by J. S. Cooper
“Not really. I’m pretty much an open book.”
“Do you still love him?” he asked me softly.
“Who?” I said, biding for time.
“You know who.”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly, and the phone went silent. How did I tell him that Shane was the first man I’d ever given my heart to? That I’d thought we’d be together forever? How did I tell him about the nights we’d spent talking about our dreams of moving to Los Angeles and becoming movie stars? How did I tell him that Shane had made me feel like I was capable of being loved and beautiful at a time when I’d felt neither? And how did I tell Scott that when Shane had cheated on me, he’d crushed my heart and soul and made me lose any confidence that I’d felt? How did I tell him that a part of me still longed for the early easy days of my relationship with Shane because they’d been so perfect? Shane had made me feel so safe and secure in those early days. How did I tell Scott that I was scared of him and giving my heart out to someone new? How did I tell him all of that without ruining whatever new beginning we were forging right now? How did I tell him without him thinking I was too needy and had too many issues? I knew I had emotional issues. I knew I was high-maintenance in a way that most girls weren’t. I just didn’t think that this was the time to tell him. Not after everything that had already happened with us.
“I see.” His voice was abrupt. “So I guess my text and call tonight was pointless?”
“No, I was going to call you as well.” I pursed my lips. “I’ve missed you, Scott.”
“Me, or the sex?” he said bluntly. “Or someone to talk to while you’ve been pining away for Shane?”
“I’ve missed you, Scott,” I said, hurt at his tone and question. “I haven’t been pining away for Shane.”
“But you don’t know if you still love him?”
“I don’t still love him.” I sighed. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like?” Scott was annoyed.
“What’s your problem?” I sighed. “We’re not together. You haven’t even spoken to me in a month.”
“Because you lied to me and played me, and here I am reaching out to you again, asking you to date me and you’re telling me you’re interested in dating another guy.”
“I never said that. You’re putting words into my mouth.” I didn’t understand what was happening. What had gone wrong so quickly?
“I gotta go, Elizabeth,” Scott said quickly. “Give me a call when you figure everything out.”
“Wait, what?” I said quickly, but he’d already hung up on me. I dropped my phone on the bed and walked into the living room and stared at Lacey. She looked up at me with wide eyes.
“What’s going on?” She paused the TV and frowned. “You look weird.”
“I don’t know,” I said, and stood there with a mind as blank as a blackboard on the first day of school. “I really don’t know what’s going on, Lacey. I think I’m in the Twilight Zone.”
Chapter
Fifteen
“You look confused, Eliza.” Lacey said. “Shane got you confused?”
“No, but Scott does.” I sighed.
“Just Scott?”
“I don’t know.” I walked over to the couch and sat next to her. “Why me? Why did Shane have to send those flowers tonight?”
“You know how he is. Whenever he thinks he’s truly lost you, he try’s to reel you back in again.”
“It was just the worst possible timing.” I sighed. “Scott and I had been talking about how long people should be dating before they get engaged and well we really disagreed in the amount of time and I think that made me a little upset, so I acted a bit stupid when Shane sent the roses.”
“What does that mean?” Lacey sat there, her eyes confused. “How did you act stupid?”
“I may have led Scott to believe that I still had a thing for Shane.”
“Eliza!” She growled. “How could you?”
“I was confused.” I moaned. “I was remembering how it was with Shane when we first started dating. How we used to share our dreams and lie on the beach and make love.”
“Eliza.” She shuddered.
“What?” I shook my head and let out a huge sigh. “In the beginning it was great with Shane, you know that. I thought we were going to get married. That’s something both of us talked about.”
“Yeah because you were both in college.” Lacey sounded annoyed. “And he was just saying whatever he could to get into your pants.”
“I don’t believe that. I think in the beginning he really loved me. He wanted what I wanted.”
“Elizabeth!” Her voice rose. “Shane was a jackass. A player. He cheated on you. He doesn’t deserve any more second chances. And you know what, you’re a jackass too if you seriously think that there is any comparison between Scott and Shane.”
“You don’t even know Scott.” I huffed.
“I know that he’s trying. I know that he made you happy. I know that he was fun. He was smart. He had his shit together. He didn’t make you feel ugly and not good enough.” Her voice trailed off and we just stared at each other.
“Why did you show me the flowers from Shane?” I asked her softly. “Why did you interrupt my call?”
“Because I thought that would give you motivation to see where things would go with Scott. I know you, Eliza. I know how you like to take the easy way out, if you think you’re going to get hurt.”
“Well, I guess you’re right.” I bit my lower lip. “I don’t think Scott wants anything to do with me now.” I was starting to feel depressed at the stupid way I had handled the conversation. Why had I let my old sentiments towards Shane cloud my thoughts?
“Well, I guess it’s lucky for you that you’re still working for Aiden Taylor then? At least you know you’ll see Scott at football.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” I admitted, feeling better.
“Or you can take the bull by the horns and go over to his house and tell him you were acting like a fool on the phone.”
“Huh? What?” I looked at her in shock.
“Maybe you need to be more proactive, Eliza. Maybe it’s time to put yourself out there.”
“I know, it’s just a scary thing.”
“Life is scary.” Lacey shrugged. “That doesn’t mean you don’t live it. Grab it by the horns and ride it. Yeah, you’ll get tossed around a bit and even hurt some more, but ultimately you’ll get over it. You know that now.”
“That’s true.” I nodded. “I don’t feel hurt when I think about Shane anymore.”
“And honestly, Eliza, do you really want to deal with him again?”
“No.” I said without hesitation.
“Because?”
“Because I like Scott.” I sighed. “And I want to see where it could go with him, even if I fall in love with him and he never wants to marry me.”
“So what are you waiting for?”
“You really think I should go and see him tonight?”
“Yes. I really think so.”
“Okay.” I said and paused. “But if I go, you have to do something too.”
“What’s that?”
“You have to come to the football game with me next week. There are some cute guys there. You have to attempt to talk to some of them.”
“Some of them?” Lacey raised an eyebrow at me. “Not just one?”
“Nope.” I grinned, my stomach jumping as my body was already thinking about going to see Scott. “Not just one.”
“Fine.” She said. “I’ll go.”
“Good.” I jumped up and ran out of the living room. “I’m going to shower and then I’m going over to Scott’s.”
“Good.” She laughed. “I don’t expect to see you back here until tomorrow.”
“Oh wait.” I stopped and turned back to look at her. “I’m meant to spend the night texting Aiden.”
“What?” She looked confused and then her face changed. “Oh God, Elizabeth, you’re not
falling for Aiden are you?”
“No, no.” I laughed. “As part of my job, I’m meant to send some flirtatious texts and ask him to come over for dinner, I’m thinking lasagna or steak, but maybe not lasagna as I texted about lasagna last week.”
“Huh?”
“He’s going to leave his phone in a room with Alice.” I laughed. “He thinks curiosity might get the better of her. In fact, he thinks she might have checked his phone already last week.”
“Hmm. That seems like an extreme lie?”
“Well, I guess Alice isn’t much better. Back when Scott’s sister Liv was dating Xander, Alice hired two strippers and had them go over to Scott’s parent’s house and pretend they were their dates.”
“What?” Lacey burst out laughing. “Are you joking?”
“No,” I giggled as I shook my head. “Crazy right? But I guess I understand why Aiden wants to make sure that Alice is ready for a serious relationship.”
“Wow, he must really love her.” Lacey’s eyes were bright. “He’s thought through every single detail.”
“Yeah, I guess that he’s getting some help from Xander as well.” I laughed. “And Liv doesn’t even know.”
“Uh oh, keeping secrets from his fiancé?”
“I know. I just hope it doesn’t blow up on the both of them.”
“Yeah me too.” I sighed. “Maybe I’ll send him a few texts and then go over.”
“Or why don’t you just call Scott back and then go and see him later.”
“Good thinking.” I said. “I’ll call him and then text Aiden at the same time.”
“What a life you’re leading, Elizabeth Jeffries.”
“Tell me about it.” I groaned. “Not exactly the life I was thinking I’d be leading right now.”
“You going to call the number on the card?”
“Shane’s card?” I asked her softly.
“Yeah.” She looked at me thoughtfully. “I know you’re over him, but I also know the hold he had on you.”
“Sometimes I just remember those days and I think why didn’t it work?” I leaned back against the wall. “He was my everything you know. And even though he hurt me, that’s not what I remember when I think of him. I think of all the times he drove me to my father’s town so I could go and knock on his door. And all the times he drove me home without judgment when I hadn’t been brave enough to knock and confront him.”
“He was there for you.” Lacey acknowledged.
“I cried on his shoulder so many times and he just held me.” I felt myself becoming emotional as I stood there with her. “I just don’t understand why he had to cheat on me. I thought he’d always be there for me. I thought we were going to be together forever.”
“You loved him.” She got up and walked over to me. “And he loved you, but he hurt you, Eliza. More than once.”
“I know.” I sighed and looked up into her face. “I promised myself that I’d never go back. That I wouldn’t let him break my heart again. That he wouldn’t make me cry again.”
“Then don’t.”
“I don’t want to.” I smiled weakly. “I want to get to know Scott better. I want to be strong and just ignore Shane. I know that he’s bad news. And I know that I really like Scott, he brings something out in me that I’ve never had. It’s like an evolution of a me that I didn’t even know existed. I don’t know exactly why I feel this way. I barely know him. But it’s about more than sex. There’s something about him that makes me just want to be naughty and funny and sexy.”
“That’s because that’s the inner you trying to get out wanting to break free.”
“But it’s a scary prospect.” I played with my fingers. “I mean, Scott has more potential to really hurt me.”
“That’s because he also has more potential to really make you happy.”
“I don’t know what to do.” I groaned and banged my head back against the wall lightly. “Why do I feel like this? Why am I so wishy-washy? I hate this about myself.”
“You can’t just change who you are. You have to work on it.”
“You mean one day I won’t wake up without all these insecurities?” I joked and Lacey laughed.
“Unfortunately not. Just like one day, I won’t wake up and find a hot guy in my bed and my book done.”
“Well, we can work on both of those.” I stepped forward and hugged her. “I’m going to make sure that we get you a good guy, Lacey. You deserve one for putting up with me.”
“I sure do.” She giggled. “Now go, make your calls and let me write. This hero isn’t going to go car racing without me getting him to the track.”
“Car racing?” I asked curiously. “Is this still Play the Player?”
“Yes,” Lacey winked at me. “He’s going car racing and then they’re going to have sex in the car.”
“Sex in the car?” I started laughed. “Oh Lacey.”
“Don’t oh Lacey me. It’s going to be hot.” She walked back to the couch. “Hot, I say.” She shouted and I laughed at her as I left the room. I walked back into my bedroom and stared at the red roses on my bed and sighed. I grabbed my phone and called Scott and listened to the phone ringing as I stood there. The call went to voicemail and I hung up. I sat on the bed and waited to see if Scott would call me back, but instead I received a text about five minutes later.
Hey, I don’t want to talk anymore tonight. Sweet Dreams.
I stared at the text and sighed. I knew in my heart of hearts that Scott was upset with me. But what could I do? I dropped the phone on the bed and looked at the roses again. It was then that I noticed one white rose and one yellow rose in-between all the red roses. I frowned as I picked them up and grabbed my phone to see what a white rose and yellow rose symbolized. I searched and found out that a white rose symbolized new starts and the yellow rose symbolized friendship. And of course the red roses symbolized love. I knew that Shane was sending me a message with his bouquet. A message I should ignore, but as I lay there, I could feel my defenses crumbling. What would it hurt to give him a call? It wasn’t as if I were cheating on Scott by talking to Shane. Scott and I didn’t have anything. And maybe that was my fault, but I was hurt that he was shutting me out. I lay back and closed my eyes, waiting for a sign from a God as to whether I should call Shane or not. As I lay there an image of Scott popped into my mind and I started smiling. It was an image of when I was on the desk and he was between my legs in his office. It had been hot and sexy and I was feeling wet just remembering that day. I opened my eyes and looked at the roses and started laughing. Shane didn’t match up to Scott, not even a little bit. Yes, Shane and I had a past. Yes, sometimes I regretted the fact that we had ended up together. I missed the fact that he got me and understood me and where I was coming from, but I also knew I couldn’t get stuck in the past. That was my biggest problem. I knew that. I knew that and I didn’t want it to control me anymore.
Chapt
er Sixteen
“This football game is going to kill me.” Lacey sounded like she was grunting as she ran up to me. “I can barely breathe.”
“It won’t kill you.” I laughed and then lowered my voice. “See any guys you like?”
“I’m not even paying attention to any of the guys.” She said and bent over for a few seconds. “Though now that I’ve seen Scott I can see why he has you all hot and bothered.”
“Had me hot and bothered.” I said with a small sigh. “He hasn’t called or text me since last week when we spoke.”
“You did tell him you weren’t sure if you still loved your ex boyfriend.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I groaned. “I just meant that I might still have feelings. And I only paused because I was feeling upset about what he’d said about becoming engaged.”
“But he doesn’t know that, Eliza. He can’t read your mind.”
“I know.” I said with a frown.
“Come on girls.” Xander ran past us. “Get on the ball.”
“Don�
��t mind him.” Liv said, rolling her eyes as she caught up to him. “He’s just super competitive.”
“Sorry, we’re trying.” I said and grinned at Liv. I really liked her. She was fun and funny and I thought that we’d be really good friends if we ever got the opportunity.
“We’re all trying as hard as we can.” Liv said and stopped next to Lacey and I and grinned. “I’m going to take a break with you guys.” She laughed. “I’m out of shape or something, but all this running around is making me so tired.”
“I know, me too.” Lacey said and they laughed.
“Keep going, Alice.” Liv screamed down the field. I looked ahead and saw Alice running down the field with Scott behind her, and Xander’s younger brother Henry behind him. I could also see Aiden running fast and my breath caught as I watched them all running behind Alice.
“Wow, she’s fast.” I said feeling impressed as I watched her.
“She’s going faster than I’ve ever seen in her life.” Liv laughed and then screamed again. “You’ve nearly got it, Alice.” We watched as Alice approached the end and I wondered if Scott was going to catch her in time.
“Touchdown.” Alice screamed and I saw her throwing the football down on the ground.
“She did it.” Liv screamed. “She did it!”
“Yeah.” I said softly, happy for her, but jealous when I saw Scott dropping down on the ground next to Alice. I turned to Lacey to make a face, but she wasn’t paying attention to me. Instead she seemed to be gazing at someone across the field. “Lacey?” I said softly as Liv went running off.
“Uh yeah?” She turned to look at me, her face red.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing?” She mumbled and shrugged. “Why?”
“Who were you looking at?” I asked her and then looked in the direction she’d been looking in. My jaw dropped as I saw Henry approaching us. Was Lacey attracted to Henry?
“Hello girls, how’s it going?” Henry ran up to us and gave us a lazy smile.
“We’re women, not girls.” Lacey said and I looked at her in surprise. Since when did Lacey have an attitude about being called a girl.