Amanda was at a loss. She looked to Jessie, but she merely shrugged.
“I wanted us to be a family again,” she said at last.
Her father regarded her with the sort of disdain he’d expressed years ago when he’d banished her from his life. Amanda felt every humiliating exchange they’d ever had wash over her.
“You know, don’t you?” he demanded.
Amanda regarded him blankly. “Know what?”
“You know I’m sick,” he accused.
Amanda nodded.
“How long?”
She remained silent, befuddled by his confusion and his anger. She knew she had to find some way to accept it and not overreact, but she wasn’t there yet.
“Dammit, I asked how long you’ve known? Is that what brought you running back here?” he demanded, his accusing gaze shifting to Jessie. “I suppose you told her.”
“Jessie didn’t tell me anything,” Amanda said. She seized on the one thing that might calm him. “I want you to spend more time with your grandchildren. Susie’s very anxious to come back. She’s hoping you’ll tuck some candies in your pocket just for her. How about Sunday? Would that be a good time to bring them back?”
Max clearly wasn’t appeased. “What am I? Some sort of damned sideshow for you all?”
“Max!” Jessie protested.
“Well, that’s it, isn’t it? The old man’s losing it, so let’s hang around and maybe he’ll forget there was a reason he cut us out of the will. Maybe he’ll put us back in again.” He glared at her. “That would fix things for you, wouldn’t it? Getting all my money?”
Amanda’s gut twisted at the vicious words. “Is that what you think? That I came back for your money?” she snapped before she could stop herself.
“It’s a lot of money,” her father said defensively, though there was the faintest hint of regret in his eyes.
Amanda stood in front of him, shaking, but her spine was straight and her shoulders were squared. “Don’t you dare accuse me of coming here for money! I don’t want your stupid money. I might be poor, but I never lost my dignity and self-respect, two things you taught me. Those are more important than whatever you’ve got stashed away in the bank.”
Max’s expression instantly changed. As quickly as the blink of an eye, the anger was gone, replaced by uncertainty. “I’m sorry.”
“You ought to be,” she said, not quite ready to forgive the outburst or the unwarranted accusation. “I think I’ll go now before either of us says something more we’ll regret.”
She was halfway to the car when he called out to her. “You coming back tomorrow?”
She bit back a sigh and the urge to tell him no just for spite. He deserved to pay for thinking the worst of her, and for so much more, she thought angrily.
But the truth was, she couldn’t seem to sustain her anger anymore, not seeing him slip slowly away day after day. Today had slammed her headfirst into reality. There were going to be more moments like this, more unpredictable outbursts. She had to find some way to handle them. And she wanted her children to spend time with him before the outbursts became so frequent they were frightened of him.
“I’ll be back,” she said eventually.
“Bring the kids, then. I’ll have Jessie bake cookies,” he promised, oblivious to the plateful of just-baked cookies right beside him. “Chocolate chip still your favorite?”
“Of course,” she said, fighting to choke back an unexpected sob. Oatmeal and raisin. That had been her favorite. It was a silly mistake, hardly a cause for tears, but once she’d reached the end of the driveway, she put the car in neutral and sat there, letting the tears flow freely.
20
Caleb couldn’t seem to get a lick of work done. He’d gone for a walk to try to clear his head. He’d piled up the most mundane paperwork on his desk, figuring that would be the easiest to cope with in his distracted state, but it was still all right there, untouched. He was worried sick about Amanda, but it was plain she wanted to handle whatever problem she was facing on her own.
That hurt. He’d hoped by now that she trusted him enough to know she could count on him. He’d hoped she respected him enough to seek out his advice. But in nearly a month she hadn’t come to him for help. He’d caught only glimpses of her when he’d dropped by to spend time with the children. He was still in the dark about what had sent her into this dark place.
“Somebody steal your favorite prayer book, son?” Max inquired from the doorway to Caleb’s office.
Caleb blinked and stared at the older man in confusion. “What?”
“You’re scowling, so I figured somebody had messed with the nice, tidy order of your life,” Max explained, walking in without waiting for an invitation.
“Your daughter, if you must know,” Caleb admitted.
Amusement flared in Max’s eyes. “Then we can commiserate. Amanda’s been on my mind for a while now, too.”
Caleb thought he heard a note of uncertainty in Max’s voice. “Oh? What happened? Did you two have another disagreement?”
“You want the whole ugly story or the condensed version?” Max asked.
“I think the highlights will do,” Caleb said. He suspected the longer version could take quite a while. “Though I’m surprised you want to tell me any of it. You refused on Sunday. And the three weeks before that, too.”
“Things change,” Max said with a shrug.
“Meaning you’re scared you’ve really blown it,” Caleb concluded.
Max nodded.
“Then talk to me, Max. I’ll do what I can to help.”
He listened as Max told him about Amanda’s mother being alive, then about the fight that had sent Amanda fleeing from Willow Bend.
“I’ll be surprised if the girl ever sets foot on my property again. Can’t say I’d blame her. I should never have kept a secret like that all these years,” Max said, unable to disguise the real worry in his eyes. “In my own defense, I meant to tell her when she was older and able to handle it.” He shrugged. “But you know what happened. I couldn’t tell her much of anything when the two of us weren’t even speaking.”
Caleb nodded. “It is something she had a right to know.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” Max snapped. “But I should never have blurted it out the way I did. I should have prepared her, put a better spin on it.”
Caleb regarded him incredulously. “Do you honestly think there’s any spin that would have made it okay?”
Max sighed. “No, I suppose not.”
Caleb sensed that he still didn’t have the whole story. “There’s more, isn’t there? What else did the two of you argue about?”
Max flushed. “It was a week or so ago when she came back looking for more answers. Apparently I accused her of being after my money.”
“Are you crazy?” Caleb said before he could stop himself. “Max, surely you know better than that.”
“Well, of course I do. Believe me, Jessie tore a strip out of my hide over that one, too.” His expression turned sad. “Truth is, I didn’t even remember doing it.”
At the reminder of how fragile Max’s memory was these days, Caleb’s attitude toward him softened. He suspected Amanda’s would, as well, once she’d had time to think things through. “Amanda won’t hold it against you,” Caleb assured him.
“She probably should. I don’t seem to be able to control what comes out of my mouth these days.”
“She said she’d come back, didn’t she?”
“Yes, but what if she thinks it over and changes her mind? It’s been more than a week now, and I haven’t seen hide nor hair of her.”
“Then you’ll go to see her,” Caleb said simply, though even he knew there was nothing simple about it when it came to these two and their stubborn pride.
“Do you think that God of yours will forgive me for all the pain I’ve caused that girl?” Max asked.
Caleb smiled. “He’s in the forgiveness business,” he told Max. “We’re
the ones who seem to struggle with forgiving ourselves.” He gave Max a sly look, deciding to take advantage of his troubled mood. “Maybe you should think about getting in touch with Amanda’s mother for her. If you could bring about a reunion, it would go a long way toward fixing things.”
Max shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. Springing this on Margaret might be the worst thing for both of them.”
“You know if you don’t make it happen, Amanda will,” Caleb warned him. “She’s as stubborn and determined as you are, Max. She won’t let it drop. She’ll find her mother on her own.”
“I suppose you’re right. She said as much herself.” Max still didn’t look entirely convinced.
Caleb studied him closely. “What are you really worried about, Max? That Margaret won’t come to see her daughter?”
Max shook his head and suddenly the truth hit Caleb right between the eyes. “It’s not about Amanda at all, is it? You’re afraid if Margaret finds out about your health, she’ll pity you, and you don’t want to see that look in her eyes. After all these years, you still love her.”
Max shrugged, not admitting it, but not denying it, either.
“Well, you don’t have the right to worry about that,” Caleb said heatedly. “For once, it’s not all about you, Max. It’s about doing what’s right for your daughter. You owe this to Amanda. Now, will you do it or not?”
Max seemed startled by his vehemence. It was the most blatant clash of wills between them yet. For a moment, it looked as if Max was going to refuse, but then his shoulders sagged. “I’ll call her,” he said.
“Now,” Caleb said, shoving his phone in Max’s direction. “And don’t even try to pretend you don’t know how to reach her.”
“You know I have problems with my memory,” Max said.
Caleb merely stared him down. Eventually Max took out his wallet and retrieved a dog-eared slip of paper. He scowled at Caleb, but then picked up the phone and dialed.
When someone eventually answered, Max paled a bit, but his voice shook only a little when he announced, “Margaret, this is Max. I need to ask a favor of you.”
A rueful smile touched his lips. “Yes, I know I have a lot of nerve turning up after more than thirty years and asking for a favor, but it’s about Amanda. I figure you owe her one, even if you don’t owe me anything.”
Satisfied, Caleb stood and left the room. Max needed privacy for this conversation. And Caleb needed time to absorb all the implications of Max’s lies and what they must have done to shake Amanda’s world yet again.
Mary Louise was taking a break at the Stop and Shop when Danny suddenly appeared. She knew he’d been coming back to Charleston more frequently lately because of the work Cord was training him to do full-time this summer, but she hadn’t seen all that much of him. He looked different, stronger and more confident, maybe. Her stupid heart did a little dance at the sight of him.
“Mind if I join you?” he asked, regarding her with uncertainty.
“Have a seat,” she said, and scooted over on the bench. “You working for Cord this weekend?”
He nodded, then studied her worriedly. “I didn’t think I’d find you here.”
“How come? It’s where I work.”
“Cord said something about you going to work at that gallery in town. Images or something.”
“Next week,” Mary Louise said, excitement creeping into her voice. Every time she thought about it, she could hardly believe her luck. “Maggie says she’ll teach me how to run a business, and then, after the baby comes in a couple of months, if I’m any good at it, she and Dinah Beaufort are going to help me open my own shop.”
Danny regarded her with surprise. “You’re kidding! I never knew you wanted to own your own shop. What kind?”
“A knitting shop. I’ll sell yarns and teach classes and stuff.” She was about to launch into the whole business plan she’d been drawing up whenever she had time, but she figured Danny wouldn’t want to hear it.
“You really think you can do this?” he asked.
She frowned at his skepticism. “I can do anything I set my mind to,” she said irritably. “Same as you.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said hurriedly. “I know you’re smart. It just costs a lot to start a business.”
“Which is why I’ll have investors,” Mary Louise said. “And I got a book from the library that shows how to create a business plan. I’ve been working on mine so they’ll take me seriously and not worry that I’ll be squandering their money.” She regarded him with disappointment. “I thought you’d be happy for me.”
“I am,” he insisted, but he didn’t look happy.
“Danny, is there some reason you came by here today?”
“It’s only a couple more months till the baby’s due,” he said.
She bit back a smile. “I know.”
“Well, I was hoping we could talk about getting married,” he admitted, knocking the breath right out of her. Then he added, “But with all these big plans of yours, it sort of sounds like you don’t need me anymore.”
Mary Louise looked at him as if he’d gone nuts. “I never needed you to give me money, Danny. I’m a hard worker and I’m not proud. I’ll always be able to provide for the baby and me.”
“Then you really don’t care about getting married?” he asked incredulously.
Sometimes men were so damn dense, she thought. “I care about marrying you because I love you, you idiot. And that’s the same reason I let you go. Money and child support never entered into it.”
He seemed to mull that over. “I’ve really made a mess of things, haven’t I?”
She regarded him blankly. “How? By getting me pregnant? I was there, too, so you don’t need to shoulder all the blame for that. For not wanting to get married right now? I agreed with you. The timing’s all messed up. It still is, so let yourself off the hook.”
He scowled at her. “Maybe I don’t want to be off the hook, after all. Maybe I don’t want to lose you. Maybe I want to be a full-time father to our baby.”
She heard something unfamiliar in his voice. He sounded sad and hurt. And scared. He was still scared. “Maybe?” she repeated, picking on the word he’d used in every sentence. Because she didn’t want to sound mean, she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Funny, she didn’t love him one bit less, but she felt older and wiser than Danny at this moment. “Come see me when there’s not a doubt in your mind, Danny. Until then, let’s just leave things the way they are.”
He looked at her with dismay, then sighed. “You’re probably right.”
She grinned then. “I know I’m right. That’s the difference between us, Danny. You may be a big college guy with everything in the world going for you and all sorts of knowledge getting crammed into your head, but I’m the one who knows my own mind. I think I’m the one who’s way ahead here.”
“I do know I love you,” he said with more certainty. “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss you, miss talking things over with you.”
She hugged him then, because she couldn’t resist. “If you ask me, that’s a pretty good start. I imagine everything else will come in time.”
He regarded her curiously. “You really mean that, don’t you? You’re not in any hurry to get married anymore?”
“Nope,” she said confidently. “Because when we finally do get married, I know it’s going to last.”
“And if it never happens?”
Her heart thumped unsteadily at the thought, but she looked him in the eye and said bravely, “Then it wasn’t meant to be.”
But it was meant to be, she thought staunchly. She just needed to sit tight and wait till Danny saw it, too. One of these days he’d have—what did they call it in her English class?—an epiphany. If those unexpected awakenings happened to some of literature’s greatest characters, some of whom were dumber than dirt, in her opinion, then surely one could happen right here in Charleston to a guy as sma
rt as Danny!
Amanda had been making stupid mistakes all day long. Fortunately she’d caught most of them before the customers at the boutique had noticed, but not before her boss had observed a few of them. Finally during a lull after lunch, Joanna pulled her aside.
“Is something going on with you? You seem distracted today.” Her voice was filled with concern, not anger.
“I’m sorry,” Amanda apologized. “It’s been an upsetting few weeks, but I really don’t want to get into it.”
“Maybe you should, if not with me, then with someone. Why don’t you call Caleb and go meet him for coffee or something?”
“I can’t call Caleb every single time I’m upset about something,” Amanda protested.
Joanna grinned. “He doesn’t seem to mind.”
“But that’s the point, isn’t it?” Amanda replied. “I’m taking advantage of his good nature.”
“No, you’re counting on a friend to be there for you,” Joanna corrected. “And Caleb’s more than a friend, isn’t he? I’ve seen the way you two look at each other.”
Amanda held up her hands. “Not talking about this,” she said, embarrassed.
Joanna looked beyond her and her eyes suddenly lit up. “Well, speak of the devil,” she said, then chuckled. “Whoops! Bad choice of words.”
Amanda turned and saw Caleb, then frowned at her boss. “Did you call him?”
“I most certainly did not,” Joanna said. “His appearance here, while not entirely unexpected, is pure coincidence.”
Amanda wasn’t sure she believed that, but a part of her was very grateful he’d turned up, no matter what had brought him by. Then she took a good look at his somber expression and had second thoughts.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing at all,” he said at once. “But we need to get out of here, if Joanna doesn’t mind.”
“Go,” Joanna said, snatching Amanda’s purse. “Her mind’s not here, anyway.”
“Oh?” Caleb said.
Amanda frowned. “Never mind, but I’ll ask again. What’s wrong? Are the kids okay?”
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