I glanced down and noticed a card lying next to my foot. It must have fallen out of the box after I grabbed Daniel’s hat. Every second that passed seemed to be in slow motion, magnifying every beat of my heart, every tick of the clock on the wall behind me, and every breath from my lungs as I bent down to retrieve the note.
It didn’t matter how long I stared at the slanted letters that filled the inside of the card, I couldn’t read a single word of it. Nothing made sense other than Ryan’s name at the bottom, followed by two Xs.
“Is that…?” Libby pointed to the worn leather cap in my hand.
I lifted my tear-filled gaze to her wide eyes and nodded.
“How did he…? I thought you said that you…”
“Accidentally dropped it in the ocean? Yeah, I did. So I don’t know why or how he had it.”
“Does he tell you in his note?”
I just stared at her and shrugged, because I hadn’t been able to read it to even know if he had explained where he found it, when he found it, or how he found it. Understanding what I couldn’t seem to verbalize, she took the card from my hand and began to read it aloud.
“I should probably address you by your appropriate title—or at least what it will be very soon—Queen Moira. Although, you’ll always be just Moira to me.” She met my blurry stare and made a face that screamed aww before returning to Ryan’s note. “I thought you might want this back. I actually found it the night I’d gone back to the pier to meet you. You know…the same night you stood me up.”
A slight giggle rumbled in my chest, though it was too small to make it past my lips.
“He actually wrote out, ha ha ha,” Libby said while turning the card to show me, as if I didn’t believe her. Then she continued to read me his words. “I had gone for a walk along the shore and stepped on something soggy and squishy. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that it was Daniel’s hat. I never expected to see you again, but I took it home just in case you ever showed back up in my sleepy little fishing town.”
By this point, I had Daniel’s cap clutched against my chest and my other hand covering my gaping mouth. Surprise, gratefulness, awe, and many other emotions I couldn’t name had consumed me at the sound of his words. Although, the one emotion that topped them all was love. Complete and utter unconditional love.
“Between Carly coming back and then leaving again, I had forgotten all about it, which was why I never said anything to you when I saw you a couple of months later. I only recently came across it while cleaning. Anyway, I hope it brings you peace as you transition into this next phase of your life. You are always in my heart and dreams. All my love, Ryan.”
His note must have gotten to Libby, too, because she had tears in her eyes, making the steel blue appear more ash grey. It was the exact opposite of the reaction I expected her to have. While she didn’t necessarily disagree with my feelings for Ryan, she certainly didn’t support them. So to see her moved to tears confused me.
“This sucks so badly,” I cried, unleashing the pain that I had kept buried ever since Ryan left the island. “Why would we have been put in each other’s lives if we couldn’t be together? It is so unfair, Libby.”
She took my hand and led me to the couch, taking the seat beside me. With her arm around me, she cooed, “I’m sure there was a reason for meeting him, but maybe you just can’t see it right now.”
“I am so sick and tired of everyone telling me that I’m wrong.”
“What do you mean? Wrong about what?”
I wiped the tears from my face and turned to face her fully. “He is the one, Libby. Ryan is my soulmate. I know it. And I am ninety-nine percent sure that he knows it, too. Yet everyone has done nothing but tell me that he is all wrong for me, and that we don’t belong together. It’s like you all think that you know what is best for me when you don’t. None of you do.”
She inhaled slowly and deliberately. “I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m sorry, Mo. I really am. I wasn’t very supportive of your feelings for him, even though I believed them to be genuine and real.”
At least she was able to admit that.
“I think we’re all just trying to protect you,” Libby continued. “Regardless of whether or not you want the crown, your parents have spoken. Which means that even if he didn’t have obligations that kept him in America, you still wouldn’t be able to be with him.”
“They could change that if they wanted. You know that as well as I do. There is no law forbidding us from being together. This is nothing more than my parents proving that they can control my every move.” The anger that flooded my system left my hands balled tightly into fists.
“Would you take the crown if you could have Ryan by your side?”
I had thought about that many times, especially before Ryan had left to go home. “Yes. I don’t care what life I live, as long as I live it with him.”
“I knew you had really strong feelings for him, but I guess I always thought you were more in love with the fantasy than the guy. That you were so against taking the throne that you had attached yourself to the idea of this man, like he could save you from all of this.”
“No, Libby. That can’t be further from the truth.”
She rubbed my arm while offering me a pitiful smile. “I know that now.”
“Well, what good does that do me? He’s not here anymore, and I don’t know how to get ahold of him. I am glad that you finally see what I have been saying all along, but how does your late acknowledgment help my situation?”
After a long, deep breath, she met my stare and said, “I know what to do.”
* * *
I’d had a few days to mull over Libby’s plan and how we would be able to pull it off. It wouldn't be an easy feat, but as long as I had her support, I remained positive. We were both aware that it would be a shot in the dark.
But it was a shot worth taking.
“How are you holding up, Princess?” Patrick came into the room with a cup of tea for me.
We were waiting for the royal hearing to open. It was time to inform the elders of my father’s decision to step down and hand the reins over to me. It wouldn’t be immediate, we still had six more months, but they needed to be aware of the upcoming changeover.
“I will be better as soon as this hearing is over.”
“I thought you’d overcome your fear of public speaking. If you can speak in front of hundreds of people from the palace steps, then you can do this. Just remember, it’s only the elders and Privy Council. The gallery will be empty aside from your cousin and security.”
It was sweet that he assumed I was worried about my first royal hearing speech. Little did he know that I had so much more to worry myself over—such as my parents’ reaction to what I had to say today.
When the door opened, I assumed it was Libby coming to wait with me. But instead of my cousin, it was my mother. She took one look at Patrick and dropped her gaze—something I had never seen her do with anyone before. Then again, no one else knew her deepest secret.
It was obvious that she felt humiliation on some level.
I only hoped that it wouldn’t turn into hatred for him.
Seconds later, Patrick turned to me, smiled, and said, “I’ll see you later, Princess. Don’t forget to breathe. You’ll be okay.” He patted me on the shoulder before sliding past my mother, not uttering a word, and left the room.
I found it odd that they wouldn’t have at least shared a nod, considering I had grown accustomed to their warm greetings. It made me curious if she had spoken to him regarding our conversation. It was the only thing that would make sense.
“Thank you for coming to see me, Mother.” I had requested her presence, though I had hoped Libby would be here for this conversation. It looked like I would have to do it all on my own.
“We don’t have all day, Moira. What is it you wanted to speak with me about?”
Her attitude did nothing but increase my anger toward the situation, which was somet
hing I desperately needed to keep a lid on. At least until this was all over. So I clasped my hands together, interlocking my fingers, and took a deep breath.
“Do you remember what Daniel said to you right before he took off?”
Her pinched brows and narrowed stare proved that she hadn’t expected me to ask that.
“Well, in case you don’t, I will remind you. He told you that he loved you, even though you made it very difficult at times. The next morning, he wasn’t in bed and his boat was gone.” I swallowed harshly, needing my emotions to stay put for just a little bit longer. “Do you remember what you said when you found out that he left?”
She shook her head, her brow still furrowed.
“You said that when he returned, you would make sure he regretted his decision.”
Pain laced her eyes as the first tear fell.
“Do you remember what happened next?”
She held up her hands, as if holding me at a distance. “That is enough, Moira.”
“No, it’s not, Mother. Because I need you to understand.” It wasn’t that I wanted to upset her; I only wanted her to hear me. “Daniel wanted a moment to himself, and you denied him that. So he went off on his own, and he never came back. We lost him forever, all because you wouldn’t give him the moment he so desperately needed—a moment he felt in his soul that he needed before assuming the crown. The only pieces of him that we were left with were splinters from the wreckage.”
“Why are you doing this?” she cried, her question full of the pain I saw in her eyes.
I opened my mouth to respond, but as I took in the sight of my mother, the words stalled on my tongue. There was a look in her eye that made me stop in my tracks as if it had somehow slapped me in the face.
I had noticed the pain when I first brought up the subject of my brother. But the one emotion of hers that had hit me hardest was the regret. It dulled the mint-green color of her irises and practically made her lids appear to droop. I might not have thought anything of it, except I had just seen that exact look in her eyes.
When she saw Patrick.
At first, I had assumed it was humiliation that I saw on her face when she came into the room and saw Patrick with me. I thought she was embarrassed about being caught talking to her ex all those years ago. But now, I realized it wasn’t humiliation at all.
It was pain.
It was regret.
And it suddenly offered me a new perspective regarding what Patrick and my mother had told me about her past. An idea came to me, as scary as it was, and I made a split-second decision to roll the dice and see where it took me. There was a real chance this could all go wrong and blow up in my face, ruining any chance I had to get my way, and I knew that. Yet I chose to follow through with it anyway.
“I’m not taking the crown,” I said, making sure my shoulders were square and my voice remained calm. Assured. Confident. This had to have been the one and only time that I had ever felt like I had the upper hand when it came to my mother, and if I showed any fear, I would lose all the control I had. “And you are going to back me up on it.”
“What does Daniel have anything to do with your delusions?”
I’d almost forgotten that I had mentioned him. “Just to point out what could happen to me if you keep pushing this. When I stand in front of the elders today, I will announce that I will be abdicating my right to the throne. And not only will you publicly support my decision, you will also convince my father, the King, to do the same.”
“I most certainly will not, Moira Katherine.”
Here goes nothing. “Yes, you will, and here is why…”
* * *
An odd calmness had settled within me as I sat in the meeting hall, awaiting my turn to address the Cabinet of Elders. However, there was an air of concern that came from the dais to my left. My mother refused to look at me, and I was too nervous to look at my father.
When I was called upon, I stood and moved to the podium. My heart rate increased, though not by much. I felt confident and optimistic, two things I hadn’t had much of since Daniel’s passing. Everything that followed that horrible accident only served to continuously strip away my personal assuredness and the positive outlook I’d always had. When I realized that my flame was dangerously close to extinguishing, I knew I had to do something.
And this was what I needed to do.
“First of all, I would like to thank you for your kind words,” I said to the lead elder, who had praised me for my uplifting and uniting speech that I had made from the palace steps mere days ago. “As much as I appreciate everything you have said, I cannot accept the credit.”
The room became even quieter than when I had stood to address them. To me, it showed the level of attention that I had commanded with that one statement.
“As you all know, my cousin, Lib—” I shook my head, catching myself. “Elizabeth, has been my personal advisor since this journey began. She has been able to share so much insight regarding Ilunabarra, and while I value her opinions and trust her intuition, I truly believe that this country would be much better off in her hands. As the ruler, not my advisor.”
I tuned out the shock that came from the front of the room and glanced up to the gallery, making eye contact with Libby. Even though we had already spoken about this, I needed reassurance that she was still okay with it.
Surprise didn’t come close to how I felt when Libby had suggested the switch. I doubted I would ever fully understand why she’d offered to fall upon the sword, so to speak, but regardless, I was thankful all the same. She would never know the extent of gratitude I felt for her.
Returning my attention to the shocked men in front of me, I said, “So it is at this time that I renounce my position as next in line for the throne. And while I understand that I do not have any say in who will take my place, I think it would be in everyone’s best interest if the crown be passed to Elizabeth.”
“And your reasons would be…?” the lead elder stood and asked.
“Well, she is, after all, the Island’s Princess, and she always has been. She knows the people better than anyone. She takes the time to understand their needs and wants, which is something I believe everyone here can appreciate. It is no secret that a deep division still stands on the island, even after my speech the other day. If we have any hope of bridging that divide, we need someone like Princess Elizabeth in charge.”
More silence followed, though that was expected. We had joined here today to officially announce to the council and elders the date I would become Queen. So it made sense that everyone—who hadn’t previously been aware of my plan—would be stunned silent.
After a moment to consider what I had just suggested, the lead elder looked to me. “I beg your pardon, Princess Moira, but the island is already expecting you to be the one who succeeds the King on the throne.”
“With all due respect, that is not my problem.”
“Your Majesty…” He turned his attention to my father, who sat on the dais behind me. “I am afraid of what it will look like to the people if no one wants the crown. The line of succession is no secret, so they are well aware of who should have followed Prince Daniel. The fact that we had to change the law to allow a female to take the throne was enough to leave the people of Ilunabarra unsettled. And I think the recent divide proves just that.”
My father cleared his throat, and for the first time since speaking to my mother, I was anything but confident. I was worried that she hadn’t been able to convince him to defend me, concerned at what he had to say, and utterly petrified that things wouldn’t go my way.
“They will have no choice but to accept the decisions of the monarchy.” The entire time my father spoke, I held my breath and kept my attention straight ahead. “I have pushed my daughter to take on this role, and from the beginning, she has expressed her disinterest in it. I have already lost one child; I refuse to lose the other. Regardless of what the people of Ilunabarra will think, I will not force something upo
n my daughter that she does not want.”
My heart swelled, and it took everything in me not to smile.
“My apologies, Your Highness, but—”
“Nothing more,” my father stated matter-of-factly. And with that, he lightened his tone and asked, “Princess Elizabeth, do you accept the challenge of becoming Ilunabarra’s first crowned Queen?”
Libby stood, and with a gentle smile, she said, “Yes, sir. I do.”
“There we have it.” He returned his direction to the elders. “The people have nothing to worry about. A Coldwell will sit on the throne, and more importantly, someone who wants to. The coronation date will remain, the princess will change. In six months, I will hand the reins of the country to Princess Elizabeth Mary Coldwell.”
I wasn’t sure if I needed to remain at the podium, resume my seat next to the dais, or leave, and it seemed that everyone else was just as confused. No one moved; we all remained where we were. Then the lead elder announced the conclusion of the hearing, and we all began to exit at the same time.
Libby hurriedly came down the hall and met up with me on my way out of the palace. I knew she would have to stay behind to discuss a few things with my father, so I moved to the side to speak with her without being in earshot of anyone else.
“Did that just happen?” Awe filled her wide eyes. “How in the world did you get your parents to go along with that?”
Unexpected fear smacked me in the face, and my breathing stopped for a split second. “Oh heavens, Libby…please don’t tell me that you only offered because you didn’t think they would agree.”
“Not at all,” she said, easing the panic that coursed through me. “It wasn’t until I heard your speech, using the words I came up with on the fly, that I realized I could do this. In the back of my mind, I have always wanted it, but I never allowed myself to give it any consideration because it was never part of my plan.”
It was a good feeling to know that I hadn’t pressured her into it.
Her eyes began to gloss over, though her voice remained steady when she continued with her thoughts. “But I think it was the whole Ryan thing that really made me see things from a different perspective. Until that conversation, I had it in my head that you would eventually come around to the idea of being Queen, and if I had agreed to switch places with you, then you would come to regret that decision. And by then, it would be too late to do anything about it.”
Throne Away Page 18