“No problem. I’ll do what I can with Beth. But, like I said, honestly, I wouldn’t expect anything to change. Maybe you should look to a plan B and watch over Ella yourself. I wasn’t kidding about the self-defense; it might be a great idea.”
“Maybe so. Thanks Nick, I appreciate the talk.”
Declan walked back toward his office and had to admit that Nick was right. Protecting Ella was going to fall on his shoulders. Teaching her to defend herself was also a good idea. If Ava had known how, her life might have been very different now. He wasn’t a man prone to fanciful thoughts, but he would love to see his sister smile that easy smile that she had for so many years before that bastard took it away from her. And he would be damned if he would let the same thing happen to his Ella.
Not your Ella, she will never be yours. Remember who you are.
* * *
“Ready to go, kid?” Ella looked up to see Beth, Suzy, and Claire standing on the other side of her desk with their purses. The morning had passed in a blur of work and thoughts of Declan. She was surprised to see that it was well after noon.
“Get your things,” Suzy demanded. “I hear you have some good stuff we need to hear during our lunch hour.”
Ella looked over at a sheepish Beth.
“Hey, you know that pregnant women can’t keep anything that good to themselves. I really tried, but I can never hide anything from my sister.”
Suzy put her hands on her hips and looked at Beth. “Oh, really? It seems to me like you are the queen of hiding things. Let’s see, there was that whole doing my brother-in-law in my kitchen and then practically living with him for months before you told me.”
Beth’s face flushed red as she laughed. “Well, that was an isolated incident. I’m totally truthful now.”
Claire stepped forward and took her arm. “Come on, Ella. They can walk behind us and bicker all the way to the car. At least they’ll get it out of their system so we can all focus on you during lunch.”
True to her prediction, Beth and Suzy did indeed tease each other for the entire ride to lunch. Once again, Ella found herself grateful to have such an amazing group of friends. They might embarrass her more often than not, but she knew that they genuinely cared and would support her no matter what.
Since Beth had a craving for Japanese food, they decided on the Yamoto at Broadway at the Beach. Ella loved the mix of restaurants and stores arranged around a lake. Sometimes during her lunch break, she would come here alone and spend her hour walking the boardwalk and feeding the fish. Luckily, it was a favorite of everyone in the group so they came here often.
When they were settled at a table, Suzy leveled a direct stare at her and asked, “So, with tongue or without?”
As she choked on a sip of iced tea, Beth thoughtfully wacked her on the back.
“Wha . . . what?”
Flicking her wrist impatiently, Suzy asked, “Did he put his tongue in your mouth or did you just rub lips?”
“I . . . well.”
Giving her a sympathetic look, Claire said, “Honey, just go ahead and answer the question. It will be less painful.”
Ella took a deep breath and admitted, “Yes, there was tongue.”
“Good, good,” Suzy smiled. “Are we talking a lot of it or just a swipe?”
Ella could feel her face flaming as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “I’m not sure how much a lot is, but it lasted a while and . . . I liked it.”
“You slut!”
“Suzy!” Beth and Claire both gasped out in horror.
“What? I’m just kidding. I’m happy that she admitted to liking it. My little girl is growing up.” They all laughed as Suzy looked at Ella like a proud parent. “So the dating thing is getting to him.”
“I don’t know,” Ella said. “Maybe.”
“Oh, yeah, it is. I busted him at the office watching you leave with your date. He didn’t know I was there so I had a few minutes to study him. When you strolled off with your not so attractive date, he looked like someone had kicked him in the balls.”
Ella was stunned. She had no idea that Declan had seen her leave with Hugh. “I never saw him.”
“I know,” Suzy smiled, “and that made it even better. I, of course, took a moment after you left to turn the screw. I’m not sure, but I think he might hate me now.” Normally, that thought might upset someone, but apparently not Suzy. “Alright, so this seems to be working. Do we have any more candidates? I gotta say though, you can do better than the last one. That man looked like he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”
At Suzy’s statement, laughter erupted all around the table. Claire, ever the diplomatic one, tried to smother her smile behind her napkin as she said, “Er, I’m sure he was fine, Ella. Suz just compares every man to Gray and, let’s face it, most men would come up lacking in that comparison. Plus, looks aren’t everything.”
Suzy snorted. “Yeah, it’s easy to say that when you’re married to Jason Danvers, right? Power to the little people and all.” In a perfect imitation of Claire’s soft voice, Suzy said, “Looks don’t matter as long as he has a good personality.” When Beth opened her mouth to speak, Suzy pinned her with a hard stare and said, “And Nick’s no ugly duckling either. Come on girls, he doesn’t have to be a model, but let’s at least get her up to average. That guy had ears so big, he could pass for Dumbo’s father.”
“Okay,” Beth laughed. “We get your point.” Turning to Ella she asked, “How about the guy that you told me about, wasn’t he a lawyer?”
Nodding, Ella said, “Yes, Travis. He said he was mid-thirties and practiced real estate law. He was pretty cute, I think.”
Claire gave a thumbs-up. “That sounds like a good one. Are you going to line him up for the next date?”
Ella looked at Suzy, waiting for her approval. It was kind of funny. Ella had started thinking of Suzy as the godfather of the dating world. You didn’t want to make a move without her approval. “That could work. Please tell me he isn’t a total bow wow.”
“No, he is much better than Hu—I mean, he is nice looking. I’ll e-mail him tonight.” Then with a sigh, Ella said, “I just wish that Declan would ask me out already. I don’t really want to date anyone else. I want to be with him. I don’t even know if this is going to work.”
Beth put her arm around her and gave her a squeeze. “Sometimes men aren’t that smart, sweetie, and they have to be shown the way. I don’t think this will go on for long though. If Declan had that strong of a reaction to your first date, I can’t see him just letting it continue. And who knows, you might meet someone else and decide that you don’t want him.” All three people at the table looked at Beth as if she were crazy. “What? It could happen.”
Suzy shook her head before saying, “Honey, Declan is a prime piece of bad-boy candy. If you land that wild one, he will rock your world. I’m not saying you need to marry him, but you damn sure need to sleep with him. That is the sexual initiation that every woman should have. Of course, there’s also the fact that we all want to know how he is in bed.” The women nodded their heads in agreement. Apparently, more than one person at the table had given some thought to Declan’s . . . talents.
After lunch, Ella dropped a quick e-mail to Travis and made a date for Friday night. She hoped that the evening would not turn out as boring as the one she had spent with Hugh. It wasn’t encouraging that she had seen no sign of Declan yet. Her mood took a nosedive as she was faced with the fact that maybe the kiss last night was an isolated incident.
* * *
When Ella walked in the door of her apartment that evening, she felt depressed. Declan was apparently back to pretending that she didn’t exist. Even though she had known better, she hadn’t been able to keep from getting her hopes up that they had turned some corner the night before. That didn’t appear to be the case. Dropping her purse on the floor, she went straight for the freezer. It might not solve all of her problems, but a pint of cookie dough ice cr
eam couldn’t hurt. Well, maybe it could when her butt expanded, but if this wasn’t an emergency then what was?
Not bothering with a bowl, Ella grabbed a spoon. Just as she slid the first creamy bite into her mouth, the doorbell rang. Please don’t let it be my parents. Of course it’s your parents, who else comes to visit you? She juggled the ice cream in one hand and opened the door without looking through the peephole. She was shocked into silence at the sight of her visitor.
Declan stood on her welcome mat in a formfitting pair of dark jeans and a T-shirt. He was holding a brown bag that smelled heavenly. “Declan . . . um . . . what—”
“Hey Ellie, I thought you might be hungry.”
“Ellie?” she asked in surprise.
“Sorry ’bout that. I tend to give everyone a nickname. Some I repeat, some I don’t. Just a carryover from my days in the military. Real names were hardly ever used there.”
Wow, she had just learned more about him in two minutes on her doorstep than she had in the previous month at the office. “That’s okay, I kind of like Ellie. I always thought Ella made me sound old.” Then realizing that he was still standing in the hallway, she hastily stepped to the side and said, “Come in.”
Declan walked past her and into her kitchen. He set the bag on the counter and turned back around. Shooting an amused look at the ice cream she was still clutching he asked, “So do you want some Chinese food, or are you dedicated to that carton you’re holding?”
She could feel her face starting to flame as she hastily shoved the carton back into the freezer. Now that she finally had Declan in her apartment, she had no idea what to do with him. First, stop staring at him and get some plates. Do you want him to know that you’ve never had a man over before? Pathetic! She gave him an awkward smile and turned to the cabinet behind her to get the plates. Naturally, the first plate she reached for slid out of her hands like a Frisbee and flew across the kitchen to land at Declan’s feet. She then compounded the disaster by racing forward to clean it up at the same time that he bent down. She saw stars as their heads crashed together and she promptly fell backwards on her butt from the impact.
“Whoa, Ellie, are you alright?” Declan laughed.
With a groan, she covered her face and hoped that she would simply disappear. “Oh, Calgon, take me away!” Yeah, like that ever really worked anytime other than the commercials.
She heard Declan chuckle above her before his hands gently pried hers from her face. “You’re a little dangerous, aren’t you? I’m all for a woman falling at my feet, but how about leaving the china out of the equation next time, sweetheart. Where is your broom?” She pointed him to the closet in the corner. He pulled her to her feet and patted her butt. “I hope everything is okay back there after your fall?” Speechless, she could only nod her head as he walked to the closet for the broom. He made short work of the cleanup and she set her small dining room table without further incident.
“So . . . Um, I’m kind of surprised to see you,” she began.
“Are you really, Ellie? Usually when I lick a woman’s tongue, they aren’t surprised to see me. Some might even look forward to it.”
Ella’s fork clattered to her plate as she stared at him. He continued to eat as if they always had conversations like this. “But . . . I just didn’t . . .”
He swallowed a bite and turned to her. “You want to be involved with me?”
“Involved?” Surely, he didn’t actually mean what it sounded like he meant and she wasn’t about to make a fool of herself yet again by assuming.
Declan took his time wiping his mouth with a napkin before answering. “My idea of what that means will probably be a little different from yours, Ellie, but I think you get the idea. I like you, I want you, and I think you feel the same. I’ve tried to step back even though I knew how you felt about me because you are just too good for someone like me.” When she opened her mouth to protest, he raised his hand to silence her. “For years I have lived a life that you can’t even imagine. I have done and seen things that would shock you, disgust you, and scare the hell out of you. Don’t even bother to doubt me, because even I run from the things in my head. So I can’t make any promises to you, Ellie, because more than likely I’d end up breaking them. I’m not going to be the man you settle down with or the man who gives you a family, but, honey, I can be the man who makes your skin burn, your toes curl, and who makes you lose your inhibitions and scream. That I can promise you.”
Ella felt her breathing kick into high gear as her nipples peaked and heat pooled between her thighs. Declan’s eyes blazed into hers as if awaiting her response. All she could manage to croak out was “Why did you change your mind?”
He leaned forward in his chair and trailed a finger down one of her flushed cheeks. “You are hell-bent on finding a man, Ellie, and even though you might end up hating me in the end, I’ll never hurt you physically. For you, I will even try to give you some of what you need.”
Man, was that an intriguing sentence. “Some of what I need?”
Declan shifted in his seat, obviously uncomfortable. “Yeah, you know a date kind of thing. Maybe dinner and a movie or whatever you enjoy doing. I want us to be lovers, Ellie, but I will try to give as much as I take. I haven’t done this whole dating scene in a long time and I’m not sure I even know how to do something so normal anymore.”
Ella could feel tears welling up in her eyes. Declan sounded so lost and alone. She had to wonder what he had gone through to make him sound afraid to do something so normal as go on a date. They had spent a lot of time talking at the office, but it was usually about her. He rarely ever talked about his life or his past. When she had tried to ask, he had changed the subject or made up some appointment he had to get to. She knew he had spent years in the military and she had to assume that that was the source of most of his demons. Shyly, she reached out and took his hand in hers. “I do like you. I haven’t made a secret of that, but before this goes any further, I need to tell you something.”
“I already know, Ellie.”
Ella’s jaw dropped in surprise as she asked, “You do?”
“Yeah, I do,” Declan smiled.
“Wha . . . what do you know?”
His smile turned in to a full-scale smirk as he said, “I know that you want my body. You don’t need to confess, sweetheart.” Declan burst out laughing as she stared at him with her mouth open. “I’m sorry, Ellie, I couldn’t resist. You looked so nervous that I thought you needed a good laugh. Now what do you need to tell me?”
Ella could only stare at the man sitting in front of her. He was actually making jokes. He seemed almost happy. Could he need her as much as she needed him? What he was offering her went against everything she had been raised to believe. He was as good as promising her that there would be no future for them. Had she waited for Mr. Right for this long only to settle for Mr. Right-now? If the only feelings between them were physical, why was she so drawn to him? Was she strong enough to battle his demons and save the man underneath it all?
Question after question swirled through her head as she gazed into the laughing eyes of the man before her. If she were truthful with herself, she would admit that the battle had been lost the moment he walked through her door. There was no way she could walk away from what he was offering. It might not be what she had always imagined her first love to be, but she knew in her heart that Declan would change her life forever whether he stayed for one night or for the rest of her life. She crossed her fingers that he didn’t run when she answered his questions. “I, um . . . don’t have much experience with what you’re talking about.” Declan rubbed his finger over the palm of her hand in a way that sent tingles across her skin. “Well, all of it, I guess. I’ve gone on dates, but it didn’t go much further than that.”
He extended his other hand and raised her chin, forcing her to make eye contact. “Are you a virgin, Ellie?”
Why wouldn’t the floor open up and swallow you when you really needed it? Ell
a would have been grateful for a crack even big enough to fall through. She had never really had this conversation with anyone other than Beth and certainly never a man. Maybe it was great to make it through your teenage years and still be a virgin, but when you were nearing thirty, it seemed more like a commitment to becoming the weird cat lady.
“My parents were pretty protective and didn’t let me date while I was in school so I never had many opportunities to . . . you know.”
Declan took a deep breath and suddenly toppled her off her chair and onto his lap. She gasped in surprise at the feel of his hard thighs against her bottom. He wrapped his arms around her and tucked her head under his chin. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, honey. I suspected as much. You’re a beautiful woman, but it’s obvious that you don’t use that beauty the way most women do. I’m going to be noble just one time here and offer to walk away if you don’t want this. You know I’m not offering you anything permanent so if you want your first time to be with the man you marry, then I’ll step back and let you go. I’m only going to make that offer once though, Ellie, so be damn sure before you answer.”
Ella pulled back and met his gaze without wavering. “I want you, Declan. You are the only man who has ever made me feel this way, and I’m not walking away.”
Declan let out an unsteady breath then he circled her lower lip with his fingertip. “Thank, God, because that would have probably killed me. He groaned as she wiggled on his lap. “Baby, please stop moving like that before I break my promise and take you right here. I want to show you all of the ways to give and take pleasure before I’m inside of you.”
Ella could feel herself blush again at Declan’s frank words. Despite his protests though, he seemed powerless to resist when she slid her hands into his hair and pulled his head slowly toward hers. She was dying for another kiss like their last one. She wanted to feel his tongue against hers and lose herself in the heat of his mouth. She placed her lips softly against his and waited for him to take the lead. But other than gripping her hips tightly, he didn’t move. She tentatively parted her lips and darted her tongue against the seam of his mouth. A rough growl erupted from his throat as he took control of the kiss. He nipped, sucked, and plundered every corner before pulling abruptly away.
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