She wondered if he’d ever realized the mistakes he was making, first with her mother and then with her. Perhaps if he’d been a different kind of man, her mother would have stayed. Perhaps if Amanda had been permitted smaller mistakes, she wouldn’t have seized on Bobby with such fervor. Not that Bobby was a mistake, except in her father’s eyes, she thought staunchly.
“Have you been in Savannah all this time?” Amanda asked her.
“No. When I left, I knew I had to go far away, or it would be too easy to go back again the minute I got scared or the relationship I was in burned itself out. I’m not sure how your father would have explained it, but I knew he’d take me back despite whatever humiliation my departure caused him. I couldn’t do that to him, so I traveled for many years. I lived in London for a time, and in Paris. I spent several years in New York and eventually two years in Atlanta. That’s when I realized how much I missed the South. Going back to Charleston was out of the question, so I came here.”
She gave Amanda a weary smile. “It was a risk and I knew it. If anyone from Charleston had come here and recognized me, it would have been the end of the charade. I think after all that time maybe a part of me wanted to be exposed. It would have allowed me to come back to Charleston at last. I would have been disgraced, of course, but I think I could have lived with that if it hadn’t meant hurting your father again. I’d put him through enough.”
“Very noble,” Amanda said sarcastically. “Of course, you gave no consideration to what any of these choices might do to me.”
“You’re wrong,” her mother said. “Max was the better parent to raise you. I recognized that. Even if he hadn’t insisted on it, I would have left you in his care. You needed a stability that I wasn’t capable of giving you back then.”
“And later?”
Her mother’s eyes filled with tears. “Later, it was too late. There was no turning back. I knew your father wouldn’t permit me to be anywhere near you. That was our agreement and I knew he’d never change it. I’m sure you’ve seen his stubbornness and pride firsthand.”
“You could have fought him,” Amanda said. “Wasn’t I worth fighting for?”
Her mother’s smile turned sad. “You were worth everything. That’s why you deserved the life only he could give you.”
“Why didn’t you just divorce him? Why this huge charade about dying? How much freedom could you ever have, really, as long as you were tied to him?”
“I suppose a part of me didn’t want to cut the tie. Maybe I saw it as a safety net, that if everything fell apart, I could go back. Perhaps if I’d met someone else, someone to take seriously, I would have pursued a divorce on some island, but there was never a need for that. It wasn’t about men, Amanda, though I’m sure that’s what your father thought since I left with someone. It was about finding me, figuring out what I was capable of, learning to stand on my own two feet.”
“With his money to back you,” Amanda said with scorn.
“At first, yes,” Margaret admitted. “But I found my own way in time. I’ve worked, had a few accomplishments of my own. I’ll tell you about them sometime, when you’re ready.”
The offer hung in the air as the doorbell rang, startling them both. Her mother looked as if she wanted to ignore it, but she rose and went to answer. When she returned, Caleb was with her.
“Would you like me to leave and come back later?” he asked, his gaze on Amanda.
She shook her head. As brief as the visit had been, she wasn’t sure she could bear another minute of it. “No, I’m ready to go.”
Her mother nodded, her expression resigned. “Will you come again?”
“I’m not sure,” Amanda said. “I am glad you’re alive, but I don’t know yet if I’m ready to have you be a part of my life.”
“I know I’ll need to earn that right,” her mother said.
“Will you bother trying?” Amanda asked, aware that her mother had never acknowledged any desire to fight for a relationship in the past.
“Of course I’ll try. I want to get to know the woman you’ve become, but it will have to be here,” she said. “My coming to Charleston is not an option, for all those reasons I was giving you when Reverend Webb returned.”
Amanda studied her intently. “Do you know Daddy’s sick?”
Immediate alarm flared in her mother’s eyes. Amanda thought it was genuine.
“Sick? What’s wrong with him? Max was always one of the strongest men I knew. And he sounded fine when we spoke on the phone the other day.”
“He has Alzheimer’s,” Amanda told her. “I’m not sure if he’d want you to know that, but I think you should.”
Her mother gave her an odd look. “Why?”
“So you can decide how important it is to you to have his forgiveness before it’s too late,” she told her quietly. She turned to Caleb. “I’m ready. Shall we go?”
She was silent on the ride to their hotel, and Caleb, bless him, didn’t pester her with a lot of questions. When he showed her to her room, she lifted her gaze to his.
“Don’t leave,” she said quietly. “Please, Caleb.”
He searched her face. “Amanda, you’re hurt and vulnerable. I don’t want to take advantage of that.”
“I may be vulnerable, but I know my own mind. I need you, Caleb. I won’t regret this. Not ever.” She studied him. “Will you?”
“Never. I could never regret loving you.”
“Then stay.”
She wasn’t sure he would until he stepped across the threshold and closed the door behind him. Then he opened his arms and Amanda stepped into his embrace.
Caleb awoke filled with contradictory emotions. Holding Amanda, loving her, had been everything he’d spent months imagining and more. He wanted a future with her more than ever, but one thing hadn’t changed. He couldn’t give her the children he knew she wanted, and until she knew that—and if God was generous, accepted it—they had no future.
At the same time, he felt a deep awareness that what they had done in this bed had been a kind of commitment. Amanda was bound to have certain expectations, whether she voiced them or not. And a man in his position understood all too well the ramifications of any involvement that wasn’t leading to marriage. He would be condemned for it, not just by Max, but by his entire congregation, who expected him to set a good example.
Even as he cursed himself for the weakness that had allowed his yearning for Amanda to overrule his head, she awoke and curved her body into his. Just like that, with the barest brush of her skin against his, he wanted her again.
Because he wanted her so badly, he pulled away and sat on the side of the bed, all too aware of her puzzlement.
“We need to talk,” he told her, forcing himself to meet her gaze.
“Not about last night,” she said firmly, her own gaze unflinching. “We agreed, Caleb.”
“I know, but—”
“No buts,” she said. “Last night was amazing. Being with you was exactly the way I imagined it would be. You’re a passionate, generous lover, Caleb. You made me feel things I’d never expected to feel again. I’m glad we made love and I won’t apologize for it.” Her expression challenged him. “Are you the one with regrets?”
“Not regrets,” he said, brushing a stray curl from her cheek. “But you have to see that this complicates things.”
“What things?” Unexpected amusement danced in her eyes. “Do you think folks back in Charleston are going to take one look at us and know what went on in this room last night?”
“I can think of one person who might,” he said gloomily.
“Who?” Then her grin spread, as understanding dawned. “You’re scared of my father finding out, aren’t you?”
“I’m not scared of your father,” he said defensively. “But I do respect him and I know he expected me to look out for you, not seduce you the first chance I got.”
“Then we’ll just tell him I seduced you,” Amanda said lightly. “He’ll probably be re
lieved to know my taste in men has improved, at least by his standards.”
Caleb frowned. “That’s not even remotely funny, Amanda.”
“It is, if you stop and think about it. We’re both in our thirties, Caleb. We’re not young, impressionable kids. We both knew what we were doing.”
“I’m not sure you did,” he said.
Heat darkened her eyes. “Are you suggesting I didn’t know my own mind?”
“It had been a stressful day.”
“No question about that,” she agreed. “But you gave me about a hundred chances to change my mind, Caleb. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I’m exactly where I want to be this morning, though you’re beginning to annoy me.”
“I’m just trying to be sensible,” he muttered defensively.
“Well, stop it and come back to bed,” she said. “Or I’ll think I did something wrong last night.”
“Wrong?” he repeated, perplexed.
“Missed an erogenous zone or something,” she said, suddenly grinning.
Caleb shook his head. “You didn’t miss anything,” he assured her.
“I’m not convinced,” she said, her expression enticing. “Show me.”
Caleb warred with himself for two whole minutes while Amanda lay sprawled provocatively beside him. Maybe she had been a little lost and vulnerable last night, but this was a whole new side of her, one he’d never seen before. She was confident and absolutely certain of what she wanted. It seemed to be him. Only a saint could argue with that.
“When we get back to Charleston, we are going to have to sit down and have a serious conversation about where we’re headed,” Caleb said in one last attempt at rational thought.
“Of course we will.” Amanda ran her hand along his thigh.
“I’m serious,” he insisted.
She laughed. “I’m sure you are, but so am I.”
“Oh, really?” he said skeptically as her touch became even more inventive and daring.
“Just not about conversation,” she said, reaching up to pull him down until his lips met hers. “Shut up, Caleb.”
As their mouths merged, he realized that silence was right up there at the top of the list of virtues. Under certain circumstances, there were much better forms of communication.
22
Max took one look at Amanda’s face and knew that things had changed between her and Caleb. He sent a scowl in the minister’s direction. “You and I need to have a talk,” he said meaningfully.
To his credit, Caleb didn’t look away. He merely nodded. Max approved of the way this young man never ducked a conversation that might prove difficult. Amanda could do worse. In fact, in Max’s opinion, she had, but to this day she didn’t see it. He had a grudging admiration for that kind of loyalty. He only wished Bobby O’Leary had been deserving of it. Of course, if they knew the truth, some might say the same about his unwavering love for Margaret.
Eventually Max turned his attention back to his daughter. “How did things go with your mother?”
“We made a start,” Amanda said.
A million and one questions came to mind, but Max couldn’t seem to find the words to form any of them. An image of Margaret as she’d been on their wedding day settled into his mind and he focused on that, drifting into the past, which these days was sometimes clearer to him than the present. It was a comfort to spend time in a world he still recognized.
“Daddy?” Amanda asked, her voice filled with alarm.
Max blinked, groped his way back to the present, and stared at her. “What?”
“You looked as if you were a million miles away all of a sudden,” she told him.
“Sorry. My mind wanders a lot these days,” he told her. “Funny how I can remember your mother’s wedding dress clear as a bell, but I can’t recall what I had for breakfast this morning.”
Amanda’s smile seemed forced. “Knowing Jessie, it was probably bran flakes and a banana,” she said lightly. “She’s still fighting the cholesterol battle for you.”
“Seems like a waste to me,” he said, then looked at Caleb, trying to recall what it was he’d been wanting to talk to him about. He knew it had seemed urgent only moments ago.
“You seem tired this morning,” Caleb said. “Maybe Amanda and I should let you get some rest.”
“There’ll be time enough for resting when I’m in the ground,” Max said heatedly. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“It can wait for another time, Max,” Caleb said, that damnable pitying note back in his voice.
“No, it can’t wait!” Max thundered, pounding the arm of his chair. “I know it’s important.”
Amanda laid her hand over his. “Then it will come back to you,” she said. “Don’t try to force it, Daddy. It only upsets you.”
“Well, of course I’m upset. You try spending your day searching for things around the house or searching for words and ideas that were plain as day just an hour ago.”
Caleb regarded him with sympathy. “You always feel better after you’ve had some sleep. Take a nap and I’ll come back this afternoon. We’ll talk then.”
Max looked at Amanda. “You, too?”
“Not this afternoon, Daddy. Since I was gone yesterday, I need to spend some time with the kids when they get home from school.”
Max struggled to remember where she’d gone. He knew it was important, but the memory was just out of reach. Filled with frustration, he merely nodded. Maybe it was best if they left. He didn’t want either of them to see what a struggle every day was becoming.
“Go,” he said impatiently. “Just go on and get out.”
He was aware of the quick flash of hurt in Amanda’s eyes, but still she leaned down and kissed him.
“I love you, Daddy. Don’t forget that.”
Max clung to the words tenaciously after she’d gone. Even after all he’d done, his daughter still loved him. If he remembered nothing else, he couldn’t forget that. Surely, he would never forget that.
Mary Louise had been accumulating yarn catalogs for weeks now, ever since Maggie and Dinah had told her they’d help her start her own business. There were more colors and types of yarn than she’d ever imagined. A part of her was overwhelmed by the magnitude of the decisions she would have to make to choose what would sell and what wouldn’t. Another part of her could barely contain her excitement. She wanted to run these colorful strands through her fingers, work them into glorious sweaters and jackets that people would clamor to have; knit soft-as-a-cloud blankets for babies. She could visualize the displays already, each one tempting and inviting the stroke of a finger or a quick gasp of delight.
She’d dragged the entire collection with her to show Willie Ron when she stopped by to visit him at the end of her first month working for Maggie. She knew he probably didn’t give two hoots about yarn, but he shared her enthusiasm for this chance that would change her life.
“I sure do miss seein’ your beautiful face round here,” he told her as they sat outside the Stop and Shop an hour before his shift was scheduled to begin. “But this is the right thing for you to do. I can tell you’re already learning a lot just from being around Miz Parker and Miz Beaufort.”
She studied his sad expression. “You sound like we’re never gonna see each other again,” she said.
“It’s different now,” he told her.
“Different how? I may not be here, but I’m still counting on you to be around to change diapers for me from time to time.”
He shook his head. “You know that’s not going to happen, Mary Louise. You and me don’t travel in the same circles.”
“But you’re my friend, Willie Ron,” she protested.
“I’m your work friend,” he corrected.
His insistence that there was some sort of social distinction between them was crazy. It was an idea Parnell had probably put in his head.
“No, Willie Ron,” she said fiercely. “You’re my best friend. I don’t want to hear you say
otherwise.”
Suddenly car lights flashed in their eyes as Parnell and his buddies turned into the parking lot. Of all the times for that piece of no-account trash to show his face, she thought bitterly.
“Well, well, well, if that ain’t a picture, the two of you sitting there all cozy like,” Parnell said as he slid out from behind the wheel and sauntered in their direction.
Beside her, Willie Ron stiffened. When Mary Louise rested her hand on his forearm, he jerked away.
“Isn’t that something?” Parnell gloated. “Even a man like Willie Ron don’t want a little slut like you touching him.”
Willie Ron was on his feet in a heartbeat. “Don’t be saying things like that about her,” he commanded, a quiet dignity to his voice that Mary Louise had never heard before. “Mary Louise, go inside.”
Terrified that things would escalate if she left him with Parnell and his cowardly thugs, she shook her head. “I’m staying right here.”
Willie Ron cast a pointed look at her swollen belly and repeated, “Go inside.”
Knowing he wanted her and the baby safe, she backed reluctantly toward the door of the convenience store. Inside she could call for help. She could call the police and Cord, and they would put an end to this before anything bad happened.
She got the door open an instant before Parnell threw the first punch. It split Willie Ron’s lip and blood spurted everywhere.
“No!” she screamed. “Leave him alone, Parnell! You just leave him alone.”
When Parnell whirled in her direction, she caught the first glimpse of the gun in his hand. “Oh, God,” she whispered, terror-stricken by the sight. She crossed her arms protectively over her baby, torn between helping her friend and saving herself and her child.
“Man has to be able to defend himself, now, doesn’t he?” Parnell asked when he recognized her fear. “It’s our right under the Constitution of the United States of America.”
“I doubt you’ve ever even read the Constitution,” Mary Louise snapped back before she could stop herself.
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