the day.”

  “Aren"t you going to work for Daddy today?”

  “Uh… no… I have something else I need to do today.” Edward knew that Debbie"s father would be away from the farm all day.

  “Oh? Daddy never mentioned anything to me. That"s odd.”

  “Well… uh… you know… I don"t think I got the chance to let him know.”

  “Well, I was hoping we could fool around in the hay before you started working. Especially with Daddy not around and Mom always busy inside the house.”

  The idea was tempting to Edward. It certainly would not be the first such romp between the two of them. “Oh, Deb, I needed to talk to you about...”

  “And if we shut the barn doors, we could try doing it naked if you want.”

  Edward closed his eyes and envisioned the scene. They had come dangerously close to doing just that a couple of months earlier. This was Debbie"s way of trying to changeEdward"s plans. She was extremely good ataccomplishing that. “Debbie, you"re not even sixteen yet.”

  “Yeah… so? But how old do I look?”

  “Um… somewhat older. But anything short of eighteen can get me in all sorts of trouble, and if we take all our clothes off, where do you think that will leadus?”

  “All the way, I guess.” Debbie was ready. Before Edward and she started seeing each other, another older boy had shown her the ropes.

  “Deb, I"m over twenty now!”

  “It doesn"t bother me. If I wanted a sixteen-year-old boy, I would go out and get one. Besides, if you are worried about getting into trouble, it certainly won"t come from Daddy. You"re the first guy I ever took home that he actually ever liked. He told me so.”

  “That"s because, except for numerous close encounters with you in the barn, I"ve never given him cause to hate me. But listen, Deb… I need to go take care of some personal matters. God, you"re making this difficult for me. I really wanted to give you a kiss and a hug…” Edward gave a heavy sigh. “…and tell you that I mustbe going… and what I need to do may mean I probably will not be back. I want you to enjoy your youth, Debbie. There"s someone else for you. I know it.”

  “No way! Why? What came up? Are you dumping me?”

  “No, please don"t put it that way. I do like you.”

  “You like me?”

  “Yeah… like.”

  “I thought that we…”

  “Look… Deb… you are growing into a young woman and…”

  “That"s a bad thing? Would you have preferred I stayed thirteen? How about twelve? You liked me better when I was a kid.”

  “Deb… as you get older, you will probably want someone who can commit himself to you.”

  “So you"re saying I"m too old for you? My God, you are pathetic and extremely vain if you are concerned about that. So let"s see if I got it all straight. You want your girls to stay young and when they mature, you move on to look for the next naïve little kid with a crush who will fall all over you until she gets older and looks for a commitment. Is that about it?”

  “I may not be thinking commitment, but I"m not thinking of meeting the next woman… or girl… either. Deb, you are not making this any easier. I think it would be best if we forego the romp in the hay, I"ll give you a kiss and a hug, and then I"ll be on my way.”

  “Keep the kiss and the hug, andjust say goodbye.”

  “Please don"t be mad.”

  “Are youeven going to call me? Or write me?”

  “If I call you or write to you, you will only want to keep the relationship going. You need to move on and live. I didn"t want to hurt you.”

  Edward gave her an unwelcome hug before leaving the yard. Debbie started crying as soon as he stepped off the property. Edward heard her but fought the temptation to look back.

  May, 1967 “Two special ly made ice cream sodas coming up!” said Evan as Michelle looked adoringly at him as he scooped the ice cream into the tall glasses.

  “I thought you were going to beoff duty,” she said with a bit of disappointment. Michelle envisioned an afternoon of undivided attention from Evan.

  “Oh, I am officially off duty. But when it comes to you, I want to make sure the sodas aremade with love.”

  Michelle blushed. She could hardly believe that the sincere kindness she had showed toward Evan was being returned so quickly. Not that anything was going according to some personally devised plan of her doing. Yes, she liked Evan a lot, but her kindness had been an altruistic kindness, the product of a natural sweetness she possessed. That sweet nature had won Evan over. She did not have to try hard to please him.

  Evan had never met anyone quite like Michelle. He fell so in love with her, it was hard to imagine Michelle ever evolving into womanhood. On the one hand, her maturity and lack of childish silliness made it intriguing to envision her as a lovely adult some day. On the other hand, Evan felt it a shame to imagine that her sweet youthful innocence would someday be gone. Oh, she would probably always possess a wonderful sweetness, like her mother, but Evan had seen enough negative changes in people after entering into adulthood to want to capture this particular moment forever.

  “Michelle, the ice cream is rather hard. What do you say we sit and talk for a while. It will give it a chance t
o melt. In a few minutes, I"ll add the soda. You like root beer, right?”

  “Of course. It"s what I always buy. You remember everything.”

  Evan stepped out from behind the counter and led Michelle to the corner booth. “There"s something I need to ask you.”

  Michelle detected a seriousness in Evan"s voice. It made her feel nervous, but also somewhat wonderful if her detection meant that Evan was truly interested in her. She could not utter a word, just a weak “Mm-hmm?”

  Evan put his hand on Michelle"s shoulder to get her to sit. Then he sat across from her and took her hand. “Michelle, I would be perfectly happy being with you forever. The age difference doesn"t bother me. Does it bother you?”

  Michelle"s heart was pounding because she was hearing the words she longed to hear from Evan. “Um… no… no, not at all.”

  “Good,” Evan smiled. “I just wanted to get your answer before I served the sodas. I hope you didn"t find that strange. I just wanted your undivided attention. I… I didn"t know how you"d feel about having to deal with comments from family… particularly your father… and friends. I mean… if you really want to go to school dances or anyplacewhere your friends are, I don"t mind.”

  “That"s okay, Evan, and very nice of you, but I"m happy just to be with you. I don"t need to go to school dances. I wouldn"t put you through that.”

  “Whatever you wish. We only need to convince your parents that we love each other enough to be satisfied to wait before we ever… um… I don"t know how to put it in words you can understand.”

  “Have sex?”

  “You"re not as innocent as you look.”

  Michelle was getting more relaxed. “Evan, I"m not completely in the dark. I have no idea what it"s like, but I do know that I can trust you that you will only ever ask me to do it when you know that I am ready.”

  “Michelle, you are worth all the gold I ever held in my hands. Let me ask you something. I feel like we could just be like this forever. I love you just the way you are. Do you feel the same way?”

  “Yes, I do. But it"s fun to imagine growing up and being with you. In a few years, our age difference won"t even matter.”

  “Yes, it is funny how society wants to make you feel ashamed for being with someone who is younger or older if it crosses that society"s defining chasm between childhood and adulthood. So you look forward to adulthood?”

  “Sure.”

  “But… but you"re happy with who you currently are, aren"t you?”

  “Sure… it"s just something that"s fun to think about. You know… growing up.”

  Evan wanted to say that growing up was not all that great, but thought better of it. Why confuse Michelle at this point? He just wanted to make sure that he was about to do the right thing. The right thing? What is the right thing for her? For us? He needed to throw out one more feeler. “Let"s say we could be like this… like we are today… forever. Would you be happy?”

  “Sure, but that"s impossible, so why bring it up?”

  “I don"t know. I have an overactive imagination, I guess.” Evan was stumbling over his words when Michelle changed the subject.

  “Hey… we got the Beatles" new album yesterday.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah… it"s really good. Do you like the Beatles?”

  “Sure. You don"t need to be a young girl to see them as musical pioneers. They brought a whole new sound to the world. So… do you have a favorite song?”

  “I want to hold your hand.”

  “That"s a good song… one of the early ones.”

  “No, Evan. You let go of my hand when you started talking. I… want you to hold it again.” Michelle could hardly believe her boldness, but Evan"s warmth put her at ease. As their hands again joined together, she said, “I really don"t have one favorite song. I like them all. How about you?”

  “Michelle.”

  “Yes?”

  “That"s the name of the song. What other song could I possibly love to hear more?”

  Michelle smiled shyly as she rolled her eyes and said, “Oh… yeah.”

  “So… you think you would be happy if somehow we just stayed this way.” Evan could not say it as a question again. He purposely uttered it as a statement, more to convince himself of Michelle"s approval. He tried to envision her at eighteen… then twenty-one… even twenty-four… but Evan was fixated on the vision sitting across the table from him… that of a sweet, innocent, beautiful girl of thirteen… and that vision superseded all other images. “Oh… let me finish preparing those sodas.”

  Evan took care in mixing the ice cream sodas. It felt odd to finally open the vial that had lain dormant for centuries. He often wondered about its ability to retain the potency of perhaps the most fascinating liquid devised by man. He could only hope that it did. Then he returned to the booth where Michelle waited. “Here you are, sweetie.” Michelle thoroughly enjoyed the soda and the company. They talked for two more hours. Much of the conversation centered around hopes and dreams, as they dared to make plans years in advance. Evan could not help but stare repeatedly at the twinkle in Michelle"s soft green eyes. Her short, wavy brown hair had a honey-colored hue in the light of the sundry shop, and the tiny freckles on her cheeks completed the perfect picture inEvan"s eyes. Michelle"s intense crush on Evan made her feel that she was inside one of her own dreams. Their first kiss, weeks back, was quick and unexpected. Sitting there, touching each other"s hands, as the late afternoon sunlight turned to early evening moonlight made them both feel surreal. When they finally realized that Michelle still had some homework to do, they left the sundry shop and Evan walked Michelle to her home.

  December 12, 1983 The second day of Evan"s hospital experience had been less eventful for him. As long as he didn"t look downward, he felt as though his leg were still there. The medical staff worked all night to stop the disintegration of his leg, but not before the strange phenomenon spread past his knee.

  “Good afternoon, Evan. How are you feeling?” asked Dr. DiLaurio as he entered Evan"s room.

  “Weird… but only when I look at where my leg used to

  be.”

  “Mm-hmm. Evan, I"ve got to tell you… it was touch and

  go for the whole night. I can"t explain why, but where you

  experienced nerve damage, you also experienced loss of skin and

  bone. It"s kind of like your body"s reaction was to start a rapid

  decomposition process…” Frank hesitated. “…as though… and

  I"m not trying to sound morbid… but as though the injured part of

  you had been dead for years.”

  Evan was trying to absorb everything that was happening to

  him. “Or should have been dead a long time ago.”

  “Pardon?”

  “Oh… nothing, Doc. I was just thinking out loud. It seems

  like you are saying that the legwas already dead.”

  Frank scratched his head. “Well, it doesn"t make sense.

  Let"s go over what happened. First you suffer severe nerve

  damage, which is death in a matter of speaking. When nerves are

  damaged beyond repair, they are technically dead, so the part of

  the body that suffered the nerve damage is technically dead… or

  useless. The part of the body that experiences death will normally

  start to atrophy… but instant decomposition?”

  Evan looked to the ceiling, wishing the doctor did not

  include him as a sounding board when doing the analysis. There

  was not much Evan was willing to say to help Frank come to a

  medical or logical conclusion. “Sounds weird.”

  “Weird.” Frank nodded his head. “Mr. Troy, is there

  something you"re not telling me? Any drug or steroid use?” “Never. In fact, I have always made it a point to take care

  of myself. You know what I mean… taking no unnecessary or

  foolish chances with my health.”


  “The reason I asked is because steroids have been known to

  break down a human body as easily as it helps the body recover

  from injuries. But I should add that your experience is still unique,

  even for the most avid steroid user. Body breakdown from steroid

  use does not happen in a matter of minutes. But you can see why I

  could not rule it out. Are you taking anything at all that you can

  think of that may have caused this?”

  “No, as I told you… no drugs… nothing like that.” “Mr. Troy… your dead nerves appear to be old. You are in

  your late twenties, though your face looks younger. And your

  girlfriend appears to be a child, but she is also in her late twenties.

  Please, Evan. Is there anything you feel you should tell me?” “No, nothing I can think of.”

  “Okay, that"s fine. But we need to run more tests because

  we need to make sure thatthe rest of you isn"t going to fall apart.” “Fall apart? Is that a medical term, doctor?” Evan was

  trying his best not to worry. The scare from the previous day made him feel an aura of death that he never thought he would

  experience.

  Frank changed to a somber tone. “Evan… thisis serious.”

  Michelle had finished her lunch in the hospital cafeteria and approached the nurses" station when she heard a familiar voice that she hadn"t heard in years.

  “Excuse me. I"m here to see my daughter. She is probably staying with a patient you have here… Evan Troy?”

  “Oh, yes. I"m sorry. Only immediate family may see Mr. Troy. He is in an intensive care room. Perhaps I can find your daughter if she is with him.May I ask her name?”

  Michelle interrupted. “Mom?”

  Maryturned quickly. “Darling!”

  “Mom… it"s so good to see you.”

  “Oh dear, why did you go for so long without contacting us? It"s been over ten years and your father and I have been so worried.” Mary paused. “My God, and you still don"t look like you aged a day since you were thirteen!”

  Michelle could only take a deep swallow.