by Rowan Hanlon
“How did he take you?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” Hadley replied and shook her head, wondering what she was getting at.
“The day of your abduction,” she said. “Could you walk me through that?”
Hadley knew her words seemed a little insensitive, but she knew she didn’t mean it like that. She really just wanted to know. Everyone wanted to know. And the truth was, she had blocked it out. And the very idea that the whole thing that had conspired to get her here was now gone from her mind really irritated her. She, simply, couldn’t remember. She could not remember. She couldn’t even remember the day it happened. Was it a Monday? A Friday? Tuesday? And what time? Was it morning, noon or night? What had she eaten that day? If it were in the morning, she would have had just some cereal, maybe with a banana, which she still loved as she had when she was a little girl. That’s all she would have had on her stomach—cereal and banana. If he’d taken her after lunch, she would have been fuller because she always ate a sandwich of some sort, usually turkey and bacon. She would have gotten one from the hotel restaurant and the chef, who she was good friends with, would make her fries “extra crispy.” She’d eat them with ketchup. She’d have a soda but never desert, unless, of course, the pastry chef had prepared tarts with delicious berries—strawberry, blackberry, raspberry—on top, which she loved and couldn’t get enough of.
Could it have been at supper? If it was supper, then Huck usually cooked and who knew what she could have eaten? He was always experimenting, making all kinds of new meals from beef stews to tikki masala. Sometimes he’d just order a pizza. But he was always ready for her whenever she came home. He always had something planned. A meal was either on the stove, on the table or on the way from a takeout place.
They went out occasionally, sometimes to a restaurant downtown. He liked those brewery places where you could get craft beers. She liked the hamburgers those places served, usually grass-fed beef. And the fries were always so good, so crispy, though the fries at work were much better. The chef always seasoned them with ground black pepper and sea salt.
“You don’t remember, do you?” the psychiatrist asked.
“What is your name?” Hadley asked, ignoring her question.
She smiled a little at her and said, “Alicia. Alicia Barnes.” She looked down at the folder in her lap. “You know, you ask me that every time we meet, Hadley.”
“I’m having trouble with names,” she replied.
“Then you can just call me by my first name,” she told her. “Just call me Alicia.”
Hadley nodded. “I’ll try to remember your name this time, Alicia,” she said and made a mental note to do so: Her name is Alicia. Her name is Alicia.
“Did your captor have a name?” she asked.
Hadley eyed her. “What do you mean?”
“Did he ever tell you his name?” she asked.
“Yes, he did,” she said.
“And what was it?” she asked, getting really interested.
“He said he was the devil,” Hadley replied. “And he was. He was the devil.”
Alicia swallowed hard, as if she hadn’t been ready for that answer. She smiled tightly and said, “But what about a real name? A given name?”
Hadley wondered why this was so important to her. What did it matter what his name was? It’s not like he would have told her his real name. Besides that, he could have made up any number of names. He could, quite literally, be anyone. Finding him was going to be like finding a needle in a haystack. And, she knew, that’s what her captor had become. He’d become a needle in a haystack. She hadn’t been giving the detectives anything to go on and now they were colluding with her psychiatrist to get information out of her. And the thing was, she had no information to give. Her captor had been very professional in his dealings with her. He’d done everything he could to either erase or cloud her memory of what had happened and who he was. To be honest, she was surprised they’d even found the house.
“I think that’s all for today,” Alicia said. “You look tired.”
“When can I go home?” Hadley asked.
“Are you ready for that?” she asked. “You know, there’s been a horde of people outside this hospital waiting to get a look at you. Reporters will want to ask you questions. People will want to pry into your life.”
“Why?” Hadley asked dryly. “So, they can somehow turn it around on me?”
She gasped. “Well, that’s not what I meant. Wait a second. Do you think you’re at fault for this?”
Hadley shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s what the devil told me.”
“Well, the devil was wrong,” she said, a very stern tone to her voice.
“And he’s in the details,” Hadley muttered.
“What did you say?” she asked and stood.
Hadley looked up at her and realized, for the first time, that was what was missing. The details were missing. All the little details of what had happened were gone. All remnants of the things that had happened were missing. Was there any way to get them back?
“Hadley?” she asked. “What did you say?”
“I think I know what’s wrong,” she said and smiled a little, something she hadn’t done in a very, very long time.
Alicia smiled back. “I think I know what to do now.”
* * * * *
Hadley had never been a big believer in hypnosis or any of that. She’d once gone to a campus function where they had a hypnotist putting on a show. He had pulled a few people out of the audience and made them do ridiculously funny things. She’d never laughed as hard as she did that night. But that was just fun and games. She never thought something like that could be applied to her life and give her any sort of clarity.
But she was wrong.
The psychiatrist took it upon herself to find a hypnotherapist and she found a room in the hospital where the three of them could spend an afternoon together without interruption. The room was small but pleasant enough with a comfortable couch and two chairs. There was a window that overlooked the enormous parking garage. Hadley sat on the couch and faced the hypnotherapist and her psychiatrist.
“Hello, Hadley,” he said and smiled at her. “I’m Dr. Adam Sparks.”
“Nice to meet you,” she said but didn’t smile back. She immediately liked him and, though he was quite a bit older than herself, he was a nice-looking man with an affable attitude.
“Hadley,” Alicia said. “Dr. Sparks will conduct this session. I am only going to be here as an onlooker. However, I will be taking notes and there might be things that come up that we will discuss at a later date.”
Hadley nodded at her, then turned to Dr. Sparks. “I’m ready when you are.”
He chuckled a little. “A bit impatient, aren’t you?” he asked.
“I am,” she replied. “I want to get out of here and go home. Alicia told me I might be able to do that if I get some more clarity.”
“It will help,” he said and leaned back in his chair. “Now, this is a simple process. I’m just going to talk and you’re going to listen. If at any time you become too uncomfortable or things look like they may go a little pear-shaped, then I’ll pull you out.”
“Does this really work?” Hadley asked. “I’m sorry, but I’m a little skeptical.”
“It works,” he assured her. “But, like I said, if at any time you want to stop, we will stop. This is a safe environment and we’re here to protect you.”
“Okay,” Hadley said, nodding. “I’ll give it a try.”
He smiled gently at her and said, “Are you comfortable?”
Hadley sat back into the couch cushions, then straightened up and, using her arms to lift her bottom up off the couch, she crossed her legs beneath her before sitting back down. This was her “frog” position. That’s what Huck had told her she looked like whenever she did it. But she was quite comfortable in this position. She told the doctor, “I am now.”
&
nbsp; “Good,” he said. “Now all I want you to do is think about something. I want you to think about something that once made you happy.”
“When am I going to get verrry, verrry sleepy?” she asked.
“You’ve watched too many movies,” he said and chuckled a little. “We’re not going to go to sleep. We’re just going to relax. Can you hear me clearly?”
“I can,” she replied.
“Now I’m going to ask that you close your eyes, and, like I said, think about something that once made you very happy.” He paused. “Can you do that for me, Hadley?”
“I can,” she said and closed her eyes.
“I want you to take three deep cleansing breaths,” he said. “I’ll do it with you. Ready?”
“Ready.”
“One…” he took a breath. “Two… Three…”
One… Two… Three… Hadley took the breaths and suddenly, she felt her mind free up just a little.
“And, again,” he said. “One… Two… Three…”
Hadley repeated the breaths to herself and took them one at a time.
“How do you feel?” Dr. Sparks asked.
“I feel okay,” she said truthfully.
“Good, good,” he said. “Any anxiety you might be feeling is just floating away on a cloud. Can you see that cloud, Hadley?”
Hadley could. That cloud was dark and black and filled with bad feelings and it was floating away from her line of vision. “I can see the cloud,” she said. “It’s leaving.”
“Good,” he said smoothly, calmly. “Just watch the cloud for me, okay?”
“Okay,” she said and then felt her entire body relax.
He didn’t speak for a long, few seconds, then he said, “Now, what I want you to do is just think about something for me, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I want you to think about a time before all this happened,” he said, the calm resonating in his voice.
Hadley listened to his voice, to the tone of his voice and it immediately set her at ease. She began to feel lighter, airier, like she used to. She felt very relaxed. And this made her pay special attention to his voice, which was all she could concentrate on.
“Think about a time when everything was just good,” he said. “Bring yourself to that time. Who were you then? Who was that young woman? Who was she? What was she like? What made her happy?”
Hadley suddenly laughed.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I was just thinking about Huck,” she said and laughed again. “When we first met.”
“Where was that?” he asked, his voice so calm and reassuring.
“At my job,” she said. “I managed… Well, I wanted the manager job but I was an assistant manager at a really nice, older hotel downtown. You know the one? It’s called the Chandler.”
“Yes, I know it,” he said. “That’s a really nice hotel.”
“We always had a lot of foreign businessmen come through,” she said. “And business women, too.” She paused and took a deep, cleansing breath. “The architecture of the hotel, which was built in the thirties, is stunning, very classy. Art Deco. I was so happy when I landed that job and it paid well.”
“How long ago was this?” he asked.
“Oh, wow,” she said. “That’s got to be at least five years ago. Time flies, doesn’t it?”
“It does,” he said. “And being the assistant manager at this hotel made you happy?”
“Very much so,” she said and smiled. “I loved my job and when my boss resigned to go to another job, well, I jumped at the chance to be the manager but everyone thought I was too young. But my boss gave me a really good recommendation and I got the job. I was very happy. And my parents thought it was cool, you know? They were proud of me. That I was successful at such a young age.”
“And how old were you then?”
“When I got the assistant manager job, I was just out of college, so about twenty-three or so. Well, I’d been out of college for a year or so and that job came open and I applied.” She paused. “And then, I worked for a few years and then I got the manager job. Maybe twenty-six or so. No, wait. I’d worked there longer than that. I was older than that. I was about twenty-eight. Even so, I was young. Really young.”
“And happy,” he said.
“Yeah,” she said. “I had my own car and my own apartment and I was ballin’! You know? I was a baller!” She cracked up. “I don’t know why I said that. I never say stuff like that.”
“Does someone you know say stuff like that?” he asked.
“Oh, yeah, all the bellboys and you know, the valets,” she said. “Most of us are around the same age and we talk. We’re cool. They know I’m the boss, though, and I will bust their balls if I have to. But if they do their work, I’m cool.”
“You sound very efficient,” he said.
“I am,” she said. “I take my job very seriously but I don’t think that means you can’t have fun occasionally. I always throw a Halloween party for the staff, in the ballroom.”
“Why a Halloween party?” he asked.
“Well, we’re not booked up around that time and everyone has so much going on at Christmas,” she replied. “Halloween is just fun, you know? And we wear costumes and get a fog machine and get skeletons and lots of candy and caramel apples and it’s just so much fun. And then it’s on to the holidays, which are always a nightmare. We’re always fully booked until well after New Year’s.”
“What about Huck?” he asked. “You mentioned him.”
“Oh, Huck,” she said and smiled. “I met him at work.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, really,” she said. “Anyway, if you want to hear the story, this is what happened. I was working the front desk one night because we’d had a clerk quit abruptly. It happens; I wasn’t too rattled over it. And then, about midnight, Huck comes in. And I’m standing there, behind the desk, not used to be being up so late and I saw him and for a second I thought I was dreaming. And not like because he’s so dreamy but because I was really sleepy.”
“I understand,” he said.
“But he was dreamy, by the way,” she said and giggled a little. “And I straightened up and said, ‘How may I help you, sir?’ And he just looked at me and without skipping a beat, he said, ‘Well, I wasn’t looking for a wife, but I guess I found one today.’”
Dr. Sparks and Alicia both chuckled at the same time.
“And I was just like, ‘No,’” she continued. “And he was like, ‘No, what?’ And I told him, ‘We’re not doing this,’ you know because as a woman who works in a hotel, you do get hit on a lot and these guys will say anything to you just if they think that have a minuscule chance, which they don’t. I’m very career-focused. Eventually, I’d like to move and maybe run a hotel in Paris or somewhere. You know? I don’t want to get tied down.”
“Of course,” Dr. Sparks said.
“But he was so cute, I had to give him a chance,” she said. “He’s actually from England, from Devon. And that accent… You know what I’m saying? And so cute. I already said that once, but anyway, my mom loved him. She was just like, ‘Oh, honey, don’t let that one get away.’ And I didn’t. He took me out to dinner and then kissed me at my car and told me, ‘I love you,’ just like that. And you know the weird thing about it? I said without hesitation, ‘I love you, too.’ Isn’t that weird? Like, it goes against everything we’re taught. But it felt right and it was right. And we’ve been together ever since.”
“That’s a great story,” Dr. Sparks said.
“He’s so sweet to me,” she said. “And he’s rich, like really, really rich. He came over to work at some big computer thing in Silicon Valley and created some apps or something and made a lot of money. So, he quit that and decided to travel for a while. He was going to hike the Appalachian Trail and that’s why he was in town that day. He said he just wanted to travel and wanted me to quit my job and trave
l with him. And I said I would but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I just worked so hard to get where I was, I couldn’t just quit. Could I? Maybe I should have.”
“So, did you two immediately move in together?” he asked.
“Not immediately because he was travelling,” she replied. “And he’d just fly into Knoxville to see me and then the visits became more and more common, you know? I knew he was about ready to do something and, so, about a year or so after we met, he came over to my apartment and told me to get in the car he’d rented. He’d been… Somewhere. I can’t remember. I was just so happy to see him. And he drove to an older part of town and to this cute little house, this Victorian and he pulled up to it and said, ‘I bought you this house and I want to live in it with you. But, if you don’t like it, we can get another.’ It was so sweet. And we moved in together.”
“What about setting a wedding date?” he asked.
“I wasn’t ready for that,” she said. “I’m not one of those girls who wants a big production. And I just thought if we married, the magic might die. And I lived for that magic until…”
She paused and the dark cloud reappeared.
“What are you feeling right now, Hadley?” Dr. Sparks asked.
“I don’t know,” she whispered and felt herself falling, falling, falling into a black hole of despondency.
“Hadley,” Dr, Sparks said. “I want to continue but if you want to stop, we can stop. But I would like to know what changed. Why did you go from happy to this?”
“He’s out there,” Hadley said, as tears slid out of her eyes. “And he’ll come back for me. I just want to go home.”
“Shhh… We can stop now. Say the word.”
“I can’t…” She stopped talking and thought about something. A sound came to her. A clip-clop sound of heavy boots on rainy pavement. A look over her shoulder to see a dark figure behind her, like in some old movie. A look forward to see her car, right there in the parking lot waiting for her, beckoning her to safety. An increase of pace, almost into a jog. A feeling of silliness, then of panic then reasoning as to why she was acting so erratically. It was just a man behind her. He was just walking behind her. He was behind her then suddenly he put one hand on her shoulder.