Now there really was no more to say. Everyone stood silently while Stocker helped Ethel into the buggy, turned it around, and started home.
“Well,” said Tanzy, breaking the silence, “I have to get supper started.”
“I have to teach Tardy how to take care of his horse,” Russ said.
“I was right about you,” Welt said after Russ and Tardy took their horses and headed to the corral.
“Russ was right about you, too.”
“I never knew being a cowhand was such hard work,” Tardy said. “I can’t walk straight.”
“You did very well for your first day,” Russ said.
They had finished unsaddling their horses and were rubbing them down before turning them into the corral.
“It’s important to take good care of your horse and equipment,” Russ said. “Equipment in good condition will keep you from getting hurt. Sooner or later your horse will be the difference between surviving and ending up dinner for some wild animal.”
“You got animals out here that’ll eat people?” Tardy clearly didn’t like hearing that.
“Wolves, cougars, and some bears.”
“Is that why you keep the horses in a corral?”
“I keep them here because they’re easier to catch. They don’t like being ridden. They’d be halfway down the valley before dark if I’d let them.”
They finished with the horses and started cleaning their equipment, Tardy chattering away like a magpie. Russ couldn’t get over how open, trusting, and impressionable the boy was. He took everything Russ said as gospel and looked at him with undisguised admiration. Russ hadn’t been that trusting and open as a kid, but he wished he had been. People might think Tardy was useless, but they also thought he was harmless. He was free to go where he wanted, do what he wanted, with the goodwill of all.
Russ envied him that.
“I hope Tanzy is cooking something good,” Tardy said as they walked toward the cabin. “I could eat a cow.”
“If you’re going to start eating my cows, you’ll have to leave,” Russ said.
Tardy laughed. “I didn’t know you were such a kidder. You haven’t missed a chance to nail my hide all day.”
“I figured if your skinny hide wasn’t nailed on tight, you might lose it.”
“You wait until I build my muscles,” Tardy said, flexing his biceps. “Then we’ll see who’s skinny.”
“You can flex your muscles on that saddle soap later. Soft, flexible leather is less likely to burn your hands or chafe your bottom and inner thighs.”
“We should have worked on the saddles first thing,” Tardy said. “Then I wouldn’t be walking like the saddle is still between my legs.”
Much to his surprise, Russ liked being around Tardy. He hoped he wasn’t trying to relive his own youth through Tardy, but there had to be some reason why he was so drawn to the boy. Maybe it was the undisguised pleasure in Tardy’s eyes every time he managed to do something right. Maybe it was the fact that Tardy was probably the only person in Boulder Gap besides Betty to show openly his liking for Russ. He could tell himself he didn’t care what people thought of him, but Tardy’s naked admiration had shown him otherwise.
He could understand and be sympathetic with Tardy’s rebellion against his aunt’s opinion of him, but being a cowhand was a dead-end job. The boy had ability. He just needed confidence in himself. Maybe being here for a while was the best thing for Tardy, but at some point Russ had to convince him to go home. He didn’t want the boy to become an outcast, too.
“Stay out of the kitchen,” Welt said when Russ and Tardy entered the cabin. “The cook says she’ll clobber the first man who gets in her way.”
“Supper will be ready in ten minutes,” Tanzy said. “I hope everybody’s hungry.”
The sound of a cheerful female voice welcoming him home had an unexpected effect on Russ. An alien feeling of warmth began to spiral through him; tension began to ease. He actually felt like he’d come home. Even the air, laden with the odors of cooking, smelled fresh with a feeling of the outdoors.
Flowers. Tanzy had gathered some wildflowers and put them in a jar on the table. It wasn’t something a man would do or something Russ had expected would appeal to him, but it gave the cabin a feeling of welcome that neither he nor Welt had ever been able to create. It reminded him of his own home before his mother’s vanity destroyed it. It called to mind some of the daydreams he’d had in prison when only thinking of the implausible made it possible to get through the day.
“The rest of the guys are right behind us,” Tardy said. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Tardy’s question reminded Russ that neither he nor the men were in the habit of offering to help Welt. It wouldn’t hurt if they offered to help Tanzy.
“Anything the rest of us can do?” he asked.
“Just stay out of the way,” Tanzy said, coming to the table with a bowl of steaming potatoes. “The first person who causes me to spill anything will have to eat on the porch.”
“About the only thing Aunt Ethel doesn’t complain about is me helping her put the food on the table,” Tardy said.
“Then see if you can get the gravy there without spilling it,” Tanzy said. She came in with a bowl of stewed peaches.
“This place smells delicious,” Tim said the minute he walked in.
“I vote we give Tim permanent pass duty during supper,” Buck said. “That way the rest of us will get something to eat.”
“There’s plenty for everybody,” Tanzy said, setting the sliced pork roast in the middle of the table. “There’s another pan of biscuits in the oven now.”
“I worship you,” Tim said. “Will you marry me?”
“That’s your stomach talking, not your head,” Tanzy said.
“He doesn’t have anything in his head,” Welt said.
“Nothing in my stomach, either,” Tim replied.
“Sit down before you starve. No one touches anything until somebody says the blessing.”
“We’re the ones blessed because you’re here to cook for us,” Buck said.
“No poaching,” Tim said. “I saw her first.”
“Russ saw me first,” Tanzy said as she sat down, “so no poaching, any of you.”
“You don’t want Russ,” Tim said. “He’s old and tough.”
“She won’t want you, either,” Welt said. “You’re young and stringy.”
A feeling almost akin to contentment began to spread through Russ. His crew liked and trusted each other, but the feeling of camaraderie, the jokes, the laughter, the good-natured kidding had never been this spontaneous. Even Welt managed to smile four times during the meal, usually a month’s allotment. Some of it had to do with the fact that there was a woman in the cabin. Men liked to show off when there was a woman around, especially when she was young and pretty, especially when she seemed to enjoy them as much as they enjoyed her.
But it wasn’t that simple. Tanzy wasn’t just a woman, and she was a great deal more than a good cook. She brought a storehouse of energy, a sense of fun. It was as though the axis of their lives had shifted to allow the sun to break through the clouds. He’d forgotten what it was like to laugh so hard his stomach hurt. He’d forgotten Welt used to be a cheerful man before the brooding hurt left by Adele’s betrayal. He couldn’t forget Stocker Pullet was determined to ruin his life, but right now that didn’t seem as important as it had a couple of days ago.
And ail this because of Tanzy. If it was like this for two months, he didn’t know how he would be able to stand it after she left.
“Anybody ready for pie and coffee?” Tanzy asked when the men pushed back from the table.
“I’m so full I could bust,” Buck said.
“It’s apple pie baked fresh this afternoon,” Tanzy said.
“I hope you made several,” Tim said. “I can eat a whole one myself.”
“Maybe you can, but you won’t. You’re not a pig.”
“Yes, I am,�
�� Tim said. “Just ask anybody.”
“Then it’s time you changed. I don’t allow pigs at my table.”
“It’s Russ’s table,” Tim pointed out, “and he’s been allowing me to eat at it for years.”
“Then it’s time for things to change.”
“How?” Buck asked, somewhat uneasy.
“You’ll begin by eating a slice no bigger than a quarter of a pie.”
Buck relaxed. “Hell, I thought you meant no cussing and we had to wash up and change our shirts before we came inside.”
“I didn’t, but that’s a good idea.”
“Shut up,” Tim said to Buck. “Don’t go giving her ideas.”
“It wouldn’t do any of us any harm to learn to live like humans,” Russ said.
“See what you’ve gone and done,” Tim complained to Buck. “All this talk of behaving is making me lose my appetite.”
“We’ll have to do it more often,” Russ said.
Even after Tim left to relieve Oren at the pass, the boys continued to joke with one another. Tanzy kept refilling their coffee cups and handed round sugar cookies just before bedtime. Best of all, she joined them. It wasn’t that she said or did anything Russ could point to, but the whole evening had an unreal quality to it. He didn’t want it to end, but when Tardy’s yawns got so frequent and so loud they couldn’t be ignored, it was time to bring the evening to an end. Besides, they were sitting on Tardy’s bed.
“Time to put the halfling to bed,” Welt said. “He’s so sleepy he can’t keep his eyes open.”
“That’s not true,” Tardy said without conviction.
“It’s all that fresh air,” Tanzy said.
“I bet it was all that effort it took to stay in the saddle,” Welt said.
“He did very well,” Russ said.
“Yeah,” Tardy said and yawned again.
“I ought to be going to bed, too,” Tanzy said. “I have to get up early in the morning.”
“Thanks for the wonderful supper,” Russ said.
“What are we going to do when she leaves?” Buck asked. “She’s spoiling me so bad, I’ll starve before I’ll eat Welt’s cooking again.”
Russ didn’t want to think of when she’d leave any more than Buck. He found it hard to believe he could have gotten comfortable with her being here so quickly. She’d even enabled them to make a space for Tardy, something he would never have expected. He wondered if he’d ever figure out how she did it.
“Enjoy what you’ve got while you have it,” Russ said. “You’ll be miserable if you keep thinking about what it’ll be like when she’s gone.”
He meant to say when they had to go back to eating Welt’s cooking.
“Do you suppose you could teach Welt to cook?” Buck asked.
“She can teach anybody anything,” Tardy said, with a yawn so big it couldn’t be ignored.
“Go before Tardy falls asleep where he’s sitting.” Tanzy started taking the coffee cups from their hands.
“If there’s nothing more to eat or drink, I guess I’ll go to bed,” Buck said.
“Me, too,” Welt said. “I’ve had an exhausting day watching her cook and clean.”
“Why can’t I stay tomorrow?” Buck asked Russ.
“Because I’m staying. Tardy can go with Welt.”
Tardy was too sleepy to care, but Welt didn’t look happy with the arrangement.
Welt and Buck left and Tardy settled down on the couch without taking off his clothes. Russ followed Tanzy to the kitchen. Even his inexperienced eye could see everything was cleaner, more neatly arranged. He found that comforting. Odd how things were affecting him.
“Thanks for making the men so comfortable,” Russ said.
“I grew up in a house full of men.”
“Still, it can’t have been easy.”
“I enjoyed it. My family never appreciated anything I did.”
“Maybe if you teach Welt to cook like you, they won’t desert me after you leave.”
“With all this teaching you want done, I ought to ask for double pay.”
“Then you’d be able to leave sooner.” She looked a little disconcerted by his response.
“I was just making a joke,” she said.
“Sorry. I’m not used to evenings like this.”
“Have you always been this serious?” she asked.
“No place can be entirely dull with Tim around.”
“Is he always this way?”
“No. He’s showing off for you.”
She turned away. He wondered if she was blushing, if she felt uncomfortable with compliments, if she felt uncomfortable with him.
“I just want the men to relax and be themselves.”
“They are.”
She had no idea what a difference her presence made. She brought ease and harmony rather than strain and rivalry, had enabled them to enjoy the pleasure within and concentrate less on the danger without. That was something no one had ever been able to do for him before.
“I like your men,” Tanzy said.
“They like you.”
“They’d like anybody who fed them, didn’t argue with them, and generally stayed out of their way.”
“That’s a nearly perfect description of what all men want.”
“I know. Pathetic, isn’t it? Now I have to get to bed if I’m to have breakfast ready before you ride out in the morning.”
Russ didn’t want to leave even though he could hear Tardy snoring softly on the couch, didn’t want to break the spell that had settled over the evening. Tanzy picked up the small lamp and turned toward the other end of the house.
“Will you have time to help me with my reading tomorrow?” he asked.
“Yes. Now go before the men start wondering what you’re doing here. They all know Tardy was so tired a herd of cattle could run through here and he’d never wake up.”
“They know you’re safe with me.”
He wondered if she was just a little bit disappointed she was so safe. He was beginning to feel a bit disappointed himself. He bent, kissed her lightly on the lips.
“Good night.”
He turned and left before he could see her reaction.
Chapter Eighteen
All day long Tanzy had been unable to stop thinking about what Welt had told her of Russ’s past. Everything he said, everything he did, even things he failed to do, took on a new meaning. How could Welt have thought a man so disillusioned with women would have married a stranger? Russ wasn’t rejecting Tanzy. He was rejecting all women. The two most important women in his life had brought disgrace and tragedy. With the women of Boulder Gap treating him as if he was some kind of criminal, how could he possibly want a woman in his life?
He would never get married—or, if he married just to have children, be able to have anything but the most superficial relationship with his wife—until he could believe women could be genuine, honest, trustworthy, capable of measuring up to his own high standards. More than that, he had to believe someone could love him, that he was worthy of love.
There was a great deal of love inside him. No man could feel as passionately as Russ felt about things and not be capable of great love. He also had a tremendous ability to draw men to him, to inspire loyalty. And he had great kindness. She’d never expected him to be so understanding of Tardy or to accept the challenge of turning him into a cowhand. There was simply too much that was wonderful about the man to allow him to waste himself. But she had to be very careful. It wouldn’t be easy to encourage Russ to let himself fall in love while making sure he didn’t fall in love with her.
She also had to make sure she didn’t get so soft on him that she forgot her own reasons for not marrying him. It wouldn’t be hard. He was just too good-looking, too manly to ignore. He could charge the atmosphere of a room just by entering it.
But the thing that had eaten away at the foundation of her determination to keep her distance from him, that had most likely been responsible for her decision
to be his cook and housekeeper, was his writings. As few and short as they were, they showed a very different man from the one he allowed others to see. It was that man who fascinated her, intrigued her, caught her interest, aroused her curiosity, invited her sympathy, deserved her help. It was that man who was the real Russ Tibbolt, and he would never be happy until he could reveal that part of him.
He wouldn’t verbalize his thoughts, but he seemed comfortable committing them to paper. The man inside was struggling to get out, probably had been for some time. The more Russ explored himself in writing, the more he would continue to open up to others, the sooner he would become the man his creator had meant him to be.
Then maybe he would tell her why he kept kissing a woman he had no intention of marrying.
Tanzy put down the latest writing Russ had done. “You’ve been inside long enough today.”
“It sounds like you want to get rid of me so you can have the cabin to yourself,” Russ said.
“You’re wrong. I need your help.”
“I didn’t think you needed a man for anything,” Russ said, a faint twinkling in his eyes.
“Okay, I don’t really need you in the strictest sense.”
“I knew it.”
“But your help will make my task a lot easier.”
“A significant admission. What is this important task?”
“I want you to help me pick some berries for a pie.” Tanzy laughed at his dismayed expression. “You don’t have to pick any if it offends your masculine pride. Welt told me there are currants in the valley, but he didn’t tell me how to find them?”
“They aren’t close. You’d have to ride.”
“That’s fine, but I still don’t know the way.”
“You really want to do this?”
“Are you going to help me?”
“I guess I don’t have any choice.”
“Don’t be so gloomy. I’m looking forward to seeing this valley I’ve been hearing so much about.”
“It’s a long ride.”
“I’ll take a picnic so we don’t have to come back for lunch. I don’t want you eating all the berries.”
“Would I do that?”
The Reluctant Bride Page 20