by Dee Palmer
“You don’t get to speak about him.” I lean in with a menace I’ve have never felt before surging through my veins. “Ever!” I pull back and swing at Daniel, who looks like he is about to stand, maybe to intervene. “Is that why you pulled me from the bath? You thought I’d top myself? Ha!” I spin back around to face Kit. “Well, don’t flatter yourself.” I hug my robe a little tighter. “Was it everything you hoped it would be, sister, our little reunion?” I sneer, and I can see the look of mock horror on her face. My heart breaks, however, at Daniel’s face, because I can’t make out if it’s disappointment or disgust. I leave the room to the sound of her light pretty sobs telling Daniel that she had to tell him. She couldn’t live with herself if anything happened to me. After all, I’m all she’s got.
He is sitting on the bed when I leave the en-suite. My chest hurts at the slump of his shoulders. I can’t bear to see this, to see us erode before my eyes, but if she is hell-bent on playing the saintly injured party, I can’t see how this is going to go any way but hers.
“Can you tell me about him?”
Well, my reaction was crazy enough to spark some questions. Maybe if I can shed some light, I might not look so unhinged. “Yes, yes, I can.” I take my seat opposite from him. He is leaning against the headboard in his jeans and nothing else; even his bare feet look edible. “John.” Oh my, I feel a surge of sadness, a lump like a rock hits my throat, instant tears prick my eyes, and I fight a sob breaking to free itself from my chest. He is on me in an instant, pulling me into his lap curling his warm strong body around mine, protecting me from my pain, but my pain is inside, and he asked. He wants to know, he wants to see, he wants me to bleed. “Okay.” I try to laugh “This might not be pretty.”
“I’ve got you, baby.” His soothing deep voice helps me tell him stories I’d not told a soul. I told him of a pure love and a friendship. I spoke to him of our adventures. It wasn’t enough to tell him the facts. Facts are cold, and although true, they never reveal the truth, and I wanted Daniel to know the truth. I needed him to see the truth. “He told me the day he fought his brother that it did matter what people said about me, that I shouldn’t let them lie like I was nothing.” My cheeks are so wet I can’t feel the tears anymore. “He told me I was everything, and he died defending me. He died in my arms, telling me the same thing.” I close my sore eyes, and Daniel waits until my breathing is calm.
“You didn’t have a reputation. I don’t understand.” His soft words are filled with confusion.
“No, I didn’t have a reputation, and he still died defending me. I know his last fight was defending me.” When I’m not sad about this complete waste, I’m incredibly angry.
“Well, no wonder.” He sighs and kisses my hair, but I stiffen, and the hairs on my neck prickle.
“No wonder what?” I calmly ask. I don’t want him backtracking. I want to know how deep Kit’s infection is after everything I’ve just told him.
“Well, no wonder baby, you were in such a state. No wonder you were in a dark place. It’s understandable, completely understandable.” He is rushing his words. He must feel my tension, but I’m not fighting this, my instinct here is flight.
“That’s what you took from that? You know, I’ve never told anyone what I’ve just told you. But why would you believe me? I’m just an unstable sister-hating bitch, who should be on suicide watch. Didn’t stop you from fucking the life out of me though, did it?” He flinches at my harsh words, and I know it was a low blow, but he needs to be hurt enough to let me go. His face is again a mixture of shock and disgust, two for two. I’m on fire, and I’m going to burn for him. I hope I burn for the look of loss and pain his face is showing. This look now mirrors mine as I crawl from his lap, put my clothes on, and leave.
SOFIA’S PRETTY FACE peeks around my bedroom door, closely followed by a bottle of white wine and two glasses. “Hey, Bets, how you doing?”
“Oh, much better for the gifts you bring, my dear. Come, don’t be shy.” I pat my bed, and she jumps and winces at the less than comfortable bounce afforded by the wooden slats underneath my mattress.
“How do you sleep on this thing?” She rubs her injured hip.
I laugh. “That’s exactly what Daniel said,” but I quietly stop my laughing. “Pour the wine, wench!”
“So have you heard from Queen Bitch?” She pours and hands me my liquid lifeline.
“Oh, yes. She’s going all out, I don’t stand a chance!” I dramatically confess.
“Really? You’re going let her take everything from you? Leave you with nothing… again?”
“No, not with nothing. I’ve got you, I’ve got Marco and your family. God, I so love your family, you’re so lucky, sweetie.”
“Oh, yes, I have so many people interfering in my life, I pretty much live a collective existence.” She sighs. “Yes, I’m very lucky… but you love him?”
My eyes flood with unshed tears. “Oh, fuck, Sofs, I’m sorry.” I rub my eyes embarrassed that I can’t hold this inside.
“Don’t, Bets, not with me.” She places her arm around my shoulders.
“Yes, I love him. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him. He sees me, and he knows me. But now, now, I see this distance I can’t stop from growing between us, and it’s killing me. She’s poison, Sofs.” I suck in my sob, but the tears keep falling.
“Don’t let her ruin this, Bets. She can’t make him love her when he clearly loves you. Don’t give up, and don’t run away.” Her soft brown eyes are fixed with love and concern.
“That’s definitely my gut reaction.” I sip my wine. “I know he loves me, and you’re right, she can’t make him love her, but she can make him not love me. How could you love someone who is so quick to give up on family? Not give someone asking, a chance at reconciliation? Not to mention crazy unstable. He really hasn’t known me long enough to give him the tools to challenge these questions.” I release a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. “Sofs, I told him everything about John, and all he heard was her. You didn’t see his face when I flipped. He looked so disappointed. No, he looked disgusted.” I shake my head in utter despair.
“Bets, he loves you.” She repeats like that is really all I need.
“He did,” I add softly, “maybe.” I can’t believe I doubt what I know in my heart, so quickly. “But he will let me go. She’ll make sure of that. Now, my dear,” I try for false levity. “I’m calling a ‘no-more’. So let’s pour some more wine.” I tip my empty glass for a refill.
Sofia leaves mine around eleven-thirty, and I’m just about to get ready for bed. I’ve cancelled my contract with Mags after my ‘uncovering’ with Daniel, and it’s just me now, so funding healthcare is no longer an issue. My phone starts to vibrate almost instantly and I get a twinge of excitement that it might be Daniel. The caller ID says Kassandra, and my heart sinks that Daniel must have programmed her number in my phone.
“It’s me, dear sister.” Her icy voice fills me with dread, but she wants to tell me something. She wants something, and I want her out of my life. I let out a controlled breath as she obviously waits to see if I’ll hang up. “There, that’s so much better, I do abhor rude manners.” I don’t know why she’s talking like a fucking Jane Austen novel; it’s just me and her.
“What do you want, Kit?” I am exhausted and see no need to play nice.
“Kassandra.” She corrects. “Oh, good. We’re going to get straight to it.” Her excitement evident in her tone, she is enjoying her position. She is cold and heartless and loving every minute of this. “I want Daniel.”
“I’m shocked,” I respond flatly. “Well, my guess is he’ll be yours soon enough.” I sigh dejectedly, I’m so tired.
“Maybe, but I don’t live my life by ‘maybe’. I make sure I get what I want.” She sneers.
“You always have.” I quip.
“Yes, yes. Look, I was happy to let this pass when I saw you at the drinks reception at your friends’ club. After all, you’re a waitres
s, and they never marry staff!” She cackles. “But I believe he likes fucking you too much to discard you right away.” I wince at this. “Oh, come on, Boo.” She spits my name with malice. “You can’t possibly think he actually cares for you?” She muses, carefully aligning her weapons. “Has he even taken you out in public? Introduced you to his friends or to meet his family, maybe? No?” Her voice is cruel, her aim perfect.
“We have been out.” I offer quietly. “And he introduced himself as my boyfriend,” adding mostly to reassure myself. I told Daniel the truth when I said I don’t get jealous, but I didn’t mention that I really never had the opportunity before, or that I have enough crippling insecurities, that jealousy didn’t need to feature in my repertoire of vices.
“Really, where?” She is not surprised with my answer at all. “Somewhere local? To meet your friends, perhaps?” She has a sickening girlish laugh. “Don’t beat yourself up. He does have a weakness for the wounded, and my darling, you are the very definition of the ‘walking wounded’. Pathetic.” She mutters. “The charity he and his mother attended was for disadvantaged children, did you know? Well, no. Anyway, I didn’t realize he was so ‘hands on’ with his charity work.” I have a clawing, empty feeling that’s in the pit of my stomach and it’s strange that I can feel pain, when I am numb with this new information. I hate her, but she’s right. I had joked, a little, about his interest in me as an act of benevolence, but he has yet to take me out on an actual date, even our lunches were in his office.
“So I’m going to need your help,” She interrupts my rocketing self-doubt.
“And why would I help you?” My laugh is a little uncontrolled. I am really curious why she would think I would actively break my own heart.
“Well, I happen to know you won’t, willingly.” She clarifies. “But you do seem to care about your friends.” I sit up at this comment, not sure where she’s going. “I didn’t introduce you to my driver; he is ex-military. You might remember him from the old days? No? It doesn’t matter, anyway, he is very handy to have, very good at solving problems. Well… I digress. You know what it’s like to lose someone you love.” The pain is acute in my chest when I think of Daniel, that she’d hurt him. “Sofia is a lovely girl, I met her the other night. I don’t believe she recognized me then, but I knew her.” She pauses as if she is weighing up her options, like she hasn’t already made up her mind to ruin my life. “She’s engaged, is that right?” She doesn’t say anything else, her implicit threat crystal clear. Whether she hurt Sofia or Paul, the devastation would be the same. For Sofia, losing the love of her life or for Sofia’s family to lose their only daughter, it’s horrific, unimaginable, it’s insane.
“I can break up with him.” My voice starts to break at this. “But I can’t make him stay away, I’ve tried before.” I stifle my tears I can’t imagine the desolation. Sofia would never be the same if anything happened to Paul. He is her light.
“Oh, I know, but I have something that may help with that. You need to do it soon, because I have plans.” She says in a bright sing-song voice. “Tomorrow, tomorrow evening, I’ll pop round, you know as a shoulder.”
“Why, Kit?” I can’t help my morbid curiosity.
“The money runs out, darling sister, and I want a man, simple. But I can’t tell you how much better it is, now I know that it’s your man.” Her girlish laugh is hollow. She is pure evil.
“Will you make him happy? Do you even care?” I can’t bear the thought of Daniel’s pain.,
“Ha! Darling, like that even matters.” She dismisses me with a shrill, biting cry. The line goes dead. I fall to the floor and cry. I cry until my eyes are dry.
My phone rings again, and I take it into my bedroom and crawl into bed. “Hey, sister, it’s late. Is everything all right?”
“Calling to ask you the same. I tried to call you earlier, but the line was busy. Just wanted to check if you’re okay?”
I snort a loud laugh. “Is it too late to have another glass of wine?”
“You go, sister. I’ll join you. Paul’s dead to the world.” I get a chill at this quip. “So what does she want?”
“Oh I was right, she wants him, told me he’s just fucking me. I’m his charity case, and that’s why he’s never taken me out. Out as in to meet his family and friends.” I sniff back more tears, which threaten.
“That’s bullshit, Bets, and you know it! Fuck, she’s a total bitch!” Sofia’s volume is such, I have to hold the phone away from my ear.
“She is…” I hesitate. “But she’s also right.” My voice is sad, but I have no more tears, so my shoulders just move with little dry sobs.
“Ah babe, it’s bullshit. She’s just going for the jugular; hitting your insecurities with a freight train. She’s seen you two together right?” I mumble my agreement. “Well, then.” She doesn’t elaborate as if that was evidence enough. “She’s desperate, low, and evil. Did I mention she’s a huge bitch?”
“You might’ve said something along those lines.” She’s made me giggle.
“You can’t walk away from this, Bets. You have to play her game long enough for Daniel to see her for what she is. She can’t sustain that level of duplicity indefinitely.”
“I’m not so sure. She’s had lots of practice, and she presses my buttons. She’s this total ice queen, and I’m a raging bag of crazy by comparison. I’d stay clear of me, and I know me!”
“He loves you, Bets, simple, and it’s worth fighting for.”
“She threatened me, well, not me directly, but people I care about, and I can’t… you know I can’t, Sofs. I won’t!” I am adamant.
“Oh, she didn’t!” She laughs. “See? She is desperate! She knows I’m Italian, right? I know people!” Her bravado is almost visible. I imagine she’s tipping her chin high and flipping her fingers up in an aggressive sweep.
“You know people in catering! So, steady on, Ms. Soprano. Daniel is worth fighting for but not at any cost.” I let out a very sad breath. “She’s a disease, and I’m going to treat her like an addict would their disease, one day at a time”
“It’s a start. Better than that flight shit you’re so good at.” She blows a loud kiss. “’Night, sister.”
“’Night.” I blow one right back and put the phone down. I still may fly.
Oh I love these dreams. I moan seductively and move languidly, entwined on soft sheets, which float against my skin, which is warm and feels like silk, the warmth of his strong legs, the rough hairs scratching as he folds his leg over mine. Pushing back between mine, opening me with his weight, pressing his hard cock in the crack of my bottom and sliding slowly, tempting me to wake up with this erotic movement. His hot breath on my neck, my eyes are heavy, and I am aroused in my sleep. My breasts ache, and I reach to squeeze and release the rising pressure, my lips part, and I hear his deep moan in my dream. He feels so real, I don’t want to wake.
“I don’t want to let you go.” I whisper.
“Then don’t.” His voice is urgent, a demand. I wake when I feel his real weight on me. His legs forcing mine wide, his eyes wild and filled with lust.
“Daniel!” I gasp. He captures my mouth, forcing my lips wider, his tongue plunges into me stealing my breath. He sucks my tongue and bites my lower lip as he pulls back. He is trying to consume me.
“You’re mine. You don’t get to make that choice.” His eyes are dark and dangerous. He is going to take me. I can feel his need to possess as he feels my need to be possessed. He pulls my wrists above my head and growls. “Don’t move them, hold onto the boards if that helps.” I obey. He fixes his mouth on my neck, biting and sucking, sending an intense rush of heat and need to my core, and I twist with overwhelming pent-up passion. “Don’t move.” His voice is deep and husky, commanding. I still, but this inability to evade this building pleasure causes my whole body to tremble with anticipation, and I’m rewarded with a satisfying grumble, which resonates deep in his chest.
He moves roughly down my body latch
ing on to my hard, aching nipple and swirling his molten hot tongue around, then pulling the sensitive tip between his teeth, holding me on the edge, feeling my breath hitch, but not release. He looks through heavy-lidded eyes directly at me with a sinful grin and undiluted animal lust in his blue-black eyes. He releases me tortuously slowly, firing my pain sensors with the rough graze of his teeth. My back starts to twitch, and the muscles contract, forcing the slightest curve of my spine. He sinks his full weight, pinning me immobile, and I pant with frustration, my body a sheen of perspiration and alive with a flush of prickles sweeping across my skin. He moves down my body, as one hand remains holding and massaging my breast, his other traces down my torso. His nails lightly catch my hypersensitive skin, which flames at his touch. He uses his shoulder to spread my legs wide then he sits up and holds my inner thighs with his big strong hands, pushing them wider apart. I am so open, so vulnerable, so turned on.
My thighs start to tremble with the strain of his extra weight on the muscle, and he uses his strong thumbs to smooth the quivering flesh. My heart is racing, pumping blood loudly in my ears, and I can feel my swollen clit throb with the desperate need for some pressure, some friction, any attention at all, and I know I’ll be howling like a banshee. He meets my eyes, which must be pleading and flashes me a wickedly sexy smile. “Something you want to say, baby?” He says darkly.
“Please.” My voice barely a whisper. It’s all I can say. “Please, please, Daniel” If I could move, I would be on my knees begging.
“Oh, baby, I love it when you beg.” His mouth tips up on one side, and he slowly sucks the large pad of his thumb between his soft full lips. Raising a brow, he lowers his hand, and with the lightest pressure, presses my aching clit in small full circles.