Honey Whiskey (Bastards MC #2)

by Carina Adams

  She sighed and turned her attention to something out my window. “What was in the envelope, Matty? What was so horrible that you couldn’t tell me last summer?”

  And, there it was. The question that when answered would have her telling me to get the hell away from her. And demanding I stay away. I swallowed. “Jo.” I had to look away. I didn’t have the balls to look her in the eye right then. “I don’t know who Billy paid to find all that shit, but whoever did it was pretty fuckin’ thorough. My juvie records, things I thought were sealed—it was all in there.”

  And, Providence. I couldn’t bring myself to say the words, knowing it would be the end of us. So, I told her what I could, what I’d told almost everyone else that knew. I pulled my hand away from hers and sat back in my seat. “A few years back a job went south. Tank, Bear, and I walked into it before anyone else, thinking we were going to bust up a sick fuck and take his stepdaughter home to her mom and real dad. Wiz had tracked this pig down, and we were the closest. We should have waited for our brothers, but wanted to get it over with and get home. We weren’t prepared for what we found.”

  No. Not prepared at all, although nothing could have gotten us ready for that. Young women and teenaged girls, some as young as thirteen, being held in dog kennels and used in the most horrific ways. If I closed my eyes, I could still smell burning flesh, and see the fear in their eyes, as well as the horrifying conditions. Tank told me that he still had nightmares, too, and would spend hours replaying the scene in his mind. Bear had just been a prospect, and he never talked about it. It was as if he couldn’t tolerate what had happened, so he blocked it. Could we have done more? Yes. I wished I could go back and redo that day. But, we couldn’t, and I’d be damned if Scott Dyer took one more thing from me.

  I looked back at Jo, hoping she’d understand what I was about to say. “I’m not ready to talk about it yet. I may never be ready. I became someone else that night. We did what we had to do. I push it away because I don't want to think about it. I didn’t know evidence even existed, but the day I opened that envelope, it all came flooding back.” I stopped, not sure what else to say.

  I'd been terrified, seeing the proof all over my sunroom floor. Pictures that would not only put me away for life, but would make anyone that mattered to me a target. I'd found the packet the day after Ellie's attack, and with those visuals fresh in my mind, the fact that someone had connected me to Dyer and had also been watching and taking pictures of me and Jo over the last few weeks was just too much. In that moment, I thought someone was coming after me, and the only way to protect Jo was to push her away. Wrong move. I'd panicked for nothing. We'd never been able to link Ellie's attack to Providence.

  Jo didn’t turn and jump out of the car. Instead, her eyes glistened in understanding and she pulled my hand back between both of hers and squeezed it. Tightly. "Ok." Meeting my eyes, she gave me a small smile. “The names? Hawk, Bear, Tiny, Tank. Rocker. Where did they come from?”

  I took a deep breath. She was changing the subject, turning to something light—for that I was grateful. Leaning forward, I whispered, “Promise you won’t tell?” She nodded. “They’re actually nicknames that just stuck. Dean, for instance, is insane. He rides like a mad man and does total James Dean shit. So, Dean. Ian’s the tamest guy in the room, unless you fuck with him. Then, he’ll tear you to pieces. Like a grizzly bear. Jeremy never misses his target, so I called him Hawk Eye. It became Hawk over the years. Tiny’s Tiny, ‘cause, well, he is anything but. Tank will plow through anything and seriously fuck shit up. Rob always rocks the boat. Preach sees the good in others and prays for our souls. Neo, if you see him fight, you’ll see has serious kick ass reflexes. Watching him is like watching the matrix. And me…”

  “Yeah, no.” A smile tugged on her lips as she shook her head, interrupting. “I already know that one.”

  I smirked, trying to cover my laugh. “What’s wrong? The fact that you’re engaged to God’s gift a little hard to handle?”

  Her smile faded instantly and the grip lessened. I knew I’d said something wrong. “Why is Taylor still wearing your engagement ring, Matty?”

  Chapter 29

  Jo

  I immediately regretted opening my mouth.

  Matty had finally gotten his signature smirk back and we were joking, and then I opened my big fat mouth. Same problem I’d had all my life—open mouth, insert foot. When we pulled into the park, I’d known he was going to finally open up to me. God knows the talk was long overdue, and I’d been mentally filing away questions I wanted to ask for the last few weeks. Some had been in the back of my mind for months.

  When he’d started talking, all I felt was relief. I’m not an idiot. I’d figured out the Bastards were more than what I’d been told. There were signs, some blatantly obvious like the ones hanging in the clubhouse saying that Bastards didn’t forgive. And some were more subtle, like the fact that after the boys went on their ride a few weeks ago, a woman that abused her child just happened to walk up to a Sherriff and turn herself in the day that they came home. Maybe I was playing connect the dots with random events, but it all seemed to fit. Add in Rob trying to get the best defense attorney in the state to take the club on as a client, and it seemed like even the blind would see the trail.

  I wanted to think that I’d overlooked all of it because I was so caught up in my drama of Matty, but it was really so much more. The truth was that Matty wasn’t the only Bastard I loved. Rob, even though he was moody, gruff, and took his role as the president way too seriously, had quickly become one of my favorite people, even with his tendency to talk down to me. Ian was a great kid that I felt connected to on various levels, and part of me wanted to hug him and ruffle his hair the way a mom would. Tank made me laugh. Hawk always greeted me with a hug and a sexually inappropriate conversation that would make most people blush, but our banter suited us. The men that made up this club were kind and loyal. And good. The club’s thoughts about women annoyed me, but my feelings about the members easily made me turn a blind eye to what I’d known all along.

  As Matty talked, I learned more about each one of them, and my suspicions about the club became fact. It’s one thing to think you know something. It’s a beast of another color to actually know it. I didn’t want to have the image of Matty hurting people, of him taking a life that wasn’t his to take. I didn’t want to think about my friends being the judge, jury, and executioner.

  I’d spent the last decade of my life doing casework. Matty was right. I’d seen the worst of the worst. Kids that were destroyed because their parents were selfish assholes. And yes, there were times I wished for a different sort of justice for some parents. I had always believed in the system, though. The one that teaches us that bad people do bad things and that if you do something wrong, you go to jail.

  Life is never black and white. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Child abuse is just one example of that. So, to combat that, this group of burly men do what they can. Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reason. If they'd maimed or killed to help save or protect an innocent, I couldn't blame them.

  I felt the anguish rolling off Matty as he talked. He wasn’t bragging about the things he’d done, and he sure as hell wasn’t enjoying talking about it. It was painful to watch, and I wanted to take all the hurt away from him. When he was finally done, I asked him questions that I thought were neutral.

  When he’d started to talk about the packet Will had given me, he’d bit his lip, run his hands through his hair, and turned away from me. He’d whispered just one word, and I don’t think he even knew he’d said anything.

  “Providence.” It came out as a wistful breath. I’d heard the boys talk about it before. Last summer Tiny had mentioned that Matty was angry, 'Providence angry.' Whatever happened in Rhode Island was horrible, and I didn’t want Matty to think about it now. So, I tried to change the subject again, asking about the road names. It worked, and within seconds, my playful, fun loving man had
returned.

  Then, he’d made a comment about being engaged and my mind worked in that annoying way it did. I immediately thought about the woman wearing the giant diamond and throwing a pretentious engagement party, and I asked about her without even thinking. I wished I could take it back.

  “You’ve seen Taylor.”

  It wasn’t a question but I nodded anyway. His hand was still between mine and I held it tight. I wanted him to tell me that it was all a misunderstanding, that they weren’t really engaged, but deep down I knew that would be a lie. Right now was the time for truths. “I did.”

  He sighed a long, sad sound and looked around. “That is a very long story. It’s getting late and we need to get the kids back to Boston. Can we talk about this later?” My heart had already been pounding, but now it felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I could only nod. He pulled his hand free and cupped my cheek. “Hey. I promise it isn’t what you think. I love you. You are the woman I want to marry.”

  I nodded again and forced a smile. Turning and putting both feet back on the floor, I buckled my seatbelt. We’d just had the talk I’d been saying we needed to have for months and he’d told me some of the darkest, scariest secrets I’d ever known. He was a vigilante that had committed numerous crimes and could potentially go to prison. Not jail, but prison, at any time. A ring on another woman was hardly the biggest issue we were going to have. So why did I feel like the worst was still to come?

  *****

  The kids were ready to get on the road when we got back to Becky's. They’d had a good supper and then played video games with Uncle Dean, as even my kids were calling him now. They all kissed Bex and climbed into the car, excited to be away on our adventures.

  Lily was the first to fall asleep. After making us listen to the Frozen soundtrack on repeat numerous times and helping Matty make fun of the fact that I couldn’t hit the notes on “Let it Go,” she gave in and leaned on Dean’s shoulder. We’d barely made it to Portsmouth before Sammy was snoring away in the back seat while Ben tried to figure out how to make him quiet down. Finally, he plugged in his headphones and played his 3DS.

  Matty’s hand barely left me. If we weren’t holding hands, it was on my thigh, or his thumb was rubbing circles on the side of my neck. A few times he’d grabbed my hand and kissed it, before telling me he loved me. I knew he was surprised that I was still sitting beside him after what he’d told me, and was also trying to make up for the fact that Taylor was still hanging over my head. So, I smiled, told him I loved him back, and took every ounce of comfort he offered.

  When we pulled into the garage, Ben sat up, intrigued. Dean carried Lily, Matty lugged Sam, and Ben and I grabbed the luggage as I tried to explain how close we were to everything. “I’ll give you the tour of the house tomorrow,” I promised as we stepped off the elevator. “And we’ll go explore the city.”

  Ben smiled as he stepped through the walk-in closet into Sammy’s room. “Awesome! It’s like a secret room with a hidden door and everything!” I nodded. I’d never actually thought of it like that, but yeah, it was. “This week is gonna be so much fun!” he insisted excitedly.

  I rushed him out of the room before he could wake up the others, showing him the bathroom across the hall and pointing out that Matty and I were right next door. That earned me two hands on his hips and an arched brow.

  “You’re sharing a room?”

  I groaned. It was too late at night for this conversation, and I wanted to have it with him, his sister, and Sam all at once. “We are. I wanted to tell you, Lily, and Sam at the same time. Matty asked me to marry him, and I said yes.”

  Ben tipped his head back, surveying me in a gesture that proved once again he was growing up way too fast. He sighed. “Dad’s gonna have a shit fit.”

  “Benjamin Andrew Walker!” I hissed, irritated at his words. “You watch your language!”

  Ben just shrugged, offering me a smirk. “What? He is. And Nana is gonna freak”

  I narrowed my eyes. “That is an adult conversation. Your father can talk to me if he has a problem, and you will stay out of it. The same goes for your grandmother. If she has something to say, she can say it to me.”

  “Whatever.” He shrugged again. “I love Uncle Matt. He makes you laugh.” Before I could say another word, he walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I waited for what seemed like forever for him to come back out. Leaning against the wall on the other side of the hallway, I smiled when Dean and Matty came out of the kid’s bedroom.

  “They’re both still out cold,” Matty whispered as Dean nodded his goodnights and headed for the stairs. “Do you wanna tuck Ben in and then go up to the roof to finish our conversation?”

  I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about Taylor on a normal day, and I sure as hell didn’t want to even think about her as tired as I was. I’d learned more than enough to make my head spin already “No, I’m exhausted. Can I take a rain check? Tomorrow night maybe?”

  Matt nodded, but I could see the disappointment. I was too mentally wrecked to try to fix it tonight. Blue eyes met mine and then he nodded again. “I’m gonna go find Rob, ok?” Leaning in, he kissed my temple. “I’ll be down to cuddle in a little bit.” I reached out and rubbed his arm as he passed, not sure if I was trying to comfort him or myself.

  Ben came out a few minutes later, teeth brushed, face washed, and all ready for bed. I followed him back into his room, and just like I had almost every night for the past ten years, I helped him say his prayers, told him I loved him, tucked him in, and kissed him on the nose. I reached over to turn out the light, making sure the nightlight was plugged in when he called me back to his bunk.

  Slim arms came out from under the covers and snuck around my neck. “I love you, Mom. I missed you.” Then he kissed my cheek and fell back onto his pillow.

  I made it back to my room and managed to strip before I gave in and dropped into bed. I didn’t have any time to process the day’s events. My eyes closed against my will. I never heard Matty climb into bed later.

  *****

  We’d agreed on the drive back that we’d take the kids to the museum on Saturday and then the aquarium on Sunday morning. Even though they were visiting, Matty insisted that I keep my training schedule with Nick, so I planned to do that on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday afternoon. I also had a quick test that I couldn’t miss on Monday, but the rest of the week I was going to play hooky from school and have fun with my family.

  Matty and the kids were awake long before me on Saturday. He and Sammy had given them the tour and then they’d broken into pairs. Sam and Ben were playing in their room and Lily was helping make breakfast when I finally dragged my lazy bones out of bed. Rocker and Dean were helping get the food ready, too, but what shocked me speechless was that all three men were wearing makeshift crowns. Dean’s was incredibly girly, all pink and purple sparkle pipe cleaners.

  “Wow,” I murmured from the doorway, not sure whether to laugh or be impressed. “Those are some nice crowns!”

  Lily turned and gave me a gapped tooth grin as she continued to stir whatever was in the bowl in front of her. “Good morning, Mumma. I made you one, too!”

  At that, she jumped down and ran over to the table, pulling a pink and blue tiara off the table and thrusting it at me. I leaned down, telling her how beautiful it was, before slipping it over my hair. She beamed before running back to Matty to offer more help.

  “I ran to the craft store this morning,” Dean told me quietly as he handed me a cup of coffee. “We didn’t have a lot for girls so I called Cris and Jessie and they told me what to get.” He nodded to the desk on the other side of the room that was now covered with bags of arts and crafts.

  “That should keep us busy.” My smile was genuine. “Thank you.”

  He waved his hand like it was nothing, adjusted his very unmanly crown, and sauntered off to help Lily stir. I watched as my daughter did exactly what Dean had predicted she’d do. With a few giggles, sweet sm
iles, and very silly jokes, she’d managed to wrap three very large and surly bikers around her little finger. I was so screwed.

  Breakfast was filled with laughter and lots of eye rolling from me as I realized it didn’t matter how old a man was because fourth grade humor was enough to bring out the kid in them all. There wasn’t a straight face at the table. Even I had to give in and giggle at the way they snorted and carried on. Lily caught my eye once and whispered, “Silly boys!” I could only nod and grin back.

  Rob declined our invitation to the museum, but Dean tagged along, telling Ben and Sam that the lightening show was his favorite thing in the world. I knew why he was really there, even if they didn’t, and was actually impressed by his ability to keep a constant visual on them while managing to survey the crowds for threats and playing along with them. Lily stayed with Matt and me for the most part, holding my hand and letting me act like a little girl with her when we were in the Butterfly exhibit.

  It was an amazing day, and even though we were all dragging our feet, we were all smiles when we stepped onto the elevator. We’d been discussing dinner ideas, and the general consensus was pizza delivery. Followed by movies and popcorn in our pajamas. Maybe ice cream sundaes if the kids were really lucky. Ok, so it was really me that wanted the sundaes.

  Matty hurried out before the rest of us, heading to find the takeout menu for the local Italian restaurant. Never be the thing that comes between a man and his pizza, ‘cause you’ll just get trampled. I wasn’t really paying attention to him, focused more on Ben’s explanation of the way the human heart works, when I realized there was more than one voice coming from the kitchen. And one of them was very feminine. I struggled to hear the other voices as we headed across the foyer, trying to figure out if it was Jessie with Rob or Cris. The kids kept rattling on, making it impossible to tell for sure, and Dean was hanging on their every word so I couldn’t ask them to be quiet.