Again, he struggled to control his emotions.
Wasn’t Meghan the only good part of him that he had left? But still, wasn’t he too damaged to give her the love and care that she deserved and needed, he thought, releasing a frustrated breath.
Being careful not to awaken her, he pushed the door open further before treading into the room. “My little Poppet,” he whispered as he reached the bed. Then, as he knelt down alongside it, he grasped her tiny hand in his. “I love you, do you know that? While my world is endlessly crazy, you’re the one thing that grounds me. My only hope is that I will be the father that you need and deserve.” The burning tears smarted in his eyes. “But, I can’t let you suffer for my sins. In the end, I hope that I don’t end up hurting and disappointing you like I have everyone else who loved me. You deserve better than that, Poppet.”
Standing, he felt her forehead to check for any lingering fever, and to his relief, she was cool. As he turned to move away, her tiny hand clung to his. “Daddy?” she murmured sleepily. “Is that you?”
“Sshhh, go back to sleep, sweetheart,” he smiled down at her. “We’ll catch up in the morning. Ok?”
Nodding sleepily, already turning onto her side, she fell back into her slumber. Satisfied that she was resting peacefully, he moved away from the bed.
As he stepped back into the hallway, the dark shadows were splayed across the floor. And finally, even he had to grudgingly admit that fatigue was winning out.
His eyes shot to the guest suite.
That’s where his innocent pawn lay…
A heart wrenching scream filled the landing.
Before good sense won out, he found himself heading in that direction. As he drew closer to her door, her screams grew louder, and there was no denying the terrifying nature that filled them. With an unsteady hand, Jarrod opened the door.
After a brief hesitation, he entered.
As he stared at her, he was sucker punched, and the emotional war raged against him. The unwanted feelings surged like a wild torrent of rain, drenching the depths of his lost soul, and like a helpless moth, he was drawn to the forbidden flames.
The single word that he whispered was barely audible. “Olivia.”
But, rather than answering, she thrashed in the bed.
Unable to resist the pull, he left the open doorway.
The moonlight revealed his presence as he crossed the room, and he clearly sensed her unrest as he drew closer to the bed.
A wide shadow played along the bed.
And not even it could hide her distress.
Or her breathtaking beauty---
Across the pillows, her long dark tresses fanned along them like silk, but her flawless skin was ghostly pale.
Sweating profusely, twisting in the sheets, body arched like a bow, she was fully enmeshed within the nightmare. No! Please no!” Olivia screamed, and her fingers seemed like claws as she dug them into the sheets. “N-n-no, no…” Then, sobbing uncontrollably, she flailed her arms wildly, striking herself in the process. “Please---”
“Take it easy,” he said quietly, sinking down onto the bed beside her. With a careful gentleness, he grabbed her hands, staying her, and to his relief, she stopped struggling. “Shhh…No one’s going to hurt you.”
Her head thrashed on the pillow. “No…no…no…” she whispered again, gripping the sheets, and soon, her hold lightened. But, then, her pleas were softer as she began to relax. “No….no…”
Moaning softly, snuggling against him, she quieted.
Instead of leaving, he sat there, crippled by his own selfish, blinding need for acceptance and closeness. As though in pain, he squeezed his eyes shut, and briefly, he allowed himself to absorb her sweet innocence.
How long had it been since he’d been this close to another human being? A woman, he mulled, anguished as the guilt flowed through him. Until now, hadn’t he lived up to his promise to never get close to anyone else but---
Shaken, he closed the thought off.
Moments later, satisfied that she was finally resting, he moved to stand, and as he did, she clung to him.
Startled, he stared down at her.
At the feel of her innocent touch, the rush of feelings nearly stifled him. The warmth of her, her eagerness to absorb his strength, her blind trust as she lay within his walls as a pawn---
It was all too much.
Though he was careful, his movements were abrupt as he eased her off of him.
“No, don’t go,” she whispered in her sleep, and though weakened, tried to keep him in her grasp. “Please.”
As the shock reverberated through him, he pulled free before staggering from the bed. “What have I done?” he rasped, and the words were unsteady. “Dear God, what have I done?”
With a sound of self-disgust, he stumbled from the room. But, the bitterness and guilt was too great, even later while he lay in his own bed.
He stared at the ceiling blindly.
Perhaps he was a living monster.
Chapter 3
The following day, at mid-morning, the fog had dissipated altogether, and now a bright cheerfulness filled the atmosphere. In their usual display, the waves washed onto the shore, filling the air with a fresh breeze.
Along with it, though, was an increasing restlessness, she noted.
Why?
She didn’t know.
Smoothing a hand over the brightly colored floral sun dress, Olivia turned away from the balcony doors and wandered back to the chaise lounge. As she sat down, her eyes traveled along the wide area of the bedroom. No doubt, she appreciated its simplistic elegance. Elegantly designed, it boasted high 12’ ceilings, and a ceiling fan circled on low speed. The room exuded both a modern and classic touch, mainly due its light gray color scheme. The gas log fireplace also added a decorative touch, and the Renaissance painting hanging over it only made the scheme more dramatic.
But, not even the beauty of the room could lift her sullen spirits, she realized, pacing the floor again.
“I have to get out of here, even if it’s just a minute,” she said, blowing a fast breath.
Since she’d awakened from the coma, she’d had to learn how to contend with her own company---that is, when she was conscious which wasn’t for long periods of time. And sadly, none of her memory had resurfaced, and in turn, it forced her to live in an emotional prison.
But, on a more positive note, she was regaining her strength, she mulled, twisting the engagement ring around her finger.
As she held her hand out, she spread her fingers apart.
Wasn’t her mysterious fiancé, the one that she’d yet to lay her eyes on, the greatest mystery yet?
She dropped her hand.
Deep down, did she really want to know him?
On several occasions, she’d had high hopes that she could leave the bed and venture to other parts of the house. But, those plans had fallen short when Dr. Roma had strictly informed her that she needed complete bed rest.
So, she’d been more than surprised today when he said that she could move around. In fact, he’d actually encouraged it, and they’d spent the better part of two hours with her walking around the bedroom.
Olivia frowned again.
And Rosa, the caretaker----while she’d begun to like and trust the woman, she was hard to decipher. Apart from the time when she was with Dr. Roma, the woman had taken painstaking measures to ensure that she stayed abed. And when she’d questioned her about her mysterious fiancé, she’d kindly gotten the response that he was away on business.
But, what struck her as more odd than anything was Rosa’s claims. According to her, the remainder of the home was off-limits until ‘minor repairs’ and restoration were taken care of. The caretaker had also argued that her door had to remain locked because of her fragile condition, explaining that she’d done a bout of sleepwalking a time or so. But, she’d doubted those words because the woman couldn’t look her in the eye while saying them.
“Well, I
don’t buy it for one minute,” she whispered, staring at the door. “Why does it feel like I’m a prisoner in my own home?”
Sighing, she rubbed a hand along her aching muscles. Last night, she’d had another nightmare, and somehow the troubling dreams seemed like a portal to the world that she’d lost. But, in the mornings, when she awakened, she couldn’t recall any of the details with everything seeming like a blur.
Tensing, she recalled how unsettled she’d been, and then, it was like a subdued, calming spirit had swept in, allaying her fears.
He’d been a shadowy lone figure.
And so drawn to him, she’d been, so much so, that she’d clung to him as he’d tried to leave. Just why he’d been so vivid, she didn’t understand, she mulled, biting her lip.
His accent had held a strong lilt, and it’d washed over her senses like a torrential storm, claiming her underneath its currents.
There’d been a deep pull…
The doorknob rattled.
Startled, she jumped around.
She took careful steps as she crossed the room. To her shame, her hands trembled as she grasped the doorknob. “Is anyone there?” she inquired, and to her surprise, the door cracked opened.
Only the draft of scented air hit her face.
No one stood on the other side.
Taking an unsteady breath, she stepped out.
There appeared to be another set of stairs, one that led to the top level, she surmised, looking to her right, and it was anyone’s guess how many rooms it held.
The hallway seemed to stretch for miles, and at this level, there were two bedrooms, she noted. Hers, and there was one at the opposite end.
She pushed away from the door.
When she reached the stairs leading to the lower level, she hesitated. But, still, her curiosity won out as she descended them. By the time she reached the bottom, she was exhausted. Leaning against the railing, she inhaled a sharp breath.
Again, the place was past breathtaking, she noted, taking in the wide open area. Obviously, she was at the main level. A pair of elegant white sofas sat at the room’s center and faced each other. Between them, the flat white table sat low on the floor, and underneath it, the squared, white oblong rug lay. It seemed that everything in the room was white, bleeding a pure rich innocence throughout. Even more breathtaking was the wide cut out window, and it offered a magnificent view of the ocean. A flat screen TV hang over the seemingly 10’ three-shelved bookcase that seemed to stretch across the wall endlessly, and obviously the volume was muted since she couldn’t make out what was being said as it played.
She bypassed the dining area, and it was just as impressive, holding a white-marbled dining room table that seated four while the ivory-shaded chandelier hung over it. A beautiful flora of white gardenias served as the table’s centerpiece.
After passing through an archway, she ended up at another hallway. Then, with the same thoughtfulness she trailed along it. When she reached the first room along the corridor, she stopped.
The door stood partially open.
Hesitating, she rapped her hand against it lightly “Hello?” she called out, and her voice seemed to echo against the hallway’s walls. Taking a tentative step, she entered the semi-darkened room.
The room exuded a smoky aroma, dusted with a slight incense of mulberry ginger.
Her steps were slow as she passed the huge, overstuffed leather chair and ottoman. A highly-sheen mahogany table rested before it, and an outdated newspaper lay at the center while an ashtray was speckled with cigar butts.
As her gaze landed on the wide-paned windows, the confusion marred her features. The heavy beige curtains were partially closed with only a hint of sunlight peeking through. When she reached the large window, she paused before grasping the edge of the curtain’s soft fabric.
“Why are you in Daddy’s office?”
Gasping with surprise, Olivia whirled around.
A child stood before her.
Perhaps six or seven years old---
As she studied the little girl more closely, her heart skipped a beat, and she fought to breach past the dense fog clouding her brain.
Dressed in a frilly pink short-sleeved top and denim shorts, the girl’s dark brown hair was tied into a ponytail, and white sandals covered her feet.
As the little girl stared back at her, she faltered.
Was this perhaps her child?
And why did she feel a sudden connection to her?
But, the child only stared at her with a puzzling look, and her huge green eyes were filled with avid curiosity.
“Hi,” Olivia said tentatively, not wanting to frighten her. “And who are you?”
“You’re a stranger. Daddy says that I shouldn’t talk to strangers.”
Nodding, she made her way towards her. “Your daddy is right. You shouldn’t talk to strangers.”
“But, I’m not scared. Not of you. I don’t know why I’m not scared of you,” the little girl said in amazement. “I know! I’m gonna share!”
When the child carefully pried the colorful lollipops from her shorts’ pocket, the amusement filled Olivia’s features.
“Are you Daddy’s friend? You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t Daddy’s friend,” the child said bravely, stepping into the room and closed the study door. She stomped further into the room. “Good, now we have some privaty.”
“Privacy,” Olivia said with a gentle smile.
“I’m Meghan,” the little girl said, skipping a little as she stopped before her. “And I want you to have this.”
Her heart beat fast.
Shaking her head, she smiled. “Oh, you do, huh?” she said, accepting the lollipop from the girl’s sticky fingers. “Don’t tell me that you eat a lot of sweets. That’s not good for you.”
“Oh, I know. They say on TV that you gotta watch your figure,” Meghan said innocently, green eyes wide. “But, I’m not a lady yet. I’m just a little girl.” A puzzled frown lined her face. “Aren’t you going to say thank you? You’re supposed to thank people when they give you things. That’s what Daddy says.”
Smiling, she knelt down before the child. “Thank you, Meghan.”
“You’re welcome,” Meghan giggled, sticking the candy in her mouth. Then, curiosity laced her words. “Who are you?”
For a moment, she faltered.
Was that a question that she could truthfully answer?
“Olivia,” she stammered uncomfortably.
The little girl’s eyes rounded in surprise. “Olivia? Please, can I call you Livvy? That’s my doll’s name, and you look just like her!”
“Livvy sounds fine,” she smiled, grateful for the child’s exuberance which was one thing that stunted her uneasiness at the blank slate called her life. “And how cool is it that my name is the same as your doll’s?”
Meghan nodded eagerly. “It sure is! I can’t believe it---a real live talking Livvy!” Then, she eyed the unopened candy in her hand. “Are you gonna eat your candy or not? If you’re not, I will.”
"No, no, no. I think that one lollipop is enough for now. Does your father let you eat sweets all the time?"
"Well, sometimes, he does," the girl added gently, looking down with sullen eyes. “If he knew that I was eating it now, I’d be in big trouble, especially since I was sick last night.” A sad look crossed the child’s face. “I miss it when my Daddy’s not here.”
The shock filled her.
Was her fiancé always MIA?
“I’m sure that you do,” she said, not knowing what else to say. “Probably, he misses you just as much.”
“Most of the time, he’s sad,” Meghan murmured, tearing up. “And he doesn’t get to spend time with me like he used to because he’s busy a lot. But, he’s still the best daddy in the whole wide world.”
Forcing back her own tears, she stared down at her.
“And sometimes,” the child hiccupped. “He says things that I don’t understand.”
She sq
uatted down before her. “Like what, sweetheart?”
“It’s Daddy’s secret, one that he doesn’t know I know. When he thinks that no one’s listening or watching, he sits and cries in the dark alone. He says that he’s the lost one, and it makes me sad,” the child sniffled. “But, he’s not lost. I know where he is.”
“Come here, sweetheart,” Olivia murmured, pulling her into her arms. “I’m sure that he doesn’t mean anything by that, and sometimes, grown-ups just say things that are hard to understand, okay?”
As the words left her, a heavy shadow fell over her.
She stiffened.
How was it even possible to ignore such an enigmatic presence? The whole room simply breathed the pure essence of him…
All six feet of him, she mulled as her eyes traveled up the long legs.
Finally, finding the courage, she looked up and stared directly into the stranger’s eyes. For a moment, she was thunderstruck, speechless, awed, breathless…
There were too many emotions to even count!
And dear heavens---
Where were the words to describe the how devastatingly attractive he was? Those green eyes---they were the most hypnotic, she thought, and breathed fast as their gazes held.
Forcing herself, she looked away.
A subdued calmness exuded from him as he stared at her mockingly. Then, a lazy smile spread across his rugged handsome features before he turned his attention to his daughter. He forced a frown. “Meghan, you’re not supposed to have sweets this early in the day, and you know that. Not to mention that you’ve been sick with a tummy ache and fever just yesterday.”
Meghan turned towards her father with downcast eyes. "Daddy, I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.” The huge tears swam in her eyes as she looked at him. “Please.”
For a brief second, his hardened gaze softened, but then the sternness returned to his voice. "Of course I am not upset with you. But, you know the rules, Poppet, and you broke them---"
"I won’t do it again, Daddy. I promise! But, you’re mad at me. I can tell!”
Bursting into tears, turning to her again, Meghan clung to her.
The Pawn (Shattered Series Book 1) Page 5