No matter how I spun it, I couldn’t see how starting something now would work. Funny enough, Todd was actually not as much of a factor as the impending birth of my twins. I couldn’t do it. If we wanted to have a chance at anything, it was going to have to wait a while. The twins had to be my first priority. After what had to be ten minutes of me staring at the floor, Drew stepped toward me.
“Sarah, talk to me.”
I looked up at him, his face questioning mine. “I can’t, Drew. It’s not because of…him. This isn’t the time for us. I’m going to have twins in a couple months and I can’t focus on a new thing between us knowing that I won’t have time for us soon. It’s not fair to you.”
“Sarah, we have plenty of time to figure us out. I just want you to know that I want to see what happens with us. The question is, do you want to that too?”
“I…” He stepped right in front of me, filling the space between us with his large frame. His hand came up behind my neck and caressed my skin. His breath fanned across my face as he leaned in closer. His lips brushed against mine whisper soft. The room spun at his closeness and I found myself shifting until I was pressed against him as much as my belly would allow.
“Tell me you want to explore this, Sarah. I can wait. I just need to know you want it too.”
“Yes.”
The word barely left my mouth before his lips were crashing down against mine. His tongue explored my mouth and I greedily accepted all he gave me. For the first time in months I felt alive and felt my body come to life. I hadn’t wanted anyone but Todd in so long, and as I kissed Drew and felt his hands on me, it suddenly felt wrong. Todd had barely been gone six months and I was already kissing another man.
I pulled back from him as pain ripped through my chest. Tears streamed down my face and I quickly tried to hide the tears from Drew. I liked Drew a lot and I couldn’t deny my attraction to him, but Todd…he had been everything to me. He had died to protect me and our child. I hadn’t even had our kids and I was moving on. It was wrong. Everything about this was wrong.
Drew pulled me into his arms and held me tight as I tried to pull myself together. This was wrong also. I couldn’t keep accepting help from Drew but offer nothing in return. This had to stop.
“Drew, this can’t happen. It’s too soon. I can’t do this.”
“Sarah, nothing has to happen right now. We can wait. We can take things slow. I just need to know that you feel this too.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Then explain it to me. I’ve opened myself up to you. I’ve told you about Iris. Do you not trust me enough to do the same?”
His voice had taken on a harsh tone that I hadn’t heard since the first couple of months that I had known him. The problem was that I completely trusted him, but I wasn’t allowed to tell him anything. I didn’t know what I could possibly say to him that would explain all that I was feeling without giving away who I truly was. I couldn’t explain that Todd had died for me because it wasn’t in my background. He would never understand the sacrifice that was given and how much that weighed on me.
“Well, I guess that’s my answer.”
Drew turned and walked out the door. I wanted to stop him. I wanted to yell for him to give me time, but there was nothing I could say that would appease him. I ran to the window and watched him stomp back over to his house.
Feeling completely depressed, I walked back to my bedroom and laid down on the bed. As my eyes drifted shut, Todd’s voice wrapped around me.
“You’ll know when you’re ready, Sarah.”
✯✯✯✯✯
I called my case agent, Sanders, Monday morning. There was one thing Drew brought up that I couldn’t ignore. I was going to need someone to take care of the kids when I went to work and putting it off wouldn’t be helpful. I needed my money from the sale of all of our belongings and I needed to find out when that would be put in my account. I was going to need to either send my kids to daycare or hire someone to take care of them at the house. Either way wouldn’t be cheap and my job wasn’t going to be enough to support us for very long.
“Sarah, is everything okay?”
“Yes, I’m sorry for contacting you. I know it’s supposed to be only in an emergency, but I need to know about the funds from the sale of my belongings. I’m going to have twins and I need that money.”
“Sure. Hold on a minute while I check your account.”
I waited patiently for five minutes while he clacked away on the keyboard on the other end. Finally he came back on, but what he said didn’t reassure me.
“Sarah, I’m gonna have to look into this and call you back. It says that the funds were already transferred, so I’m guessing they ended up in the wrong account. Give me the morning to try to sort this out. I’ll call you back as soon as I know something.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
I hung up and got ready for work. My gut was churning, but there was nothing I could do until he called me back, so I went to work. Hank had been teaching me all about the bar and everything that went into managing during the daytime. After the babies were born, I would be taking maternity leave and then coming back as the daytime manager. I was planning to take six weeks off, but I wasn’t sure if I could afford that. Everything depended on what Sanders said when he called me back. Plus, there would be hospital bills that I had to consider.
One thing was for sure, the long days at The Pub were starting to wear on me. The Braxton Hicks contractions were coming more frequently and I was pretty sure that was because I was overdoing it at work. It wasn’t like I was lifting heavy things or anything, but I spent a lot of time on my feet, which was evident when I went home with feet that were so swollen, they looked like two feet in one.
I had just walked in the door when my phone rang. I was relieved to see that it was Sanders calling me back, hopefully with good news.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Sarah. It’s Sanders. I’ve found out where your money was sent and it’s being transferred to your account as we speak. The funds should be available in a few days.”
I blew out a breath, relieved that I would be able to provide for my children. “That’s fantastic. How much will I be receiving?”
“It’s close to 1.5 million.”
“Wha-what? That can’t be right. We didn’t own anything worth that much.”
My heart was pounding wildly in my chest at the thought of what that money could do for me.
“Your estate totaled about three hundred thousand, but your husband had two separate life insurance policies. One was through the security firm he worked for and the other was a personal policy.”
“But wouldn’t the policy through his job only go through if he died on the job?”
“That policy didn’t go through, but his boss wanted to be sure that you were provided for. I don’t know if you’re aware, but one of his bosses was a man he served with. They were very close and he gave the money to you.”
I was completely shocked. I hadn’t known any of that. I had never met anyone that Todd worked with and he had never told me much about his job. Frankly, I hadn’t wanted to know because it was like the military all over again, except now the danger was closer to home.
“Is there anyway I can get a message to him?”
“I’m afraid not. He’s aware of your situation. Not the particulars, but he’s a smart man. I’m sure he’s figured out what happened after your husband passed away.”
“Wow. I don’t know what to say. Thank you for taking care of all that for me.”
“It’s just part of the job, Sarah. How is everything else going? Are you adapting okay?”
“Yeah. That’s all fine. I’ve got a job that will provide for the kids and me, so I guess that’s something.”
“Are you making friends?”
“Yeah, I’ve got a few friends. They’ve been really good to me.”
“Are any of them suspicious of anything?”
I thought of Seba
stian and hesitated for a moment. I couldn’t say anything. It wouldn’t matter how trustworthy Sebastian was or if he was in security. They would yank me out of here so fast and change my name. I would lose everything I had gained by coming here and I couldn’t allow that to happen.
“No. I’m sure people wonder about some things, but no one suspects.”
“Are you sure? I sense some hesitation.”
“I’m sure. I’ll let you know if that changes.”
“You know we can only keep you safe if no one knows who you are. I don’t care how much you trust them. We can’t take the chance. I’m not trying to scare you, but Cordano has a hit out on you. Five million dollars. There aren’t a lot of people that would pass up that opportunity.”
Wasn’t trying to scare me, my ass. I knew he was trying to pry something out of me, but I had full faith in Sebastian and I was going with my instincts. “I’m aware of the rules. I promise, I haven’t let it slip to anyone.”
That was mostly the truth. After all, Sebastian had approached me. I hadn’t said a thing to him. I wasn’t sure that I had convinced Sanders, but he didn’t press any further. He reassured me a few more times that they would keep in contact with any new information, then wished me the best and hung up.
All of that had been a lot to process and I wished more than anything that I could talk to Drew about it, but the way he stormed out of here, I knew he wasn’t ready to see me. Besides, I couldn’t really tell him anything anyway. There was one person I could talk to, so I pulled out my phone and dialed his number.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Sarah and Drew
SARAH
“Is everything okay? You sounded a little upset on the phone?”
Sebastian had agreed to come talk with me and decided that my house would be the best place. He didn’t want to meet in the office because everyone would wonder why I was there and start asking questions. He didn’t think anyone would recognize me, but he didn’t want to take the chance.
“Please, come in.” He stepped in and I walked over to the couch where he joined me. “I talked to my case agent today. Todd had a rather large life insurance policy. Actually two. He had his own and then one through work. His boss knew what happened and since it wasn’t a work-related death, the insurance company didn’t pay out, but his boss paid anyway.”
I swallowed, now feeling a little ridiculous for calling him over. I wasn’t sure what more to say.
“That’s good. You’ll be able to take care of the kids now without worrying, right?”
“Yeah.” It didn’t sound convincing coming from my mouth. He was looking at me with a mixture of concern and confusion.
“So, what’s the problem? I can tell something is bothering you.”
“I don’t know. I just…I guess I’m feeling guilty.”
He quirked an eyebrow at me. “What would you have to feel guilty about? Were you cheating on him?”
“No! Never.” I blew out a breath and tried to sort through my thoughts. “I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Why don’t you just start talking and we’ll see if we can sort it out.”
“I guess I’m feeling guilty because Drew and I have become close. He said he wanted to see where things could go between us and I just couldn’t. It hasn’t been long enough and I don’t think I’m ready to move on.”
“Okay. Well, there’s nothing wrong with that. Drew will understand.”
“He wants to know what’s holding me back and I can’t explain it to him. There’s nothing I can tell him because it isn’t in my WitSec profile. He told me all about his wife and now he thinks that I don’t trust him enough to tell him about Todd.”
“His wife?”
“Shit. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s just that Todd gave up his life to protect me and our children. I’m just not ready to move on yet. He’s only been gone about six months. Even though I’m attracted to Drew, I just can’t. I have the twins coming and that’s going to be hard enough without trying to figure out a new relationship. Then I find out that Todd had this huge back up plan in case anything happened to him. He wanted me taken care of and now I can provide for my kids the way I want to.” Emotion clogged my throat and I knew I was on the verge of a breakdown, but I couldn’t stop it. “I almost moved on without Todd. I kissed Drew and I liked it. My husband gave everything and I kissed another man!”
The tears were coming fast now and Sebastian rubbed my back, trying to calm me down. When that didn’t work, he pulled me into his arms and held me tight.
“Shh. Come on, Sarah. You’re putting too much on yourself. Todd wouldn’t want you to feel guilty about moving on. Drew’s a good guy and I’m sure Todd would have liked him because he would know that Drew would do everything to take care of you. You can’t beat yourself up over this.”
“What do I do about Drew now? It’s not just that I’m attracted to him. We’ve become friends and now he’s pissed at me. I’ve ruined everything because I can’t tell him what’s really going on.”
Sebastian looked at me for a moment, studying my face. “I can’t tell you what to do about Drew. You know the rules of WitSec. Drew would never give you up to the mafia, I can promise you that, but those rules are in place for your safety and you have to consider your children. I’m not saying that you should never tell him because that would be a little hypocritical considering that I practically forced you to admit it to me, but you need to be in a good place with him. I will tell you this, unless you know that you’re going to be spending your life with Drew, you can’t even consider telling him. If WitSec ever found out, they would force you to choose, stay in the program and relocate or leave the program and take your chances. The one thing you have going for you right now is that you didn’t tell me, I found out on my own. If WitSec ever found out, you could deny one hundred percent that you told me. They would still relocate you, but you wouldn’t have broken the rules.”
“I know I can’t tell him, I just don’t know how I would ever have any kind of relationship with him if I didn’t tell him. He’s not stupid. He knows that I’m hiding something and he’ll always think that I’m not telling him because I can’t trust him. Which isn’t true, but…” I shrugged. We both knew the predicament I was in.
“For now, focus on your babies. Don’t worry about what Todd would think because I’m pretty sure he would just be happy that you’re alive and have a life to live. As for Drew, I think the most you can do is ask him to trust you. Tell him that you can’t tell him any more about your past and ask him if that’s enough. If not, I guess you have your answer. I wish this could be different for you.”
Sebastian pulled me in for a hug and I willingly went into his arms. He was the one person that I could be myself completely with and this was the first time I had truly opened up to him. I closed my eyes and relaxed against him, relishing in the fact that for once, I could openly talk to someone and share all my feeling.
“Shit.”
I looked up at Sebastian to see him staring at the window. I glanced over and saw Drew looking in at us. His face was enraged and it was then I realized that I was in another man’s arms hours after Drew had asked me to take a chance on him. I stood and ran to the door, flinging it open as he started to walk down the porch steps.
“Drew. Wait!”
He spun around so fast that I took a step back in surprise. He stalked toward me, his eyes menacing as he glared at me. “What? Now you have something to say?”
“Drew, it’s not what it looks like.”
“Really? Because it looks like hours after I asked you to trust me, you turned around and ran into the arms of my friend.”
“There is nothing between Sebastian and I. We’re just friends and we were just talking.”
“And when he was over here the day of the barbecue, you were just talking for forty-five minutes?”
“Yes!”
; “So, tell me. What is it that you can talk to him about, but not me?”
I looked at Sebastian for help, but he did nothing. It was up to me to decide what to do here and I didn’t have a clue. What could I possibly say?
“We were talking about the babies. That’s all.”
He nodded. “Right. He came over to talk about the babies and you ended up in his arms.” He took another step toward me and I took a step back. I wasn’t scared of Drew usually, but right now he looked like he could rip my throat out. His tall, bulky frame was practically looming over me as he spewed his anger at me.
“Tell me. How many of my friends come over here to comfort you, besides me? Is this some kind of sick game where you see how many guys you can use? See how much sympathy you can collect? See how much people will do for you?” I shook my head vigorously as the my eyes welled with tears. His voice got quieter and sharper with every word he said. “Because I’ve been over here helping you. My friends came to help fix up your house for the babies. We had a baby shower to ease the burden. We’ve welcomed you into our group and tried to support you. I let you into my life,” he hissed at me.
“Drew.” Sebastian stepped forward, at last intervening. His tone sharp and cutting. He left no room for argument. I didn’t know how much more of this I could take from Drew and at this point, I wanted it all to end. I had never felt so horrible in all my life. I knew there was nothing I could do about it, but I hated that Drew felt so betrayed. He was right. He had let me into his life and I hadn’t given anything in return.
Drew Page 14