by Rowan Hanlon
“It’ll take time,” Sloan said.
“How long?” Hadley asked, really wanting to know.
“Years,” she said. “Maybe never. You have to face that. That’s the hard part, facing it. Once you do that, once you accept that, it gets a little easier. Not much, but some.”
Hadley nodded, already dreading all the work that was ahead of her to recover from this. And she didn’t know if she could, ever.
“We’ll just go,” Clara said. “Let’s go, Sloan.”
Sloan nodded and stood.
“No, don’t go,” Hadley said, feeling exasperated. “I really want to talk to you.” She paused and bent over to set the beer on the coffee table. “It’s like… It’s like this. I want to try, for Huck. I still want that, you know? I still feel like he and I should be together, as normal couple. If I don’t try, then that will never happen. And I hate to see him hurt like this.”
“It’s not your fault,” Clara said and gave her a gentle smile.
“I know it’s not,” Hadley said. “But it’s still the same result. But I want to try. Something inside of me wants to try and not give up.”
They glanced at each other, then back at her. Sloan took a breath and said, “We’ll stay but you have to promise that if at any time this gets to be too much, you tell us to fuck off.”
“Fuck off,” Hadley said, nodding. “Got it.”
“We mean it, too,” Clara said. “So, you’re cool?”
“One hundred percent,” she replied and smiled at them. “Please sit back down.”
They sat back down and each took a long sip of their beers. Clara set hers on the coffee table and leaned back into the couch.
“So, this boyfriend of yours,” Sloan asked. “How’s that going? You said you asked him to give you some time.”
“I did—I mean just for today,” Hadley replied and picked up her beer again. “He was starting to really drive me crazy, but that could just be me, too, you know.” She took a sip of the beer.
“What’s he doing specifically?” Clara asked.
“He’s really protective now,” Hadley explained.
“Of course, he is,” Clara said and smiled at her. “Wouldn’t expect anything else from the man who loves you.”
“Right,” Hadley said and thought about something, wondering if she could say it out loud and, if she did, how it would sound. She decided to go for it because she really wanted to see if this was just in her mind or a feasible explanation. “I know this sounds crazy, but sometimes, you know, I get this weird feeling, this weird thought runs through my mind.”
Sloan eyed her and nodded for her to continue.
Hadley blew a stand of hair out of her eyes and continued, “It started right after I got home and it’s been buzzing through my mind ever since. Anyway, the thought was, and is, ‘What if it’s Huck?’ You know? Like he was the one who did this. I mean, I know he’s not, he didn’t do anything, but the thought gets stuck in my mind and I can’t get it out. I feel so bad about it, too, just thinking that because he is so good to me. But the thought won’t leave. I can’t rationalize it.”
“Honey, please,” Sloan said. “That sounds like obsessive thinking, which is something that goes along with all this.”
Clara nodded in agreement. “I did the same thing, too, wondering if it might be this one or that one. It drove me crazy until I finally realized it wasn’t any of them.”
“Besides,” Sloan said. “As soon as you were reported missing, they put a tail on him. If he’d been the one doing it, they’d had his ass like that!” She snapped her fingers.
“I mean, I know he’s not the one and what you said makes complete sense,” Hadley said hurriedly. “It’s just I get these weird thoughts about not only him, but everyone I’ve ever met.”
“You will,” Clara said. “Like I said, I had it, too.”
“Ditto,” Sloan said. “But he isn’t the type. I took one look at him, you know, when he left and we were waiting on you. I could tell. And Huck is too tall.”
Clara nodded in agreement. “Yeah, we didn’t think he was ever going to leave so we could talk to you. Sorry it has to be like this, but… It just does. If he was here, we’d get nothing done.”
“Oh,” Hadley said quietly. “I see.” She sat up straighter in her seat and exhaled. “It’s just that with these thoughts… It’s just I get weird thoughts now. I can’t get them out of my head.”
“It’s called post-traumatic stress disorder,” Clara told her.
“I know,” she said. “My doctor has been over it with me for a while now.”
Sloan and Clara nodded at her comment but didn’t speak.
“You said there has been two more?” Hadley asked. “He’s killed two more?”
“Yeah,” Sloan said. “One in Kentucky, one in Alabama. I hate that bastard so much.”
“Do you think…?” Hadley stopped herself.
“Do we think what?” Clara asked.
“He let us go?” Hadley said quietly. “I mean, instead of killing us? He let us go?”
“No,” Sloan said. “He didn’t let me go. I escaped and she was found by accident in a rotting barn. Those two women, from what I read, were taken and then killed and then just dumped. What an asshole! He’s getting sloppy and he’s getting tired. He’s also getting older. That means he’s getting weaker, not stronger. He could start making some big mistakes. Now is the right time.”
“For what?” Hadley asked.
“To hunt him down,” Clara said and scoffed. “Why do you think we’re here? We want to know everything you know. We’ve been hunting him for years. Now, since you escaped, we can get a clearer vision of what’s going on.”
“Wait a minute,” Hadley said. “What are you planning on doing?”
“Well, what do you think?” Sloan said, then jerked her hand across her neck.
Hadley’s mouth fell open. Sloan nodded at her, letting her know she was serious. Clara did, as well.
“We’re obviously not asking you to help us,” Clara said. “We just want to know what you know which can help us get to him. And he’s been so slippery.”
“But the cops are looking for him,” Hadley said.
“Yeah, and they’re doing such a good job finding him,” she said sarcastically. “I mean, it’s been ten years since I escaped. They’ve had their time. They can’t find him. I can.”
Hadley stared at her, not really knowing how to process all this. “But if you find something out, shouldn’t you call the police and tell them?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sloan asked. “This is my life’s work! If I figure him out, I am not letting him off the hook. You know what they’ll probably do? Stick him in a cell somewhere to rot away. He doesn’t get off that easy. Not after what he’s done to us, or any of the other women out there.”
Hadley looked away and didn’t know how to respond to that.
“That’s if he even goes to jail,” she seethed. “What if he gets some lawyer who knows how to get him off? What if he gets off on a legality? What if it’s a mistrial? You have to think about all these things, Hadley. Once we find him, we can’t just let him go.”
“And you can’t tell anyone if we do,” Clara told her. “I mean, I know you want to. But if you tell, then it’s over.”
Hadley considered this.
“If you’re not onboard, that’s fine,” Sloan said. “I’m cool with that. But you can’t speak of this to anyone. Ever. If you don’t want to help us, fine, but you won’t stop us, either. We’ve waited far too long for a break. We’ve been patient. We’ve not given up. And now we’re at the end. I know we’re at the end.”
“I don’t know what to think,” Hadley said. “I just don’t know what to do.”
“Nothing,” Clara said. “If you like, we’ll leave and we’ll never contact you again. But, if we do figure something out, you can’t tell anyone a thing. Not even your boyfriend.”
Hadley knew they were right. But what they were planning was crazy. She thought it was just crazy. And it sparked a fear inside of her. What if they did figure this out together and they found him and he turned it around on them? What if they all went back into captivity, perhaps never to get out again? She shuddered at the thought. She couldn’t handle it. She just couldn’t.
Hadley was so immersed in her own thoughts that when Sloan spoke, it jarred her. “What did you say?” she asked her.
“What was the worst thing he did to you?” she asked.
Hadley stared at her and said, “He crushed my soul.”
Sloan nodded. “But he didn’t kill the light in you, did he? You think he did, but I can see it in your eyes.”
Hadley had to acknowledge she was right. There was still a little light inside of her wanting to get out and shine.
“You know, he basically killed my father,” Sloan told her. “My dad never stopped looking for him and it eventually got to him. He never stopped being upset over it.”
Hadley and Clara nodded at her to continue.
“Then, one day, he came in ranting,” she said. “And he was so utterly frustrated, he was about to burst. And his heart did. He had a massive heart attack right in the kitchen, right in front of us. And he died right there. That fucker took my father away from me. He killed him and, for that, I cannot forgive.”
“I’m not saying you should,” Hadley said.
“How many other women does he have to kill or maim or degrade or treat like a fucking animal?” she asked and jerked her head at Clara. “He had her in a barn for a year. A barn! In the middle of nowhere. A barn! He had her in a stall, on a dirt floor! Big rats would come in and try to nibble at her. Did she tell you that? No, she never told anyone that but me. She couldn’t tell anyone. You can’t tell your mother something like that or your sister or father or grandmother. You just can’t! They’re all already traumatized enough over it. You add that in? They could start dropping like flies.”
Hadley sighed and looked away from Sloan.
“He is an evil that needs to be erased,” she went on. “He deserves nothing less.”
Hadley turned and faced her. “What if you do it and you find him and the next thing you know, he’s got you chained up again?” she asked. “What if that happens? You’re right back there in that hellhole. That’s where you are and this time, you’re not getting out. You’re as good as dead. You’re playing you better run again.”
They both sat up taller. Sloan said, “He made you do that, too?”
Hadley nodded. “Yeah.”
Clara shuddered, then said, “Shhh…shhh… Don’t say a word. Be still…”
Sloan joined in, “And be quiet. Play the game and never rest because I’m coming for you. Wait it out… Wait forever. But just know there is no running and there is no escape. So be quiet, stay quiet, and wait for me. If you run, if you dare, you won’t run far. But then again, you better run if you know what’s good for you.”
They stopped and stared at each other, then back at Hadley. “That game?” Sloan asked. “Is that what he played with you?”
Hadley nodded and felt tears sting her eyes.
“He played it with me at first,” Clara said, nodding slightly. “But I took it to another level. I never spoke to him. I mean, I couldn’t. I just froze whenever he was around. I literally lost my voice. And, therefore, I suppose I never really participated, not really. This really pissed him. It pissed him off so badly, he eventually just started berating me. The things that monster said to me… Well… If my husband wasn’t dead, he’d kill him for sure just for the way he talked to me.”
“Your husband died?” Hadley asked her.
She nodded. “He killed him. In my kitchen. Then he knocked me unconscious and took me.”
Hadley stared at her, feeling so bad for all of them, for what had happened. But the fear was still strong inside of her, the fear that he was near and that he could take her and, eventually, destroy her. She stammered a little as she talked, “I-I-I-… I’m-I’m so-so so sorry, Clara.”
Clara nodded and wiped at her eyes. “I cry about it every day,” she said and smiled at Hadley. “I’ll never get over it. That’s why I have to find him, girl. I have to find him. I have to.”
“I’m afraid he could kill Huck, too,” she said. “He told me was going to. Like, if I left, he would kill him. And I left. What if he kills him?”
They stared at her then shook their heads simultaneously. Clara said softly, “I think Huck will be fine. If he was going to kill him, he would have already done so.” She paused and stared at her intently. “But isn’t it funny? Here we are, all of us, still under his control, still thinking about what he’s going to do to us next. I can’t live the rest of my life like this. I won’t. He has to be eradicated.”
Hadley looked away for a moment, then back at her. She said, “I just don’t think I can. I can’t… I can’t risk going back there. I mean, what if he turns the tables on us and we go back?”
“That thought has crossed my mind more than once,” Sloan said. “But he’ll never hit me again and he’ll never rape me again and he’ll never pull my fingernails out again.”
She held up her hands, showing Hadley that her fingernails never came back in correctly. They had deep ridges in them, making them look bumpy.
“Ugly, huh?” she asked. “No, ma’am, he’ll never touch me again. Ever! I have it all planned out, don’t you worry. And if he does somehow manage to get me again? I have that planned out, too. I know things now; I know how to do things. And, if that time comes again and I’m wrong and he wins, then I know how to kill myself. And I will. A fucker like that probably doesn’t care too much if someone is breathing or not.”
Hadley blanched at her harsh words. This is too much, she thought. But then she realized something. She realized she had been living in fear ever since it happened. Always fear. It was always, always there. It never left her, not even for one minute. Just Huck leaving the house let her know how hard it was for her to even let him out of her sight. Was that any way to live? She also realized her captor was what she was afraid of. She was afraid of him taking her again and finishing the job. She remembered the mud road and how cold it was but how she persisted. How frightened she was that he was on her tail. How happy she was when she saw that park ranger who had basically saved her life. The fear never left her, not even in her sleep, not even after all this time had passed. It would always be there, warning her, controlling her, telling her she was not safe. Being abducted had flipped a switch in her mind that she couldn’t turn back off. But, if she could somehow get some closure, then she might just be able to start putting this behind her. And the only closure she was being offered was a way to get the bastard who’d done this to her.
She turned to them and said, “I’m in.”
“What?” Clara said and straightened up. “You’re in?”
“I’m in,” Hadley said, nodding adamantly. “How do we do this?”
Sloan smiled and said, “Don’t worry. Just leave it up to me.”
“Oh, why don’t you show her your computer?” Clara said.
“Oh, right,” Sloan said and stood, going to the door. “I’ll be right back.”
Hadley watched her leave then turned to Clara who smiled at her. “Sorry. This is so overwhelming.”
“It is,” Clara said. “And, quite truthfully, it doesn’t get much better. I wish I could tell you it does, but it doesn’t. Every day, it hurts. Sorry to have to tell you that. It gets more bearable, but it never goes away.”
Hadley nodded and began to feel even more overwhelmed.
“Do you want us to leave?” Clara asked, as if she were sensing her emotions.
“I don’t,” Hadley said. “I guess I just never… I never thought—”
She was interrupted by Sloan opening the front door, carrying a laptop. She slammed the door shut with her foot and went to
the couch, pulled the coffee table up to her and set the laptop on it. Hadley watched as she turned it on, then clicked around a little, then she turned the computer to her. What she saw made her eyes widen.
“I’ve been busy,” Sloan said. “This is a chart of all of his activities. You’re last.” She pointed to a picture of Hadley she’d obviously gotten off a news website. “And then there were the other two girls that didn’t make it. I just hate that sorry sack of shit.”
Hadley stared at the chart, with a caricature of a masked man in the middle. There were all these yellow lines connecting him to a lot of different women in a few different states.
“He’s been busy,” Sloan said. “Anytime someone goes missing, I put them on here until they show up, either alive or dead. Most are dead, unfortunately.”
“You did all this by yourself?” Hadley asked in awe.
“She’s got a few people who work for her,” Clara said.
“Not a few… Just one… I’ve got a friend who works in… Information technology.”
“She’s got a hacker,” Clara said.
Sloan shot her a little glare and said, “He’s an IT person, okay? Anyway, this person can find things out that the police don’t make public. He’s good.”
“Wow,” Hadley muttered, feeling overwhelmed again. It was almost too much to take just then. But she couldn’t take her eyes off the chart. It was fascinating.
“What I have ascertained,” Sloan said. “Is that he operates mostly in the South, like Clara said before. And he travels. A lot.”
“We just can’t figure out why,” Clara said.
“Maybe he’s a salesman of some sort,” Hadley said off-handedly.
“We’ve thought of that before,” Clara said, turning to Sloan. “But we couldn’t figure out the link.”
Sloan eyed Clara, then Hadley. “Here’s the thing, though.” She pointed at Hadley. “You were in the hotel business, right?”
Hadley nodded.
She turned to Clara. “And you were in the music business.”
“Well, my husband was,” Clara replied.
“But for all intents and purposes, you were connected to it, through him, but still connected,” Sloan said. “And I was in the banking business.”