by Mika Waltari
I did not see Arsinoe for many months and did not even walk by Tertius Valerius’ house, for due to her condition Arsinoe secluded herself. She gave birth in the hottest time of the summer. A slave whom I had bribed brought me word of it and the long hours seemed unbearable to me because I could not be with her. Despite all she had done to me I loved her and nothing could quench my devotion to her.
But during our separation my love had matured and I no longer thought of her so much as a woman to whom desire had bound me but as a person who had become near to me. I remembered how she had made me laugh in my moments of depression and how I had sat for hours watching her as she had skillfully cared for her beauty, chattering gaily the while about people and things. I did not wish harm to come to her no matter what she did because I understood her, her lies and her need for security.
Her delivery was difficult and lasted through a day and a night, for the boy weighed ten pounds. When he finally came into the world a hailstorm broke in the midst of the heat and lightning flashed wildly. But it was not my doing even though my heart was in an upheaval because of Arsinoe.
When he heard the howls of the male child who had been born to life’s pain, when he felt the weight in his lap, Tertius Valerius became delirious with joy and sacrificed bulls, sheep and pigs in various temples as though a state event had occurred. Some of the meat he distributed to the people, some he sent to his farms, and gave the slaves a holiday since they could hardly have worked in the fields anyway because of the storm.
Arsinoe, as an exemplary Roman mother, nursed her child herself and did not appear in public until her appearance and beauty had been restored. But when autumn came I saw her sitting in the place of honor at the circus immediately behind the vestals and near the ivory seat of Manius Valerius. I could see her only from a distance since I myself was seated on the opposite side among the aliens and the artisans of foreign origin, but she was still as beautiful as the goddess and I watched her more than the events in the arena.
But I did not seek her out to speak to her for I had no wish to disturb her peace. Time passed and the boy was already a year old when I again saw Arsinoe.
2.
It was late summer and the city was quiet, for the people worked busily in the fields and those who had remained in the city sought the shade and moved about only after nightfall. The stench of filth, rotten fruit and tanned hides filled the narrow streets of Suburra. And Fortune continued to smile on Rome, for the Volsci, having allied themselves with the Aequi against Rome, had fallen out with them and waged a bitter war, thus exhausting their own strength and that of the Aequi so that Rome had nothing to fear from either.
I was teaching a young dancer from the circus the movements of the Etruscans’ holy wreath dance when Arsinoe unexpectedly appeared in my room in Suburra. It was not my fault that the girl had nothing on, for the day was hot and besides it is best for a dancer to be naked when practicing in order to know her own body. Nevertheless I wanted to sink into the ground when I saw how Arsinoe looked first at me and then at the poor girl who did not realize that she was doing anything wrong. In her innocence the girl did not even have the wit to cover herself with a robe but remained standing with bent knee and upraised palms in the position I was attempting to teach her.
Arsinoe was her old self but riper and more beautiful than before. Sarcastically she said, “Forgive me, Turms. I don’t wish to disturb your pleasure but I must talk with you and today was my only opportunity.”
With trembling hands I picked up the girl’s cheap clothes, thrust them into her arms, pushed her out and closed the squeaking wooden door. Arsinoe seated herself on my unadorned seat without permission, looked around, sighed deeply and shook her head.
“I am sorry for you, Turms,” she lamented. “Although I heard that you had fallen into bad company I did not believe it all but tried to think well of you. But now I must believe my own eyes and I am grieved.”
Bitterness choked my throat as I watched her sitting as calmly before me as though nothing had happened. “I have lived a bad life and fallen into bad company,” I admitted. “I was teaching Greek to some stupid boys and happened to teach them Hipponax’s verse: ‘A man has two fortunate days in his life, one when he is married and the other when he lays his wife in her tomb.’ Hipponax lived in Ephesus, which is why those lines have remained in my memory. But the parents did not appreciate such teaching and I lost my pupils.”
Arsinoe pretended not to listen but sighed lightly and remarked, “Her thighs and hips are too heavy. She is too short as well.”
“But she has talent,” I insisted in defense of my pupil. “That is why I am helping her.”
“Alas, Turms, I thought you were a little more exacting in the matter of women. He who has tasted the exalted grape is no longer content with turnips. But you have always been different. I have marveled at your poor taste in the past.”
Absently she bared her head and my heart leaped as I noticed that her hair had just been arranged by a Greek hairdresser. She had painted her face carefully and I could only marvel at her skill in draping the Roman women’s simple mantle so temptingly.
“How hot your room is!” she exclaimed and allowed the mantle to slip off her white shoulders and bare arms. Her eyes were grave and dark and her lips parted. But I had no intention of succumbing to her charms.
“Don’t,” I said. “Instead, tell me how you dared come to meet me, especially here in Suburra. Aren’t you afraid of your reputation? Surely you remember that you are a senator’s wife.”
“Ah, yes,” she agreed and looked at me accusingly. “But who is to blame? Didn’t you yourself leave me to the mercy of Tertius Valerius for years at a time? You were tired of me and that is why you pushed me into the lap of a lustful old man.”
“Arsinoe,” I demanded in horror, “how can you distort everything in such a terrible way! Are you shameless enough to accuse me to my face of what you yourself so shrewdly planned and accomplished?”
She managed to summon tears to her eyes and looked at me mistily. “How bitter and unjust you are toward me, always ready to pick a quarrel although we have not met in such a long time. I should know you by now, but I always make the mistake of thinking well of you.” She sobbed and peered at me through her dark blue lashes.
I breathed violently, clenched my fist but said nothing.
Arsinoe pressed her palms together beseechingly. “Why doa’t you say something, Turms? Why are you so harsh?”
I almost confessed that my whole being rejoiced in radiance at the mere sight of her but it was better for me not to surrender myself once more to her power. And so, when my knees failed, I sat on the edge of the bed and asked, “What do you want of me, Arsinoe?”
She laughed gaily, dropped all pretense, stretched herself and extended her legs for me to see.
“Of course I want something of you, Turms. Otherwise I would not have come. But I am happy to see you and my heart leaps strangely in my breast when I look at your broad mocking mouth and oval eyes.”
“Don’t,” I pleaded humbly and looked about for a knife with which to cut off a finger if it should attempt to caress her skin against my will. That I would in truth have done, for if I had touched her I would have been lost. But fortunately my will was stronger than my hands.
“You yourself know best how deeply I loved you,” said Arsinoe weakly. “Even now my heart secretly yearns for you, though I am hurting Tertius Valerius and my son. But let us control our emotions and remain merely friends. It is best that way. When a woman has reached my age and her beauty begins to fade she needs security. I was tired of sacrificing everything because of your whims. Now you have your freedom, Turms, and I have an understanding husband who doesn’t make too many demands on me.”
When I said nothing she felt her waist and said ruefully, “I have aged greatly, my arms are heavy and my hips become broader no matter what I do. The last delivery tore my muscles so that my loins and thighs have white scars which hav
e ruined my beauty for all time. Do you want to see them?”
She began to lift the hem of her tunic but I hastened to cover my eyes. “I must be terribly ugly,” she said with a sigh, “since you don’t even want to look at me. Of course, the girl’s youth is in her favor and a smooth fruit is fresh to the taste, but believe me, my friend, there is not much joy in foolish youth. You will only have trouble, for you yourself are no longer in your prime. The bad life has etched furrows around your mouth and there are wrinkles under your eyes.”
“They are only laughing wrinkles,” I said bitterly. “I have had so much reason to laugh. But tell me quickly what you want of me. I would not want you to endanger your reputation by remaining in a disreputable house and in my bad company.”
She rose, left her mantle on the seat and went to the door. Drawing the wooden bolt she remarked, “I suppose you will permit me to lock the door so that we may talk in peace.” She walked past me and stared out of the narrow window opening, so that I might admire her also from the side and rear. But when she realized that I remained firm she sat down again and laid her hand on my knee.
“You have always been a selfish man, Turms, but surely you realize that you have certain responsibilities toward Misme. The girl is almost seven years old and it is high time that she left Tertius Valerius’ house. As kind a man as Tertius is, he is irritated by her constant flying about. Besides, Misme reminds me unpleasantly of unhappy events in the past.”
“Ah, yes,” I said. “I didn’t know that you were born in Rome of a patrician family.”
“I suppose I didn’t tell you enough about my sad childhood,” Arsinoe said brazenly. “But in Rome Misme is considered an illegitimate child and that doesn’t suit my new position. If I had thought to make her father a patrician I might have been able to arrange for her to be one of the vestal virgins and that would have secured her future. But it is impossible to think of everything at once. I had enough to do in trying to prove my own birth, as you can imagine. Now the boy fills our house and Tertius Valerius is able to think only of him. For the sake of my reputation think of your responsibilities toward me this once, remove your daughter and take care of her.”
“My daughter?”
Arsinoe became annoyed. “Of course Misme is your daughter in a Way, or at least the daughter of your best friend. If you won’t think of me, think of Mikon. Surely you won’t permit his daughter to be abandoned.”
“It is not a question of that,” I said. “Of course I’ll be happy to take Misme and not only to help you, for I like the girl and have missed her.
But speaking of your son, forgive my human curiosity. Judging from what I have heard and computed, I presume he is Coriolanus’ son.”
Arsinoe pressed her palm to her mouth and glanced about in panic. But we were alone and she grew calm again and smiled.
“I can’t hide anything from you, Turms. You of all people know me best. Anyway, the boy has the noblest patrician blood in him and his father is the most gallant of Roman men. I felt that I owed that to Tertius Valerius. No, he doesn’t have to be ashamed of his son although the boy’s father is stupidly vain and thus is compelled to live in exile the rest of his life. But perhaps that is best for the sake of my own peace.”
Her frank confession broke the ice within me and we began to talk as animatedly as we had in earlier days. She made me laugh and once again I realized why I had loved her and why I still loved her, for there was no other woman like her in the world. She did her best to amuse me and in doing so enjoyed herself, for I was the only person who understood her and in whom she could trust. But I did not touch her. The time passed and suddenly, realizing that the room had darkened, she wrapped the mantle around her and covered her head in the manner of a respectable Roman woman.
“I must leave,” she said. “In a few days I will have Misme brought to you and I trust that you will care for her as though she were your own daughter.”
I felt that Arsinoe cared little whether Misme would be brought up in Suburra or not but was disappointed because the girl had inherited Mikon’s round cheeks and stocky figure, was clumsy in her actions and did not know how to please her mother.
But I could not bear the thought that Misme would grow up in the midst of the immoral elements and the people of the circus. I took her to my little farm and left her in the care of the old slave couple, and thus I myself came to spend more time there than I had formerly. I wanted to teach Misme to read and to write and to help her to develop into a free and self-reliant girl, but I could not afford to engage a teacher for her nor was that the custom in Rome. In Rome girls were so despised that a female infant could be abandoned, and the only education a girl received was in spinning, weaving, cooking the simple Roman food and performing heavy household tasks. Even the daughters of senators had to be content. with that.
Arsinoe erred in despising her daughter, for Misme had good powers of comprehension. Having left behind the gloomy house and the ceaseless scoldings, she began to develop quickly in the freedom of country life. She loved animals, willingly took care of the cattle and even dared to climb onto a horse and gallop down the pastures. I kept a few of the Senate’s cavalry horses on my farm to augment my income, for at that time the Senate still provided the cavalry horses and during the winter quartered them in nearby farms. On certain days the horses had to be brought into Rome when the patrician youths gathered in the pastures of the wolf god for cavalry exercises. But in that way I could ride to Rome and back whereas I could not have afforded to keep horses myself. Fifteen jugera did not suffice for such luxury.
In a few years Misme’s skin turned rosy and smooth, her limbs became slender and she no longer moved clumsily although she still was scraggy as a calf. Because of my journeys I had to leave her with the slave couple for long periods, but each time upon my return I felt increasing joy at the glow of happiness in her dark eyes. She ran to fling her arms around my neck and to kiss me, and I could not bear to tell her that I was not her real father. As she grew she seemed beautiful in my eyes, her brows were slender and whimsical and her lips like rose petals. But by the time she had become a maiden the expression in her eyes reminded me increasingly of Mikon’s restless eyes and she learned to laugh mockingly at others and herself. Into such a girl did Misme grow.
3.
I will not describe Rome’s disputes with its neighbors or its perpetual raids. The problem of land distribution came up in the Senate but Ter-tius Valerius had long ago, because of Arsinoe, given up his favorite plan. Now that he had an heir he clung to his land tooth and nail and thus regained the confidence of his patrician brothers. He was no longer considered a simpleton but was pushed to the fore as necessity dictated to calm the people, who believed in him because of his former opinions. In that manner Tertius Valerius gained political influence and the patricians, the senators and even his own relatives began to admire Arsinoe more and more for having such a beneficial influence on the. old man.
Nor was he a stupid person. True, he granted Arsinoe the luxuries demanded by the new times and patiently endured her extravagance, but he himself retained his simple habits. Thus he remained healthy and strong and his head no longer wobbled when he made a speech in the Senate. That weakness he permitted himself only at home.
I learned all this by observing life in Tertius Valerius’ house from the sidelines and was greatly amused, upon occasionally seeing Arsinoe, to notice the sour expression usually on her face, as though Tertius Valerius’ surprising vitality had plunged her into the pit that she herself had dug.
From sheer vexation and boredom Arsinoe seemed to have aged much more than had tenacious Tertius.
News of the death of King Darius carried as far as Rome. Truly the whole world was shaken by it. The Greeks rejoiced and held festivals of thanks at Herakles’ altar, for they felt the danger which had threatened the mainland of Greece had receded, and that the revolts and disturbances which inevitably accompany a ruler’s death in such a large country as Persia
would give the heir other things to think about than Greece. But Darius had built such a strong kingdom from the nations that he ruled that nothing happened. On the contrary, his son Xerxes, himself no longer a young man, was said immediately to have dispatched emissaries to Athens and other Greek cities with a demand for earth and water as symbols of submission. Several cities acceded, thinking that such a slight indication of sympathy carried no obligations.
All this happened far away, but as ripples from a cast stone spread slowly and break only on the shores of a pond, so were the effects of world events felt even in Rome. After all, the Persian empire comprised the Eastern world from the Scythians’ steppes to the streams of Egypt and India, so that the Great King rightly considered the entire world his play pond. He felt it his personal responsibility to be the bringer of peace and security to all lands, thus ending wars for all time. Thinking of that, it seemed to me that the quarrels of Rome and its steady expansion at the expense of its neighbors were as insignificant as shepherds’ quarrelings over pastures.
I met my friend Xenodotos immediately after his arrival in Rome as he was stepping out of the temple of Mercury where he had been offering a sacrifice for a successfully completed voyage. He had abandoned his Persian attire and was dressed in the latest Ionian fashion; his hair was fragrant and on his feet he wore shoes trimmed with silver. He had even shaved his curly beard. But I recognized him immediately and hastened to greet him.
When he recognized me he embraced me warmly and exclaimed, “Luck is with me, for I would immediately have sought you out, Turms of Ephesus. I need your advice in this strange city and have many matters to discuss with you once we are alone.”
I was in the habit of loitering with the others in front of the temple of Mercury whenever I was not practicing in the circus arena or teaching some chance pupil or trading cattle or passing my time in prophesying for the Suburran girls. There I caught a breath of strange cities and the expanding world of Rome, I could learn about a profitable trade, and because of my knowledge of languages could guide and otherwise be of use to wealthy foreigners. But I did not tell Xenodotos this, preferring to let him think that our meeting was a miracle arranged by the gods.