by Dee Palmer
“I’m sure, promise.” I cross my heart and blow her a kiss, and she walks to me, when I hold my hand to stop her. “Wait right there, Mrs.! I am not cuddling you while I’m sitting on the loo!”
“Right, right.” She laughs, still not leaving. My eyes widen, unbelieving that she doesn’t know I want her to leave. “Oh, sorry.” She scuttles back into her bedroom and I laugh. She has no shame, but that doesn’t mean I don’t, either.
Sofia’s mum has cooked the most amazing meal. I look at the table, and I am sure there must be at least another ten people joining us, with the amount of food piled in the center, but no, it’s the six of us: Sofia’s mum and dad, Sofia and Paul, Marco and me. She has cooked a roast, and I know that’s because it’s my favourite non-Italian meal -- roast lamb stuffed with rosemary and anchovies, crisp roast potatoes, rosemary buttered carrots, cauliflower cheese, spring greens with leeks and broccoli. My eyes are definitely too big for my stomach as I pile my plate with the delicious smelling food. Sofia raises her glass of wine for a toast. I’m still on pain medication, so I have water, but I raise mine all the same.
“To family and no more hospital food.” There is a light laughter, and we all chink glasses. I am so grateful to this family that literally saves my life on a daily basis. We all begin to eat.
“How have you been, Paul? I mean you look well.” I ask, as I try to slow down shovelling food into my face like I haven’t eaten in a week.
“I am all good, sweetheart, good as new, eh, babe?” He nudges Sofia, and she instantly blushes. It’s sweet, but Paul quickly carries on when he sees her father’s scowl. I chuckle. “I’m back to work, I mean.” Nice recovery. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you. My doctor said I should avoid hospitals, you know avoid possible infections, but if you look like this after nearly two weeks, honestly, I am glad I didn’t get to see you then.”
“Paul!” Sofia elbows him in the ribs, and he winces, but I laugh.
“What? What did I say?” He looks affronted, but then it sinks in what he said. “No, Bets, it’s not that you look like shit, it’s just you know-” Marco interrupts.
“You want a shovel with that, Paul?” he snickers, and I can’t stop laughing as Paul squirms with embarrassment.
“Take no notice, Paul.” I shoot him my sweetest I’m-not-offended smile. “I’m glad you’re all fixed. Anyway, enough with the drama. What else is new?”
“Well,” Sofia’s dad joins in. “The restaurants are all coping without you, Bets, so there’s no need to hurry back, you just take your time getting better.” He reaches and grabs my hand, his hands are massive and completely cover mine, and holds it. “You’re very precious to me, to all of us.” I can feel tears building, and he senses this, too, and quickly continues. “Marco has some news.” He nods to his son, and I turn to look next to me as Marco puts the largest potato in his mouth, whole. He grins. We all stare at him while he chews and swallows; he loves the attention.
“Oh, yes, yes, I do. I’m moving.” He seems really pleased, but I hope he isn’t moving too far.
“Really, where?” I sound apprehensive.
“Not far, two streets over, a little nearer to the restaurant, actually, and it’s bigger, has two bedrooms.”
“Ooo, fancy! That’s great, though, nearer to the restaurant, not that it’s much of a commute, but still, an extra five minutes in bed is not to be sniffed at.” I nudge him, and he puts his arm around my shoulder and hugs me. I decide now is as good a time as any to mention going back to my place. I am much better, and as much as I love being here, I do miss my own space. “I was thinking, I would head back to mine tomorrow. It must need a bit of a cleaning by now.” The table falls silent, and I look at all the faces staring at me like I had just suggested we eat babies for dessert. I press on, regardless. “I am much better and-”
“You’re not moving back there.” Sofia’s dad informs me, and it would seem it’s the consensus of the entire table with the general head nodding.
“Oh, okay. May I ask why?”
“Sure.” It’s Marco’s turn to join in, and I turn to face him.
“Why?” I direct this specifically at him.
“Oh, right, because we said so.” He narrows his eyes as a challenge.
“You know you can’t keep me here, right?” I am a little irritated. I hate decisions being taken unilaterally, but Sofia’s mum speaks and takes all the irritation away.
“Bets, honey, I don’t want you living there alone. I won’t sleep again if you go back there, but I also know you can’t live here, either. Not that we don’t want you, because you know we do. So we were hoping you would move in with Marco now, since he will have a bigger place.” Her smile is warm and loving, and I can see the genuine worry in her eyes. I don’t want her to worry. I don’t want any of them to worry, but living with Marco? He doesn’t have a flat, he has a shag pad. I know I’ve seen the pictures! I look at him skeptically with my brows raised, hoping he knows where my thoughts are right now.
“I’ll tone it down a bit if you move in, Boo, you know I will.” He wiggles his eyebrows and flashes the cheekiest grin, which makes me laugh. “Beside, I’m going to need help with the rent now; the landlord’s a real ballbreaker.” He nods in the direction of his father, who is scowling, but with a huge smile.
“Oh.” Now I understand the whole set up, and I couldn’t love this family any more if I tried.
“You would be doing me a huge favour.” Sofia’s mum’s voice is soft and kind. “Keep an eye on my baby.” It’s Marco’s turn to blush, and like his twin, he also has no shame, so this is a rare occurrence, and it makes me laugh even harder.
“Mum, enough!” He grumbles and picks up another potato.
“It’s really kind.” They all look my way, obviously expecting me to decline. I’m not so great at accepting hand-outs, but this time I want to. I want to share with Marco, because I think I need to feel safe for a while. “I’d really like that.” My voice is quiet and is quickly drowned by cheers and raised glasses. Wow, they really thought I was going to say no. “When do you move in?”
“Oh.” He finishes, his mouth full. “Next week; it’s just being redecorated, so you get to pick a bedroom colour, but I’m choosing the living room, none of that pink shit!”
“Marco, language!” His mother clips his head with her palm. He is lucky he is down her end of the table; his dad is not so gentle when dishing out his discipline.
“That’s fine by me. I wouldn’t do pink all through the place.” I giggle, because I probably would. “I’ll go to mine tomorrow and start packing.” I lift my glass and suggest another toast.
“To family.” My eyes well as we clink glasses again.
The next day is Sunday, and it’s late evening when Marco drops me at my apartment to begin my packing. I have been at his place all afternoon, supervising his packing, and I got so excited that I wanted to make a start on my own. He dropped me before heading over to Rose’s for the night. I promised I’d call Sofia or her dad to pick me up when I’m done, ensuring I wouldn’t work too late. The flat really isn’t big enough for it to take too long anyway, but it is always surprising how many boxes you accumulate when you start putting everything you own in them. I start in the living room with the easiest items, my university books and files. I have been steadily packing for half an hour, when I hear my door bell. I run down, thinking that maybe Rose wasn’t in, after all, or maybe Marco was so consumed with guilt for leaving me to pack on my own when I had been helping him all day, that he returned. I laugh at that thought and open the door without looking. My reaction’s far too slow to shut it and prevent the heavy boot from kicking it back open. I fall against the corridor wall as Kit walks past followed by her ape with the big boots, but that’s not what makes my stomach drop to the floor and my heart sink. It’s the bruising around his bloodshot eyes and the smell of stale smoke.
I LOOK AT my hands and can see them tremble. He stands at the bottom of the stairs waiting for
me to follow Kit up. I blow out the breath I had been holding to avoid gagging on the stench of his breath and make my way up and into the living room. She is sitting on the sofa, her expression failing to hide her distain at being in my home. She pats the cushion beside her, like we are going to have a nice little chat.
“Are you going somewhere?” She indicates the boxes.
“Um, yes, I’m moving, but I’m staying at Sofia’s tonight.” I don’t want her thinking I am going to be here alone. Well, I don’t want Clive the ape thinking I will be here alone. He takes a seat in the armchair his face a dark scowl. He makes my skin crawl.
She shakes her head, and a chilling smile spreads across her face. “Not tonight, you’re not, you need to call her and let her know you are staying here tonight.” Her tone is utterly chilling. “And, Boo,” she snarls, “make her believe it. If she shows up, well, I can’t promise…”
“Stop! All right, just stop. I’ll call her, she won’t come.” I pick up my phone and dial Sofia.
“Hey, sister.” Kit narrows her eyes and pinches her lips flat. “I’m staying here tonight. There is so little to do, I’ll get it finished tonight…No, I know, but it’s easier if there are no distractions. Besides, it will be nice to have one last night here. Marco can pick me up in the morning…Yes. Okay, I will, thanks, see you later. Love ya’.” I end the call and slip the phone in my hoodie pocket.
“Oh, that’s sooo sweet, love the ‘sister’ thing you two have, maybe if we’d…No.” She shakes her head. “No, I can’t even pretend, not even now.” She sighs and waves her hand for my phone, and she takes it from me. “Can’t have you calling the cavalry, now, can we? What is this?” She laughs, showing Clive.
“My brick, it’s my phone.” Obviously.
She snorts and throws it in her bag. “You’re right about that. I’ll get muscle ache carrying that thing around.” She sighs and straightens her shoulders. “Right, I’ll get straight to it. It would seem I need your help, again. I thought the attack…” She fixes her beady eyes on Clive, and he lowers his head. “Well, had it gone as planned it would’ve been enough for Daniel to walk away, just forget you, and see you as seriously damaged goods. You see, he still thinks about you, I know he does. He doesn’t want you, but he won’t move on, either, won’t move on to me. He has just thrown himself into his work.” Her voice is beyond irritated.
“He works hard.” I quietly admit. “But I can’t help it if he isn’t interested, Kit. I’ve done everything I can.” My hands are still shaking, and I have a terrible feeling growing in my stomach. I feel my other phone vibrate, and I dry heave into my hand.
“Don’t you dare vomit on me! You’re always throwing up!” She laughs acidly
“Yeah, well, you have that effect on me.” I run, hand on my mouth, to the toilet where I continue to heave loudly while I answer the phone.
“What is your sister doing there?” Daniel’s voice is low and calm, but he sounds worried, and I happen to think he should be.
“How did you know?” I whisper between pretend heaves.
“Not now!” He snaps. “Why is she there? Why is Clive with her?”
“How?” I can’t keep myself from asking the question. I’m completely freaking out.
“You’ve always known, Bethany.” His voice is dark, and I relax a little, he’s keeping me safe. I heave again. “Are you okay, Bethany? What’s going on?”
“I’m heaving, and I don’t know. I’m actually really scared. Clive’s Kit’s driver. It was Clive who attacked me. ”
“I know.” He sounds deadly cold and angry.
“You know?” I heave for real this time, emptying my stomach contents as sweat coats my face, and my skin feels sticky.
“The night of your attack…Something didn’t feel right. I checked the photographs again, and realized it wasn’t you. I can’t believe I didn’t see it straight away. I was just so…and you didn’t trust me to tell me the truth, even after the flat! Fuck! Anyway, little things didn’t sit right, but I wasn’t positive, and I needed to know if there was a connection between the photos and the attack. I needed proof. I arranged to have a copy of the DNA from the hospital, but there was a delay, and I didn’t bother chasing it, because I’ve been out of the country, and you were safe with Sofia’s family. I got the results minutes ago. I called Sofia, and I checked your camera. Look, I’m on my way, I’ll be forty minutes.”
“No! Oh, God, no, Daniel, you can’t, please! He’ll kill you, please!” I am panicking my heart is crashing into my chest. “Please, you can’t, you have to promise me. Promise. Give me your word.” He is silent. “I’ll get rid of her, just promise me! Call the police, but please don’t come. Daniel, it will kill me, please.” I sob.
“I promise.” His voice is quiet. “Keep the phone on, don’t hang up. I can see you but I can’t hear a damn thing.” He growls, more angry now.
I slip the phone in my pocket and flush the toilet, wiping my head and neck on the towel as I enter the living room.
“Gosh, Boo, you do look pale.” She actually sounds sincere. Is she for real?
“Yeah? Well, I’ve been better. So how is it I can help you now?” I sit resignedly.
“Well, like I said, Daniel has thrown himself into his work, I mean, I pop over for lunch and try and get him to engage. I’ve even asked his mother to invite us all over for dinner, but he won’t set a date.” I am grinning like a Cheshire cat on the inside. “Anyway, I started to think that he may need a little nudge, and really there is nothing like a little guilt to get someone to do what you want. I mean just look at how you looked after mother. If that wasn’t guilt, I don’t know what was.” She has an evil laugh.
“Are you crazy? Guilt didn’t make me look after mum; she was my mum, and I loved her.” I can’t hide my own disbelief.
“Right, of course.” She starts to dig in her bag absently, clearly not understanding. She pulls out three bottles of pills, which she carefully opens, cracking through the childproof seal each time. She sets them in a row on the table and sits back; my eyes must be the size of saucers.
“Kit?” My voice is trembling.
“You’ve been through so much; you’re just in a dark place. You are distraught that you have fallen so far. That you have let yourself down, that you have let me down, all the lying and cheating, well, it’s too much, it’s enough. You said it yourself ‘no more.’” She pulls out a prepared note and pushes one of the bottles my way.
“No, Kit, you can’t be serious. You’re crazy!” But it’s my voice that is starting to sound hysterical.
“Certified, but with money comes a clean bill of health, too, but really, darling, that’s not what we are here for. Clive, get some water, would you?” She looks back at me, her eyes are dull, flat, lifeless. “So you will sign my little note and Daniel will feel guilty that I am alone and that he had a part in it, he won’t be able to turn me away.” She pats her hands together like a spoilt little child finally getting her way.
“But you said he doesn’t want me. Why would he feel guilty?” I plead.
“Of course he doesn’t want you, why would he?” She snaps with venom in her voice. “If he wanted you, he would’ve taken you out in public, now, wouldn’t he? Oh, I do love this little list; he would’ve taken you out to a restaurant even, you would’ve met his family, his friends, you were his dirty little fuck buddy, and you were staff.” These words don’t hurt, anymore, but she terrifies me.
“Yes, Kit, I know this, really I do. It’s true, so it makes no sense for him to feel guilty about me killing myself.” I breathe in some stilted breaths, as I realize that this is her plan; she is actually planning on killing me, but she wants me to do it.
“Well, he cares enough, and I can use that as my in.” She smiles at her own brilliance.
“You’re a monster.” I cry softly. “You would let him believe he had something to do with this. He’d be devastated to think he caused something like this. How could you do that to someone?
” I’m shaking my head in disbelief.
“Oh, I won’t let him think he had something to do with this, I will let him know he is the reason behind this.” She shakes the bottle and pours four tablets into her hand and passes them to me. I reluctantly hold out my hand, and my tears start to fall.
“Why?”
“You know why, Bethany? Yes, I am that shallow. I want money and him.” She is dismissive and agitated.
“No. Why do you hate me?”
She laughs, and it chills my core. “This won’t buy you time.” She passes out more tablets and I put them in my mouth and swallow. “I do hate you. You are right about that. It really isn’t terribly complicated. I was happy before you came along. We were happy before you came along. Then my dad left, and mum spent all her time with you, loved you, and I had to find my love elsewhere.”
I laugh bitterly at this. “Wow! Don’t believe your own press, Kit. Mum loved you fine, and she didn’t make you into a slut. Fucking all the boys in the neighbourhood did that.” She slaps the back of her hand across my cheek, her ring catching the skin, and I can feel the burn, and then the cool of the blood dripping down my cheek. I turn my icy glare back to her hollow eyes. “Mum was there for you, every step of the way, Kit. She always defended you, bailed you out of trouble countless times. She didn’t make you steal, she didn’t make you take drugs, she didn’t-” Her bitter laugh interrupts me.
“-Yes, yes, she was a fucking saint and my dad left when she had another man’s bastard, because she was such an angel.” She sneers.
“What? What are you talking about? Our Dad left us both.” My head is starting to feel thick, not sure if the tablets could be working so quickly, or this information is causing this dulling effect.
“No, you stupid bitch. MY Dad left because of you!” She laughs, and a cruel smile slowly covers her face. “But I did manage to stop your Father from ever finding you.” I must look so confused. “Yes, this smart-looking man turned up one day, really posh car. I knew who he was, because you look just like him. He asked for mum and for you.” She pauses, relishing this disclosure. “I told him you had died. It was tragic, think I even shed a tear.”