When Jodi originally designed the clinic, she’d incorporated plans for a future second vet. The room that served as a kitchenette was in actuality another examination room. But since the two existing exam rooms sufficed for her needs, she’d turned the space into an eating area. It’d be easy to convert back.
Jodi looked out onto the ocean, surprised at the thought. Would there be an advantage? Another vet would be an added drain on the income. But at the moment, the income was limited because of her…personal issues. Could the practice sustain another vet? She tossed another piece of wood on the fire. The ensuing crackling and smell of smoke were comforting. Before her world had come crashing down and she’d started to turn away business, the days that she’d been run off her feet had been steadily increasing. Wasn’t that why she’d given up swimming and hiking? Work had become everything, an all-consuming entity, leaving her with no time to herself. Of course her clients were more important than her taking a stroll in the bush. There was no question. She snorted derisively. “Yeah, see where that got me.”
The idea of having Cate come on board was appealing. She was witty and had an insanely good sense of humour. Jodi remembered many occasions, laughing so hard her sides hurt. The clinic atmosphere had beamed with an unspoken energy as soon as Cate walked through the door. She would unquestionably be a good addition.
Cate was lucky. The only reason she was open to the idea was that she knew Cate. Frankly, if anyone other than Cate had shown up at the clinic, they would’ve been politely turned away.
Jodi considered the possibilities. Cate had proven she could work alone, but she had no qualms about asking for help or a consult. This might work. While a large part of the clinic work was hands-on medicine, there was also a certain percentage that consisted of only consultation. Jodi could easily fill that role. Since Cate was basically still a rookie and would be for a few years, she’d have to work under some supervision. Especially in surgery. All the tension in Jodi’s body was suddenly released. She had an innate desire to remain completely still and let…what?…sink in. Relief? That’s what it was. If Jodi hired Cate, she would be afforded the time to somehow fix the disconnect between her brain and hands. And she wouldn’t suffer from the anxiety and pressure to get back to the vet surgeon she had been, and hoped to be once again.
Jodi raised the bottle in the ocean’s direction, saluting the horizon because it hinted that there were good things out there. And she was on her way to finding them. She took another sip, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, allowing the resolution, the whisky, and the ocean to wrap around her.
Cole’s image suddenly appeared behind her eyelids and her mood darkened once again. Despite her decision to hire Cate, she found she was just as hurt and angry with Cole as she had been several hours earlier.
Jodi swigged a rough mouthful of whisky. Would she have agreed it was a good idea if Cole had just talked to her before contacting Cate? She wasn’t sure. No. Probably not. It was her surgery, and her decision to make. Period. Her mind hadn’t ventured to that level of contemplation involving another vet—effectively getting in help.
Over the past few weeks, she’d fallen in love with Cole. But right now, she felt betrayed. Cornered. Pressured. The boundaries between work and her heart had blurred. Although it was irresponsible of her, a dark part of her decided to not go into the surgery tomorrow. Cole would just have to rearrange the appointments on her own, since she was so smart.
Jodi let the fire die down. It was dark out, but for the millions of stars overhead. She waved one mozzie away, knowing that within minutes of the fire burning low, there’d be an onslaught of the bloodsuckers hovering around her, waiting for any opportunity. She stood, stretched, unzipped her swag, and got in. Tomorrow she’d hike to an area where there was mobile reception and give Cate a call. She was the only person Jodi needed to talk to for the next thirty-six hours. She fluffed her pillow, snuggled down, and let the whisky and the rhythm of the ocean’s waves carry her away to sleep.
“Aw crap, Cole.” Charlie cringed in empathy when Cole relayed what had happened.
“I know! I know.” Cole paced back and forth in Pip and Charlie’s lounge room, distress falling off her in waves. “Oh, dear Lord. I’ve screwed up, big time. Shit, shit, shit.”
“Okay. Here’s what we’re gonna do.” Pip stood at the kitchen cooktop, stirring a large pot of vegetable soup. “I have a load of mulch that desperately needs spreading out in the far wallaby pen. If you two can make that happen, by the time you finish, come back, and wash up, I’ll have dinner on and we can sit and mull things over.”
Cole barely slowed her pacing. She didn’t care. She had enough distress-fuelled energy flowing through her veins at the minute. One mountain of mulch or sixteen, she didn’t much care. She welcomed mind-numbing activity and spreading out mulch sounded just fine to her.
She’d spent the afternoon calling clients and rescheduling appointments. Her biggest fear was that she wasn’t entirely sure when, or even if, Jodi would come back to the office—the fear she’d pushed her too far loomed large in her mind. A cold sweat spread across her body and left her feeling sick in its wake.
Charlie showed her the pile of mulch and she attacked it like a demon. She pushed and pulled the shovel through the mix mechanically. The movement barely contained the threat of the bile of betrayal that sat heavy at the base of her throat. Her intentions had been good, but the execution had come horribly undone. She had so badly wanted to make things easier for Jodi. Cate was a person she knew Jodi would not only feel happy working with, but would be a comfortable fit both for the practice and, most importantly, for Jodi’s clientele.
There had been only a small window of time between when she’d come up with the idea and when she’d made contact with Cate. Time. Her arms strained under a particularly heavy load of mulch. She’d thought she would have time to talk to Jodi about it. To see what she thought. To be guided by whatever she wanted. Instead, things had coalesced at a speed that was beyond her control. She hadn’t managed to find an opportunity to collar Jodi long enough to talk about work. Then Cate had turned up early. And she had inadvertently put them all in it. She would never forget the look of utter hurt and betrayal on Jodi’s face when she put two and two together. And poor Cate, the complete and utter innocent bystander in all of this.
Cole dropped her shovel and strode across the enclosure. She bent over the side of the pen. The bile that had threatened all afternoon needed release. She was vaguely aware of Charlie holding her hair back as she vomited over the fence.
When her stomach was as empty as her heart, she slid to the ground. Charlie guided her down, holding her safely in an embrace, as sobs wracked her. Except for her hiccupping breaths, there was silence, something her heart and her mind needed.
Charlie helped her up, walked her to the house, and guided Cole to the shower. Afterwards Cole found Charlie had left her some fresh clean pyjamas to change into.
Pip had made chicken and vegetable soup, and under normal circumstances she would have begged for the recipe, such were the explosions of flavours in her mouth. Tonight, its main power rested in soothing her stomach and her soul after such a tumultuous day. When she’d eaten all she could, she allowed Pip to put her to bed.
Cole lay with the sheets pulled up under her chin. Pip stroked the hair away from her forehead. A box of tissues had magically appeared on her bedside table.
“Time. That’s what you both need.”
Cole cried. “Time can’t heal what I’ve done. I’ve ruined it. I’ll never learn.”
“Shh, now. We’ll talk more in the morning, but know this: While your execution might have been a tad off, your intention wasn’t. She’s gonna sting and hurt for a bit, but she’s smart. She’ll eventually see the love and thought behind what you did.”
Cole shook her head. “I let her down. I made it look like I don’t trust her or her decisions.”
“Do you trust her?”
Cole fixed
Pip with her teary gaze. “With all my heart.” Never a truer statement had she uttered. “I just wanted to help her, to take the load off and give her space to come back to her old self.”
Pip handed her a tissue. “I know that. And eventually Jodi’ll know that too. But right now, she needs some time and space. You’ve had some huge lessons thrown in your faces. She’s had a truck full of emotions run right through everything she knows. Give her some time to find her inner compass, and to work her way through what she needs to do. Don’t push. Just be there for her when she needs it. It’s not going to be easy.” Pip smiled wryly, a smile born of years of friendship with Jodi. “But trust me when I say you need to hang in there.” Pip wiped Cole’s tears. “Do you love her enough to do that?”
“I do.”
“Then let it be your anchor.” Pip kissed her on the forehead before rising from the bed and turning out the light.
Jodi parked next to Cate’s Holden ute when she arrived at the clinic on Monday. She’d phoned her Saturday afternoon to ask her to join the practice. Cate was ecstatic, and Jodi’d offered her the apartment above the clinic as an interim measure, until she found a place of her own. Cate jumped at the chance and asked if she could start Monday morning. Although it meant leaving her dune sanctuary early, Jodi had met Cate at the clinic on Sunday to give her a key.
Cate’s enthusiasm was infectious. Even though it was early Monday morning, Jodi was already looking forward to the day and beyond. She juggled the keys in her hand as she walked around to the back entrance. When she found the door already open, she went in. The lights were on inside and Cate’s bum stuck out of one the big cages.
“What are you doing? Don’t you know it’s too early to start work?” Jodi bumped Cate’s foot with her own as she walked by.
“Just seeing if I’d fit in this cage in case you needed the apartment in an emergency.”
Jodi laughed. “It’s yours until you don’t need it. It’s been sitting empty for a while anyway, so it’s a good thing you moved in. I needed someone to clean it.”
“Well, mate, you coulda left me a six-pack in the fridge and I wouldn’t have even noticed.”
“Mm. When you’re done checking out your new digs, want to join me in my office for a cuppa? I want to go over a few things with you before the front door opens.”
“Righto. Black, no sugar.”
Jodi quirked an eyebrow and smiled. “I remember.”
“Good bosses do,” Cate said as she backed out of the cage. She fluffed make-believe long hair. “I’ll be along in a minute. I just have to fix my face.”
“Not touching that one!”
Cate was back and Jodi knew she’d made the right decision. Surprisingly, the banter they’d exchanged in just the few minutes she’d been around somehow increased Jodi’s willingness to take back control and lead on.
Cate was already sitting in front of Jodi’s desk when she came in with the two mugs of coffee. “Just keep in mind that the only reason I’m bringing you coffee is because it’s your first day.”
“Still the same old slave driver, I see.” Cate smiled over her mug before taking a sip. “Ah, nectar of the gods.”
“See, that’s why I hired you. You worship the same entity.”
“Caffeine?”
“Is there any other?” Jodi took a sip and set the mug down. “So here’s the thing. I couldn’t really go into what I’m planning when we talked on the phone.”
“Not sure what your plan was?” Cate shot her a devilish grin.
“I knew exactly what it was. I just didn’t think I could talk over your squeals of excitement.”
“Pfft.” Cate flicked her wrist at Jodi, motioning her to go on.
“I’ve put a lot of thought behind this.”
“Five seconds.”
“Yeah. Shut up and let me talk.” Jodi rolled her eyes. “You know I wouldn’t take this abuse from just anyone.”
“Oh, so you’re saying I’m special? Thank you very much, Doctor.”
Jodi reached into the top drawer and brought out a roll of duct tape. “I still have this, you know.”
Cate’s eyes widened. “Shit. I’d forgotten about that.” She made a motion with her fingers to zip her lips.
Jodi chuckled. They’d once made a bet Cate couldn’t stay quiet for longer than fifteen minutes. Jodi had assisted her by applying a piece of tape over her mouth. She still had to pay Cate for losing the bet, but it was worth it.
“I’d like to try something for a while.”
“Sh—”
Jodi lifted the roll of tape. Cate put a hand across her mouth and nodded.
“In the past year or so, I’m finding I’m spending a lot more time on consultations. Which, unfortunately, I either have to cut short, or the next client has to wait longer. For the time being, I’d like you to have the hands-on portion of the day, which will free up my time for consults. I’ll still shadow you in the exam room when I can, and of course maintain the supervisory role in surgery. Think you can manage that?”
“Can I talk now?”
Jodi pushed her tongue into her cheek, raised her eyebrows, and nodded.
“Can I listen in on consultations if I’m free?”
“Of course. I think that’d be advantageous to us both.”
A shadow darkened the office doorway. Cole. She didn’t return Cole’s smile. She kept her face emotionless. She had to create an emotional barrier between the two of them. It was the only way she’d be able to heal and learn to trust her again. “Good morning, Cole.”
“Good morning. Sorry to interrupt, but Cate, would you excuse us for a minute? I’d like to talk to Jodi.” Cole fidgeted and bit a fingernail.
“No worries,” Cate said as she got up. “I want to have a look at today’s appointments anyway.”
Jodi checked the time. “Sorry. Time to open the doors. You’ll have to learn to fly by the seat of your pants, Dr. Cate.”
“That does have a certain appealing ring to it. At any rate, I need to run upstairs and get my stethoscope.” She smiled at Cole and left.
“Is Mandy out back?” Cole took a step inside the office.
Jodi stood and fixed her with a cold stare. “No. She’s not here. You’ll be managing the front desk.”
“Oh. Okay. Well, if you need me in the ex—”
“Cate and I can manage, thank you. Would you please open the front door?” Jodi walked past Cole, went to the closet, and pulled out a set of clean scrubs. Cole was still standing there when she turned around. “If you don’t mind?”
The day flew by at lightning speed. And the clinic was insanely busy. Jodi was pleased to see that her short hiatus hadn’t affected appointments. The phone rang constantly, and much to her delight, she spent over three hours all told on the phone giving advice to other vets as well as clients.
Cate rose to the challenge and gained the trust and confidence of every patient and owner who walked in. Jodi didn’t see dissatisfaction on the faces of anyone who passed through the door. For that, she was grateful for Cate and the obvious trust her clients had in her ability to run a vet surgery. Regardless, it had been a long day, Jodi thought, while locking the front door.
“Want to come up for a beer?” Cate said as she followed her into the kennelling area. “Oh. That’s right. I don’t have any.” She winked at Jodi.
“How about we rain check that idea and walk down to the fish and chips place?” Jodi rolled her eyes. “I’ll even shout you since you won’t get your first pay cheque until next week.”
“Yeah, I gotta talk to my tightwad boss about that. But all the same, I accept your offer.”
Jodi pointed to the door. “We might as well head out the back. I need to grab a jumper.”
“Meet you at your car then. I’ll go get mine.”
Jodi knew well that Cole would be up front, getting the desk in order, putting away files, and pulling those for tomorrow’s appointments. Most afternoons she used to have a cup of coffee while wait
ing for Cole to finish. Tonight was different. It felt easier to escape, rather than face Cole and the feelings and thoughts she had yet to process.
Cole heard them go. She closed her eyes briefly and held still as she willed herself to breathe through the pain in her chest. After a few deep breaths she opened her eyes and finished organizing the files for the following day. Her movements were slow, mechanical, and measured. Her mind went only as far as the next file.
Pip wasn’t kidding when she said it wouldn’t be easy. Cole had loved and lost before, and there had been dark days, but nothing compared to the chasm of hurt that had opened up in her heart now. Jodi’s reaction to her was like a spear to her guts. She was alive enough to breathe and move, but each emotionless look, each brush-off, each time she approached a consulting room only to have the door close on her resulted in one thrust after another. Cate was turning out to be what she had hoped. She just didn’t envision the part where she became redundant.
Both examination rooms were set up identically, since Jodi liked to be able to put her hands on things without looking for them, regardless of where she was. So Cole didn’t feel the need to add anything additional to what was fast becoming Cate’s room, confident that all would suit her well for whatever she encountered.
At the reception desk, Jodi and Cole had, over the years, created a record sequencing of upcoming patient appointments, history, and pathology reports in a single system. Cole created a second system for Cate—again identical, in case Jodi needed to quickly check or qualify something in Cate’s absence. Cole laid out Cate’s client files in preparation for the early morning start.
Lastly, she washed the floors and hung out the laundered towels and cloths. When nothing more could be done, she activated the answering machine and alarm, turned off the lights, and locked the door behind her. Her footsteps were heavy in the gravel. She drove home, not ever really remembering any part of the journey to get there, and sat in the car until the daylight faded.
Precipice of Doubt Page 20