by Carina Adams
Some of the dorms made me laugh. Once classrooms, they had been divided in half and now housed two sets of bunk beds. They looked just like college dorm rooms, each with two bureaus and a desk. There was one bathroom for every four rooms and a communal shower. I had a hard time picturing any biker staying in them, let alone four sharing the tiny space.
Most of the sleeping quarters, though, were private. No bigger than the shared rooms, these at least had a single queen sized bed. Some had bureaus, some had closets, and all the ones Ian showed me were decorated uniquely by their ‘owner.’ Another perk to having a private room, Tank told me, was that each of them had originally been classrooms for lower grades or teacher’s offices, so each room had its own bathroom.
“Why do people live here?” I asked as we were leaving Tank’s room.
“They don’t.” At my arched eyebrow, Ian rushed on. “Sometimes it’s easier to crash here than go home after a party or a late night run. Othah times, it’s a place to catch a few hours of shuteye while you’re on duty. And sometimes, you need a few minutes of privacy.” I tried to ignore the last comment, knowing he meant a place to take women.
“Does Matty have a room?” I asked curiously.
Tank nodded. “All the officah’s have rooms.”
Officer? One more question to add to the pile. “Can I see it?” They both hesitated at once. “Oh.” My voice was soft but my heart had started pounding. The apartment was literally twenty minutes away. There was only one reason Matty would have for keeping a room here. “Oh.” I repeated. “Can you take me to Rocker’s office? He and Cris are probably done now.”
Tank nodded and put his hand on the small of my back, steering me down the hall, back towards the main room. As soon as we turned a corner, we heard voices. Angry voices obviously having one hell of a disagreement. Tank grabbed my arm right above my elbow, preventing me from going any further. “Mommy and Daddy are fighting again,” he muttered to Ian. He turned to go but I didn’t budge.
“It’s two nights away Princess! You’ve known about it for how long? Why in the fuck would you wait to tell me until now?”
“I called Jessie as soon as I knew!” Cris screeched back. “Caleb just surprised me with the trip, you ass. You’re the one that asked me to date him, to do whatever it took to get close to him. That’s what I did! I can’t help it if I’m a good lay and he wants me all to himself this weekend!”
“Cancel the trip. You’re not going!” I couldn’t hear her reply, but knew she must have said something because Rocker started screaming again. “Because it defeats the fuckin’ purpose, doesn’t it?”
“No!” Cris bellowed back. “I’ve spent weeks working on him, and I’m not losing it now. Go to the fuckin’ benefit yourself. I’m sure Barbie would be more than happy to play dress up for you.”
“Is that what this is about? Jessie? I moved on to somethin’ better. Get over it! Petty jealousy doesn’t suit you, Crissia!”
“Fuck you!”
“Already did that, Sweetheart. You're not that good. No desire to do it again!”
Silence surrounded the three of us for a moment and then all hell broke loose. Something shattered, Cris started screaming, Rob was yelling back, and there was loud banging. I yanked my arm away from Tank, running for the door and bursting through, concerned for my friends. My entrance went unnoticed.
A giant wooden desk took up the majority of the room. On one side, Cris danced around, grabbing and chucking whatever she could get her hands on, while she yelled incoherently. On the other, Rocker was trying to dodge or catch whatever object flew his way. The window was broken, and the floor behind him was littered with debris. I slammed the door, hoping to get her attention.
Instead, it was Rocker’s head that turned toward me, distracting him just long enough so that he didn’t see the stapler Cris had aimed at his head. It hit his cheek with a meaty wet ‘thunk,’ and his head snapped to the side with the impact. Ian and Tank rushed in behind me. Tank grabbed Cris around her waist and carried her out of the room, still screaming obscenities, Ian right behind them.
I hesitated for a minute, not sure if I should follow them or stay here. One look at the blood gushing from his cheek and I rushed towards Rob, but he raised a hand, stopping me. “No! There’s a shit ton of glass ovah heah, and I don’t wantchya to get cut!”
“Oh, my God! What was that all about?” Rocker stepped gingerly around the wreckage, sighing. When he got close enough, I got a good look at his cheek. “Do you have a first aid kit?”
He nodded and left the room. I followed him down the hallway into the dorms and then into a private room. This one was painted a deep red. I waited by the bed, looking at the pictures he had scattered around the room while he disappeared into the bathroom, coming out a few minutes later carrying a white box. He dropped onto the bed and handed it to me. I cleaned the already swollen flesh as easily as I could, and then sat next to him.
“She may be a little angry with me.” He chuckled. “It’s possible I said the wrong fuckin' thing.”
I fought a chuckle and laid back onto the bed. “I’d say that’s a good assessment, Smart Ass.” The bed was extremely comfortable, and I wanted to do nothing more than close my eyes and forget about this awful and strange day. Then I thought of Tank’s casual mention of Rocker ‘auditioning’ the new girls and sat up, jumping off the bed. “Eww!”
“What’s wrong?”
“How many women have been naked in here?”
Rob looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “I swear to God every single woman in my life is fuckin’ spastic!”
“We’re crazy?” I narrowed my eyes. “I’ve only been here a few hours and I’ve been hit on, mistaken for a club whore, kissed, punched someone, slapped someone, watched my friend go nuts, tended a wound that was caused by a fuckin’ stapler, and discovered that you personally audition all the women that hang out here. It’s not the women in your life that are crazy, Rob, it’s your club!”
As I rattled off my list, Rob’s face grew angrier and angrier. “WHAT?” I shrugged. He closed his eyes briefly, moving his hands up to rub his face on the uninjured side. “L.K., I have a bitch of a headache. I need you to slow down and explain that all to me.”
“Fine. When you tell me how many naked women have been in here and, when you washed your sheets last.”
He tipped his head from side to side, snapping his neck. “That’s none of your fuckin’ business, and I’m not tellin’ you shit. But, I will tell you my sheets were washed last week and the blanket is new. I haven’t had anyone here since then.”
I wrinkled my nose. “You’re sure I won’t catch anything?”
He rolled his eyes, exasperated. "Sit.” I hesitated a second too long. "Now!"
I joined him on the bed again, pulling my feet up and sitting cross-legged, leaning my elbows onto my thighs. “Do you really audition all the club whores?” He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. Club business, right? So you won’t tell me.” He didn’t argue. “That’s disgusting, just so you know. I’m relatively sure I’ve lost all respect for you.”
“Christ, you’re a pain in the ass. You know that, right?” I nodded. “Between you and Cris, I’m gonna lose my shit.” He sighed. “Ok. Who did you hit?”
“Tank.”
“Fahk,” he growled. “Why?”
“He kissed me.” Rob clenched his teeth so tightly his jaw started to tick. “Before you ask why, it’s because he thought I was here to audition for you. Because he thought I was a club whore.” I glared at him. “Awesome, huh?” I ignored his string of curses and mutterings about kicking Tank’s ass.
“You’re not gonna do a friggin’ thing about it. I handled it!”
His eyes narrowed at me. “’Scuse me?”
I heard the warning tone and decided to ignore it. “It’s done. Over. No harm, no foul.”
“Joey,” he gritted between closed teeth, “I’m tryin’ to cut you some slack, but you don’t make it easy. The only one that
handles shit in this clubhouse is me.” I pffted, waving my hand at his absurdity, but he continued in a controlled voice, accent gone. “There is a clear set of rules that we all follow, and no one breaks them without punishment. It’s how we keep order in the club.
“I should have explained it to you earlier and not waited for Matty to do it. As far as the Bastards are concerned, you belong to Mateo. It is his job to protect you and take care of you. Because you are his, you have our respect and our protection. We will take care of you when he isn’t around to do it. We don’t touch our Brother’s woman sexually. Ever. And if one of us is stupid enough to break the rule, even if she wanted it or initiated it, punishment for the member is severe.
“And, it’s Matty's job to keep you in check. When you do anything with the club, here or out in the community, your behavior is a direct reflection on Matty. You misbehave, whether it’s by mouthing off to a member or being disrespectful, he gets punished. You’re feisty and sassy as fuck, which is great ‘cause you keep him on his toes. But, if you don’t pay attention, Matty’s going to be screwed.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! It’s not 1912 anymore. Women have just as many rights as men.”
He shook his head. “Not in this club they don’t.”
I swallowed hard. “What’s gonna happen to Tank?”
“How many people saw you two?” I told him the whole story, telling him about the group of men and Ian. He shook his head. “Probably not much. He didn’t know who you were, and you hit him because he grabbed you. Both he and Matty should get out of it with no more than a warning. I’ll argue that point on their behalf at Court.”
“I don’t understand.” My voice was quiet, brain on overload. “What does court have to do with the club?”
He chuckled. “Court is a meeting that all patched members need to attend. It’s where we talk about problems, like this one, and vote on policies. I wouldn’t worry as much about Tank as I would about what’s gonna happen to you when Mateo finds out.”
I snorted sarcastically. “What’s he gonna do? Spank me? He’d have to be here to do that. Plus, I’m pretty sure you’ve already figured out, I like it.” I smiled happily as he looked away, uncomfortable. “Besides, Matty would never do anything to hurt me.”
“Joey.” His tone was cold and harsh. “It's not about hurtin' you. It's about teachin' you your place and keepin' you safe."
I groaned in frustration, making his eyes snap back to mine. "God, he doesn't need to keep me safe! I'm pretty sure I've proved I can handle that on my own!"
"That's his fuckin' job. Stop emasculatin' him for fucks sake!"
“I’m not emasculating him!” I snapped back.
"You are! Every fuckin' time you say shit like that, you're telling him you don't need him. You're sayin' you're too good for his life!'
“I am not!" I yelled, thoroughly pissed off. "The life he lives with you here is so different than anything I’m used to. I’m struggling to figure out how in the hell the man I love can be ok with the ass-backwards rules that you have in place. I’m not property—no one owns me and no one is responsible for my actions but me!"
Rocker tried to interrupt, but I held up my hand. “I get that this is your life. I fucking get it! But, you need to understand that I fell head over heels in love with a geeky social worker that loves to run, listens to the worst music on the planet, and can make me laugh even when I want to cry. I’m trying to accept that he’s…” I trailed off, not sure what I’m trying to say. Sighing, I pushed myself off the bed. “I love him, Rob. I'm just trying to figure out where I fit in.”
Chapter 19
Jo
The sounds of traffic coming in through my window and a few smutty books on my Kindle were the only things I had to keep me company that night and the next morning. That was perfectly fine with me. I was in a foul mood and didn’t want to talk to anyone. I preferred to mentally beat myself up without an audience.
Matty had called a bunch of times last night after I’d sent him a text telling him I had a headache and was going to bed early. This morning he’d blown up my phone. His last message had been simple: “Babe, you’ve gotta talk to me at some point.” Long audible sigh. “Rob told me what happened. I love you, Joes. Just call me back.”
I would, as soon as I figured my shit out.
I would never ask Matty to leave this life because I understood the appeal. Being a member of a motorcycle club was about being a member of something bigger than yourself—a fraternity of brothers that would support you and always have your back. It wasn’t like MC’s were the only groups like that. There were Mason’s, actual fraternities at every college nationwide, and then the boy’s club many women had to face at work. The club was as big a part of him as anything else, and I wouldn’t change a single thing about the man I loved.
So, if I was determined to be with him, I had two choices. Accept the role as ‘his’ and whatever that entailed, or take the same stance Becky had and be his ‘other life.’ I didn’t know if I could handle having just a piece of him, though. For a decade, we’d been inseparable, talking when we couldn’t be together. I couldn’t imagine a life with anything less.
The politics of the club pissed me off. I could understand the ‘can’t tell you ‘cause its club business’ attitude. As a caseworker, I’d been bound by strict confidentiality laws and there were many days that I’d been called out on an emergency only to say to my family ‘Mommy’s gotta work.’ They didn’t know what I was doing, or how dangerous of a situation I was walking into. The fact that Matty couldn’t discuss club business with me was the same thing. The club was almost like a second job. I was no longer a caseworker, so he couldn’t discuss either job with me. It took a few hours to get my head around it, but it really did make sense. If I didn’t know what he was doing, I couldn’t be forced to tell anyone else.
There was more to my negativity towards the club than that, though. I had never been labeled a feminist, yet I felt like one now. Women should have the same rights as every man in that club, as long as they’d earned them. The fact that they looked at me as nothing more than property made my stomach roll. If I succeeded or failed, I wanted it to be on my own merits, not because of Matty. But, most of all, I didn’t want Matty to be judged by how I behaved. I was my own person, and after everything with Will over the last few years, I felt like I needed to know I could depend on myself.
Realizing I could never make the decision alone, I longed to pick up the phone and talk to Teagan. She’d never understand any of this though, and would tell me to get my ass home. Cris was out, too. She’d gone away with her boy toy for the weekend. That left just one other person that may understand where I was coming from. Taking a deep calming breath, I grabbed my phone and dialed the person I knew who would give it to me straight.
“Jo!” Jessie gasped, out of breath. “I was just gonna call you!”
I groaned. “About the Tank thing?”
It was quiet from her end for a split second. “Tank thing?” I could hear the confused curiosity. “Noooo. I needed to ask you a favor. But, now I’m a little worried. What Tank thing?”
I quickly relayed yesterday’s events. Halfway through, just as I’d gotten to the part about him kissing me, she started to laugh uncontrollably. “Oh, my God!” she chortled. “He must have been mortified! I’m sorry, I’m afraid that’s partly my fault. I told him he needed to find a girl and enjoy himself for a little while.”
I finished the story, leaving out Cris, to more laughter. “I need to talk to you about it all, though. Can you meet for coffee in a bit?”
“Ummm…” I heard the hesitation in her voice. “I’m actually on my way out of town, that’s why I called you. I’m supposed to go to some fundraiser with Rocker tomorrow night. He got tickets at the last minute and he needs help schmoozing someone. It’s a black tie shindig that is extremely ‘high society.’” I smiled at her fake British accent.
She sighed. “Long story short? Tank’s girlfriend is a fuckin’ piece of shit. I talked to her last week and told her about his welcome home party. She promised she’d be there but never showed. Since he’s been back, she hasn’t answered her phone. She sends him a text every now and then, but they’re cryptic at best. She told him she’d be at the clubhouse first thing this morning. Still hasn’t shown. He’s going looking for her, and I’m not letting him go alone.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. Guilt flooded me as I remembered how mean I’d been yesterday. “Do you think she’s just avoiding him?”
“I fuckin’ hope so. He went away to keep her ass safe, so I hope to Christ we don’t find her in trouble again. Will you go with Rob for me?”
“Yeah, um…about that,” I hesitated, searching for words. “We had a little bit of a squabble yesterday, and then he didn’t come home last night. He may not want me to go with him.”
“Jeez, you’re fighting with everyone, aren’tchya? I already talked to him, though, and he told me that if I could convince you to go, he’d love to take you.”
“Ok.” I hesitated. “What in the hell should I wear?” We spent a few minutes talking about the details, and I grabbed a pen and paper from the nightstand to write down all the places where she had appointments to get beautiful tomorrow.
“I have a coupla extra minutes…” She hesitated. “You know, if you wanna ask me what you called to ask me.”
I fumbled for words. “From a woman’s perspective, is it worth it? The club, I mean.”
She didn’t even hesitate. “Yes.” I heard her zipping what I assumed was a suitcase. “I’m a young, pretty, single woman living alone in a city and I don’t have one fear. Those boys will protect me from anything. I’ve dated many of them over the years and I’ve dated men from outside the club. Bastards are a special breed of men. I was treated like a fuckin’ queen, worshipped like a goddess, and respected by all of them. If one of them makes you a promise, he keeps it. If for some reason he can’t, his brother’s do. I know that if I’m scared or need help with anything, they will be by my side in minutes. They are the best family anyone could ask for.”