by DL Gallie
My office door bangs open, and I look up to see Branson standing in the doorway. “I’m here,” he says, as he falls to his knees and places a kiss on my forehead.
“Branson, I need to push,” I grunt through clenched teeth.
Branson goes into baby delivery mode. He pulls off my panties, rearranges me so I’m lying down on a couch cushion, but also in a semi-sitting position. He spreads my legs and his mouth drops open. “Fuck, I can see the head.”
He squeezes my knees. “Kase, look at me.” Looking up at him, we smile at each other. “Okay, on the next contraction I want you to push.”
Nodding my head, I swallow deeply. “Now.” I moan and with all my might I push and push with the contraction. Letting out the breath I was holding when it passes, I begin to breathe normally again.
Branson says, “On the next one, another super big push.”
My head nods on its own accord. My eyes are focused on Branson, while he is concentrating hard on my vagina right now, which hurts like nothing I have ever felt before. The contraction begins and I clench my teeth and push. “Arrrrrrrrrrgh.” My muscles tense and then all of a sudden, the room is quiet, and then the most magical sound I have ever heard erupts. Baby Holmes wails; it's an amazing sound. My eyes well with tears and Branson says, “It’s a boy.”
Immediately I think of Kody, this moment is happy yet sad at the same time. All those sad thoughts evaporate when, after wrapping him in a blanket off the couch, Branson hands him to me. Gazing down at my baby boy, the tears break free and through an avalanche of tears, I kiss my little man on his forehead. “Hey, baby boy. I’m your mommy.”
Branson sits down next to us, wraps his arm around me, and I snuggle into his side. He has his phone to his ear, from the end of the conversation I can hear, he’s talking to the paramedics again. He hangs up and then kisses my temple. “You did good, Mommy. He’s…I have no words.”
“This here is your daddy, little man.” I look up at Branson and smile. “He loves you just as much as I do.”
We both silently stare as he suckles away at my breast.
Glancing back up at Branson, I lean forward when he looks at me and we kiss. The moment is broken when from out in the hallway we hear someone yell, “Hello!”
“Down here!” Branson shouts back, his eyes still on mine. A few moments later, we hear shuffling coming down the hallway. “In here, guys!” Branson yells again, startling the baby and he begins to cry.
“Shhhh,” I whisper as I gently tap his bottom to settle him.
Two paramedics enter and they both smile. “Well, look at that, a beautiful family.”
A smile breaks free and I look up at them. “Yes, Kody here decided he couldn’t wait.”
“Kody?” Branson questions.
“Yep, Kody Gage Holmes,” I say, placing a kiss on his head before looking up at Branson. His face is void of any emotion, and then I wonder if maybe I should have said something to him about the name first, but my anguish is eased when he smiles and whispers, “It’s perfect.”
Chapter Nineteen
I’ve just dozed off to sleep when there’s a knock at my hospital room door, opening my eyes; the door opens and in walks Mom and Dad.
“Hey, Pumpkin,” Dad says, as he walks over to me and places kiss on my forehead. Mom makes a beeline for the bassinet and Kody. She clutches her chest and looks over at me. “He’s gorgeous, Kase.” She notices his name on the card and she covers her mouth and scoffs.
“What is it, Trudy?” Dad asks Mom.
“His…his name. It's...it's perfect. Kasey, I love it.”
“What’s his name?” Dad asks.
“Kody Gage Holmes,” Mom replies before I get a chance.
“Kase, that’s beautiful. I thought Branson would be here, especially after the events of last night.”
“I sent him home to shower and bring back everything I need.”
Dad nods as he walks over to Mom. They both gaze lovingly down at Kody and as I watch them, that happy-sad feeling crashes into me. A sob breaks free. Mom looks at me, and her mom instinct kicks in because I know she realizes what I’m feeling. She walks over to me; her arms wide open for a hug. She envelops me in a mom hug, and I cry. I cry that Kody isn’t here to enjoy this with me. And I cry for feeling like this in regard to Branson.
Mom whispers into my ear, “You are allowed to be sad but don’t dwell, Kody wouldn’t want that. He would want you, Kody, and Branson to be happy and to live life to the fullest.”
“You sound like Helen,” I sniff.
“Us moms know all. Welcome to the club, baby girl.” That makes me laugh.
Pulling back from Mom, I wipe my eyes. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Anytime, Kase. Anytime.”
Kody cries from his bassinet, and Dad sheepishly says, “I better pick him up.” He leans down and as he carefully picks Kody up, he says, in that baby voice, “I’m your grumpy, KJ.” He coos, “That lady there,” he points to Mom, “is your Nana. And you’ve already met your mom and Bra…Dad. You are one lucky little dude but just remember, I’m the coolest one of them all.”
I laugh at that part and then I click that he called Kody, KJ. “Dad, KJ?” I question.
“Kody Junior, or KJ,” Dad says, as he takes a seat and turns into a big soft teddy bear as he cradles his grandson in his arms.
“KJ, I like it,” I say as Mom and I watch him fuss over Kody. I didn’t think my heart could be so full of love, until Branson comes in bearing a tray of coffee, a cute teddy bear, and a gorgeous bouquet of blue chrysanthemums, my favorite. Followed by Helen and Randall, who make a beeline to Dad and the three of them goo and gah over Kody, or KJ, as Dad now affectionately calls him.
“Hey, you,” I happily say, as Branson walks over to me. He places the coffees on the tray table, the teddy on the end of the bed, and Mom takes the flowers from him; telling us she’ll grab a vase to pop them in. He places a kiss on my forehead and I get a whiff of his aftershave. Closing my eyes, I breathe him in and smile.
“Hey,” he says when he pulls back.
We stare intently at one another. We haven’t had a moment alone together since Kody arrived last night. I was worried it would be awkward, but it’s not. It’s exactly how things were before and I’m over the moon happy about that. He takes a seat on the bed and hands me a coffee. “How you feeling?”
“Dying for a coffee and a shower.”
“I’ve ticked one of those things off your list.” He stares intently at me and adds, “I’m happy to help with option two.” He raises his eyebrows suggestively at me and I laugh.
“Ease up, cowboy. I just pushed a human-shaped watermelon out my va-jay-jay. I’m stretched beyond anything I thought possible down there, and in no way do I feel sexy right now. You need to wait…like six to ten years.”
Branson laughs but when he sees the serious look on my face he immediately stops. “Okay, no hanky panky, but I’m happy to help you shower.”
“Do you promise not to cop a feel?”
“Can’t promise that because, babe, your tits looks fucking spectacular right now.”
A clearing throat from behind us causes us to look over to Dad, who has a stern look on his face, but at the same time he’s trying to hide his grin.
“Sorry, Dad, totally forgot you were still here,” I say.
“Clearly,” he says. “But you’ve given me this little cutie-patootie, so I’ll allow your watermelon vagina comment to pass.”
“Dad!” I scoff. “Don’t ever say that again.”
“I won’t if you won’t,” he playfully replies. Kody starts getting antsy in his arms. “I think someone’s hungry again. But first, Branson, you need to change his diaper.”
Dad winks at me and I look inquisitively at him. Branson hops up, takes Kody from him, and walks over to the changing table. He’s getting everything ready while keeping an eye on Kody lying there. He removes Kody’s diaper and his eyes bug open. “Oh my God!”
Immediatel
y, I jump out of bed, flinching at the sudden movements. I’m next to Brandon is no time and when I look down, I gag. “Eeeeew, gross. What the hell is that?”
Dad’s pissing himself laughing right now, just as Mom walks in. “What’s so funny?” She looks to me. “Kase, what’s wrong?”
“That,” I say, pointing to Kody’s diaper. Mom steps over and she starts laughing, just like Dad.
“That’s just meconium. Totally normal.”
“Black tar like shit is normal?”
Mom nods. “Yep, the first few will be like that.”
“That’s just wrong.” I shudder and walk back over to the bed.
“At least you aren’t cleaning it up.”
Dad is still laughing his ass off. “You do realize that Branson is going to get you back for that.”
“Maybe he’ll get a number three,” Mom jokes.
Branson snaps his head around. “A number three? Do I even want to know?”
Mom shakes her head. “Nope. And now I pray that your father gets it. Sorry, Steve.”
“Bring it on.” Dad says, his voice laced with fear.
“But seriously,” I ask, “what’s a number three?”
“There are no words to describe a number three. Just hope and pray, you are not the one to get it.”
Branson finishes changing the black poopy diaper from hell and passes Kody to me. Once again he latches on to my breast and begins to suckle. As he drinks, I sit and stare at him; amazed that Kody and I created this tiny little human being, who for the last nine months grew in my belly. And now, he’s here: the last piece of Kody, my eyes well with tears.
Branson, places his hand on my knee. “He’d be so proud of you.”
Looking up, I swallow the lump in my throat. “How did you know I was thinking about him?”
“You get this melancholic look on your face when you do.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, as a tear drops over the edge and streaks down my cheek, landing on Kody’s head.
“Don’t you ever apologize for thinking about him. He was a huge part of your life, and mine. I never want his memory to fade. I want Kody here to know that his dad was the best man ever.”
“You are his dad too,” I say, “Kody here is lucky to have two amazing dads.” Reaching over, I grab Branson’s hand and bring it to my lips, placing a kiss on his knuckles. “I love you, Branson.”
“I love you too,” he says, leaning forward, he grips my cheeks and gently places his lips against mine. Closing my eyes, I give myself over to the kiss and know that Branson, KJ, and I will be fine.
Chapter Twenty
“Why, KJ, why? Why do you like to be awake at stupid o’clock?” I whine, as I sit in the glider rocker, trying to get KJ to sleep. It’s stupid o’clock in the morning, and I feel like a complete zombie. Chelle told me nighttimes can be tough, but my golly gosh—new language since the arrival of KJ—it’s much tougher than I thought.
We’ve been home from hospital for three nights now, and KJ thinks nighttime is party time, and by party time I mean he cries for hours on end. Branson is a godsend, but as he doesn’t have boobs and milk, it’s all on me…and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure, I’d like some more sleep, but KJ is perfect in every way possible.
Even though he arrived a few weeks early, everything with him was perfect. As the nurse said, “Imagine if he went full term?” That would have been almost two extra weeks of growth and pushing him out at his size of nine pounds one ounce was tough enough.
Finally he has fallen asleep but I’m too exhausted myself to move, so I close my eyes and drift off to sleep in the chair with Kody in my arms.
Waking the next morning, I look down at the bundle of joy in my arms and I smile, he’s still sound asleep, quietly snoring. Seeing his cute lil’ chubby face all relaxed and asleep is the best way to wake up. Looking up, I see Branson standing in the doorway staring lovingly at us. He’s shirtless and only wearing a pair of low sitting boxers. My insides tingle but at the same time cringe…how can I crave sex, but at the same time shudder at the thought of a penis going anywhere near my hoo-ha?
“Morning, gorgeous,” he says, as he steps into the room and over to us. He places a kiss on my forehead and smiles at me. Again, that smile zaps through me and I find myself grinning back. Branson notices the tinge to my cheeks and raises his eyebrows at me. Shaking my head, I pull l a ’no-way-in-hell’ face. He laughs, causing Kody to wake in my arms.
He opens his dark, chocolate brown eyes, just like his daddy’s, and goos at us. Branson lifts him from my arms. “Morning, little man. You really need to learn that nighttime is for sleeping.” He kisses his chubby cheeks and walks over to the changing table and changes his diaper. I take the reprieve to head to the bathroom to freshen up.
When I come back, the two of them are in the glider and Branson is telling him a story about him and Kody when they were younger. My eyes well with tears as I watch the two of them; it becomes too much and I race into our bedroom and collapse onto the bed and sob. A few moments later the bed dips, rolling over I see Branson staring down at me, his face etched with worry. “Are you okay?” he asks, brushing a strand of hair off my face.
“Yes. No. I don’t know,” I sniff, “Hearing you talk about him with…” I sob again, “with Kody just tears at my heart, but at the same time it makes me happy, knowing he’ll know Kody even though he isn’t here.” By now I’m sobbing uncontrollably. Branson pulls me into his arms and hugs me, rubbing my back, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.
He pulls back at stares at me, his face stern. “Do not ever feel bad for crying over losing Kody. We all miss him. I want that little boy to know who his biological dad is, I will never take that from him, or you.”
“Ohh, Branson,” I sob once again.
We hear Kody fussing though the monitor. “I better go feed him.”
“No, stay here. I’ll bring him to you.”
A few moments later, they come back in and Branson hands Kody to me. The three of us settle on the bed. I feed Kody and Branson and I chat, the three of us a perfect, happy little family. Watching Branson while I feed Kody, my heart soars. In that moment, I make a decision that will change our future…I just hope Branson agrees and says yes.
Chapter Twenty-One
…December 31st, 2019
Our first Christmas with Kody was low-key and quiet, in other words it was perfect. Mom, Dad, Helen, and Randall came over and we had a lovely day together. Mom and Helen cooked an amazing meal, and I was banished from my own kitchen. Because I’m breastfeeding, I couldn’t even indulge in Randall’s eggnog, which is the best. I was told, however, I could have a glass on New Year’s Eve…if I was a good girl. Ha, fat chance of that happening but with what I have in mind, I WILL be having a glass on New Year’s.
All week I’ve been telling Branson we will be going to Bin 501 for New Year’s Eve, he complains and says no, but I put my foot down. We have been cooped at home since Kody was born, we venture to the store or out for a walk only. We deserve a night out, a night to let our hair down. Finally he relents and agrees…but no matter what he said, it was happening.
Earlier in the day, with help from Gage and Marlee, whom I suspect is pregnant, they help us set up a Pack ‘n Play in Branson’s office for Kody, and then we turn the wine bar into THE place to be, to bring in 2020; how is it nearly 2020 already? Marlee keeps asking me if I’m okay, and I reassure her I’m fine, but if I’m honest, I’m a nervous Nelly right now. All different what-if scenarios flit through my mind, but I push the worry aside and forge ahead with my plan.
We arrive at Bin 501 just after 6:00 p.m., later than I wanted to, but we were delayed due to the ‘Great poop explosion of 2019!’ We finally got the number three that dad talked about, and Oh My Fucking God—yes, I swore—it was the worst shit I have ever dealt with in my life. Who knew someone so small could produce something so vile?
We can laugh now, but at the time—nope—no laughter was had at
all.
Of course, as soon as we arrive, Kody is abducted and passed around everyone. No surprise, but Dad ends up with him and the two of them hang out for the rest of the night together. The only time I get to hold my son is when I need to feed him, but as soon I’m finished, he’s in Dad’s arms again. Who knew my dad was such a softie?
Washing my hands after using the toilet, I stare at my reflection and smile. I was going to wait until midnight, but I can’t. I need to do this now before I lose my nerve. Exiting the restrooms, I find Branson by the bar. Walking over to him, I tap him on the shoulder. He spins around to face me and when he realizes it’s me, he grins back. “Hey, you.” I say, as I slide my arm around his waist.
“Hey, you,” he replies, placing a kiss on my forehead.
“Can I borrow you for a moment?”
“Sure, everything okay?” he asks, his voice lace with concern.
Smiling at him, I nod. “Yes, it’s perfect.”
Lacing our fingers together, I head toward the front entrance and I grab our jackets. “Here put this on and follow me.” He doesn’t argue and slips his coat on and follows me outside.
The snow is really coming down. I think maybe we should go inside, but Branson wraps his arms around me, and when I feel the warmth radiating from him, I know this is the perfect moment. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I gaze up at him. I take a deep breath, and begin, “Branson, you have been my everything since we lost Kody. What started out as consoling one another turned into something I never imagined. You were with me every step of the pregnancy; hell, you even delivered our son. You are always there for me, and I want to always be there for you. Branson, will you—” before I get to ask him, he drops to his knee and pulls out a gorgeous, square-cut engagement ring with a diamond encrusted in the band.