CHAPTER FOUR
JULIANA COULDN’T BELIEVE what she’d just heard. She’d known he was arrogant, but this was over the top even for Ashe. She’d never been so pissed, and so turned on, in her entire life. Who the hell did he think he was?
She’d held her tongue as they made their way from the elevator to his room, but the second the door closed behind him and he flipped the lock, she asked, “Are you actually saying that you’ll only help me if I sleep with you? Have sex with you?”
“It’s not a one-sided deal, Jules. I’ll let you have sex with me, too,” he drawled with his typical warped sense of humor. “But, yeah, that’s my offer.”
Juliana didn’t think she’d ever been more shocked. Not even when the man she had thought loved her had proved that he…well, that he didn’t.
“Your offer,” she repeated, her voice shaking with anger. “What you’re offering turns me into a whore.”
His mouth flattened into a hard, tense line as he crossed the room to her. “Don’t look at it like that,” he said gruffly, tossing her pack onto the room’s small sofa.
“How else am I supposed to look at it?”
Something that almost looked like desperation flared in his eyes, though she knew she must be reading him wrong. Projecting her own foolish fantasies onto him. Ashe Granger wasn’t desperate for her. This was just some kind of power play on his part. One she was ridiculously tempted to fall for, especially now that she knew just how incredible it was to fool around with him. She’d imagined it so many times, but reality had been much more intense than any of her fantasies. Hotter…richer…more painfully intimate.
She knew that for as long as she lived, she’d never forget how he’d looked when he’d come in her hand. His gorgeous face tight with pleasure, tendons standing out in his neck, all those incredible muscles in his body rigid and straining. He’d been the most beautiful, masculine, breathtaking thing she’d ever seen, and she was more terrified of him than ever—because now she knew exactly what she was missing.
“I want to help you,” he said with rough impatience, pulling her from her dangerous thoughts, “but I can’t if I’m thinking about nailing you twenty-four bloody hours a day.”
She could only imagine what her expression looked like at that moment. “So I sleep with you instead? To what? Give you peace of mind?”
He shoved his fingers through the short strands of his hair in a purely male gesture of frustration. “Nothing about this is perfect, but it’s the reality of the situation. So we have to face it.”
“Yeah, well, your idea of reality is ugly,” she shot back, flinging the words at him.
His reply was soft. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do anything to change that.”
Her head dropped back on her shoulders as she stared up at the ceiling, trying so hard not to cry. She had a vague impression of the room around her, of warm colors and classy antiques, but Ashe took too much of her focus for anything more substantial than that. Knowing she had to get a handle on the situation before it got out of hand, Juliana finally forced her gaze back to his. “Look…I know you’re probably still jacked up from the fight, but that’s—” she licked her lips, fighting to make her voice stronger “—just adrenaline. If you’d…if you’d just take a moment to calm down, you’ll realize that you don’t really want to have sex with me.”
A kind of stunned disbelief flared in his eyes, and he seemed to choose his next words with care. “Yeah, you usually irritate the hell out of me,” he said, his deep voice gritty and thick. “But what ever gave you the impression I didn’t want to fuck you?”
“What gave me the impression?” Her laugh sounded hysterical. “Gee, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that you screwed your way through the women who work at my compound, shoving it right in my face? God, you even slept with my cousin Arianna, one of the most self-centered, vindictive women I’ve ever known. She despises me!”
He went very still, watching her like a hawk. “What makes you think I slept with Arianna?”
Her breath trembled past her lips. “Because I saw you making out with her at the compound the last time you were there.”
“You were spying on me?”
Instead of answering him, she asked, “Have you even considered the fact that I don’t want to sleep with you?”
His eyes went cold and hard. “That’s a damn lie.”
“How would you know?” she demanded hotly. “You can’t read my mind!”
He gave another ugly, gritty laugh. “Are you forgetting that I was there in that elevator with you, Jules? You were already so ripe for another orgasm, you’d have come the second I got inside you.”
“And you know women’s bodies well enough to determine that with nothing but your hand?” Her voice was veering toward what could only be described as shrill.
“You’re damn right I do!”
“You’re so arrogant it’s not even funny!” she shouted, fisting her hands at her sides as she fought the urge to slap him.
“And this isn’t a damn joke,” he snarled, the muscle pulsing in his jaw a testament to his mounting anger. “I’m the one on the edge over you. That’s not arrogance, Juliana. It’s fucking desperation!”
There was that word again…desperation. It was so powerful…so compelling. Especially to a hopeless romantic like herself who never learned.
It was truly terrifying, how badly she wanted to believe him.
Between her sharp, panting breaths, she somehow managed to ask, “Why, Ashe? I mean…why me?”
“I wish to hell I knew,” he muttered, rubbing his hand over his mouth, the stormy silver of his eyes barely visible through the thick fringe of his lashes as he glared at her.
“Don’t be flippant,” she snapped, trembling with emotion. “Just tell me the truth!”
He made a sharp, impatient gesture with his hand. “I could tell you how beautiful you are, but you already know that. But it’s more than your looks. Something about you…I can’t explain it. Call it chemistry. Call it whatever the hell you want to. All I know is that I’ve wanted to be buried inside you since the moment I first set eyes on you.”
“You hid it well,” she murmured warily, knowing she’d be an idiot to believe him.
His stare drilled into hers. “Yeah, well, I’m not the only one good at hiding things.”
She did her best to ignore the guilt that slithered through her insides at his quiet words, but didn’t succeed. “I’m being as honest with you as I can, Ashe.”
“As you can, huh?” His gaze slid toward the massive window that nearly took up the entire far wall of the small sitting room, where the historic skyline of London sprawled out in meandering lines, the majestic dome of St. Paul’s rising in the distance. “The reason I never acted on the attraction before,” he said after a moment, hands shoved deep in his front pockets, “is because I didn’t plan on doing anything about it. Seemed like a…like a bad idea for a lot of reasons. But that’s no longer a realistic option if we’re going to be stuck together.” His gaze reconnected with hers, deep and dark and piercing, his voice even rougher than before. “If there was a chance in hell I could keep my hands off you, I would. But I know my limits.”
Oh, man, he was good. There was so much hunger in his rough voice, etched into the rugged planes of his handsome face, she could feel her body readying itself in response, just as desperate as he’d claimed to be. But this was…God, it was so risky. She knew exactly how much danger she was courting. How much pain. Men like Ashe Granger might be gorgeous, but they were like triple-chocolate-fudge cake. You knew it was bad for you, but you craved it anyway. And a nibble was never enough. Once you tasted it, you just wanted more…and more, until you paid for your hunger in pounds…and when it came to men, in mountains of heartache.
“Ashe, even if I wanted to say yes,” she whispered, “I don’t know how I could. I’m barely keeping it together as it is. I’m scared and worried and sick of being made to feel like I’m an inch tall. If I let you
use me, it would be the final blow.”
He came a little closer, stopping less than an arm’s length away, his heat blasting against her like the burning warmth of a sun. “I’m not trying to cut you down to size. But it doesn’t change the facts. If I’m helping you do this, I don’t need to waste time worrying about when I’ll be able to touch you,” he explained in a husky rasp, curling his fingers under her chin. “I’ll need to know it’s a given. That I can have my fix whenever I need it.”
She gave a shaky laugh as he put his hands on her waist, pulling her against his body. “Whenever, huh? I’m on a deadline, Ashe. I need to get to the bottom of this, and fast.” She placed her hands on his chest, her mouth watering at the feel of his firm, cut muscles beneath the soft cashmere of the sweater. “I can’t…I can’t just wallow the days away in bed with you, no matter how good you are.”
He touched his lips to her temple. “I’m damn good,” he rumbled sexily, his voice like a dark caress against her skin, seducing her senses. “And we’ll find the time.”
Juliana closed her eyes, knowing she was going to regret this as much as she enjoyed it. “Ashe, this is so crazy. I know I’m partly responsible for what happened in the elevator. I…I kissed you back, and I…I touched you. But what you’re asking…it isn’t smart.”
“Fuck smart.” His breath was warm against her ear, his tongue flicking teasingly inside the sensitive shell. “I know it isn’t easy giving in. We don’t have a lot of…trust between us. But I give you my word that by the time I’m done with you, you won’t regret saying yes.”
Oh, ouch. As she lifted her lashes, a strange kind of pain pierced her heart, reminding her of just how foolish this was. Softly…and a little wryly, she said, “But you will be done with me, huh?”
He pulled back just enough that he could see her eyes, his gaze dark and thoughtful. She sensed he was going to try to offer some kind of explanation, then stopped himself. Instead, he simply said, “Let’s deal with that when we get there.”
Knowing she couldn’t allow this man any leverage—that she would only end up destroyed if she did—Juliana forced herself to see the situation for the cold, harsh exchange that it was. “I don’t know why you’re bothering to put on the moves.” Her voice was brisk, her hands no longer spread over his chest but curled into tight fists. “This isn’t about seduction or pleasure. You just want to nail me.”
“Don’t.” The low word vibrated with angry frustration. “If all I wanted was to screw, I could already be doing it. There were at least twenty women back in that club where I met with the vamp tonight who would have been willing to say yes. Hell, they’d have been eager to say it. But I wasn’t interested, because you’re the only woman I want right now.” He raised one hand to her face, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, then rubbed his thumb across her cheek, the tender gestures so at odds with his guttural tone. “I need to have you under me, Jules. I need it badly enough to make an ass of myself by pushing you into this. And yeah, I know it’s a shitty thing to do. But I’m doing it anyway.”
She blinked, utterly dazed. They were hardly the most romantic words she had ever heard, but there was no mistaking the urgent hunger roughening their edges. Or the raw desire she could see burning in his beautiful eyes. “When you say things like that, it’s so confusing.”
“Then we should stop talking and start—”
She placed her fingers over his mouth, muffling his words. “Fine, I…I accept,” she whispered, her heart beating so hard and fast that it hurt. “But I…I have a condition.”
He jerked his chin at her, waiting for her to name it, his silver eyes glittering with triumph.
Oh, God, what am I doing?
She hoped she was agreeing simply because she’d missed the intimacy of sex, as well as the pleasure—and not because she had some foolish hope of him falling madly in love with her. She knew better than to wish for that kind of miracle.
As long as she kept her head on straight, and didn’t let her heart get any silly notions, she could enjoy his offer for exactly what it was: a purely physical exchange based on mutual attraction, without any messy emotional attachments. Not exactly cold…just not the kind of thing a girl could pin her hopes on.
The key was to simply stay grounded in reality, and to accept him for what he was: a gorgeous, ruthless womanizer who would walk away from her when he was done, without ever looking back. She couldn’t make anything of the way he touched her, just like she couldn’t make too much of the way he’d fought to protect her from the Lycans. That was just Ashe being Ashe, and she’d be a fool to take any of it personally.
Promising herself that she wouldn’t forget any of that, Juliana finally lowered her hand from his mouth. “My condition is this—no feeding while we’re…together. I won’t take your vein, and you won’t take mine.”
Though his expression remained guarded, the rigid set of his shoulders hinted at a powerful reaction to her words, as did the tightness around his eyes. But he merely said, “Why?”
“It’s too…intimate. I just…we need to keep things purely physical, and feeding for our kind during sex is meant to be very emotional.”
“Meant to be?” he questioned, a sudden sharpness in his gaze that hadn’t been there before. “Are you telling me you’ve never done that before?”
She shook her head, acutely aware that she was blushing again.
He kept his eyes on her face, studying her carefully, looking for God only knew what. Several heartbeats later, he said, “All right. I accept the condition. Anything else?”
Another quick shake of her head, while her pulse roared in her ears. “No, that’s it. Nothing else.”
So much heat flared in his eyes, they glowed with a primal, metallic light. “So we’re agreed?” he asked in a low voice, his arm curving around her lower back, as if he was afraid she would suddenly try to slip away from him.
Juliana nodded, and somehow found the strength to give him the words he was waiting to hear. “We’re agreed.”
* * *
IT WAS HAPPENING AGAIN. That same jittery, twitchy feeling Ashe got whenever she was close, his heart thumping like an engine, his lungs tight, skin tingling. It drove him mad, the way he couldn’t control it. What made it even worse was how controlled she seemed. How collected. If he was going to fall apart, he bloody well wanted her to fall apart with him.
Yeah, she’d agreed to his insane demand, but she wasn’t happy about it. There was a belligerent tilt to her chin that made him feel as if she was slipping farther out of his reach, even as his hands were pressing her closer to his body.
And then he caught the telltale richness of her scent, and with a piercing jolt of relief, he knew she was with him. She might not like being backed into a corner, but she couldn’t disguise her body’s craving any more than he could, the heady scent of her desire making him so hard he literally pulsed with need, hunger burning in every cell of his body.
Wondering for the hundredth time if he was losing his mind, Ashe swept her up in his arms and carried her into the other room, where a massive king-size bed sprawled in the middle of a thick Persian rug in deep, soothing shades of blue, green and cream. But he wasn’t soothed. He was falling off the deep end, playing fast and loose with his sanity.
“What are you doing?” she gasped, clutching his shoulders.
He shook his head. “I don’t want to talk. I just want to strip you out of these clothes, lay you down on the bed, and get you under my mouth.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
Deadly Is the Kiss Page 6