His temper began to simmer. “You used to be a lot chattier,” he said, provoking her deliberately. “As I recall, you had plenty to say on the subject of us.”
She sat back in her chair, her big brown eyes stormy with emotion. “The past is the past, Jed. I’m not sure what you want from me.”
Draining his coffee cup, he fought to keep his response civil. “An explanation would be nice. Something more than a Dear John letter with the ink still wet. Maybe you wanted to break up with me all along, but you were too cowardly to do it. I’ve always wondered about your motives.”
“You were leaving. I was staying. That was motive enough.”
“I don’t think so. All you said in that patronizing note was that long-distance relationships never work, and you were setting me free. But I think you lied to me. And I want to know why. I’m a grown man now. I’ve moved on. But the kid I used to be took it hard.”
“You’re right,” she said quietly, her gaze reflecting the misery he’d felt that morning he’d loaded his pickup and stopped by her house to say goodbye. “It was more than that.”
“Tell me, Kimberly.” He put his hand over hers on the table. “Please.”
She went still when he touched her. Had she felt the zing of heat as skin met skin? At one time they had been the world to each other, completely attuned to mood and emotion.
Gently, he rubbed the back of her hand, his fingers running up and down over the delicate bones. Her manicure was immaculate, a pale, pearly pink like the inside of a seashell. For a vivid, heart-stopping moment, he flashed back to the memory of those feminine hands on his body.
He cleared his throat. “Why did you lie to me, Kimberly?”
Her head moved from side to side in a vehement negative. “I told you...it wasn’t a lie. Maybe it wasn’t the whole truth, either.”
“Then I want it all,” he said. He’d spent weeks and months and years wondering why he had never again met a woman who moved him like this one. Or why the first girl he had ever slept with hadn’t cared enough to hang on to him.
“You were a Farrell, a wealthy, privileged young man on the cusp of a bright future. I loved you too much to hold you back. My grandmother was my responsibility. There was no one else to care for her but me. And I knew if I tried to explain all that to you, you would argue with me. I couldn’t bear it.”
“I offered to buy you a bus ticket once a month to come visit me.”
“And I said no. That would only have made things worse. It hurt like hell to send you away, but I knew I couldn’t survive a long, slow unraveling of what we had. You were my first love, Jed. My first lover. I wanted to keep that memory bright and beautiful. So I cut you loose.”
“I called you every day for two damned weeks.”
“I know. I hated hearing the phone ring. It tore me up inside. But I knew that in time things would get better.”
“And did they?”
It was a sucker-punch of a question. He knew she had been engaged three or four years ago. And it had ended badly. Sometimes the grapevine was actually helpful. Should he admit that hearing about her aborted love affair had almost convinced him to come home and try again? But he’d been snowed under at work, and involved in a relationship of his own. So the moment had passed.
Kimberly lifted her chin. “I didn’t pine away if that’s what you’re asking. And I’m sure you had plenty of female company along the way.”
“Jealous, Kimmie?” The affectionate nickname slipped out.
She sniffed, her expression haughty. “You flatter yourself. I’ve had my share of relationships over the years.”
“I’m sure you have.” He didn’t want to think about it.
“What’s gotten into you, Jed?”
He wasn’t sure he could have explained even if he tried. It was a hell of a blow to his ego to admit he’d never been able to get her out of his mind. And his heart. So instead, he changed the subject. “Let’s dance,” he said brusquely.
“Why?”
Her suspicion of his motives was probably well-founded. But at least on the dance floor he could hold her. “For old times’ sake.”
Satisfaction flooded his gut when Kimberly allowed him to draw her to her feet without protest. But on her face he saw both mistrust and apprehension. The battle wasn’t over.
He wasn’t much for country music. Or any music, for that matter. He was tone deaf and preferred the beauty of silence. That and the sounds of nature. The whinnying of a horse. The raw cry of an eagle.
But even he could appreciate the band tonight. It was a group of local boys who had curried fame and favor by writing and playing their own music—most of it love songs. Instead of line dancing and boot stomping, Jed was able to enjoy tucking Kimberly against his shoulder and moving slowly to a melody that made him yearn for a simpler time.
As a high school kid, nothing much had mattered except for sports and grades and Kimberly Fanning. Not necessarily in that order. If the team won...if he pulled an A on a history paper...if Kimmie smiled at him during lunch...all was right with his world.
Right up until the day she stomped on his heart.
Caught in a tantalizing time warp, he ran his hand down her back. She felt right in his arms. The passage of years was immaterial. Though he had come here tonight to get an honest answer out of Kimberly, the truth was far more complicated.
The two of them had dated for a year and a half. They had laughed together, danced together, watched movies together and on three separate, memorable occasions in the spring right before graduation, they had slept together.
Even now he could see the look in her eyes the moment he took her innocence. Kimmie had been radiant. Utterly serene. He hadn’t had to coax. She had been as enthralled in the physical pull as he was. And though he had been fumbling and awkward and quick off the mark, Kimberly made him feel like a king.
He shook his head slightly, caught in the cobwebby remnants of the past. She was just a girl. That’s all. And in the interim, he’d dated dozens of women. Slept with a handful.
There was no reason at all for him to feel such a rush of excitement at holding her again.
With a sigh, she rested her head on his collarbone. The simple intimacy of the gesture rocked him. Couples came and went on the dance floor. He and Kimberly danced on.
Her breasts were full and warm against his chest. He held her close, far too close for propriety. It was inevitable that she recognized his arousal. He didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or sanguine about it. Because she sure as hell wasn’t pulling away.
“Come up to my room,” he urged. “I want to be alone with you.”
Two
Kimberly heard Jed’s words through a veil of arousal that was as unexpected as it was sweet. The boy she once loved had become an impressive man, the gulf between them wider than ever. Even without the success he had found in his chosen career, his stake in Willowbrook Farms made his net worth far more than Kimberly would earn in a lifetime.
She shut her mind to the differences between them and concentrated on the here and now. His body was tough and strong. He was the kind of man a woman could lean on if she were so inclined. For years they had managed to avoid each other. But tonight, for some unfathomable reason, Jed had deliberately sought her out.
He said he wanted closure. Did that include sex? She was chagrinned to realize she hoped the answer was yes.
Toying with the silky hair at the nape of his neck, she inhaled sharply, remembering a season when she had been able to touch him with impunity...a perfect string of months when a simple kiss could turn Jed—and her—inside out. Once upon a time they had skinny-dipped at a nearby lake under cover of darkness. She’d been scared of things that lived under the water, but Jed had teased her about her fears and proceeded to erase everything from her mind except him. He’d urged her legs around his waist, caressed her bottom and kissed her hard. The jolt of physical and mental joy that accompanied their joining had lived on in her imagination lo
ng after he was gone.
Now nothing in the large room seemed real. Like a fevered dream she’d experienced a hundred different times, Jed held her with masculine confidence. He smelled wonderful. Crisp starch and warm male skin and a hint of spicy aftershave. The soft, expensive fabric of his jacket molded to shoulders that were wide and strong. The kind of shoulders that could hold a woman up if she faltered.
Her insides quivered as if she were still seventeen and in love with the most popular boy in school. The fact that Jed picked her had baffled and frustrated many of the girls in his social circle...girls whose parents bought them the latest clothing every season, brand-new sports cars when they were sixteen and every electronic toy imaginable.
Kimberly’s parents and brother had been killed in a car accident when she was only fourteen, leaving Kimberly to care for her ailing grandmother and to keep the household running. Grammy Tilda had gradually sunk further and further into the grip of dementia until her body finally gave out three years ago. After the funeral, Kimberly was all alone in the world.
She didn’t begrudge the time she had devoted to Grammy’s care. Her grandmother was the one person she’d always been able to count on. Grammy Tilda had told her about periods and sex and what it meant to love someone without regret.
Unfortunately, when it came to Jed Farrell, Kimberly had plenty of regrets. But tonight was not going to be added to the list.
His lips brushed her ear, sending a sharp frisson of pleasure through every nerve. “It’s time, Kimberly.”
She nodded jerkily, her throat too tight for more than a whisper. “Yes.”
They made it out of the room in short order, stopping only twice when they were waylaid for hugs and hellos and remember whens? Kimberly’s responsibilities for the evening were over, so she felt no qualms about leaving. At least no qualms about the reunion committee. Nerves and second-guessing herself about Jed made her stomach flip and curl.
When they finally made it to the elevator, Jed was silent. Three feet of space separated them. In the mirrored wall opposite her she could see his aquiline profile as he stared down at his feet. The small bump on the ridge of his nose was the result of a long-ago football injury. He’d been knocked out cold on the field. Kimberly had sat in the stands, agonized, until finally one of the coaches helped him up and off the field.
The elevator halted with a slight jerk. The trip was over almost before it began. Jed held open the door and motioned for her to get out.
Why wasn’t he touching her anymore? In his embrace, it was easy to get swept away by sexual attraction and “Auld Lang Syne.” But if he was going to be serious and brooding, there was a good chance she might run.
When they stepped through the door of his room, she halted in surprise. The room was not a room at all. It was a suite. Luxurious, elegant and unabashedly romantic.
He stood behind her, blocked from entering. Whirling to face him, she stared at his expressionless face. “Was this what you had in mind all along?”
“Does it matter?”
“I think it does.”
“Why, Kimberly? I booked a room at the hotel so I wouldn’t have to drive back out to the ranch. Did it cross my mind that you and I might spend some time together? I suppose. But hell, for all I knew you might have had a boyfriend with you tonight.”
She searched his eyes, desperate for any clue that she wasn’t making a mistake of gigantic proportions. “Though I didn’t,” she said slowly. “So here we are.”
He eased her into the room, his hands at her waist. “You’re free to go, Kimmie. I’m not tying you up and keeping you prisoner.” Releasing her abruptly, he strode to the far side of the room and poured himself a drink. He tossed it back recklessly, making her wonder if he was as calm as he seemed.
The allusion to bondage, no matter how subtle, sent her temperature up. As teenagers, she and Jed had never gotten beyond the giddy pleasure of missionary style. To imagine playing those kinds of games with a very adult Jed Farrell made her quiver inside.
She sensed that Jed was giving her the lead. If anything was going to happen, she would have to take the next step.
For several long seconds she stayed rooted to the floor. How many times had she imagined a future with Jed? She’d been a young girl, starry-eyed with dreams.
Life had taught her there were no guarantees. This might be her last chance to connect with him and clear the air. Instead of animosity, perhaps they could reach a détente. Go forward as friends. Jed wanted closure. At least he was honest about it.
What did she want?
The answer was pretty simple. She wanted Jed.
* * *
He stood, empty glass in his hand, and pretended he wasn’t watching her. Her expressive face told him she was as conflicted as he was. At least Jed had known what tonight might bring. Kimberly had been blindsided by his appearance at the reunion.
When she crossed the room toward him, his lungs emptied in a long, slow exhale. She stopped a short distance away, her hands plucking at her skirt. “Is there a woman in Dallas who has a claim on you? Or anywhere for that matter?”
He set down the glass and gave her his full attention. “No. Absolutely not.”
Kimberly gazed at him in silence as if trying to dissect his brain with the power of thought. Her warm brown eyes reminded him of dark, rich chocolate. He was allergic to chocolate. But sometimes a man had to live dangerously. “Does that make a difference?”
She shrugged. “Yes.”
Her body language spoke clearly to him. Nerves. Indecision. Fear. But underneath it all he saw a glimmer of a very familiar emotion...desire. He held out a hand. “I’ve missed you, Kimberly. More than you know. You’ve been like a splinter under my skin.”
His candor coaxed a grin from her. Her nose wrinkled. “That doesn’t sound like a compliment. Besides...I never had a chance back then. All you had to do was look at me, and I melted.”
“And now?” He held his breath, his fingers tightening on hers.
“It’s a night to relive the past,” she said softly. “Surely that can’t be a bad thing.”
Dizziness rocked him for a moment. He had been holding his breath, his hope and expectation no more than 50/50 that she would stay. “There’s nothing I would like more.”
He drew her close. If dancing with her had seemed familiar, this embrace was a thousand times more so. Memories bombarded him. Was it the faint, sweet recollection of puppy love?
The slender arms that slid around his neck said otherwise. He put his hands on her waist, feeling almost as clueless as that long-ago teenage boy who had trembled with the need to possess her.
“You smell good,” he said, nuzzling her neck.
A soft laugh was his answer. “I thought you might have learned some new lines over the years.”
He bit her earlobe gently. “Don’t mock me, woman. I’m feeling distinctly off-kilter.”
Without warning, she pulled back and looked at him, her expression halfway between puzzlement and suspicion. “Why?”
“Why do you think?” He shook his head, amazed that he didn’t already have her between the sheets. “Frankly, I was hoping I’d come to the reunion tonight, see you and chat for a while, and feel nothing.”
Her throat worked as she swallowed. She kicked off her heels with a grimace and wiggled her toes. “I’m getting mixed signals, Jed. If you’re still mad, just say so.”
He was mad. That was the problem. Mad at her for tossing aside what they had. Mad at himself for not trying harder to make her see reason. Mad at the realization there was a good chance Kimberly Fanning had ruined him for other women.
“I hated you for a long time,” he admitted abruptly, the words tumbling uncensored from his tight throat.
Kimberly paled and sat down hard on the edge of the bed. “That makes me sad. I imagined you having all sorts of fun in college.”
“I did,” he said flatly. “And when it was over, I still couldn’t handle being in the same to
wn with you.”
The wounded expression in her eyes should have stopped him, but the explosive mix of emotions duking it out in his chest tumbled toward the truth. “I was in love with you, Kimberly. The hell of it was, you cut me loose with such careless ease, I knew you didn’t feel the same way.”
“But I—”
He silenced her with a wave of his hand. “Forget it. You did what you had to do, I guess.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her cheeks wet.
He shoved the heels of his hands into his eyes, experiencing a familiar burn in his gut. Regret. Frustration. Hurt.
“I’m sorry, too,” he muttered. “This wasn’t what I wanted when I asked you to come upstairs with me.”
She wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I can’t undo the past, Jed. You’re going to have to forgive me and let it go. If it’s any consolation, I was hurting, too.”
“But not enough to change your mind.”
“No.” She bit her lip. “The end may have been painful for both of us, but if I’m being honest with you, I would probably have done the same thing again. I was old for my years, Jed. I knew I had to put someone first. And that someone was Grammy Tilda. You had every opportunity in the world at your feet. My grandmother had no one but me. If I had let you, I think you would have stayed in Royal to help me.”
The quiet words held dignity and sadness and the ring of truth. Perhaps Kimberly had been right all along. That was a tough pill to swallow.
He shoved those thoughts aside and tried to resurrect the mood. “You said it’s all water under the bridge, and that’s true. But you’re still a beautiful woman, and I want you, Kimmie.”
She managed a smile. “I want you, too.”
When she stood, he pulled her close and cupped her bottom with his hands. Touching her like this melted his pique into nothingness. How could he hold on to such a negative emotion when she was finally in his arms? Gently, he lowered the zipper of her dress. All night he had wondered if she was wearing anything under that fitted bodice. The answer was no. His hands caressed smooth, warm skin.
THE UNTAMEABLE TEXAN Page 2