by Regina Frame
The sign on the front of the building read Heartstrings Children's Home. I hadn't even realized that we'd stopped until Chance slammed his car door and walked around to the back of the Hummer. Just as I stepped out of the car, he stepped up beside me, carrying a guitar with a huge white bow tied around the neck of it.
"You know someone here?" I questioned.
"I guess you could say that."
That was his only explanation, but I didn't miss the look of sadness on his face, nor the pain in his stormy green eyes. I followed him up the stone pathway and into the building.
The walls were painted a crisp pale green with thick white crown molding at the top. Everything looked and smelled new. Chance strolled up to the reception desk and signed us in on a clipboard, much like you would in a doctor's office. A moment later, there was a loud clicking noise, signaling a lock on the door had been disengaged.
"You can go on back, Mr. Roberts. Jackie is on her way down," the receptionist informed us.
We stepped through the door and took the hallway to the right where we were greeted by an older lady with gray hair, dressed in a floral print dress. She picked up her pace the moment she spotted us. She smiled brightly at Chance before wrapping him in a hug.
"It's so good to see you, dear." She patted his back.
"It's good to see you, too, Jackie. How's he doing today?" he asked. She shook her head with sadness in her brown eyes.
"He's just not responding to us. He's been here for a week, and he refuses to go to group activities. He won't talk with the counselors. I've even tried to get him to open up to me, but he refuses. He just sits and stares, pretty much all the time. I'm really hoping you can get through to him," she told him, and then her eyes moved to me and she smiled.
"Jackie, this is my friend, Honor."
He placed his hand on my arm, and I didn't miss the trembling of his fingers. This, in some way, felt personal. I suddenly felt like an intruder.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, sweetheart." She reached out, took my hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm the house mother here. That means I live on site and my door is always open no matter what time of day or night. We get children of all ages and from all walks of life," she explained. She handed Chance a blue folder with the name Matt written on a yellow post-it note stuck to the front. "That'll give you a little background information, and some idea of what we're dealing with." She placed her hand gently on Chance's arm. "I'll be in my room if you need me for anything," she said before heading back the way she came.
My head was spinning at the moment, wondering why we were there in the first place. Why would Chance be given such private information on someone he didn't even know? I felt as if I was invading someone's privacy. I just didn't feel right about being there. Why would Chance bring me along?
"I should probably wait in the car."
I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my hand and threaded his fingers through mine. I opened my mouth to speak, but when our eyes met, I knew that I was right where I needed to be. For some reason, Chance needed me for support, and I would give that to him. Even though I didn't fully know what was going on, or the story behind the little boy, Matt, I knew in my heart it affected Chance deeply. I could feel it in my bones.
I followed Chance down the long carpeted hallway, my stomach knotted at the thought of what we were walking in to. Obviously, Chance had been there before. He probably knew what to expect, but not me. I'd never been to a children's home, and never known anyone from a children's home. When we came to room sixteen, Chance knocked twice and pushed the door open, pulling me along behind him.
The room was quiet. The blinds were open, letting the sunlight flood the room. There was a young boy, maybe around seven years old, sitting on the side of the bed, staring out the window, probably watching some of the other kids playing. He had dark brown hair that hung over his forehead and into his eyes. It was a little long for a boy his age. My guess was that it hadn't been cut in months. He had a heavy plaster cast on his left arm, and it was held against his body by a sling.
Chance lay the guitar on the foot of the bed, and then squatted down in front of the little boy. His little body was tense as he watched Chance with a guarded expression on his little face.
It was then that I noticed he had a black eye. My God. What has this little boy been through, and who did this to him? I wanted to find them and kick the shit of them.
"Hey, Matt. My name is Chance, and this is my friend, Honor." Matt's eyes moved from Chance, to me, and back again. "She's pretty, isn't she?" he said. I felt my cheeks heat, and gave Matt a little smile. He looked so sad. "Miss Jackie told me that you like the guitar, so I brought you a present," he told him, lifting the guitar for Matt to see. "I'll make a deal with you. If you'll go to group and let Miss Jackie help you, I'll teach you how to play." Matt's eyes lit up, and he actually smiled.
"You mean it?" Matt asked. His brown eyes danced with excitement.
"You bet. And once you learn to play, you can play with us on stage at one of our shows."
Matt bolted from the twin bed and threw his good arm around Chance.
"I like your hair," he told Chance as he reached up and touched the blue Mohawk Chance was sporting these days. We both laughed.
"Thanks, buddy." Chance gave him a fist bump. "Look: I've got to cut out now. Would it be okay if I came back to see you in a few days?" Matt nodded and gave Chance a big toothy grin. "Alright, little dude. You talk to Miss Jackie, okay? She's a good lady, and she's here to help you." Chance wrapped Matt in a hug before getting to his feet and grabbing my hand once again.
"Are you really coming back to see me?" Matt asked Chance again, almost as if he needed reassurance again. The poor little guy had probably been lied to most of his life. "Will you bring her with you?" he asked Chance.
"You bet! I tell you what, if you want to talk to me at any time, you tell Miss Jackie and she'll let you call me. Okay? I'm just doing this for you, little man. I don't give out my number to just anybody."
Matt's face lit up, and my heart practically burst with joy while watching the two interact.
After we told him goodbye, we went in search of Jackie.
We found her exactly where she said she would be. In her room. It was actually more than a room; it was set up like a small apartment. There was a den, kitchen/dining room combo, one bedroom, and one bath. Again, everything looked and smelled new. I took a seat on one of the wingback chairs while Chance filled Jackie in on our time with Matt and his promise to come back for a visit in a couple of days.
Jackie was thrilled with the progress that he had made with the little boy. She practically beamed like a proud momma. Butterflies danced in my stomach as we walked to the Hummer, hand in hand. I was not exactly sure of what just happened, but, in that moment, I fell for Chance Roberts a little bit more.
The sun had started to go down by the time we left the children's home. The sky was a beautiful shade of orange and purple. As we walked down the sidewalk that led to the Hummer, I took the time to really look around and take in my surroundings. There were still large mounds of dirt and gravel that I could see in the distance. Like the contractors had pushed it there out of the way in order to construct the building. My guess was that this place wasn't very old at all. I would guess maybe two or three years at the most.
Rows and rows of steel beams were stacked to one side, along with pallets of red brick that were still banded together so that they didn't topple over.
"I wonder what they're going to build there?" I pointed toward the steel beams.
"That's going to be a basketball gym and indoor pool area," he said, as if it were no big deal.
"Wow. This place is beautiful." His fingers laced with mine tightened as we came to a stop in front of his Hummer.
"You're right. It is beautiful. There is a lot of good work that goes on here, and you won't find a better person to run it than Jackie. She loves those kids as if they're her own," he said, his voice
full of pride.
He opened the door and helped me inside before walking around the back and slipping onto the driver's seat.
We were only a few minutes away from Linc's, and we rode there in silence. I studied him, stealing glances as he drove. The muscles in his forearms tensed, and the knuckles on his hands turned white from the death grip he had on the steering wheel.
When he shut the car off at Linc's, his shoulders slumped and something that looked like pain flashed across his face, but was gone just as fast.
Chapter Nine
Chance
When we arrived at Linc's, the driveway was lined with cars. It looked like the whole gang had been invited to dinner.
"I hope Honesty made Italian. I've got a craving, and Lasagna is her specialty."
"I'm kind of hungry myself. Someone kept me busy today and wouldn't feed me a proper meal," she teased.
"I seem to recall that your mouth was full on more than one occasion today," I joked, wiggling my brows playfully.
I needed to lighten my mood after what I'd just seen at the children' home, and my way of doing that was to make jokes. When I was a kid, it was how I dealt. And after I got old enough to know what alcohol and drugs were, I found it to be an even better way to deal.
"You're pretty proud of yourself, aren't you?" she asked.
"Damn straight," I admitted, wrapping my arm around her and pulling her in for a kiss as we walked the stone path to the front door.
I didn't bother knocking. I used to live there, and, in a way, it still felt like home. I pushed the door open, and was immediately greeted by the smell of garlic and tomato sauce. My stomach growled loudly, causing Honor to laugh. Laughter filtered from the kitchen—the one place we always seemed to gather when we were all in town.
Honesty was turning in to quite the hostess. She was taking a baking sheet of garlic bread from the oven when we entered the kitchen, and there were two large pans of bubbling hot lasagna sitting on the counter.
"Honesty, if you weren't already taken, I'd claim you for myself." I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her cheek.
"Back the fuck up, dude. She's taken, and don't you forget it," Linc barked jokingly, as he wedged himself in between us.
I threw my hands up in mock surrender, and everybody laughed. Even though we were taking playful jabs at one another, I pitied anyone who crossed that line with Linc. I'd never seen him that way with a woman, and I was sure he'd beat any guy to a pulp that tried to mess with her.
"I think I'm in labor."I groaned as I scooted back in my chair and ran my hand over my distended stomach.
"Awe. It's a food baby," Honor joked as she gently patted my stomach.
I'd gorged myself, and now I was going to pay for it with indigestion. But it was well worth it. It was not every day someone made all my favorite foods. That didn't even happen when I was a kid. Hell. I was pretty sure my mom never took the time to know what I liked. She was too busy trying to avoid my dad.
"Honor, will you help me with dessert?" Honesty asked her.
They both left the room with hushed whispers for some odd reason. I just chalked it up to being a girl thing. I honestly didn't think I could handle eating anything else, but I'd take one for the team and give it a try.
"Surprise!" they both shouted as they walked back into the room.
Honor was holding a huge fucking cake shaped like a guitar with the words ‘Happy Birthday Chance’ written across the top, and several sparkler candles emitted a trail of smoke.
All the breath left my lungs as I shot out of my chair and backed up. "I'm going to get your birthday cake, sweetie. I'll be right back. Don't you want it to be a surprise?" my mother's words played over in my head.
My heart slammed against my ribs, and I felt light headed. My eyes scanned the room, looking for what? I had no idea. The moment they started to sing Happy Birthday, it was like a punch to the gut.
The voices of my nightmares assaulted me with vengeance. "She's not coming back. She said she couldn't stand to look at you. You little shit." My father's cruel words were like a hand around my throat, crushing my windpipe. I couldn't breathe.
"No!" I managed to choke out, curling my hands into tight fists at my side. Anything to keep from throwing something.
Honor gasped in shock, and her eyes widened with fear. The look of horror on hers and Honesty's face had me hating myself for it. Fuck. I'd scared her, but for the life of me, I couldn't control myself. My father's cruel words, and my mother's lies, echoed in my ears.
"I had no idea, man," Jinx spoke up.
I shook my head, trying to get a hold of myself, but I couldn't. Like a tornado out of control, the storm bared down on me.
"Hell no! I didn't ask for this. This is not okay." I shook my head.
Honor's lower lip trembled as tears welled in her blue eyes. Everyone but Jinx was staring at me like I was some kind of freak show. I guess maybe I was. The only one with any understanding of what was going on was Jinx, and he wasn't talking. He was the one person who knew everything about me and kept my secret. He knew my nightmare.
"I'm s-sorry," Honor started, but I cut her off.
"You should have asked," I bit out again, spittle flying from my mouth.
And now she had started cry. Big fat tears rolled down her cheeks as she stood there cradling that damn cake in her arms. Fuck. I knew I was hurting her, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't get a grip on reality at the moment, because I was stuck in the past.
My father may as well have been standing before me. In my mind I could see that bastard plain as day. "I tried to get Vicky to get rid of you, but she wouldn't and here she has left you with me, knowing the whole damn time that I didn't want you!" He kicked me in the stomach with his steel toed boot, almost knocking the wind out of me. "Boy, you better stop that damn crying or I'll give you something to cry about. You're a pussy, and no boy of mine is gonna be a pussy."
The crushing pain in my chest was almost too much to bare. I wasn't going to hang around and risk hurting her more. I had to get out of there. Right fucking now. I turned on my heel and walked out, stopping only to slip my shoes back on. I heard someone call my name, but I didn't stop.
I jogged out the front door, down the path, and climbed up in my Hummer. I started it and backed out of the driveway without stopping to put on my seatbelt. At that point, I didn't care. If I wiped out again, I'd consider myself lucky if it took me out this time.
Pressing the hands free device on the steering wheel, I barked out a command and waited for the call to connect. He answered on the second ring, just like I knew he would. I was one of his best customers. It would be like cutting off his right hand if he didn't cater to me. Once I placed my order, I headed to the south side to meet up with Johnny Rocks.
I was taking a risk by going back there. I knew it was a bad move after the photo was leaked last month. And then there was the night I'd spent in jail to consider. Frankly, at that point, I'd risk it. I'd risk anything to rid myself of the memories, even if it was temporarily. Temporary was better than nothing.
I turned into the alley and parked alongside a big green dumpster. My fingers nervously tapped the steering while as I watched Johnny approach the back of the Hummer.
"You better not bring the cops to my fucking door," he said as he slid onto the passenger seat and closed the door.
It was then that I noticed he was missing his front teeth. Damn. I couldn't tell if it was meth mouth or if someone had knocked them down his throat. It was a tossup, because it could be either, and it wouldn't surprise me in the least.
"I wasn't followed," I snapped, nervously checking my mirrors for any signs that I was followed. "You got the stuff or not? Don't waste my time, because I can always find somebody else." I reached for the ignition button on the steering column. I'd kick his ass out in a heartbeat.
"Whoa!" He held both hands up, palms facing out. "I got your shit." I tilted my head toward the glove box. The same drill as usual. He placed
the drugs inside, took his money, and got out. I immediately pressed the switch to lock the doors.
This time I didn't drive to The Neon Rabbit to get high. I didn't wait until I got home. Reaching in the center console, I took out my lighter and glass pipe.
I lined everything up on the passenger seat and stared at it. I don't know why, unless I was subconsciously willing myself to change my mind. My mouth was getting dry and my hands were already twitching in anticipation of that high. I'd had friends overdose on this shit, and saw story after story on the news. That happened to other people, I told myself. That wouldn't happen to me, but heroin was a cruel mistress and she had me by the balls.
The moment I took a hit off that pipe, there was a wave of euphoria, and shortly after that, my mouth, my eyes, even my nose dried out. My lips stuck to my teeth, and my tongue felt like it had been left out in the sun for a week. My head dropped back against the seat as a warm flush spread throughout my body, and, finally, my breathing slowed.
That, as sick as it was, was what I was waiting for.
***
The next morning, I awoke with a surge of nausea and barely got the car door open before I lost the contents of my stomach. I rested my head against the steering wheel, and when the cramps in my stomach eased up, I headed home.
Throughout the drive, I thought back to last night and the hurt look on Honor's beautiful face when I flipped out. I saw fear in her eyes, and sadness in her expression. I never wanted to be the cause of that again. I fucked up big time. I knew I did, and I needed to fix it.
Over the last couple of weeks, something changed between us.
I never in a million years would have thought I'd ever let anyone in, but she somehow had slipped through the cracks in my heart, and I liked how that made me feel.
I needed to make things right. I needed to get on my knees and grovel. Beg her to forgive me for what I'd done. She was the best thing to happen to me in a long time. Hell. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I didn’t want to lose her. I'd tell her why I didn’t celebrate my birthday, and, hopefully, she would understand.