by Regina Frame
"How much for the ‘H’?" I asked.
When he told me five-large, I about swallowed my tongue. I pointed to the glove box and watched as he opened it and took his money, before placing the drugs inside. The transaction had been made.
"Don't be a stranger," he said, before getting out of the car and disappearing into the darkness.
I told myself that would be the last time, knowing the whole time I was lying to myself.
The digital read out in my car showed midnight. The Neon Rabbit would be open for hours to come, so instead of going home, I headed there. I parked my car around back by the dumpster and away from the street lamp. I didn't want to call unwanted attention to myself. I reached over and took the plastic baggie containing the light brown rocks from the glove box, along with small black leather bag that held my little glass pipe. A gift from a friend.
It was not my first rodeo. I would burn through it and then go inside, toss some money at a few strippers, and then head home. Hopefully, to a dark house and no more questions.
***
The sound of someone tapping on my window woke me from a deep sleep, and when I opened my eyes, the sun blinded me. I squinted against the bright light and rolled down my window to find a police officer staring down at me. Fuck. That was the least of my worries. What I was concerned about was the fact that the pipe was laying in my lap and I couldn't remember shit from last night. Had I even made it inside, or did I just pass out in my car?
My mind raced, trying to grab on to any memory of the night before, but I was coming up with nothing. A big fat zero. When he asked me to step out of the car, I knew it was not going to end well.
I sat in the empty jail cell and waited for Jinx to show up. Ever since Linc's issues with drugs and then rehab, we'd tried to put forth extra effort to clean up our reputation. And I was doing a piss poor job of it so far.
The officer escorted me to the outtake area where they handed me an envelope that held what few items I'd had on me last night. Jinx stood on the other side of the glass with his arms crossed over his massive chest and a look of disappointment on his face. Shit.
"Thanks for coming," I mumbled, stuffing my wallet into the back pocket of my jeans.
I looked toward the beefy security guard standing by the metal detector at the back entrance of the station. I was really trying to avoid eye contact with Jinx, because I knew what I'd see there. I saw the worry on his face when I walked in. He'd been my best friend for years, and I'd let him down.
Because you're worthless.
That was the thing about drugs, or any kind of addiction. At the time you were doing it, you said fuck all and just went with it, because at the time, it felt right and that was all that mattered. Not so much now.
It sucked balls to see that look on my friend’s face and know that it was because of me. The gravel crunched beneath my boots as we walked across the parking lot toward Jinx's truck.
"Since when do you do heroin, Chance?" he questioned, and when I didn't answer right away, he exhaled a heavy breath.
He always did that any time he was fed up with a situation. It was really the only warning he gave you right before he went off. The dude held it together better than anyone I knew. He was our backbone, and when the rest of us were off the rails, he was always there to guide us back on. But if he was really pissed, that was your clue to back the fuck up, because he was about to go nuclear on your ass. That time, it was my ass.
"This is the first," I lied with no problem what so ever. I slid onto the leather seat of his truck, and he tossed a newspaper in my lap.
"That's bullshit, and you know it. I know you better than anyone, so tell me what's going on." He glared at me from the driver's side of his truck. "I've never known you to smoke crack, so that tells me something has happened that you're not telling me about." He had always been able to read me, and right then, he was seeing right through me.
"The nightmares are back," I admitted, hating that my voice sounded so strained.
"When was the last time you saw your therapist?"
I hated that I'd ever had to see a therapist in the first place, but thanks to my shit parents, I was royally fucked up and it wasn't something I was proud of. Seeing a therapist meant that I couldn't deal, so I turned to self-medicating, and up until that point, it had worked just fine.
"I don't need a fucking therapist. I'm not some nut job, head case." I snarled, the whole thing leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. I was a total head case. I knew it, and so did he. "I don't need your shit, man. Look: I appreciate you getting me out and all, but I'm good. It's all good," I lied again.
He pinned me with a knowing glare.
"You better be glad they only got you on a loitering and paraphernalia charge. I'm pretty sure if there had been any heroin in your car, your ass would still be locked up and that three hundred thousand dollar car of yours would belong to the L.A.P.D." I rubbed my hands over my face and let my head fall back on a sigh. He was right. I knew he was, so why even try to argue about it? He pointed to the paper in my lap. "You might want to look at the front page."
My stomach sank as I looked at the picture of my car from last night. I was waving off a hooker that was making her way to my car. Even though I was there for other purposes, that picture told a completely different story. I didn’t know which was worse. The fact that people thought I was soliciting a hooker, or that I was actually there to buy heroin. I wasn't proud of either.
The headline read: Chance Roberts, guitarist for Dirty Affliction was spotted on the south side early this morning. Could it be he was looking to get hooked up?
A few minutes later, we pulled into the parking lot at The Neon Rabbit.
I muttered a "thanks" as I stepped from the truck and slammed the door, not giving him a chance to say anything else. I was surprised and relieved to see that my car still had all four wheels and hadn't been grafettied down the side.
***
A little while later, I pulled in to my garage and braced myself for what I might encounter inside. I was an ass to Honor the night before, and I knew that I needed to make it right. I was going to have to suck it up and apologize to her. She didn't deserve to be treated the way I had treated her. I stepped out of my Hummer and the humid air stole my breath.
It was hot as hell, and even though it was early December, we'd reached record temps over the last few weeks. I walked into the house to find it quiet, except for Booger's soft snores coming from his bed in the den. I swear that dog could saw logs with the best of them. I glanced out the floor to ceiling windows to see Honor floating on a big yellow raft in the middle of the crystal blue pool.
I came home with the intentions of apologizing and then going straight to bed, but seeing her lying there in that skimpy blue bikini, I decided differently. I couldn't get to my bedroom fast enough to change into my board shorts.
The stifling heat took my breath as I stepped out of the air conditioning and onto the hot cement surrounding the pool. I lied down on one of the lounge chairs and pretended to scroll through my phone, when what I was really doing was watching her through the camera on my phone. I may have even taken a few shots to save for later. Her hand hung leisurely over the side and into the water. Her little blue bikini was barely three scraps of material.
That was my first time seeing so much of her beautiful body. It was even better than I'd imagined it would be. I now knew that the floral tattoo that covered her left shoulder and arm extended down her side and stopped at her silky thigh. She had crystal dermal implants in the center of each flower in that tattoo, so when the sun hit it just right, they sparkled like diamonds, giving a whole new meaning to the nickname that I'd given her that first day.
"Are you coming in, or are you going to sit there and roast like a Christmas goose?" She peered at me over her dark shades. I would have loved nothing more than to join her, because I was sweating my ball sac off, but I'd have to tough it out a little longer because my dick had been hard ever since I
came through the front door and spotted her out here. "The water is really nice," she said, as she made little ripples in the water with her fingers.
I pictured myself stripping her of that little suit and fucking her right there in the water. I sat there with sweat rolling down my back, and when I couldn't take it any longer, I stood and walked to the side of the pool and dived in head first, splashing her in the process. I heard her squeal before my head popped out of the water. I swam over to her and draped my arms over her legs, causing her body to shift and her full breasts to jiggle. Despite the coolness of the water, my cock hardened with the feel of her warm skin against mine. If I didn't get off soon, I was going to have a serious case of blue balls.
"I'm sorry about last night," she apologized, catching me off guard.
What could she possibly be sorry for? I was the ass last night. It was me that needed to be saying those words.
"What the hell for, Sparkles?"
Her lips curled up at the mention of her nick name.
"I shouldn't have been so nosey and asked you all of those questions. I over stepped my bounds, and I won't let it happen again," she promised.
I shook my head in disbelief.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I was an ass, and I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I'm sorry," I admitted.
She chewed her bottom lip, and I wished I could see her eyes behind her shades, to try and figure out what she was thinking.
"You were," she said while splashing water on her bare stomach in order to cool her heated skin.
"I was what?" I asked.
"An ass. I agree that you were an ass."
And just like that, she made me laugh. It felt good. I rolled her off her float and into the cold water. Her sunglasses sank to the bottom, and she came up sputtering and coughing from swallowing pool water.
I reached out and pulled her to me, her body soft against mine. Silky smooth skin warm from the sun, and she smelled like coconut from the suntan oil she'd applied. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to kiss her so bad.
Her blue eyes darkened with lust, and a small gasp escaped her pink lips as I leaned in to kiss her. Before our lips could make contact, my cell rang in the distance from the lounge chair where I'd tossed it earlier.
"You better get that," she said, breathlessly.
We both stood there, gazing into each other's eyes without either of us making a move. I could stand there and look at her all day, because she was absolutely breathtaking.
My cell rang again, breaking our moment.
"Fuck!" I growled, causing her to giggle.
I followed her to the steps and watched as her firm ass swayed as she climbed the cement steps and got out. She wrapped herself in a towel and disappeared inside. I picked up my phone and hit redial.
"Great fucking timing," I bit out as he answered.
Levi laughed on the other end.
"About to get your dick sucked?"
I wasn't about to tell him that I was about to kiss Honor. He would just tell me that it was a bad fucking idea to go there with her.
"Is there a purpose to this call, or did you just call to shoot the shit?"
"Have you seen the email?"
I exhaled with aggravation. "Obviously, I haven't. Why don't you fill me in?" I snapped. He needed to move this along so that I could get back to Honor.
"We've been invited to play New Year's Eve at The Playboy Manor. Can you believe it? I've jacked off to the women in that magazine since I was fifteen years old, and now I get to do it in person." His voice was laced with excitement.
"I'm pretty sure you could go to jail for that."
"For what?" he asked.
"For whipping it out in public." I couldn't help but laugh. "You were a late bloomer, huh?" I couldn't resist. It was just too easy to mess with Levi.
"What?"
"You said you had jacked off since you were fifteen? Dude, did it really take you that long to figure out the joy stick?" I hooted with laughter.
"Fuck you. That's not what I meant, and you know it, dumb ass," he scolded.
"Gotta go."
I hung up, and then grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my waist. Honor had looked like an angel standing there with her blonde hair shimmering in the sun. I should probably thank Levi for the interruption. He'd probably just saved me from making a huge mistake, because Honor didn't deserve to be dirtied up by my darkness.
When I walked inside, she was in the kitchen making a sandwich. She looked up and smiled—the kind of smile that caused my stomach to tighten and my chest to ache. I shuffled my way over to the counter and lowered myself onto one of the high back stools.
Her cheeks were rosy from being in the sun, giving her a sexy as fuck glow. In the short period of time that I had been on the phone, she had pulled her hair up in to a high ponytail and away from her face. Although I liked her hair down, I wished she'd wear it up more often. She had such delicate features, and the blue of her bikini top caused the blue of her eyes to glow.
"That's a good color on you."
I should have probably handed over my man card with that statement. It was worth it, though, when she smiled again, revealing perfect white teeth.
"Thanks. Blue is my favorite color," she said, sliding a plate across the counter to me.
My stomach growled and my mouth watered as I picked up the hoagie she'd just made. I realized that I hadn't eaten anything since dinner the night before.
"Thanks," I offered, before picking up my sandwich and taking a big bite.
She quickly assembled her sandwich and slid onto the chair directly across from me.
"I'm heading home in a couple of weeks," she announced, covering her mouth as she spoke.
"What the fuck for?" I snapped, not meaning to.
Why the fuck was she leaving? Had she had too much of my bullshit already? She frowned and took a sip of her bottled water.
"I'm going to spend the Christmas holiday with my uncle. He and my aunt Judy are really the only family I have left, and we don't have anything on the schedule until New Year's Eve." She smiled, and then her face lit up in excitement. "Why don't you come with me? That is, if you don't have plans. I could show you around the studio."
The moment the words were out of her mouth, the smile slipped from her lips as if she didn't really mean to make the offer. Like she'd just realized her mistake and wasn't sure how to get out of it. Even though it hurt, I could help her out with that. I didn't want her to regret that she'd offered, so I spoke up.
"I appreciate the offer, Sparkles, but I kind of made other plans," I lied.
Levi was going home for a few days, and Jinx was headed out of town for some promotional business. Linc offered for me to celebrate with them, but his relationship was so new with Honesty, I'd feel like a third wheel, and I didn't want to spoil their first Christmas together.
It was actually the band’s first Christmas off. We usually toured straight through to the New Year.
I'd figure something out.
"Oh. Okay. If you change your mind, the offer is open." She walked to the dishwasher and put her plate inside. When she turned back around, I was standing beside her.
"Thanks for lunch, Sparkles." I reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, letting my fingers skim her soft cheek. My eyes dropped to her mouth when she licked her lips. My heart thumped wildly in my chest, and I was growing harder by the second. If I didn't put some distance between us, I was going to fuck her right there on the kitchen counter. "I'm going to shower, and try and get catch some Zs," I said, running the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip. Our eyes locked the whole time. There was definitely something there. A dangerous little flicker behind her baby blue eyes.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I stepped into my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I walked through my bedroom, stripping out of my clothes and dropping them along the way.
I turned the shower on cold and stepped under the spray, wincing as the ice cold water
ran down my back. Any other time, it would've done the trick for my raging hard-on, but not that time. Not with Honor on the other side of that door.
Placing one hand on the tiled wall and the other fisting my dick, I stroked from root to tip. It only took me a few strokes before I was emptying my load and watching it wash down the drain. Truthfully, I didn't feel any better than I did before I stepped in the shower.
Once I finished, I got out, not even bothering to dry off. I walked over to my dresser and took the plastic bag of pills out of my underwear drawer and opened it. I fished out three of the Xanax bars and popped them in my mouth and chewed. The bitter taste filled my mouth, but I needed to get it in my system, and it was much faster that way.
I braced my hands on top of the dresser and stared at my reflection. "You've got to get a grip," I said to pathetic excuse of a man staring back at me. "You're everything your dad said you were. You don't deserve to breathe the same air as her."
I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. My heart rate slowed and my legs felt like jello. When I turned and took a step toward the bed, I stumbled and fell in to the bedside table, sending the lamp crashing to the floor. Shards of glass scattered across the wood floor, but I didn't care.
"Chance, are you okay?" I heard Honor ask from the other side of my bedroom door.
The sound was muffled, like I had cotton in my ears, but I managed to speak.
"I'm good," I slurred.
When I heard her footsteps eventually move down the hall, I closed my eyes. I didn't even try to move to the bed. I passed out where I lied.
***
When I woke up the next morning, my baggie of pills was scattered all over the bedroom floor, along with glass from the lamp.
A bitter taste resided in my mouth. Forcing myself onto my hands and knees, I cursed myself for the pain that shot through my shoulder and down my arm. I'd no doubt landed on my shoulder when I fell last night.
I forced myself up and headed to the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face and brush my teeth. Maybe if I was lucky, Honor wouldn't ask questions.