Normally, the Christmas Eve service was his favorite one of the entire year. Filled with warmth and hope for a better future, it encompassed all the things his family had taught him to value. But this time, even Pastor Griggs’s touching sermon on God’s never-ending love for His children wasn’t enough to lift Jason’s spirits.
All he could think of was Amy leaving. And how empty his life was going to feel without her in it.
* * *
Following the service, Amy and Jason began a leisurely stroll toward his grandparents’ house. Diane had flown from the church with Rachel and everyone else in tow, hurrying back to make certain everything would be ready for the Christmas Eve party that was apparently an annual Barrett tradition.
“I wish they would’ve let me help,” Amy ventured to break the silence.
“Someone must’ve told them you can’t cook.”
The sarcastic edge on his voice clued her in that he’d been the one to warn them off, but she really couldn’t blame him. He didn’t want her poisoning his family during the holidays. Totally understandable. “I could carry dishes in to stock the buffet or wrangle kids or something.”
Smiling down at her, he took her hand gently in his much larger one. “You’re coming as my guest. Guests are supposed to relax and enjoy themselves.”
Returning that smile came so naturally to her now, she could barely recall feeling self-conscious around him. But she had, and he’d patiently drawn her out, encouraging her, cheering her on, until she’d learned to trust him without question. When they reached the square, she paused to admire the town’s tree one last time.
“Do you remember the Starlight Festival?” she asked.
Chuckling, he wrapped an arm loosely around her shoulders. “Sure. It was the best one ever ’cause you were there.”
Blushing at the compliment, she nearly swallowed what she wanted to say next. But she forged ahead because there was something very important she wanted him to know. Turning, she met his eyes, saw the honest affection he felt for her twinkling warmly in them.
“That night, I told you things I haven’t shared with anyone, not even my mother. You didn’t even blink, just accepted everything about me the way it was. Your attitude made me believe other people could do the same, and I’ll always be grateful to you for doing that.”
“Since we’re here—” he reached into the pocket of his suit jacket “—I have something for you. I was planning to give it to you later, but this seems like the right place for it.”
Amy took the small box wrapped in shiny gold paper, then fished in her purse for the one she’d brought for him. They looked similar, and he laughed. “I hope they’re not the same thing.”
“Me, too.”
They tore their gifts open at the same time, and Amy opened her box with a little creak. Inside, on a cushion of burgundy velvet, she found a pair of crystal earrings fashioned into multifaceted stars. They looked remarkably like the sterling-silver tie tack she’d gotten for him, and she couldn’t help laughing. “We seem to have similar taste in jewelry.”
“Does that mean you like ’em?” In answer, she reached up and drew his face to hers for a grateful kiss. She felt his lips quirk into one of those grins, and he murmured, “I really like the way you say thank-you.”
Gathering her into his arms, he gave her a longer, deeper kiss. Savoring the warmth of being surrounded by him, she had a hunch the effect of those stolen kisses would linger far past Christmas Eve. Footsteps approached them, and she knew without looking who’d stopped to say hello.
“Nice tree, isn’t it?” Uncle Fred asked in a casual tone that did little to mask his true purpose for pausing here at that exact moment.
Eyes still locked on her, Jason replied, “Very nice.”
“So we’ll see you at the Barretts’ party, then,” Aunt Helen chimed in.
“Oh, leave them be,” Mom scolded, shooing them away. To Amy, she whispered, “It’s a beautiful night for stargazing. You two just take your time.”
She continued on with her brother and sister-in-law in tow, and Jason commented, “I guess they’ve got us pegged.”
“I’m so glad we got some time together before I have to go.” Resting her hand on his jaw, she frowned as the impact of her choice hit her full force. “I’m really going to miss you.”
“You could stay,” he suggested in a voice tinged with hope. He hadn’t done that recently, and the temptation to say yes was so strong, she didn’t trust herself to speak. When she didn’t respond, he sighed. “But that would mean you’d have to give up on ever dancing again.”
“I pray someday you’ll understand why I’m doing this.”
“I already do,” he muttered as he stepped away from her. “That’s what makes it so hard for me. I want you here, but I want you to be happy even more. If that means you have to go somewhere else, I’ll just have to learn to live with it.”
He took her hand again, and they walked the rest of the way in silence. Blinking back tears, Amy wished she was one of those people who could be satisfied with second best. She’d always considered her unrelenting drive to be an asset. Accompanied by years of hard work, it had propelled her to heights most people could only imagine, and she was tremendously proud of what she’d accomplished as a performer.
But tonight, seeing how much her ambition was hurting someone she cared about, she was beginning to have her doubts.
Even before they reached Will and Olivia’s house, she could see it was lit up like one of Macy’s famous holiday window displays. Cars lined both sides of the street, and the sounds of laughing conversation mixed with Christmas music floated out on the night air.
People were standing on the front porch with food and drinks, and through the open front door she saw dozens more in the dining room. “Half the town must be here!”
“It’s Christmas Eve,” he said, as if that explained everything.
“Are you sure this isn’t too much for your grandparents?”
“It’s just what they need,” he assured her as they went up the front steps. “Too much quiet drives ’em bonkers, and besides, we always do the party here. After the kids open their gifts at home in the morning, everyone comes back here for lunch and presents.”
Since moving away, she and Mom had quietly celebrated the holidays together, so Amy wasn’t used to large family gatherings like this one. What Jason described struck her as something out of a classic Christmas movie, and she smiled. “It sounds perfect.”
“Not really. Something goes wrong at one point or another, but we have a lotta fun.”
Bulldozing ahead of her, he made a path for her to follow to a buffet table loaded down with roast beef, all manner of veggies, three varieties of homemade rolls and three of the biggest hams she’d ever seen. It took a while for them to get through the line, but every morsel smelled as if it would be totally worth the wait. Once they had their food, Jason angled his way into the living room, where they found Will and Olivia in the place of honor near the tree.
“Here they are,” Olivia announced, as if they’d been waiting all night just to see the two of them. “I told you they’d be along soon.”
“I hope you took this lovely girl for a stroll,” Will said with a wink at his youngest grandson.
“Yes, sir. Just like you taught me.”
While they chatted back and forth, the fondness that rippled between Jason and the grandparents who’d taken him into their hearts was touching to see. Raised with so much love around him, it took very little effort to picture him with a family of his own someday. Enjoying the holidays, honoring the faith that was such an important part of who he was.
The woman he chose to share that life with him would be blessed beyond measure. Surrounded by the warmth of the Barrett family’s traditional Christmas, Amy only wished there was some way that
woman could be her.
* * *
“I look like death warmed over,” Amy complained as she scowled into the hallway mirror in her mother’s chic Manhattan apartment. “When I go to the hospital for my physical tomorrow, they’re going to think I’m sick or something.”
Mom, who was whipping up some dinner for them, stepped out of her galley kitchen for a look. When she frowned, Amy knew her concerns were on the mark. “I hate to say this, sweetie, but you look like you haven’t slept since we left Barrett’s Mill.”
She hadn’t, at least not very well. She spent most of her nights tossing and turning, her mind going over and over all the things that could go wrong with her surgery. As if that wasn’t enough, when she tried to conjure up something more pleasant so she could rest, the space behind her eyes filled with Jason’s face.
Jason grinning at her, laughing with her at something one of the kids had done, gazing down at her with that adoring look she’d give anything to see one more time. She’d expected that longing to gradually fade, but instead it was getting stronger. She missed his strong presence and the comforting knack he had for showing up just when she needed him.
Quite honestly, she was having second thoughts about her decision to reclaim some of her past. Because that part of her life had nothing to do with him, as the days dragged by she was beginning to think that might not be what she wanted anymore.
Wiping her hands on a towel, Mom settled on one of the stools at the stylish breakfast bar that separated her kitchen from the small living area overlooking the city. Amy had always loved that view, but over the past few months she’d grown accustomed to trees and sprawling, old-fashioned houses, with plenty of open space to roam around in.
“Come talk to me,” her mother nudged, patting the other stool. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Everything.” Suddenly, she felt as if she was ten again, trudging home from a rough day at school or rehearsal. Climbing onto the stool, she fought the impulse to drop her head onto the counter and weep. “Mostly, I’m confused.”
“About?”
“Everything,” Amy repeated ruefully. Realizing she wasn’t being very helpful, she searched for words to explain how she was feeling. “I’m not sure what I want anymore.”
“Because of Jason?” When Amy nodded, Mom gave her a wise smile. “He’s a wonderful young man. I wasn’t in town that long, but I could see how much he cares for you. Do you feel the same way about him?”
Amy nodded, tears welling in her eyes. “At first, he was completely against me trying this procedure because it’s so risky. But after a while, he realized how important it was to me and said he just wanted me to be happy.”
“What a generous thing to do. It’s not everyone who can put their own feelings aside and do what’s best for someone else.”
“I know,” Amy responded, more miserable than ever. “What do you think I should do?”
Standing, Mom went over the coatrack and grabbed their jackets. “I think we should take a walk. Let’s get some lattes and go to Rockefeller Center.”
“I don’t think—”
“Don’t argue with your mother,” she scolded with a wink. “Just put your coat on and let’s go.”
By the time they’d stopped for coffees and made their way to the holiday hub of New York, the knots in Amy’s thoughts had begun to loosen up a bit. They strolled along, admiring the decorations and watching the skaters on the ice rink below. They chatted about the after-Christmas sales and whether the forecast for a dusting of snow would prove accurate or not. Basically, they discussed any topic that had absolutely nothing to do with Amy’s dilemma, and she welcomed the distraction.
When they reached the walkway near the famous tree, they paused for a few moments. This time last year, Amy had been deep into her rehab and couldn’t make the trek here, so it had been a while since she’d last seen it. The tree itself was enormous, strung with thousands of lights and topped with a custom-made star spun from the finest crystal in the world.
But to her surprise, it had lost some of the appeal it once held for her. Instead, she was recalling a more modest version, tucked into a square in a Blue Ridge town so small, most outsiders had no idea it even existed. Her memory flashed to Christmas Eve with Jason, and she fingered one of the earrings he’d given her. Thinking back over their time together, she found herself wishing she could rewind to that heartwarming evening and make it last just a little longer. And that was when she knew.
She was in love with Jason Barrett.
Despite the fact that they had almost nothing in common, somehow they’d forged a bond that still connected them across hundreds of miles. She longed to hear his mellow drawl, see the twinkle in his eyes when he looked at her. Mostly, she wanted to be circled in his arms, the place where she felt treasured and safe.
“I’m going back,” she blurted, hesitantly eyeing her mother to gauge her reaction. When she got a knowing smile, she let out a relieved breath. “You knew that, didn’t you?”
“I was hoping you’d come to that. What changed your mind?”
“My heart,” she answered simply. “I love Jason, and I want to be with him.”
“Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. What will you do if things don’t work out between you two?”
“They will. I’ll make sure of it.”
“That’s my girl.” Laughing, Mom hugged her around her shoulders. “Let’s go make some reservations.”
Amy stared at her in disbelief. “Does that mean you’re coming with me?”
“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
* * *
“Jason,” Chelsea said from the open doorway that led to the front of the mill house. “It’s New Year’s Eve. What are you doing here?”
Keeping his eyes on the gears he was oiling, he asked, “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you and Paul be doing the dressing-up thing for Mom’s shindig tonight?”
“Olivia sent me to find you.” Coming into the production area, she sat down on a nearby stool and waited for him to look up at her. “She’s worried about you, and frankly, so am I. You haven’t been yourself since Amy left.”
The sound of her name set off a twisting sensation in his chest, and he winced. “I thought I’d skip this one. I’m not really in a celebrating mood.”
“I sympathize with you, but this party is important to the family. You know that.”
That knot tightened even more, and he swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. He’d never known his birth parents, and his adoptive grandfather was dying. Add to that the sense of loss he felt over Amy, and it was almost more than he could bear. Even his natural optimism wasn’t enough to overcome the clouds hanging over him these days.
Looking over at Chelsea, seeing the compassion in her eyes, he relented with a sigh. “Okay, I’ll be there.”
She gave him an encouraging smile, then stood and folded her hands, waiting. When he realized what she was up to, he had to chuckle. “You’re gonna follow me into town, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Does that work with my big brother when you want him to do something?” Jason asked as he flipped off lights on their way out the front door.
She gave him a proud, feminine smile. “Yes, it does. But don’t tell him I said so. He likes thinking all those things are his idea.”
They both laughed, and Jason was in a slightly better frame of mind by the time they reached his grandparents’ house. They went in through the kitchen, and after greeting his mom, he took the back stairs three at a time to go up to his room and change into something more presentable for company.
Dressed and ready for the evening ahead, he took the front stairs and pulled up short halfway down.
“Amy?”
Like a vision straight o
ut of his dreams, she balanced a dainty hand on the old newel post and bathed him in the most incredible smile he’d ever seen. She didn’t say anything, but the emotions shining in her eyes were enough to make him nearly trip over his own feet as he hurried down the rest of the steps.
Although he knew people were watching them, he took her in his arms for a long, grateful hug. Holding her away, he looked her over to make sure he was really awake. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s New Year’s Eve,” she replied, as if that should’ve been obvious to him. She placed a hand on his cheek, and this smile had a melancholy quality to it. “I missed you.”
No one outside his family had ever gone to so much trouble to do something for him, and it touched him in a way he’d never expected. It was far from midnight, but he didn’t care. Reeling her back in, he gave her a long-overdue kiss. Resting his forehead on hers, he murmured, “I missed you, too.”
“Why didn’t you call and tell me?”
“I didn’t want you to think I was going back on my word, trying to convince you to live here and run the studio.”
Tilting her head with a curious expression, she asked, “And now?”
“I love you,” he answered instinctively, not stopping to consider how crazy it would sound to her. “I know it hasn’t been that long, and you probably want to get to know me better—”
She interrupted him with a finger over his lips. “You, Jason Barrett, are the sweetest, kindest man I’ve ever met. I think I fell in love with you that first day, when you stepped in to rescue my show and fix all the things that were wrong in my apartment. It just took me a while to realize it.”
Jason was so stunned by her revelation, he hardly dared to believe it. “You mean, all those arguments we had were for nothing?”
“They were fun,” she corrected him with a playful grin. “Most folks back down when I get stubborn, but you roll up your sleeves and keep on fighting. I like that about you.”
“Go figure.”
Love Inspired December 2014 - Box Set 2 of 2: Her Holiday FamilySugar Plum SeasonHer Cowboy HeroSmall-Town Fireman Page 38