by Hazel Kelly
“And what I wanted most was what I thought you could give me.”
Julianna’s stomach twisted in on itself.
“But just because you can give me what I want, doesn’t mean you can give me what I need. Do you understand?”
Julianna nodded.
“And I would be lying if I said I was happy to see you.” Kirk fixed his gaze on her. “Because I am definitely not happy to see you and after you left, I hoped I would never lay eyes on you again.”
“I’m sorry.” Julianna stood up. “I shouldn’t have come here.” She felt a lump in her throat and was afraid she might burst into tears.
Kirk stood up after her. “I don’t trust you. And I don’t trust myself with you.”
She swallowed. “I thought- never mind- I have to go.”
She turned towards the door.
He grabbed her wrist and spun her back around, overwhelming her with a forceful kiss as she crashed into him.
The taste of his spearmint tongue filled Julianna with energy, and when he dragged the tip of his tongue along the roof of her mouth, her body shuddered at the surprise. She pressed her hips against him.
He grabbed her round ass with one hand and slipped the other between her legs, pressing up on her panties until they were soaked through.
She dropped her head to the side and moaned as he peppered her neck with greedy kisses. Then his fingers pried her thong away from her body as she fumbled at his belt and slid his zipper down. Her hand was just about to free him when there was a knock at the door.
“One second!” Kirk said, jumping back and doing up his fly.
Julianna smoothed her hair and fanned her flushed face.
“Who is it?”
“It’s Paul,” he said. “Ready or not here I come.”
Kirk sat at his desk and scooted in to hide his excitement.
When Paul opened the door he nearly swung it right into Julianna.
“Oh I’m sorry,” he said. “Should I come back later? I didn’t know you were in here with a student.”
“I was just leaving,” Julianna said.
Paul stepped in the room.
Julianna stopped in the doorway and looked back at Kirk.
“Thanks again for your help, Professor,” she said. “That really cleared things up for me.”
Kirk
Kirk looked past Paul towards the doorway after Julianna left the room.
Paul gave a little wave to bring him back to Earth. “You okay, Kirk?”
Kirk swallowed and leaned back in his seat, running his fingers through his hair. “Yeah. Fine. You?”
“Was that who I think it was?”
“Sorry?”
“Dean Foster’s daughter?”
“Oh right. Yeah,” Kirk pretended to sort the papers on his desk, unable to look his colleague in the eye. “I always forget about that.”
“Good student?”
“Yeah. Yeah. Fine,” he said, feeling strangled by his collar. “Tries hard anyway. That’s all we can ask, right?”
“I’m just glad she’s not in my class.”
“Oh?”
“Not sure I’d be able to focus with a pair like that in the room.”
Kirk cringed.
Paul rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “God forgive me.”
“I hadn’t noticed,” Kirk lied.
Paul blew air out from between his lips. “You’re a stronger man than I am then. Or you should get your eyes checked.”
“Are you warm?” Kirk asked. “It’s a bit warm in here, don’t you think?” He unbuttoned his top button as eagerly as if he were loosening a noose.
Paul shrugged. “No warmer than my office.”
“Did you want to see me about something?”
“Oh, right,” Paul said. “I just wanted to deliver the good news myself.”
“Good news?”
“We got the funding!” Paul clapped his hands in front of him. “For the addiction study!”
“That’s great news.”
“Well it was your proposal that got us in. I’m sure of it. So congratulations are in order.”
“Thanks.”
Paul checked his watch. “Want to come down to my office for a celebratory whiskey?”
“Now isn’t a good time, unfortunately,” Kirk said. “I have some things I need to get done here before I can get home.”
Paul’s face dropped.
“Rain check?” Kirk asked. “Because I completely agree this calls for a drink!”
The smile returned to Paul’s face and he gave Kirk a friendly pat on the back. “Alright,” he said. “But don’t work too hard now or you’ll make the rest of us look bad.”
“I wouldn’t want to do that.”
“And when you stop by we’ll go over all the parameters of the study.” Paul made his way to the door. “Looks like we have everything we need to get started besides about five thousand volunteers.”
Kirk laughed. “Thanks for the warning.”
“No problem.” Paul nearly had the door closed when he popped his head back in. “Sure you don’t have time for a quick one?”
“Yeah. You know I would if I could.”
Paul nodded. “Okay, then. Check in soon.” He pulled the door shut.
Kirk heard the lock catch the latch in the doorframe and put his head in his hands.
What if Paul hadn’t interrupted them? What if he’d interrupted them minutes later? He had been so close to doing the right thing. Where did he go wrong?
He played the scene over in his head.
He’d given Julianna the bad news. He wasn’t happy to see her and wished he would never see her again. That was true. She nearly walked out on her own, hanging her head. What came over him?
Was he really afraid he might lose her? Was he just that helpless that he couldn’t control himself?
Kirk suspected it was more that he was too weak to resist the carrot being dangled in front of him. His wife hadn’t touched him or even looked at him in months, and when he saw an opportunity for that briefest human connection, he couldn’t pass it up.
But he had taken it further than that, would’ve taken it further. Her kisses were like potato chips. And the way she responded to his touch. She wanted him, desired him. He could still feel the silky proof on his fingers.
And she was eager to satisfy him. Didn’t he deserve to feel good like that? It wasn’t his fault that Madeline wasn’t making any effort to meet his most basic needs, needs that she had vowed to fulfill when she married him two years ago.
He banged his fists on the desk and their wedding picture jumped.
He took it in his hands and looked at the happy couple smiling in the picture. He didn’t even recognize them.
He didn’t deserve her. She was pure, kind, decent, and trustworthy to a fault. She would never betray him as enthusiastically as he had just turned his back on her. And when she was in the same room watching them! She didn’t even have it in her to do something like that, probably wouldn’t even be able to wrap her naïve little head around it if he told her about it.
He tried to imagine the scene.
“Madeline, I cheated on you,” he would say, “with one of my students.”
Then nothing. What would she say? Maybe she would just cry. There was no way she would accept any blame in the situation.
That’s what bothered him most: not that she wouldn’t accept any blame, but that he couldn’t figure out whether his thinking that she should made him a completely despicable person.
And she would definitely leave him. Or would she? After all, her belief in the sacrament of marriage was stronger than his. Maybe she would try to get through it.
For a moment he felt relieved that he’d thought of a situation worse than the one he was in. After all, if he could protect Madeline from the truth of his betrayal, he would still be doing her a favor, right? I mean, she was already barely holding on. She couldn’t handle the news even if he had the balls to tell her. N
ot now. Not ever.
He dragged his finger along the outline of her wedding dress in the photo. The best thing she had going for her right now was that her husband was standing by her through whatever the hell it was she was dealing with. Or not dealing with. He was obligated to keep his own personal crisis a secret. It was best for both of them.
Plus, he had really only kissed Julianna, right? And it was just an impulsive accident.
He couldn’t deny that his thoughts had been unfaithful to a more severe degree. Much more severe. But surely thoughts weren’t punishable. Even the most happily married couples must suffer the occasional deviant thought.
Kirk leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his neck.
There were only two things he knew for sure. The first was that he clearly didn’t deserve his own wife. The second was that, as a man and as a husband, he did deserve sex and passion and love. And the only way he could be good enough for his wife was to be more patient and put his needs aside.
But that didn’t seem fair. He had been patient for a long time. Even before they got married he had demonstrated the patience of a saint.
He just needed a stopgap, a gimme, an easy win, to feel like a man again. So he could be there for his wife like she deserved.
God damnit. He just wanted to get his dick wet. Did that make him a bad guy?
Julianna
As she walked down the sidewalk, Julianna turned her nose up at the boys who tried to get her attention. She didn’t need them. She had the affection of a real man, a man with ambition and responsibilities, a man who wanted her above everything else.
And since seeing Kirk again had been one of her main motivations for returning to campus, it was a big relief to find out he still had feelings for her. After all, he’d gotten under her skin as an undergrad so she was ecstatic to find out that he was finally ready to get under her skirt.
That much she knew for sure. However, it was unwise to let things go that far in his office. Their fun would be over if they got caught. Fortunately, she had a way around that which she couldn’t wait to surprise him with.
The smell of barbeques wafted by on the crisp autumn air and her mouth watered. She was meeting her mom for lunch for the first time in months so she was delighted to have some good news. For once her mom’s timing couldn’t have been better.
Julianna’s phone buzzed in her pocket. “Sluts Anonymous.”
“Ha ha,” Heather said. “Very funny.”
“What’s up?”
“I just wanted to see how things were going back on our old stomping ground.”
“Same as ever,” Julianna said. “But there are more popped collars than I remember and the old bookshop is gone.”
“Hideous.”
“I know,” Julianna said, dodging a drunken undergrad as he felt his way up the sidewalk. “People have no respect for history these days.”
“Speaking of history, Sam told me you were going to look up that professor you tried to screw.”
“There are so many inaccuracies in that sentence; I don’t even know where to start.” Julianna spoke with her hands as she crossed the street.
“You know what I mean.”
“No, seriously. I did not come here to look him up, and I never tried to sleep with him. There is no try.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No.”
“Whatever. What are you not telling me?” Heather asked.
“You’re not totally wrong.” Julianna couldn’t help herself. “It’s kind of a thing.”
“Details, please.”
“I mean, he looked me up and expressed his interest.”
“Oh?”
Julianna navigated the crowded sidewalk, trying to figure out who was in earshot. “With… nonverbal cues.”
“Don’t you know who you’re talking to? Please don’t be delicate for my sake.”
“Oh right.” Julianna always thought of Heather as a journalist, but more specifically, she wrote a sex advice column for a trendy magazine in New York. Julianna was convinced that her tutelage was the reason Heather had the skills and talent to handle the subject matter. “The point is he wants me more than ever.”
“Did he ever get married?”
“Yeah, but I think he might leave her.”
“For you?”
“I mean, he didn’t say that in so many words, but that’s kind of the feeling I got.”
“Whoa.”
“I know.” Julianna pushed her oversized sunglasses against her face. “Pretty intense.”
“Remind me to keep my husband away from you if I ever decide to get one.”
“It’s not like that. I mean, he’s been thinking about me since I graduated. He’s been, like, really sprung this whole time I think.”
“So was he totally shitting it when he saw you again?”
“Bricks.”
“And you like him?” Heather asked. “Like enough to let him consider leaving his wife?”
“That’s his business. Just like what happens between us is our business.”
“Well, keep me posted, will you? This could make for a pretty juicy column.”
Julianna laughed. “Get your own material, skank.”
“I know, right? I mean, just when I think I’ve been really cutting edge, you always put me to shame.”
“Nothing shameful about your last column. Who knew anal beads could make you laugh till you cried?”
“I’m glad you got a kick out of it,” Heather said. “I can’t say it was my favorite research topic.”
“Never cared for them myself. Right. Gotta go.”
“A bit early for a private tutoring session, isn’t it?”
Julianna laughed. “I wish. I’m meeting my mom for lunch.”
“Geos?”
“You know it.”
Heather moaned. “Tell her I said hi.”
“Will do.”
“And figure out when you and Sam are going to come visit.”
“I doubt she’d leave Kinky Kev unattended, but I’ll mention it.”
“Sounds good.”
Julianna hung up the phone and pushed the restaurant door open. Geo’s was sort of an upscale Olive Garden and by far the nicest restaurant on campus. It was a carb lover’s dream, but Mrs. Foster usually filled up on wine and took her food to go.
Julianna saw her mom looking conspicuously bored in the corner as soon as she walked in. She pointed her out to the hostess and showed herself to the table.
“Hi Mom.”
“Hi Ju.” Anita stood up and gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek.
“Hope you weren’t waiting long.”
“Not at all,” she said. “Anyway, I just got this phone.” She held it up. “It’s like a total portable office.”
Julianna pushed her sunglasses up on her head. “Fancy.”
“I call it my command center. Honestly, if it exercised for me it would cover all my bases.”
“Cool.”
“So I don’t have much time because I’m meeting a client in Sandburg at 2:30, so talk fast.”
“What do you want to know?”
“How long you’ve been wearing my sunglasses for a start.”
“I admired them last time I saw you and you gave them to me. Remember?”
“I am too generous.”
The waiter appeared at the table.
“The usual?” Anita asked her daughter.
“Yeah, sure.”
“Two gnocchis,” she said with an affected Italian accent. “And do you have any New Zealand Whites?”
“Just South Africa.”
Anita thought for a second. “We’ll just try two glasses first then and see how it goes.”
The waiter nodded and disappeared.
“Hmmm. What else?” Anita pursed her red stained lips. “How’s graduate school going?”
“Good, Mom. Fine.” Julianna unfolded her napkin in her lap. “I should be teaching by next year.”
&nbs
p; “Fantastic,” her mother said, turning her wine glass over. “Have I told you how ridiculously proud of you I am?”
“Yes.”
“But recently?”
Julianna shrugged.
“Well, I am,” she said. “I hope you know that. I can’t believe how immature some of my friend’s children are. And you’re so self-sufficient; I don’t have to worry about you at all.”
“Thanks.”
Anita put her phone on the table where she could see it. “Tell me something else interesting going on with you. Not school related because you know I’m too thick to talk academics with you and your father.”
“Well, I’m sort of seeing someone.”
Anita’s eyes lit up. “Seriously?”
“You mean am I really seeing someone or is it serious?”
“Both.”
Julianna smiled. “Yes and yes.” She knew it was a premature exaggeration, but her mother was the reigning queen of hyperbole, and she was too excited not to mention it.
“Go on.”
“Well we’ve only spent a little time together, but I have a good feeling about it.”
“How exciting for you!” Anita waited for the server to fill her glass. Once she tasted the wine she nodded without saying anything and gestured for him to fill up their glasses. Then she raised hers in the air. “Well cheers to the lucky guy. I hope he knows what a catch you are.”
“He will.” She smiled. “We’re only just getting to know each other.”
“So tell me about him.”
Julianna shrugged. “He’s a psychology geek like me, conservative, and very handsome.”
Anita nodded. “When can I meet him?”
“It’s way too soon for that, Mom, but when the time comes, I’ll let you know.”
Anita leaned back in her chair. “My little Jujube is all grown up.”
Julianna rolled her eyes.
“If you can swing it, I’d like to be a grandmother before the botox stops agreeing with me.”
“I thought you said you stopped doing that stuff?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. People won’t believe I’m your mother if I don’t stay gorgeous.”
Julianna shook her head.
“Anyway, it sounds like this guy might be a good fit.”
Julianna smiled. She hoped her mom was right. Of course, there was only way to know for sure. She would have to try him on for size.