by Mercy Amare
I nod but don’t say anything. I’m scared my voice will break if I do. If I start crying now, I might never stop.
He pulls back and looks at me. “I know that it makes me a hypocrite, because I’ve been with a lot of girls. But… I just imagine you being a virgin for the rest of our lives, even after you’re married.”
I smile at him. “Jace and I aren’t going to have sex on a camping trip with you, Hailee, and Thayer.”
“I know,” he says. “But do me a favor. When you and Jace finally do have sex, don’t tell me about it.”
I hold out my pinkie. “I promise.”
He hooks his pinkie on mine and smiles.
Some things will never change.
The five of us head down to the lake. Trey pushes the rope over to me and I grab it. I guess I’m going in first.
I have done this one hundred times, so I’m not nervous at all. In fact, I’m excited. I climb up on the rope and push myself off the bank. As soon as I am over the water I let go and fall in, laughing the whole time.
Within a few minutes, I am joined by four other people. We are all swimming, and joking around with each other. We try to use sign language for Thayer’s sake, but it’s kind of hard to hold your hands out of the water to sign. It’s times like this that I feel bad for him. He’s missing out. But I love that he doesn’t let it get him down. He has a smile on his face the whole day.
Thayer is awesome.
And so is his big brother.
Jace has his eyes on me all day, which makes me feel very loved. And hot. Definitely hot. I wear a bikini every day just so I can get him to look at me like that… Or nothing. That would work too.
Life with Jace will never be boring, that’s for sure.
Campfire.
Most embarrassing moment.
That night, the five of us are sitting around the campfire, eating s’mores, and just laughing about things that happened while we were swimming. It was a great day, and it’s going to be an awesome night.
“What is your most embarrassing moment?” Trey signs.
“Me first,” Hailee signs. “One time, when I was in the fourth grade, we went on a field trip to the zoo. My best friend, Mandy, had me laughing so hard that I peed my pants in front of everybody. For the next year and a half, everybody referred to me as Tinkle Bell.”
We all burst out laughing, even Hailee.
“You next,” Hailee signs to me.
I’ve had a lot of embarrassing moments. With Daisy as my friend, it was pretty much a given. I could say a lot of things right now — the time she sent a naked picture of me to every guy in our school, the time she told the whole school I had an STD… the list is never-ending. But I know the most embarrassing moment has nothing to do with Daisy.
I look at Jace as I sign. “One time, when I was fifteen, Jace and I were swimming in the lake and my bikini top came untied. He saw everything, but he turned his head away, like a gentleman. I was so embarrassed. But Jace was nice about it, and he never said a word to me about it after.”
“I didn’t know that,” Trey signs to me, then looks at Jace. “You really love my sister.”
“I do,” Jace signs. “My most embarrassing moment was when that spider crawled onto me during class my sophomore year.”
I immediately start laughing — hard.
We were sitting in class and a spider crawled onto Jace. He’s never been a big fan of bugs, and he flipped out. I’ve never seen somebody move so fast in my life. He was screaming and nobody knew what was wrong with him. It was the funniest thing ever. Once everybody realized what happened, most of the girls and some of the guys stood up in their desks until the spider was killed — the teacher included.
“It wasn’t funny,” Jace signs. “I could’ve died.”
I shake my head at him.
“I don’t have any embarrassing moments,” Thayer signs.
“What about the time you farted really loud in the middle of that nice restaurant?” Jace signs.
“That wasn’t embarrassing,” he signs back. “Maybe to you and Mom, but definitely not embarrassing to me.”
I could picture that — Thayer farting and everybody turning to look at him. He obviously can’t hear, so he didn’t know it was loud. But I have a feeling that if he did know it was loud, he still wouldn’t be embarrassed.
“Madi, do you think I could talk to you alone for a minute?” Trey says out loud.
“Sure.”
We get up from the campfire. As we walk away, I hear Hailee laughing about something Jace signed, but I didn’t catch it. I follow Trey far enough away where nobody can hear our conversation.
“I just wanted to say that I am sorry about earlier. And, really, every day since Jace and you started dating. I haven’t been very nice to either of you,” he says. “You should know that I am not going to stand in the way of your relationship.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
“And I promise to stay out of your room when Jace is in there,” he says.
I smile at that. “Good.”
“I keep thinking that if I wasn’t so worried about you and Jace having sex that I would’ve known something was going on last night at the party. I mean, I should have known. And I keep thinking that if I would’ve known, I could’ve done something to stop all of it.”
“There’s nothing you can do or could’ve done,” I tell him. “Even if you were with me, Emma still would’ve been taken. And even if Emma wasn’t taken, it could’ve easily been me, Frannie, Cassidy, or Hayden.”
“I know,” he sighs. “God, I’m such an idiot. Do you forgive me?”
“You know I do.”
“Good.”
“There is actually something else I need to talk to you about,” I tell him. “Something that happened at the party.”
“You aren’t going to tell me you had sex, right?”
“No!”
He smiles. “Good. Proceed.”
I frown, thinking about what I have to tell him. “While we were playing two truths and a lie, I got a text from this person telling me what I should say. And the two truths were kind of personal things… things about us that I’m not sure you know. A lot of people at the party heard, so I know it’s only a matter of time before you know too. I just wanted to tell you first.”
“What is it?” he asks.
“Hailee is only our half-sister. Mom had an affair,” I tell him.
“I know that,” he says.
“You do?”
“Come on, Mads. Hailee looks nothing like us,” he says. “Plus, I remember hearing arguments about it before Dad died. I didn’t say anything to you because I knew it would hurt you. Besides, it doesn’t matter. Hailee is our sister.”
“I know,” I say. “I think I know who her real dad is.”
“Who?”
“I think Hailee and Daisy share a father.”
“Oh my God.” Trey runs his hands through his hair and stays quiet for a moment. “You know, that makes so much sense. They look just alike. How have I not seen this before? The green eyes… the nose… even the way she talks.”
“There is one other thing…” my voice trails off.
“What?” he asks, hesitantly.
“Mom lied to us about how Dad died,” I tell him. “He didn’t really die in a car accident. He committed suicide.”
“Are you sure?” he asks. His voice is low, and I can tell he doesn’t want to believe what I’m telling him.
“Daisy told me when I was fifteen. I didn’t believe her at the time, but after thinking about it I realize that it might be true. This other person knew… the kidnapper. I don’t think it’s a coincidence, do you?”
Trey sighs. “Let’s just… forget about this for now. Knowing won’t change the past, and I’d rather not think that my dad was the type of person to do that.”
I nod. “Okay. I just wanted you to know… in case people talk about it.”
Trey grabs my arm and we walk ba
ck to camp. Soon after that, we all go to bed. I hate that I ruined his night, but I’m glad we got to talk. I feel a lot better now that he knows. I just wish him knowing didn’t hurt him so bad.
Sunday, August 31
What the—
Early Sunday morning, we head back home from our camping trip. Hailee somehow managed to get poison ivy, so she is feeling too miserable to swim anymore. I don’t mind though, because Jace is taking me out on a date tonight. I want to take my time getting ready, because I want to look cute.
As we pull up in front of our house, there is a big moving truck sitting in our driveway.
“What the—” Trey says.
Yeah, my thoughts exactly.
Hailee, Trey, and I leave all the stuff in Trey’s truck and walk to the front of the house. Mom is standing in the living room, telling the movers what to do.
“Just put that there,” she says, pointing the in corner. A huge elephant statue is set down.
“What is going on?” Trey asks her.
“Ben is moving in,” she answers, then continues telling the movers what to do. She acts like what she said is completely normal… like she isn’t completely ruining our lives. She didn’t even talk to us.
“Mom, what do you mean he’s moving in?” Trey uses a forceful voice with her, trying to get her attention.
Finally, she looks at us. “Ben is moving in.”
“And you didn’t think to tell us?” I ask. “Did you think this only affected you?”
“It’s my house,” she says. “It doesn’t matter how this affects you.”
“And the worst mom award goes to…” Hailee says sarcastically. She crosses her arms over her chest.
“It’s not like it makes a difference,” Mom tells us. “He’s here all the time anyway.”
“But Ben has a house,” Trey says.
Actually, Ben has a big house. He inherited it from his grandpa when he died a few years ago. With the house, he also inherited millions of dollars. None of which my mom has seen a cent of in the past two years of their relationship.
“Ben is going through a rough financial patch right now, so he is selling his house,” she says.
“What? How did he manage to blow his way through millions of dollars?” Trey asks.
“I don’t know, Trey. That’s not any of my business and it’s certainly not your business.”
Trey steps forward, and I know things are about to get ugly. I will just sit back and watch, because Trey won’t get in trouble. If I said anything, I definitely would, so this is all on him now.
“It certainly is your business. First off, because he’s your boyfriend of two years. You’ve been committed for two freaking years. That’s a long time. And second, it’s your business because you’re letting him move into your house,” he says. “In case you didn’t notice, you do have three children under the age of eighteen living with you. For all you know, you’re letting some psycho move into our house. I don’t like the way he treats us, and I definitely don’t like the way he talks to Madeline. I swear to you, if he puts his hand on her, I will kill him.”
“Calm the dramatics,” Mom says. “He’s basically been living here for the past year, so having him officially move in isn’t even a big deal. If you don’t like it, please feel free to move out. There is only six more months until you’re eighteen anyway.”
“So you’re saying you will let us move out?” Trey asks.
“If you don’t want to be here, I certainly won’t stop you.”
I look at Trey, and he’s watching me. I can tell by the look on his face that he’s so ready to get the hell out of here. But then I look at Hailee. She’s only thirteen, and I don’t want to leave her — not now at least. If it weren’t for us, there is no telling how Ben would treat her. I can’t just leave her. She deserves better.
“You don’t have to stay here for me,” Hailee tells us.
“Who would take care of you?” I ask her. “Nobody else will, and you don’t know how to cook yet. I can’t leave you.”
“I’ll be fine,” she says.
“No you won’t,” I say. “Even if you did, who would keep you safe from Ben?”
Trey sighs. “Madi is right, Hailee. We can’t leave you here to fend for yourself. It’s not fair to you.”
“What does it matter?” she asks. “You will both be leaving for college next fall anyway.”
“I’m her mom,” Mom tells us. “I’ll take care of her.”
I snort and Trey narrows his eyes at Mom.
“You’ve never been a mom to us,” he says. “Though, you weren’t much of a wife either, were you? I heard you got around a lot.”
“Trey, that’s enough,” Mom says.
“Why?” he asks. “Are you afraid that we will figure out the truth?”
“Trey,” I say softly behind him, remind him that Hailee is still in the room.
“You disgust me,” Trey tells Mom.
The three of us head upstairs. I tell Hailee to take a shower. Hopefully that will help the poison ivy from spreading. We all head to our own rooms, and I don’t plan on leaving my room. At least not for a while. I don’t want to chance running into Ben.
I really wish Hailee was older.
12pm
I’m a terrible person.
That afternoon, Frannie comes over to see me. I haven’t seen anybody since the party, and I’m kind of nervous. I wonder if they saw anything. I also wonder how she is feeling about Emma being gone. Up until now, Frannie truly thought that was Daisy playing a prank on us… does she still think this?
When she gets to the house, we walk out onto the dock to sit and talk. I don’t want to be anywhere near my house. I hate that Ben is living with us. I realize it doesn’t make much of a difference, because he is always over, but now it feels final. I hate him, and I will hate seeing all of his stuff around the house.
How am I supposed to deal with all of this? Daisy and Emma are missing. Ben is living in my house. I mean, this is my senior year. I am supposed to be having fun, not worrying about everybody and everything.
“I’m sorry about Ben,” Frannie tells me, as we sit on the dock. She takes off her shoes and dips her feet in the water.
I slip off my flip flops and set them beside me. “I feel sorrier for Hailee. She’s the one that is going to have to put up with him the longest. At least Trey and I get to move out in a few months.”
“Yeah,” she says. “It still sucks. I went to the hospital Friday night and your mom wouldn’t even stick around to see if you were okay. I mean, you were drugged. If that would’ve been me, my mom and stepdad both wouldn’t have left my side.”
I shrug, like it’s no big deal, but Frannie knows me. She knows that I hate how my mom is.
“I’d like to say that if my dad were alive, he’d be there, but I’m not so sure,” I tell her. “He was obviously a very selfish man. He didn’t love Trey and me enough to not kill himself. If he was still alive, who knows if he’d even be around.”
She nods. “I can’t believe Emma is missing now.”
“Me too. Do you think we are next?” I ask her.
“I don’t know,” she says. “Part of me still thinks that this is a Daisy prank. We all know that Dee likes Emma and Hayden best. Maybe she’s convinced them to play along. I don’t doubt that she would take this prank as far as possible.”
“Yeah, but this is kind of a big deal now. I don’t know if her dad is going to be able to buy her way out of this one,” I say, then think about Hailee. I wonder if he would do the same thing for Hailee if she were in trouble.
I momentarily consider telling her about my suspicion — that Daisy and Hailee share a father. I decide against it. If anybody deserves to know the truth, it’s Hailee. Until then, I’ll keep that information to myself.
“Maybe I just want to believe that because I don’t want to believe that Dee and Emma are really hurting somewhere,” she says. “I’m scared. If this is real, what if it happens to me?
What if they’re dead? What if I’m next? Or Cassidy? God, she annoys me sometimes, but I love her. Over the years she has become like a real sister to me. And you… you’re my best friend, Madi.”
I put my arm around her shoulder and pull her closer. “You’re my best friend too. I don’t know what I would do without you and Cassidy.”
She laughs sadly. “Can you imagine? Daisy, Emma, and Hayden? I swear the three of them would terrorize our school. I’m sure Emma and Hayden would be just like Daisy if it weren’t for you. They both love you so much.”
“Did you know that Emma was sleeping with my brother?” I ask her.
“Ew,” she says.
“My thoughts exactly.”
“Your brother is super hot, but he’s your brother. I could never do anything with him.”
“Thanks,” I tell her. “Though I’d much rather him date you than her.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that now.”
I laugh but cover my mouth. “I’m a terrible person.”
“Whatever,” Frannie says, rolling her eyes. “Out of all of us, you’re the nicest. Everybody knows that. Even the cops don’t suspect you.”
“I’m actually surprised that we didn’t get in trouble for withholding evidence.”
“I’m not. We were being threatened. Anybody in our situation would’ve done the same thing,” she says. “I stayed with Cass that night when we ran into the woods. I made her hold my hand. I was not going to let her get kidnapped without me.”
“I’m glad Jace was with me,” I say. “Do you think they planned to kidnap me? I mean, I was drugged.”
“I didn’t even think of that. Wow.” Frannie pulls her feet out of the water and hugs her knees to her chest. “Madi, I’m so worried. I don’t think you should be alone — not even on your morning runs. Jace should go with you. Or even I will.”
“You’re willing to go running with me?” I ask, not believing what I’m hearing.
She nods.