by Nancy Adams
Ash didn’t respond. Instead, he looked at Leo as if he were as significant as lint and without hesitating stated, “You have two seconds to leave here or I’ll have the police escort you out.”
Leo’s eyes narrowed and he began to bluster. “Some nobody from the kitchen who should be back there cleaning dishes isn’t going to tell me what to do! Go back to the kitchen where you belong.”
He then turned back to me and said nastily, “I feel sorry for you. You have no clue how much you just messed up.”
“You’re such an arrogant, pitiful excuse for a human being—” I began hotly, before Ash clamped a hand over Leo’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch me—” Leo began, turning around, and it was then that two people appeared at Ash’s side. Two very big guys, who made Dwayne Johnson look small.
They each took one arm, and Leo couldn’t even struggle as they wordlessly picked him up and escorted him out. All the while he yelled, “Do you know who I am? Put me down! I’ll sue you for everything you have. I’m a partner at a law firm. You can’t treat me like this!”
He said more, but I tuned it out and looked at Ash. We had a whole audience by then, so I suddenly felt self-conscious and embarrassed, not just for me, but for Ash as well.
“I’m sorry. Sorry that he made a scene. For what it’s worth, it was a blind date set up by my grandmother.”
“So I have your grandmother to thank?” he said with a smile. His brown eyes held a hint of teasing so I felt myself relax, just then noticing how tense my shoulders had been during the encounter with Leo.
“Yeah, her fault completely. I’ll give you her phone number so you can yell at her directly.”
He laughed. “Anyway, like your little friend said, I do have veggies to chop in the kitchen and dishes to wash. I’ll see you at practice.”
I nodded. “Tell Kitty that I said hello.”
“Will do.” He gave me a parting smile and walked away.
I shook my head, squared my shoulders and walked out of the restaurant. Strike one, I thought to myself.
Ten minutes later, I sat across from my grandmother at the kitchen table as she helped herself to a few freshly baked cookies.
“I’m sorry, Libby. I didn’t know he was an arrogant nitwit. Pearl spoke so highly of him. But come to think of it, I can’t really trust her judgment when it comes to men. She had a crush on a dictator once.”
I stared at her, not sure if she were exaggerating or not, but then gave up wondering. I shook my head. “He was awful. Absolutely awful! If Ash hadn’t appeared when he did, things would have gotten ugly. Or uglier.” I stuck a cookie in my mouth and chewed thoughtfully. It had been really kind of Ash to get involved. I just hoped he wouldn’t end up fired or anything. I didn’t think Leo’s threats were idle. He seemed the type to pursue a frivolous lawsuit just out of spite, in order to prove a point.
I brought my thoughts back to my grandmother as she slid a piece of paper across the table to me. I looked down at it, confused. It had a user ID and password. The User ID was MissKissesXO and the password was granny#1saidso.
“Grandma, what is this?”
“Oh, I made you an online profile on one of those fancy dating sites. That’s the information you need to access it.”
“You what?!” I said, louder than I intended.
“I said I made you—”
“I heard you, but why? Why would you do this to me?” I placed my face in my hands. What was going on here? I felt as if I were no longer in control of my life. What was I going to do about her?
“What? It’s good for a woman to have options. You didn’t think I was going to put all my eggs in one basket, did you? Leo was just for practice.”
I looked up at her and shook my head in disbelief. “Can I see this dating profile?”
She nodded, slid her tablet over to me and happily directed me to the site. It wasn’t even a popular dating site. It was a knockoff called Love Disharmony whose motto was “Even dysfunctional people need love too!”
I glared at my grandmother and said, “You think I’m dysfunctional?”
She looked offended. “No. I just figured that people on this site would be more honest, you know? After all, people who readily admit that they’re dysfunctional know that they have flaws, so they’re more likely to be upfront about things, which is better than those other dating sites where everyone pretends to be perfect.”
I studied her. “How would you know that unless you’ve been visiting those types of sites?”
She shrugged. “Like I said. I didn’t want to put all my eggs in one basket. I did my research.”
I placed my hand on my head again. I could feel a headache coming on as I started reading through the profile she’d created for me. I had to admit, the pictures she’d used of me were all very flattering. I was smiling in each one. In some of the pictures, I was with Marie and Sarah. In another, I was leaning against the refreshment table in my coach uniform, smiling at the camera. And then there was a picture of me and my grandma together.
“Where did you get these pictures?” I asked.
“Marie and Sarah mostly,” she responded, looking pleased with herself. “They had a ton on Facebook.”
I was about to respond when I noticed the glowing heart on the upper right hand side of the page. Grandma saw the direction of my gaze and excitedly clapped her hands. Suddenly she reminded me of a teenage girl.
“Yes! Yes! You have mail. Check it. Check it!”
“Mail? But I didn’t email anyone. Oh no…Tell me you didn’t…” My voice trailed off as I clicked the heart and an email interface appeared on my screen.
There were at least ten emails there. And from the looks of them, every guy there wanted to meet me.
“I cannot believe this,” I said, sitting back against the chair and shaking my head.
“I can! They think you’re hot! And I really sold your personality in your profile. I practically made you sound like Miss America.” She was beaming with pride even though I just wanted to reach up and shake her.
I ignored the list of waiting suitors and instead checked out my profile. Grandma had been right—although she had stuck to the facts, she’d definitely exaggerated a lot. More than a lot. Who was I fooling?
“Grandma, I never made the Dean’s List.”
“You could have if you applied yourself.”
I scrolled down some more. “I’ve never been in the Peace Corps.”
“Well, there’s always time, dear. And besides you taught those children at the community center to read and write in English.”
“Yeah, but they were American citizens. I’m pretty sure Peace Corps Volunteers go abroad to do those sorts of things.”
“Well hon, it sounds more exciting to say you volunteered in the mountains of Timbuktu than say you tutored some kids in a small town in Massachusetts.”
I narrowed my eyes at her, but she didn’t look contrite at all. I couldn’t believe the tales she’d spun online. I continued to read down the page and my eyes bulged. “I’ve never won a beauty contest or appeared in any commercials.”
“You won a best-dressed award when you were in elementary school. You looked so cute with all your matching hair bows. And you made a few YouTube instructional videos.”
“You know YouTube is completely different from a commercial, right?” I groaned.
She folded her arms across her chest. “You should be thanking me, not giving me a lecture.” She turned sharply and walked away, dismissively. But not before yelling, “Check you mail! I bet you have a ton of good ones to choose from!”
I sighed and did as I was told. Tonight was definitely not going my way.
Chapter Three
“Go Kitty! Go!!!!” I screamed from the sidelines with the other parents.
I held my breath and my eyes widened as Kitty ran down the field, maintaining excellent control of the ball. She was amazing usually and our all-star player, but today she was beyond awesome. She couldn�
�t be stopped.
“Go! Go!” I screamed as I ran on the sidelines with her, following her course. My voice was starting to hurt, but I didn’t care. Sore vocal chords were worth it. We were winning! I realized no one was even close to her, and as the goalie focused and gritted her teeth, Kitty kicked the ball hard and it went flying towards the goal. The goalie dove for the ball and I held my breath for a millisecond. And it was in that moment that we became champions, as the goalie completely outshot the trajectory and Kitty’s ball flew into the net.
Onlookers on my side of the field exploded with cheers. Parents jumped up from their lounge chairs and shouted loudly while high-fiving and hugging each other.
“We’re going to the playoffs! Holy moly, it happened, it actually happened!” I screamed, jumping into the air. Who would have thought that a kid’s soccer game could be this exciting!
Ash came running up to me, and we jumped up in the air and high-fived each other. He was wearing plain jeans and a white t-shirt today—and no apron, I thought, wryly smiling at him.
And then the team was around us and we were all hugging each other and probably making more fuss than fans of the NFL. I barely noticed the startled walkers in the park who passed by with strollers, giving us dirty looks for making so much noise.
I shrugged. “Sorry! But we just won! Oh my gosh, now that was a game. Quite a game,” I said to Ash, who nodded.
“Probably one of our best. So what next? Celebration party?”
I nodded. “Most definitely. Let’s head to Mario’s. I feel the need for some pizza.”
“Pizza!” One of the players yelled, and mayhem ensued as cries for pizza filled the air. I laughed, and Ash and I explained to the parents that we should meet at Mario’s to celebrate our victory.
They all agreed and we climbed into our respective cars. Once in mine, I heard a beeping sound and looked down at my phone.
I felt a little giddy, and it wasn’t just because of the game. The person texting me was Hugo Charlemagne. He was French and had moved to the U.S. only three years ago. I had met him online a week before using the account my grandmother had set up. He had sent me a message that made me laugh. After a few email exchanges and a couple of phone calls, we had decided to meet up.
I remembered how nervous I’d felt when I answered the phone that night we had first talked.
“Hi, this is Libby,” I said, with hesitation in my voice. I was feeling regret and began to chew on my bottom lip. Maybe this wasn’t the best way to find a date, I thought to myself.
“Libby. Your voice is just as pretty as I thought it would be,” were his first words to me. His voice was deep, and I instantly blushed. It was seductive without trying, a voice that matched his good looks.
I giggled like a schoolgirl, and instantly felt embarrassed.
I tried to cover it by asking him a question. “So you’re French? I can barely detect an accent.”
“My mom was American and I was born in Georgia. I spent my summers there. But tell me about you, Libby. What’s a beautiful woman like you doing agreeing to a phone call from a guy like me?” My smile broadened. He was already such a charmer.
“Well, you seemed somewhat promising in comparison to the ten other guys who contacted me who were either married, cheating, into strange things, or a little off mentally,” I joked.
“Wow, I’m glad I was the least worrisome of the degenerates. Yay me?” he said dubiously, and I laughed. He understood my sense of humor. That was a plus.
From there, we only spoke for another few minutes before he told me that he had a meeting to prepare for, but he wanted to continue talking to me. When he then promptly asked me out, I was taken aback. I shrugged it off though and said yes.
I hung up the phone excited. Hugo sounded like a keeper.
I was really looking forward to my date with him, but as I pulled up to Mario’s, I placed all thoughts of that night’s date out of my head. It was time to celebrate with the team.
I walked in and easily spotted them. They were a raucous bunch. Pizzas were already in the middle of the long extended tables. There were at least twenty of us including parents and we were clearly in celebration mode.
Ash gave me a warm smile as I approached, and I blushed, thinking of the last time he had run into me in a restaurant. I hadn’t been as cool and composed. I straightened my shoulders and tried to portray uber-confidence, as if I’d forgotten about the incident.
I looked around and saw that the only available seat was next to him.
“Miss Libby! Miss Libby! We saved you a seat,” yelled Kitty enthusiastically.
I thanked her and sat down next to her uncle. He was a big man, I realized again, as I had to shift my legs away from him to stop my thighs from brushing up against his.
I smiled at him and he shifted a little. “Here, let me give you some room.”
“Oh, no, you’re fine,” I said quickly. “You can’t help it that you’re built like a lumberjack.”
He laughed and I smiled as well. His dark brown eyes seemed to crinkle at the ends when he smiled.
“Like a lumberjack? Really? I look like I chop down trees for a living?”
I looked pointedly at his arms, which were as big as my legs. “Either that or you pull them out by the root using brute strength.”
“Ok, so now you’re calling me a brute?” he said teasingly.
I laughed in response.
Kitten quickly interrupted. “I bet Uncle Ash could pull a tree out of the ground by using his bare hands.”
I turned to her and smiled. “If his arms are as strong as your legs, then I believe it.”
“I’m sure they are,” she said confidently, nodding her head, making her bangs fall over her face. “After all, Uncle Ash and I have the same genes.”
“Where did you learn about genes?” I was always so amused by the things the children said. They were so uninhibited and honest.
“Uncle Ash! He teaches me all sorts of things.”
I looked at Ash. “You taught her about genes?”
He shrugged. “Sure did. I’m determined to mold her into a mini-me.”
“Now are you sure that’s such a good idea?”
“Are you saying I’m not a good example?” His words were teasing, and I found myself enjoying his company and the day immensely. “So what’s your poison? Pepperoni or sausage?”
I looked at him oddly. “What’s your poison? You sound like a 70-year-old housewife offering me bourbon at noon.”
He surprised me by laughing. Hard. His whole body seemed to shake when he laughed, and I found it highly amusing. He was like a big teddy bear. A big teddy bear that was muscular, had a nice smile and clearly cared about the kids. He was also the big teddy bear who butted into a situation that he didn’t have to in order to help me out.
Which reminded me…“Thanks for helping me out in the restaurant that night. Not that I needed it, but thanks.”
“No problem,” he said, popping a piece of pepperoni in his mouth. After chewing thoughtfully, he gestured to the emptying pizza trays near us.
“If you want a slice, you better get it now. These kids are ravenous. Like piranhas.”
Kitty took that moment to bare her teeth, and I couldn’t help but giggle at the face she made.
“Eek!! Don’t eat me!” I joked. She responded by stuffing almost a half slice of pizza in her mouth and chewing as if she was starving. She had pizza sauce across her face and her cheeks were beyond full, like a squirrel hoarding nuts.
“You better not choke or your dad will kill me,” Ash said with a chuckle.
“Where’s your dad today?” I asked Kitty. She shrugged and kept chewing.
She then swallowed hard and said, “Work…He’s always working. I’m just glad Uncle Ash is feeling better and able to go to my soccer games or I wouldn’t have anyone to cheer for me.” She reached for another slice and promptly started to demolish it.
“You were sick?” I asked Ash with a look of su
rprise. I know we didn’t see each other often, but I hadn’t noticed that he was sick. I saw him from time to time rubbing his calves as if they were sore, but beyond that, he seemed to be the epitome of perfect health.
He didn’t answer my question. Instead, he looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Are you planning on eating something, or just sitting there looking pretty?”
I batted my eyelashes at him. “You think I’m pretty?”
“You’re beauuuutiful,” Kitty said unexpectedly.
I blushed. “Thanks, Kitty.”
“Oh you’re welcome. You have pretty hair. A pretty red car. And you’re not too skinny. Some women are way too skinny or too fluffy. I don’t say fat because that’s mean. Fluffy is a nice word, isn’t it, Uncle Ash?”
I was looking at Kitty in horror and looked over at Ash, whose shoulders were shaking as he tried to not laugh out loud.
“Your butt’s kind of fluffy though, but there’s nothing wrong with that. My mom’s butt was kind of fluffy too.”
My mouth fell open, and Ash couldn’t hold it in any more. He laughed so hard he could barely breathe, and I had to thump him on his back a few times. I’m not going to lie, I secretly enjoyed hitting him. He deserved it.
When he was done laughing so hard that he began to cough, he reached for a slice of pizza and went to put it on my plate when I stopped him.
“What?”
“I’m a pescatarian. I don’t do sausage or pepperoni.”
“A peska-what?” Kitty said, wrinkling her nose as if I’d said a distasteful word.
“A pescatarian,” I corrected her. “It’s someone who eats fish and other types of seafood as a source of meat.”
He looked horrified. “You’re one of those people?”
I rolled my eyes at him and said, “Well, at least we don’t have to worry about my fluffy butt getting any fluffier from eating a meat-covered slice of pizza.”
Kitty giggled from across the table, shoving yet another slice in her mouth. For an eight-year-old, she sure could eat.
“Well, since you’re a pescatarian I assume you want anchovies on your pizza?” Ash asked.