Now she saw Jimmy a couple of nights a week. He was always funny and charming and the temptation to flirt back or over think his instinctive teasing was crippling. Then, as if being exposed to his scrumptious body and irresistible wit was not enough, he began confiding in her about his relationship with Lily, asking for advice, asking for help. The guy could have asked for her right arm and she would have gladly severed it from her body and delivered it to him tied with a bow. She saw their talks as an opportunity to be alone with him, even if the topic wasn’t what she’d have chosen. Kim loved Jimmy and hated herself for it.
Jimmy arrived Christmas afternoon at his girlfriend's house with a plan: exchange gifts, liquor Lily up if necessary, and head to his parents’ house for dinner. He was nervous, but more about the presents he’d brought her than the pending family introductions. Lily greeted him at the door wearing a red turtleneck and black slacks. He knew she was trying to hide under that high collar, but she didn't know that, instead, her clothes only accentuated her full breasts and slender waist. The more she attempted to cover her figure, the more he imagined uncovering it.
Lily answered the door and instantly recognized the hungry look Jimmy wore. She shook her head. This was the sixth outfit she'd tried on. “What? Should I change?”
“Don’t change on my account, darlin’. I think you look good enough to eat.” Jimmy leaned in to nibble her neck, and she swatted him away. “My brothers will want a bite, too,” he teased.
“Oh, crap! I’ll go change.”
Jimmy grabbed her hand before she fled to her room. “Come here.” He wrapped his muscled arms around her, feeling the tension all through her body. “I’m sorry. You look beautiful. Please, don’t change a thing.”
He led her to the couch, sat her between his legs, and kneaded the stiffness from her neck and shoulders.
She sagged against him and fought the urge to pick at her fingernail polish. “Jimmy, I don’t know if I can do this. I’m a wreck. I’m not very good with people. They might not like me.”
“I like you and that’s all that matters. I promise I won’t leave your side tonight.”
Lily grumbled, “But Jimmy…”
“Shhhh.” He shifted her to his lap and held her close. Tipping her chin up so their eyes met, he said, “I need you to trust that I’ll take care of you, Lily. Please, trust me.” He smiled to mask the depth of his request and kissed the tip of her nose. Recovering his playful tone, he said, “What you need, darlin’, is a stiff drink and I’ve got just the thing.” He left her on the couch to retrieve the bottle of whiskey he brought and a couple of cups. He poured them both a shot. “This here’s Wild Turkey, it’s what the country boys drink when they need some courage. A few sips of this and you won’t give a shit who I introduce you to.”
“Really Jimmy, I don’t think getting drunk is the answer.”
“It’s the best one I got. Cheers.” He swallowed his drink in one gulp.
Lily did the same, gasping and coughing as her throat caught fire. Jimmy beat her back and resisted the urge to laugh. She mimed her need for water and he brought her some. He predicted that after a couple more shots, she’d be ready to follow him anywhere.
“While the Wild Turkey is doing its job, why don’t we exchange presents?”
“Okay,” she croaked and gulped more water. “Yours from me is the big one under the tree and Kim got you a gift, too. It’s the one with the candy cane paper.”
“Ah, I feel like an ass. I didn’t get her anything." He collected the presents and brought everything to the couch. “Where is Kim? Is she in her room?”
“No. She was invited to Christmas with a friend of hers. Apparently this guy is gay, but isn’t ready to come out to his family yet, so she’s posing as his girlfriend. Anyway, I’m supposed to tell you the gift is no big deal and a friend helped her with it, but that’s all I know. Go ahead and open it first; I’m curious.”
Torn paper revealed a black and white 10x14 framed photo of his house. A picture of the finished exterior was superimposed on top of a picture of the exposed framework. The effect made it look like an x-ray taken of his house. “Wow,” Jimmy gasped. “That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.” He studied it. “As soon as I have a mantel, this is hanging over it.”
They sat together in silence as Jimmy examined the picture and Lily watched him lose himself in it. She liked him playful, but she was increasingly interested in this Jimmy, serious and wistful. She sometimes wished his mind had a screen so she could see what he saw, so she might feel what he felt when he dreamed.
Jimmy felt her watching him and snapped out of his daze. “I’ll have to thank Kim next time I see her. This is great.” He reluctantly put the picture down out of his sight so he wouldn’t be distracted. “Open one of yours now. Start with this one.” He handed her a small square box.
“Um, okay.” Lily carefully pulled at the paper. This was the first time she’d exchanged Christmas gifts with a boyfriend and even she knew small boxes could be dangerous. “It’s a watch!” she exclaimed, more relieved than excited. She continued with the more appropriate inflection, “It’s the watch I drooled over at the mall. Wait.” She stopped. “I was with Kim that day. How did you know?”
“Kim helps me out from time to time.”
Lily laughed, “I bet she does. Thank you, it’s perfect. I’ll wear it tonight. It’s your turn again.” She lifted her gift for him and placed it on his lap. “Try and guess what it is first.”
“I’ll guess by the strange shape and size of it, that it’s a housewarming present from one of your thrift shops.”
“You peeked!”
“No darlin’, I just know you that well. And when I carried it over here, I could feel what it was through the paper. It’s a lamp of some sort.” He removed the paper to find a snake skin boot lamp. He laughed his deep rumbling laugh and glanced over at Lily to find her looking embarrassed and unsure. Brushing her hair from her face and planting a soft kiss on her lips, he said, “I love it. As soon as I own an end table, this is going on it.”
“You really like it,” she asked uncertain. “I’ve only ever exchanged gifts with Kim, and I didn’t know…”
“It’s great. It’s seems you know me pretty well, too. Hey, I’ve got one more for you, but let’s both take another shot first.”
“Why?”
“For courage, Lily. Courage.”
She wasn’t sure what he meant by that, and thankfully, the package he handed her wasn’t a small box but a manila envelope. If he thought she needed courage, she wasn’t going to argue no matter how horrible another shot of acid might feel. After she’d mostly recovered from her drink, Jimmy encouraged her to open the last gift. She slid the enclosed paper out and read:
Jimmy,
I was happy to return the favor I owed you. The Danielle Sullivan you are looking for lives in downtown Chicago now. Enclosed you’ll find all of her info.
See you on the next fishing trip.
Rob
Lily froze, trying to process what she’d read.
Jimmy sputtered his way through an explanation. “I have a friend from college who’s a private investigator. He owed me a favor so... I asked him to look your sister up a while back.” He thumbed through the other papers in the envelope until he found what he was looking for. “This is her current address and phone number. I thought we could drive up... together. I wouldn’t trust your car to make the trip, so we’ll take my truck... okay?” She still hadn’t spoken or looked up from the paper. He tried coaxing her to respond. “Lily, darlin’, what do you think? Don’t you want to go see your sister?”
Still nothing.
Cradling her face between his hands, he lifted her eyes to his and was struck by the emptiness in her stare. He pleaded, “Lily, say something. You’re scaring me.”
With a slow blink, she answered, “What have you done?”
11
Brian reclined on the couch with his arm draped across Kim’s shoul
ders as she delivered an animated explanation of how they'd met, while his extended family listened, intrigued. A shrill laugh escaped her lips when her pretend boyfriend stroked her thigh and added, “And she has rocked my world ever since.” The gathered group scattered, mumbling, “Nice to meet you,” as they left to process this new paradox. Only Ed remained, huddled close, trying his best to inflict harm on his cousin with his jealous glare.
Jimmy's entrance went unnoticed by the couple during their performance. He came up behind Brian and squeezed his shoulder. “I know this little pixie, cuz. And you’ve got yourself a good one.” He turned to Kim and winked. “Merry Christmas. I’m glad you’re here. I need to talk to you.”
Kim jumped at the sound of Jimmy’s voice. When she first saw Ed and realized where she was, she chuckled at the irony. Quickly, she sobered, realizing she’d need to play out her role as Brian’s girlfriend in Jimmy's presence---all night. She wasn’t sure which scenario concerned her more that Jimmy would or wouldn’t believe their charade. “Oh…Jimmy… you’re here,” she stammered. “Merry…Christmas… to you, too.”
It took her a minute to recognize his smile as that of a fellow conspirator and with that understanding her anxiety dissipated. Breaking the death grip Brian had on her knee, she followed Jimmy to the screened-in porch at the back of the house away from the crowd. “Jimmy, aren’t you missing somebody? Surely, you didn’t leave Lily alone in the house with your family. Tell me, you didn’t leave her with your mother in the kitchen. Your mom is one tough cookie. She’ll eat Lily alive.” Kim grabbed Jimmy’s arm and attempted to drag him back inside. “Come on, Jimmy. We have to go save her.”
“No, we don’t. She didn’t come.” He shrugged Kim off, dropped into a wicker chair, and covered his face with his hands.
“What happened?” She found another chair and sat across from him. “It wasn’t the watch, was it? She wanted that watch. And there’s nothing scary about a watch.”
Kneading the headache gaining strength behind his eyes, he replied, “No. It wasn’t the watch. She liked the watch. There was another gift I gave her. One I didn’t tell you about.”
“It wasn’t a ring, was it? Tell me, you didn’t get her a ring.” Her panic was transparent.
“No. Give me some credit. I’m not that stupid,” he snapped.
Kim studied the wooden planks underfoot. Why do I care? He hurts me without even knowing it, and it’s more my fault than his. I should get back to my gay boyfriend.
The deafening quiet between them grew as Jimmy checked his temper. “Sorry." He patted her hand and leaned back in the chair which groaned in protest under his bulk. "It’s been a rough night and you’re the only one I can talk to about it.”
Don’t get sucked in. Get up and go find Brian. “So, what happened? I’m listening,” she said, ignoring her instincts.
“This buddy of mine from college, who’s a P.I. now, found Lily’s sister for me. I gave her an envelope tonight with Dani’s address and phone number and told her I’d drive up to Chicago with her so she could see her.”
“Holy shit,” Kim gasped.
Her response verified for a second time that night that he should have consulted her first. But he'd wanted to play the hero---and failed. He dried sweaty palms on his jeans. “When the timing of it worked out that I'd received the information right before Christmas, it seemed perfect. I figured findin' Lily’s sister and her knowin' she had family within a day’s drive would make it easier for her to come here tonight. She’s always sayin' that she’s not good with people and that she’s different from everybody else. Well, I thought this would help her not feel like an oddball. She could tell anyone who asked that she has a sister who lives in Chicago.”
“So how did she respond?”
“How do you think?” Jimmy countered.
“She froze up and hid in her room.”
“Bingo. I was left standing at her bedroom door beggin' her to talk to me. After about twenty minutes, I gave up and told her I was comin' here and that I would call her tonight when I got home.” Pulling at his hair in frustration, he grumbled, “I feel like I should apologize, but I’m not sure what I’m apologizin' for. I really thought she’d be thrilled. I thought findin' her sister would fix everything, but I don’t understand what went wrong and she’s not talkin’.” The voices inside the house grew closer. Jimmy stood to guard the door hoping to gain another minute alone with Kim and ask one more favor. “I think if Lily saw her sister it would make things better. Kim, will you help me?”
“No.”
Jimmy swung around to face her. “What?”
She marched over to him, craned her neck back to meet his puzzled gaze, and with hands on her hips barked, “You heard me. No, I won’t help you. I’ll help her.” She shoved him out of the way and grabbing the door, called over her shoulder, “Did you find Dani for you or for Lily? I know the answer. And I'd bet Lily does, too.”
It was day two of unanswered phone calls and the machine was full of Jimmy’s pleas for somebody to pick up. Other than to use the bathroom and retrieve food, Lily remained in hiding behind her bedroom door. The drama of Christmas and its aftermath was causing Kim to come unglued. Usually she welcomed an opportunity to play counselor, but in this particular situation, she was painfully aware that no one was operating from a healthy place. Lily was in avoidance mode. Jimmy was in fix-it mode. And Kim was in resentful mode, wishing herself lucky enough to have her roommate’s problems. She craved the possibility of a family connection even if it included the potential for heartache and a meddling boyfriend.
She figured she’d provided Lily all the necessary time for sulking or more accurately, all the time Kim could stand to have her sulk. She sat herself outside her roommate’s door with her legs across the threshold and back resting against the adjacent wall. Time to get this over with. “Lily, I know about the letter, ” she began, talking through the door. "Jimmy told me all about it Christmas night at his parents’ house. Apparently, Brian and Jimmy are cousins. And it's true... Jimmy is related to everyone in town."
No reply. Not that she expected one.
“I think Jimmy meant well, but we can’t forget that he’s a guy. And guys are prone to doing dumb guy stuff.”
Nothing.
“Lily, he shouldn’t have sprung that on you the way he did especially right before meeting his family. He thought he was doing you a favor. He thought that finding your sister would help you feel better... more normal.”
“Normal?” The door opened and a disheveled Lily joined Kim on the floor.
“Yeah. Normal,” Kim answered, ignoring her roommate’s sudden appearance. “He seems to think that finding Dani will help you feel more comfortable around his family and probably around him, too.”
“But that’s not it at all.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” Lily asked, looking hard at her roommate. “I don’t think finding Dani and solving the mystery of what happened to her will make me normal. And if I agree to go see her, I don’t imagine some fantastic reunion will take place where we live happily ever after, either. If Dani wanted to find me, she’s had thirteen years to do it and eight of those I was in the last place she left me. You two assume you know what’s best for me, but neither of you ever asks me what I want.”
“Okay. I'm asking.”
Lily lifted her chin and rested her head against the wall. "I want," she uttered, her voice low, “I want to know why she left. I want to know why she broke her promise." She hesitated and swallowed. "I want to know if it's my fault."
Kim was impressed with how quickly her roommate rebounded after their talk. Although Lily’s instinct was to avoid drama, she was decisive once she chose to take action. First, she wrote a letter to Dani asking to meet with her in Chicago. Next, Lily invited Jimmy over to have it out. He apologized again and again, covering every possible insult or injury he’d imagined his actions inflicted over the three days since the incident. His pathetic lamenting,
in contrast to his usual masculine swagger, was hard to stomach and Lily promptly forgave him, more to make him stop than because she thought he understood his transgression. A few weeks later, Lily received a reply from her sister which was as short and to the point as the one she’d sent, inviting her up at the end of January for a “quick visit.”
The weeks between the holiday break and the planned trip to Chicago sped along. The distraction of work and Simon’s pending Valentine’s Day wedding helped Lily evade her growing anxiety concerning the questions she wanted to ask and answers she hoped to find. When her thoughts became overwhelming, she calmed herself with the fact that nothing she learned could change the safe life she’d secured for herself, by herself. Meeting with Dani would help close some gaps in her past, nothing more.
Jimmy borrowed a generator from a friend and was now able to work in the evenings again with enough heat and light inside the house to make his time worthwhile. With the plumbing, electricity, and duct work progressing, he was determined to close the walls up by March. He was also grateful for the distraction of work. Playing the role of super-fun boyfriend was wearing him out. He’d found himself trying even harder than usual since the gift fiasco, and although his strong feelings hadn’t wavered any toward Lily, he cherished his down time more and more. Sometimes while he worked in the evenings his mind would wander to fitting the pieces of Lily’s puzzle together and then inevitably he’d fall in bed exhausted and defeated. He couldn't figure her out. How could he bridge the distance between them? He hoped Dani had the answers.
The scheduled eight hour drive to Chicago swelled to ten hours with multiple convenience stops and traffic delays. Lily was way too tense to talk and Jimmy was way too tense to stop talking. She didn’t mind his chatter. The low tenor of his voice was a comforting soundtrack to the panic of her thoughts.
The Blueprint Page 14