by Hazel Kelly
Swallowed
Hazel Kelly
© 2014 Hazel Kelly
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, copied, or stored in any form or by any means without permission of the Author. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.
All characters in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.
“Give us this day our daily bread”
Prologue
They say you’ll never have a high as great as your first, but I was eager to disprove that theory.
Unfortunately, my body betrayed me.
It was supposed to be all about sex. I never meant to get attached. I just wanted to have some fun. Keep things interesting.
But whatever chemicals made me crave him grew stronger. It was as if my passion for him was growing inside me like a stubborn weed ever since that day in his car.
I thought by giving in I could cure myself. What happened to him when he wasn’t with me was none of my business. I just needed my fix.
And there was no reason for me to feel guilty. He wanted it just as bad. We were consenting adults.
So what if there were casualties, if other people got hurt along the way.
Our connection was too powerful to deny, too beautiful, too fulfilling. We needed each other.
The affair was like breathing for us. I thirsted for him like air and my touch gave him breathe. He would’ve suffocated without me.
Julianna
Julianna unzipped the sides of her leather boots.
“Is lemonade okay?” Sam said into the fridge.
“Perfect, yeah,” Julianna said, looking around the kitchen of the townhouse.
The peach wall paper and pink tiles were terribly dated, but Sam had never really had an eye for interior design. If Julianna remembered correctly, the only two objects she’d contributed to their college apartment were a black and white poster of John Lennon and a turquoise lamp with a Care Bear lampshade.
Julianna noticed the John Lennon poster hanging unframed in the family room when she arrived. The lamp, unfortunately, met its demise when it was “accidentally” smashed into a million pieces one day when Sam was out. But it was really for the best. Julianna was never going to get used to that eyesore.
“I’m so glad you finally stopped by,” Sam said, putting two glasses of icy lemonade down on the round table.
“I know. I’ve been an awful friend,” Julianna said. “My program’s been kind of demanding.”
“You did that to yourself, though, didn’t you?” Sam asked. “Didn’t you say you were trying to finish in half the time?”
“Yeah.”
“You always were a bit of a masochist.”
“Well I figure the sooner I can start getting paid instead of paying, the better.”
Sam swirled the lemonade in her glass. “I hear that.”
“I’m so glad you were in. I was dying to see your place.”
“I know!” Sam’s eyes lit up. “It’s hard to believe we’ve been here for a year and you haven’t been over yet. Now that you’re back in town, you’ll have to stop by more often.”
“Agreed.”
“Kevin will be so disappointed that he missed you.”
“I know. What a shame,” Julianna said. “Where is he working now?”
“For his dad. He’s got a chain of gyms.”
“Oh wow.”
“Yeah.” Sam pulled a knee up onto her chair. “We have a free membership and everything.”
“Sounds like a mixed blessing.”
Sam laughed. “I know. Sometimes it hangs over me like a black cloud, but whatever. If guilt is what it takes for me to stay in shape, so be it.”
Julianna examined her friend’s jaw line. “You look like you’ve lost weight anyway.”
“I wish I could say it was from the gym, but I think it’s just that I don’t drink beer every day anymore.”
Julianna leaned back in her seat. “Ahh the good old days.”
“You haven’t changed an inch.”
Julianna shrugged. “I was never much of a beer drinker.”
“Like that matters. The only time I can ever remember you gaining any weight it just went straight to your tits.”
“Don’t worry,” Julianna said. “You’ll have the last laugh someday when gravity catches up with me.”
“Yeah, right,” Sam said. “Like you’d ever let that happen.”
“True.”
“Well if you have any tips I could use them. Kevin and I are thinking about getting married next spring.”
“Shut up.”
“I know. Isn’t that great!”
“I didn’t see a ring.” Julianna grabbed her friend’s hand.
“You’re sitting in it.” She raised her hands above her head. “We put everything we had into the house. I told him the ring could wait.”
“How romantic.”
“So he didn’t technically ask me yet,” Sam said, pulling her hand back. “But we’ve discussed it like a thousand times.”
“It seems like things are moving so fast for you guys.”
“Well, I don’t know. I know what you mean, but it’s been two years.” Sam pulled her long black hair together and twisted it around so it hung on one side of her head. “When you know, you know… you know?”
“So they say.” Julianna made a pouty face. “I already never see you, though.”
“Whose fault is that?!”
“We’ll have to have a few girls’ nights on campus like old times.” Julianna trailed her finger through the sweat on her glass. “Promise?”
“Only if you promise you’ll be a bridesmaid.”
Julianna crinkled her nose. “Hmmm.”
“Rest assured I’ll only be approving the most attractive groomsmen.”
“Of course I will.” Julianna leaned over and gave Sam a hug. “And you know I’d do it even if they were all cows.”
“Of course you would,” Sam said, “but I’m not just doing it for you. I’m doing it for my pictures, too.”
Julianna crossed her legs. “Good thinking.”
“Unless you decide before then that you want a plus one and just say the word.”
Julianna laughed. “I don’t see that happening anytime soon.”
“Still all-about-the-flesh-hold-the-feelings, are you?”
Julianna shrugged. “I just don’t have time for a relationship right now. I need to focus on getting my career going.”
“Does that mean you’re not going to look up you-know-who when you hit campus? Or does it mean exactly the opposite?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You know, that professor.” Sam let her head fall to the side. “The one you had the affair with.”
Julianna found the gold cross charm around her neck with her fingers. “It wasn’t really an affair.”
Sam rolled her eyes. “Whatever you want to call it then. You know who I mean anyway.”
“It’s so funny you mentioned that. I haven’t even thought about that guy since we graduated.”
“Really? I thought you were, like, totally obsessed with him.”
“Maybe then, but that was a long time ago. It was just a crazy school girl crush.” Julianna dragged the charm back and forth on the chain. “He’s probably not even there anymore.”
“Well if he is, I’m sure he’d remember you.”
Julianna laughed. “Oh yeah. Wherever he is, I’m sure he remembers me.”
“Your dad still the dean?”
“Please.” Julianna leaned an elbow on the table. “He’s more likely to stop being my dad before he quits that job.”
“So you had no trouble ge
tting into the semester exchange program?”
“No, but my grades were good enough anyway.”
“I figured,” Sam said. “I was always jealous of the grades you got. Without even studying!… especially considering how much time you spent drunk or out of your smarty pants, if you know what I mean.”
“Yeah. I didn’t even realize I was such a geek until grad school.”
“That explains why you always had an affinity for them.”
“Nothing’s changed.” Julianna cracked her knuckles. “Except that I don’t really worry about what people think about my dad being the dean anymore.”
“I didn’t know it bothered you.”
“I just felt like I had to try harder to prove myself. I worried that people didn’t think I had as much a right to be there as everyone else. Now I don’t give a fuck.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“I know. I mean, does anyone even think twice about Kevin having a job at the gym? No. There’s no difference. Everybody takes shortcuts to get what they want if they can. It’s human nature.”
“So true.”
Julianna tipped her glass until an ice cube fell into her mouth.
“So when do classes start?”
She moved the ice cube into her cheek. “Monday.”
“How depressed are you that I won’t be living with you?”
“Clinically.”
“Well, sometimes Kevin has his friends over for football games. That would be the perfect excuse for me to come stay the night.”
Julianna zipped her boots again and stood up. “How will the guys get their beers from the fridge without their wench on hand?”
Sam shrugged. “They’ll manage.”
“That’s perfect, then.” Julianna gave Sam a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Tell Kinky Kevin I said hi?”
“Of course.”
Julianna sat in the driver’s seat and turned on the engine of her Volkswagen Beetle. Then she added her favorite pop station from college into one of the preset radio buttons. When she looked up, Sam was tapping on her window.
She rolled it down.
“Did I forget something?”
“No.” Sam smiled. “I did.”
“What?”
“I meant to ask you if you would tell Professor Jenkins I said hello?”
“Whatever, bitch.”
“Drive safe, skank.”
Julianna rolled the window up and honked at Sam who stood waving in the driveway as she drove away.
“Sam, Sam, Sam,” she said. “You know me too well.”
Kirk
Kirk opened the door and found the house as quiet as he expected it would be. He put his shoes off to the side of the welcome mat and didn’t bother to announce that he was home. It wouldn’t make any difference. He didn’t check the kitchen to see what was cooking for dinner. Madeline hadn’t made a hot meal in months.
He’d become accustomed to eating Hungry Man’s and bringing her soup every night. As far as he could tell, she wasn’t eating anything else.
He trudged up the stairs, ignoring the wedding pictures on the staircase wall. They just made him sad now. He didn’t like being reminded of how happy they had been before all this.
The wedding day had been a dream. Everything went perfectly and Madeline wasn’t a bridezilla about a single detail. She took care of everything with her typical charm and enthusiasm. And the wedding night had been one of the most beautiful of his entire life.
When the time came to consummate their relationship, she overcame her nerves and put her trust in him. The fact that she’d actually enjoyed herself the first time filled him with a sense of incomparable pride. She was worth the wait.
But now the pep from his cheerleader’s step was gone, and all her cheer with it.
He stopped at the top of the stairs and took a deep breath. When he pushed the bedroom door open, she was laying in bed in the fetal position staring straight ahead with a clump of tissues in her hand.
“Hi, honey.”
“Hi,” she said without looking at him. “How was your day?”
Kirk walked to the bedside and sat down beside her. He brushed some unwashed hair from her pale face. “Fine. How are you feeling?”
“What do you think?” She turned her eyes towards him.
He almost thought he sensed some contempt.
“Did you get up today?”
“What for?” she asked. “To take care of our baby?”
Kirk winced. “Honey, please.”
She rubbed an eye with the back of her wrist.
“You used to get up and do all kinds of things. Remember?” He took the empty glass off the bedside table and walked to the bathroom to fill it with water before returning to sit on the edge of the bed.
She didn’t scoot over to make more room.
“Have you thought about going down to the shop to help out?” he asked. “Just for an afternoon? To get out of the house?”
“I don’t have any business at the shop. What good am I going to do there? I can’t even look after something in my own stomach.”
“C’mon, now. That’s just silly.”
Kirk crawled behind her to be the big spoon, staying on top of the covers. Every day he held her and tried to make it better. Nothing worked. It was wearing him out.
He smelled her hair. At least she smelled like herself.
“Do you want to make love?” he whispered.
“No. I don’t want to make love.”
“Do you think you’ll ever want to make love again?” he asked, knowing he couldn’t make things any worse than they were.
She kept facing forward. “Do you think you’ll ever want to stop being such a jerk?”
Kirk sighed, relaxing into the pillows.
She straightened her legs and rolled over to face him.
He could tell then that if she’d gotten up at any point, it hadn’t been to brush her teeth.
“Can’t you just try and understand how I’m hurting for two seconds?” Her wet eyes looked back and forth between his and her voice trembled. “I can’t go through this again. I can’t.”
“I could wear a condom. We don’t have to try again right away.” He put his hand over her fist full of crumpled tissues. “Not until you’re ready.”
Madeline swallowed and pursed her lips.
“I just want to make love to my wife. I miss you. I miss your soft skin, your warm body.”
“I’m sorry, but all I can think about is the fact that I couldn’t give you a baby.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I can’t stop thinking about it kicking so hard and then its tiny stillborn body.”
“But honey, it’s not your fault. It could have been anything. It could’ve been my fault. It happens.”
She shook her head.
“I know the baby died,” he said, “and I’m as sad as you are, but we can’t let us die. We have to try and love each other like we did before.”
“I’m not ready. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t rush me.”
“That’s not fair. You know I love you.” He squeezed her shoulder. “More than anything. Even more than I could have ever loved that baby.”
Her eyes narrowed. “How can you say that?”
“Because it’s true. You’re my wife, Madeline. Nothing is more important to me than you.”
Madeline blinked and her tears rolled across her face towards the pillow.
“We can still have a family. We still are a family. We can get through this together, but not if you won’t let me help you.”
She sighed.
“I don’t know what else to do. You’re making it hard impossible for us to move on.”
She shrugged.
Kirk sat up and raised his voice. “Every day you act like this, every day you don’t try to suck it up for us, you’re destroying us. You’re destroying what we had, and you’re making me resent that baby because of what you’ve let it do to you.”
“How dare you,” she said.
“No.” He shook his head. “No. How dare you.” Kirk crawled off the bed and stood up, searching for the words. “What you’re doing it’s- it’s letting that baby down and it’s breaking our family! You think you’re the only one that’s hurting?! Cause you’re not! Watching you do this to yourself- it’s killing me. Do you understand? It’s tearing me apart!”
“Get out.”
“What?”
“Get out.”
“Can you be more specific?” He waved his hands in the air. “Get out of the room? Get out of your life?”
“The room.”
Kirk closed his mouth and exhaled through his nose. “I thought I knew what you wanted. I thought we wanted the same things. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!”
“Get. Out.”
Kirk dropped his head and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. After two steps he stopped and squeezed his eyes shut. He took a deep breath, turned back to the door, and opened it a crack.
“Madeline?”
Her back was still towards the door.
“Do you want me to bring you some soup?”
She didn’t say anything.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“No.”
Kirk sighed and closed the door before leaning against the wall and letting his head fall back against it. He didn’t have a clue what she wanted. He only knew what she didn’t want.
She didn’t want soup.
And she didn’t want him.
Julianna
Julianna slunk in her seat in the back row and watched Kirk at the front of the room. He seemed distracted. At least that was the only reasonable explanation for why he hadn’t noticed her right away, not that she wanted him to.
She was disguised in an inconspicuous white button down shirt and some thick rimmed non-prescription glasses she liked to wear for fun. Her attempt to blend in was working a charm.
Though Kirk was as clean shaven and buttoned up as ever, he seemed different than she remembered him. He looked more tired now. His eyes looked dark and fried as if he’d been up all night watching infomercials.