The last thought gave him an uneasy feeling as his grandmother came to mind. She was old and sick. She might even die. What would happen to her after that? She always told Jimmy she wasn’t afraid of death. Because of Jesus, she knew she would go to heaven. Jimmy believed her. She would go to heaven because she was the best grandmother anybody could ever have.
“If you were to die tonight…” the booklet said.
It wasn’t talking about Jimmy’s grandmother. It was talking to Jimmy.
He threw the booklet onto his nightstand. What a stupid idea, he thought as he fell back onto his bed and looked at the ceiling. Then he remembered when he was smaller and his parents prayed with him at bedtime. They used a little poem, and part of it said: “And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”
If I died tonight…
Jimmy didn’t like it. And suddenly he didn’t like Dave or Jacob or the way they had tricked him into going to church that night. What kind of maniac would give a kid my age a booklet that talks about dying? They must be warped, Jimmy concluded.
Once again, he set his mind to coming up with a scheme to get out of going to church.
CHAPTER FIVE
Saturday Night
JIMMY FAILED TO DEVISE an escape. Dave and Jacob picked him up right on time. They want to be absolutely sure I make it, he figured.
The club meeting started 10 minutes late in what everyone at the church called the “fellowship hall.” It was a large, auditorium-like room just off the main sanctuary. Jimmy knew it from the Sunday school assembly his parents made him attend every week. It had multiple purposes, with a marked floor for sports games and enough blackboards and wall space to work for teaching. With the addition of a few long tables, it also served as a banquet hall for events like Valentine’s Day or back-to-school or end-of-school get-togethers, depending on the time of year.
Because he’d never paid much attention on Sunday mornings to know who attended, Jimmy was surprised by some of the faces he recognized. Many of the most popular kids from school were there. Kids of all ages showed up. Jimmy dropped himself onto a folding chair along the wall and figured that those kids were there because somebody made them go—just like him.
Jack Davis, who was in the same grade as Jimmy, sat down next to him. “Hey, Jimmy, what’re you doing here?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Jimmy said with a shrug. “I got tricked into coming. What are you doing here?”
“I come every week.”
“Really? Your parents make you?”
“At first they did, but now I come because I want to. It’s a lot of fun,” Jack said. “There’s Lucy and Oscar! I’ll see you later.” And Jack took off to greet his friends.
Jimmy was surprised. Jack’s answer wasn’t what he would have expected. As he looked more closely at the expressions on the faces of the kids mingling around, saying hi to one another or talking about how they had spent their Saturdays, he realized they didn’t seem dejected like him. They didn’t look as if they minded being there at all.
Jacob walked in, saw Jimmy, and waved. Jimmy nodded. Jacob looked as if he might come over but was distracted by his dad whistling through his fingers to get everyone’s attention.
As they quieted down and took their seats, Dave took hold of a microphone attached to a portable podium. He welcomed one and all in a voice made thin by the cheap speaker. He asked any visitors to stand up and say their names, and a couple of kids scattered through the crowd complied. Jimmy didn’t. Dave realized it and, not to be undone, announced that Jimmy was there. Jimmy blushed and leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, wishing he’d never agreed to that stupid basketball game. He didn’t belong here. He didn’t belong with any of these people. He belonged with Tony somewhere at Allen’s Pond, spying on Tony’s older brother. But it was too late now. All he could do was hope the evening would slip by as quickly as possible.
Dave introduced a guest speaker, Mr. Lucas, one of the church’s deacons. Jimmy recognized him from the times he got up to pray in the services.
Mr. Lucas talked for almost 15 minutes, and about halfway through, Jimmy realized he was having a hard time understanding a word the man was saying. A couple of times he mentioned having an abundant life and calling on some sort of power and being born again by being washed in the blood of the Lamb for remission of something or other and inheriting some kind of eternal thingy in a kingdom of a lot of big words in a fullness of time affixed before Adam fell in his garden and….
Jimmy felt as if he were drowning in a sea of weird words. He had a vague idea of what Mr. Lucas was trying to say, and Mr. Lucas was obviously sincere, but Jimmy got so lost that he could only stare at the pattern of marking tape on the floor.
Mr. Lucas finished his talk on a loud and excited note and stepped away. Dave took the podium again and announced that it was time to split up into various grades for games. Jimmy was relieved to find himself in a game of dodgeball with Jacob, Jack, Lucy, Oscar, and a few other kids he knew from school. He was especially proud when he held out the longest and was the last one in the circle to get hit.
Then they played a beanbag toss, ran a relay race, and played a game Jimmy had never seen before where they lay down on their backs and kicked an enormous ball from one side of the room to another. The idea was to score by hitting the other team’s wall. Jimmy alternately screamed and laughed through all the games. Time slipped away. He was shocked when they stopped for snacks and drinks and he realized it was after nine o’clock.
All the kids gathered again for a few final words from Dave. Jimmy braced himself for another sermon with a lot of words and expressions he didn’t understand.
Dave spoke simply, however. “I can’t let any of you out of here tonight without making a few things absolutely clear,” he said. “We try to have a lot of fun when we meet like this, but we’re not here just for fun. We’re here to get to know each other. We’re here to have fellowship with other Christians. And we’re here to see that there are ways to enjoy ourselves without doing what a lot of our friends think is fun—the kinds of things that get us in trouble, that lead nowhere, and don’t give you anything except a few seconds of pleasure.”
Dave held up a booklet just like the one he gave Jimmy earlier that day. “I’ve handed out this booklet to a lot of you over the last few days. I’ll bet most of you haven’t read it. You looked at the front and said, ‘Hey, I’m just a kid. What do I care about dying?’”
Jimmy squirmed in his chair and wondered how Dave knew that.
“I understand how you feel,” Dave continued. “You don’t care about the past or the future. All you care about is right now—what games you play, what’s on television, what kind of music is really hot, what all the other kids are doing. Today is all there is for you. Living for the great big right now. You’re too young to feel you have a past. You’re too young to feel there’s really a future. And if there is a future out there for you, dying isn’t part of it. So why did I give you these booklets?”
Good question, Jimmy thought.
Dave laughed and said, “I gave you these booklets because we have two boxes of them in the church office and we didn’t know what else to do with them.”
Some of the kids snickered.
Dave’s laugh tapered off. “Actually,” he said, “I gave them to you because of what they say inside. Did any of you read what was on the inside?”
Jimmy glanced around, but no one raised a hand.
Dave went on. “See, these booklets are supposed to make you think, if only for a minute. Any of us could die at any time. Any of us could die right now. The same right now that you live in day after day. I’m not trying to scare you. I’m just saying there’s something more to this world than we realize. There’s a lot more to it than games, television, music, what the other kids are doing, finishing your homework, or eating all the right vegetables. In fact, there’s a whole other world. An eternal one. One that goes on forever. And it’s not s
ome kind of comic-book place. It’s God’s place. It’s real. And it’s even more real than this world.”
Dave knocked on the podium as if to say that the “this world” he was talking about was the one that could be rapped with your knuckles. It was the world Jimmy could see with his two eyes and touch with his two hands.
It made Jimmy sit up. He stared at Dave and wished he could see the other world or touch it somehow. Maybe that would make a difference. Maybe then Jimmy could….
Could what? he wondered. Could what?
“But y’know,” Dave said with a smile, “when I was your age, I figured there was no point in thinking about any other worlds, because I have to live in this one. None of us can be Alice slipping through the looking glass or Peter stepping through the closet into Narnia or a captain on the Enterprise warping to another galaxy. We’re stuck here for now. And that’s why God had to do something radical. God had to make a move. Do you know what He did?”
Jimmy waited for the answer.
“God stepped into our world. He put on skin and hair and muscles and clothes and became just like us. He took on a name—Jesus. He did it so we could have some of that other world in our world. He did it so we could go to that other world and be with Him when the time is right. But it wasn’t easy for Him. It cost Him a lot to do it. I know some of you guys know what I’m talking about.”
Jimmy knew, but he wanted to hear Dave say it anyway.
Dave said, “That other world is a perfect place, just as God is perfect. But we’re not. Not matter what we do, we can’t be good enough to go there. So God had to do something even more radical than just walk around in our world. He had to come up with a way to get us imperfect people into His perfect world. And the only way to do that was to die for you and me and all our imperfections—our sins—and He did it in the most painful way possible: on a cross. He did it because we couldn’t do it for ourselves. I can’t do enough or be good enough. You can’t, either. No matter what you try to do to make yourself better, it won’t be good enough. Do you understand? He had to do it—and He did it for you.”
Those words hung in the air, and for a moment Jimmy felt as though it were just him and Dave in the room. He had to do it, and He did it for me, Jimmy thought.
“But dying wasn’t enough,” Dave continued. “Anybody can die and be put in a grave to rot. Nothing special about that. But Jesus died and then came out of the grave. Death couldn’t hold Him down. He rose up so that we could rise up, too. And when we rise up, we rise to that other place, the place where God lives. And we’ll live with Him. But until then….”
Dave shoved his hands into his pockets and moved away from the podium. He walked into the crowd of kids sitting on chairs and on the floor and spoke as if to each one. “What’s the catch? you’re wondering. He did all that for me, but what’s He want in return? Well, I’ll tell you….”
Jimmy held on to his chair. Dave was now in the middle of the crowd.
“He wants your life,” Dave said in a harsh whisper. “He wants every bit of you: your heart, your mind, your body, your soul. And He doesn’t want it so He can lock it away somewhere and make you a miserable, boring religious person from now on. He wants it so He can work on it, turn it into something new…and then give it back to you in better shape than it was before.”
Dave turned and scanned the crowd before he spoke again.
“Maybe you think you’re too young; this is stuff for grown-ups. It isn’t. Even if dying is years and years away for you, the decision to believe in Jesus, to accept Him into your hearts and give Him your lives, begins right now.” Dave looked Jimmy square in the eyes. “Jesus wants you right now.”
CHAPTER SIX
Late Saturday Night
JIMMY WAS SURPRISED by how he felt as the meeting ended. Somehow it had never struck him that Jesus might actually want him or that Jesus died for him. Yeah, he’d heard those things in Sunday school and church. But for some reason it hadn’t hit him until now that Jesus’ death and resurrection demanded that he do something in return. Until now, Jesus was always something he could pick or not pick—like an answer on a multiple-choice test. But there He was…wanting Jimmy right now.
Jimmy thought about it as Dave and Jacob gave him a lift home. Jimmy hoped Dave wouldn’t say anything to him or ask him any questions. He was afraid an additional word or question might spoil the whole thing. Maybe they sensed it, too, because neither of them spoke. They drove in silence except for an exchange of “Good night” when Jimmy got out of the car and walked to his front door.
He died for me…. He wants me…. He wants every bit of me. My heart, my mind, my body, my soul. And He doesn’t want it so He can lock it away somewhere and make me a miserable, boring religious person from now on. He wants it so He can work on it, turn it into something new…and then give it back to me in better shape than it was before.
Jimmy drifted past the living room. His mom called out from her reading chair. Jimmy peeked in.
“How was it?” she asked.
Jimmy shrugged and said, “Okay, I guess.”
“Not as bad as you thought?”
“I guess not,” he answered. “A bunch of kids I know were there. We played some games and stuff. It was okay.”
Mary smiled. “Good,” she said. “Now do me a favor and go have a bath.”
“A bath!”
“Uh-huh. We have church tomorrow, and after tonight’s exercise, I’m sure you need one. Go on,” she insisted.
“Okay,” Jimmy said and went up the stairs.
Donna came out of the bathroom just as he reached the door. “What happened to you?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” Jimmy said.
“You look like something’s wrong.”
“I’m gonna have a bath,” he answered.
“Oh. That must be it.” She giggled and strode to her room.
Jimmy went into the bathroom, turned on the water, and stripped down. He thought about God putting on skin, hair, and muscles so He could be like us…so He could die like us…for us. For me.
The words wouldn’t leave Jimmy alone. The were like rubber bands, so that no matter what his mind wandered to in the warm cocoon of the bathwater, it snapped back to those words. For me. And He wants me right now.
Jimmy absentmindedly scrubbed himself, then pulled the plug at the bottom of the tub. The water gurgled and gulped. He stepped out of the tub. What if I said yes? he wondered as he dried himself off. What would happen if I said He could have me right now?
His heart beat a little faster at the thought. Would angels sing? Would he hear God whisper in his ear? Would lightning strike the house? What would happen?
Jimmy wrapped the towel around himself, strolled toward his room—got halfway there when he remembered he had left his clothes on the bathroom floor and went back to get them—then resumed his journey. Jesus wants me right now. What if I say yes?
Say yes.
In his room, Jimmy looked around for the small, black Bible his grandmother had given him for his birthday a couple of years before. It had his name in gold letters at the bottom of the front cover. What had he done with it? He got down on his hands and knees to look under the bed. Was that it in the far corner? He got up and rounded the bed, kneeling once again to get the Bible. But it wasn’t there. Nothing was there. It must’ve been a shadow, Jimmy thought.
He stayed on his knees. Quietly, without fanfare or announcement, the yes slipped from his head to his heart. It happened in the fraction of a second while Donna’s muffled radio played on the other side of the wall, his mother coughed once downstairs in the living room, and the night was otherwise silent enough for him to hear the pounding in his chest and the blood rushing past his ears. Yes. He pressed his head against the side of the bed. You died for me, and I’m sorry, and now You want me—all of me—and I’m saying yes.
Jimmy opened his eyes and stood up. That was that. It was done. He looked around, but there was no flash of lightning, n
o supernatural appearance, no voices. He didn’t even feel any different. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t disappointed. He had said yes.
He went downstairs and didn’t say a word about it to his mom. Instead, he talked her into letting him have a small glass of chocolate milk before he went to bed.
It seemed so simple. And as he went to sleep, he thought about how everything would get better. Jesus would take his life, fix it up, and hand it back. All Jimmy had to do was watch it happen.
Jimmy had no idea what he’d gotten himself into.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Sunday Morning
WITH BLEARY EYES, fluffy bathrobe, and worn slippers, Mary Barclay walked into the kitchen to make coffee. She yawned as she passed the kitchen table where Jimmy sat. She nodded at him and turned to plug in the coffeemaker. Her hand, holding the plug, stopped in midair as the vision of what she had just seen registered on her sleepy brain. She swung on her heel to face the table again.
Jimmy sat at the table in his church outfit—washed and ready to go.
Mary’s mouth fell open.
Donna walked into the kitchen in the same state of early morning disrepair as her mother and also gasped when she saw Jimmy. “You…you’re up,” Donna said.
“Uh-huh,” Jimmy said.
“You’re dressed and ready to go to church,” Jimmy’s mom said.
“Uh-huh,” Jimmy said.
“He doesn’t have a fever,” Mary told Donna.
“Then what’s wrong with him?” Donna asked.
“I don’t know,” Mary said, then looked at Jimmy. “What’s wrong with you?”
Jimmy smiled and said, “What makes you think something’s wrong?”
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