by Croix, J. H.
Hannah’s heartbeat kicked up as she began to move through the house. The first floor of the house consisted of an expansive living room that opened onto the kitchen, exposed wooden beams angling across the rooms. A bathroom and laundry room were situated behind the kitchen. A deep green soapstone woodstove anchored the living room. Walking upstairs, she stepped onto the landing and into a loftlike space with a railing on one side from which the living room could be seen. It had morphed throughout the years from a playroom to a television area to her mother’s office and sewing area. Her parents’ old bedroom was down a short hallway to the front of the house with the other two bedrooms on the back end.
Her parents’ bedroom looked as it would have had they gone on vacation, clean and quiet with the bed made. Their clothing still hung in the closet. Hannah’s bedroom was as she’d left it last. In here, at least, she felt less of her parents’ lingering presence. Though few of her belongings remained, her bed was covered with the quilt she’d had throughout high school, a spiral of bright colors with a swirling star in the center sewn by her mother. Her chest started to loosen. In spite of two years of fear, she’d gotten through what she had been most afraid of: being here, in the place that held the memory of her parents. Back downstairs, she looked at the empty refrigerator. She needed to go to the store, which while maybe not as difficult as coming to her old home, would actually involve speaking to people.
Hannah left her bags in her old room since it felt the most comfortable for now. Her choice now was to wander around the empty house or take her hungry self to town. She had one granola bar left. She wished Grayson were here to give her courage. He’d loved car rides and often tagged along on errands. But no Grayson, just herself. For a flicker, she felt swamped by the cold emptiness that she’d tried to keep at bay since her parents died. She took a deep breath, shored her feelings into a corner, and hopped back into the truck.
Chapter 2
The house sat atop one of the hills overlooking town. As Hannah drove down, she saw familiar names on mailboxes and an old friend’s car parked in a drive. Once on the main road that led into town, she passed the post office, its parking lot busy. In rural towns like Diamond Creek, the post office served as a central gathering point. She caught sight of Frank’s wife, June, walking across the lot. Her throat tightened as she worried over whom she might encounter first, desperately wanting to see old friends yet anxious about it.
Entering the grocery store, she went on autopilot and grabbed a cart. In a scant minute, she felt her friend Susie before she heard her squeal. Susie had a forceful presence. As Hannah turned with anxiety beating like wings in her chest, Susie threw her arms around her. She returned the hug, dropping her purse in the process.
“It’s you, you, you, you! I knew you’d be here soon. I felt it,” Susie said in between bouncing on her feet, hugging Hannah, and patting her on the shoulder.
Hannah was so relieved to be in Susie’s presence, the wings of anxiety settled, and she felt almost giddy. Bending to retrieve her purse, she looked up into Susie’s warm brown eyes and took in her matching brown curls, which tumbled as wildly as ever about her shoulders. Susie tended to dress colorfully and held true to that today in a purple blouse paired with green leggings.
Hannah plowed through her anxiety. “Yup, I’m here. Finally…” She stumbled on. “I’m sorry I didn’t call or text or e-mail or write or whatever much. I don’t know what to say. Other than that I missed my parents and anyone connected to them—that meant you…and, well…I wasn’t ready.” She caught herself, startled that the words had poured out so fast. She’d thought for hours over what she’d say to explain her silence and hadn’t come up with anything that made sense. Her words were bald and bare, but they were the truth.
Susie didn’t blink or hesitate. “Of course you weren’t ready. I’ve been waiting—safe to say lots of us have.” Susie reached over for another hug and just held Hannah close. If it were any grocery store other than this one, Hannah might have wondered what other shoppers thought, but here she felt safe to just be hugged by her best friend.
Susie pulled back again. “You must have just gotten in. Frank mentioned you’d be arriving soon. Have to admit I didn’t just ‘feel’ you’d be here. Frank clued me in,” she said with a smile. “Have you even been to the house?”
Hannah nodded. “It was weird, but I’m okay. I wish Grayson were still around. I knew it’d feel empty without Mom and Dad; I just didn’t think how strange it would be without him too. I’m here to stay, you know. Can’t tell you how relieved I am that you’re okay with me being…well…such a mess about staying in touch while I was gone.” She felt tears well up and paused to take a breath.
Susie touched her on the shoulder. “Look, I won’t pretend I didn’t have my moments of being cranky about it. But you’re my best friend and…your parents…to have them go like that, it must have been hell—probably still is. I was worried and pissed off sometimes, but I knew you’d come home. Just didn’t know when. Glad it wasn’t much longer because it’s hard to replace your best friend since first grade.”
At that, Susie’s eyes welled up. “I don’t know if you want my help, but you’re getting it,” Susie said, lifting her chin and looping her arm through Hannah’s. “You need to get situated, so let’s make it happen.”
Despite two years with only a few calls, Susie was the closest thing to family Hannah had left. Being in her presence felt like coming home. She squeezed Susie’s arm. “I’d love your help. You can boss me around.”
In short order, they were back at the house unloading groceries. As Susie looked around the house, Hannah wondered if she’d been by to check on the house since her parents died. Instead of burying the question, she asked and learned that Susie, along with Frank, June, and a few other family friends, had emptied the refrigerator and cleaned the house in the weeks following the plane crash and funeral. Susie explained how they had decided to leave her parents’ belongings for her to deal with because they didn’t want to get rid of anything sentimental. Hannah was relieved to know that someone had taken care of the house since she hadn’t been able. Her parents had loved their home, and when she had allowed thoughts to surface about it while she was gone, she had fretted about leaving the house alone.
Susie stayed late into evening. As it was early summer, she and Susie sat on the deck for a few hours, drinking wine that Susie had insisted on buying and nibbling on remnants of dinner. Over the course of the evening, Susie gently asked when Hannah wanted it to be known she was back in town. She reminded her Frank and June had mentioned it to a few and that word always traveled. Hannah appreciated Susie’s respect about not pushing her but knew she needed to dive in. She’d mastered the art of isolation during the past two years, and if she carried that over here, it might become a safety blanket she couldn’t release.
Summer in Alaska meant endless sunsets. It was well past midnight when Susie left, and the sky was still wispy gray. Hannah took a long shower in her parents’ bathroom. The bathroom remodel had been one of her mother’s pet projects. It was tiled floor to ceiling in a soft green tile. There were wall jets and an overhead rainfall shower. It was bliss and helped her wash away her trip and the surreal feeling of being in the house and seeing Susie again. The quiet of the house offered a comfort she hadn’t expected. She fell asleep within moments of tugging up her old quilt.
Chapter 3
Salty ocean water sprayed Hannah’s cheek when the salmon bounced against her shoulder. The salmon in question splashed back into the water, disappearing from sight with a flick of silver. She heard a laugh and turned to glance at Susie, who stood in the water alongside her, the strong current flowing around them.
“Close, but not close enough. Needs to be in your net,” Susie commented, her smile wide.
Hannah shrugged. “We already have plenty; I don’t mind missing a few. Just glad it didn’t hit my face.”
; She adjusted her grip on the dip net and glanced back toward the water. They stood waist-deep in waders in water where the ocean surged into the mouth of the Kenai River, engaging in a yearly ritual for most Alaskans: salmon dipnetting. This occurred midsummer and involved standing in icy ocean water flowing upriver with salmon fiercely following the current on their way to yearly spawning grounds. Those who braved the water held tight to large nets and hoped for salmon to swim into them as they made their way up the river.
Hannah had been home a few days, dipnetting the last thing on her mind. Susie called the day before and insisted Hannah accompany her today, cajoling her into coming by reminding her that they used to go together every year. Now that they were there, Hannah couldn’t believe she’d hesitated. She’d forgotten how invigorating it was to be in the midst of the thrum of activity. A wall of salmon seemed to be entering the river today, riding the momentum of the tide. Within an hour, they had caught close to thirty salmon. Hannah felt the cold water through her waders. Though perfectly dry, her legs were beginning to tire from the cold surrounding them. Salmon bumped against her legs as they swam past. Her net abruptly surged, the weight of a salmon almost pulling it out of her hands. After a quick tug to pull the net under her control, she turned to drag it to shore.
As she reached the sandy beach, she looked back to make sure the salmon remained in the net. Its silvery skin gleamed in the bright sun. She stumbled when she ran straight into someone. Turning forward, she found herself looking into bright green eyes. She straightened and looked at the tall man she’d barreled into. At six feet, she rarely had to look up at men, but she found herself tipping her head back slightly. She took in windblown, shaggy black curls, a wide sensual mouth, chiseled masculine features, and a loose-limbed, athletic body.
“Oh, sorry,” she said.
“No need to apologize. Wasn’t paying attention,” the man said, dimples joining a smile to cause a flutter in Hannah’s belly. For a moment, she wished she wasn’t garbed in fishing waders and rubber boots. She guessed her hair was a mess, not to mention that she had fish slime smeared on her shoulder.
“Just coming by to say hey to Susie. She’s a friend. Don’t think I know you, though. I’m Luke…Luke Winters,” the man said with a question in his eyes. He lifted a hand to brush curls away from his eyes. There didn’t seem much point to it, as the wind blew his curls wild again.
Hannah realized she was staring at the same time she felt the salmon in her net make a leap. She turned back to see the salmon had managed to untangle itself from the gill net and was flopping its way out of her net. With a lunge, she moved to grab the salmon at the same time Luke did. Their shoulders collided as Hannah reached for the errant salmon. Needless to say, her hold on the fish was poor, and she ended up flinging it into Luke’s chest just as she stumbled and fell in the sand. She looked up at him and sighed inside. He appeared to be the quintessential rugged outdoorsman and had quickly gotten hold of the salmon she’d flung at him. With a lifted eyebrow, he unhooked a small, bright orange fish whacker from his belt and proceeded to stun the fish. He took two quick strides and dipped the fish in and out of the water, rinsing the sand off.
“Are those coolers yours?” he asked, gesturing toward two coolers nearby as he stepped back.
At her nod, he tossed the salmon into the cooler closest to him. Hannah remained in the sand, where she’d fallen with her legs splayed in both directions. Her dark brown hair had come loose from its ponytail and blew in long strands across her face. She pushed them away and then realized her gloves were wet and sandy, leaving sand in her hair and streaked across her face.
“Need a hand?” he asked, extending one toward her.
She silently reached up and grasped his hand. She got her feet under her and felt a strong pull bring her up effortlessly. Once standing, she felt a little less clumsy and pulled her gloves off. She quickly brushed the sand off her cheeks and tucked her hair behind her ears. She looked back into Luke’s eyes and took a deep breath.
“I’m Hannah…Gray,” she belatedly said. “And no, I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m an old friend of Susie’s, but I was away at school for the last two years.”
“You caught that I’m Luke, right?” he asked.
“You mean before I threw a fish at you? I caught your name, but got a little sidetracked there. How do you know Susie?” she asked, glancing out to the water where Susie remained, her back to them as she spoke to someone else standing nearby in the water.
“She does the accounting for the fishing business I have with my brothers, The One that Didn’t Get Away. We live about an hour south of here in Diamond Creek,” he said.
“Oh, that’s where I’m from. Love the name of your business,” she said and paused, not wanting to explain just yet that she’d spent most of her childhood there and that her parents had died in a plane crash while she was away at graduate school.
Luke’s green eyes held a questioning look. At her silence, he remarked, “Well, I just came over to say hi to Susie.” He cupped his hands around his mouth to call to Susie.
Susie turned with a wave and hollered a return greeting to Luke but remained in the water.
Luke turned back to Hannah. “How long have you been here? Looks like you’re close to your limit already,” he said with a nod toward the coolers.
“We’ve only been here about an hour. Seems our timing was good. With the tide coming in, there’s a ton of salmon passing through. I think I’m about done for now.”
She usually managed polite conversation perfectly well, but something about this man muddled her. If she were feeling cliché, she’d blame it on his handsome, manly appearance, but growing up in Alaska had exposed her to reams of men who looked and lived the modern version of frontiersmen. She thought perhaps it was her, seeing as she felt like a giant bumbling mess at the moment. Between her waders and rubber boots and the fact that she had managed to cover herself with sand when she fell, she wanted to hide. The wind coming in from the ocean kept blowing her hair in her eyes.
The silence started to drag, at which point Luke spoke again. “Well, it was nice meeting you. Are you back from school to stay?”
Wonders didn’t cease, and she managed to respond. “Yeah, I am. Back to stay. I just got back a few days ago. I’m still settling in, but Susie got me here today.” She glanced to Susie again, who was chatting away with the nearby net holder. “She’s one of my best friends. I forgot how much fun dipnetting is.” She paused, again running out of words, and then pushed forward, taking the focus off herself. “How long have you been in Diamond Creek? I don’t remember you from before.”
Luke seemed unaware of her internal struggle, both the effect he had on her and the constant bubble of her parents’ memories in her consciousness. Trying to explain what it was like to return to Alaska involved boulders of memories that she wasn’t ready to roll out of the way.
“Moved here about two years ago with my two brothers. Before that, fished in Alaska for a few years, commercially that is, and decided we’d rather live here instead of coming up from Seattle. We love it. Sounds like we moved to Diamond Creek right about when you left for school,” he said.
Just as she started to respond, someone called Luke’s name. Hannah followed Luke’s gaze and saw another black-haired man at a distance waving at the base of one of the paths toward the parking area. Luke returned the wave and turned back to her.
“That’s my younger brother, Nathan. Time to go,” he said. Despite his parting words, he took a speculative look at her, not yet moving to leave. Hannah swore her toes curled in her boots. She thought for a split second that he saw right past her waders, boots, and messy hair. His green eyes seemed to darken for a moment that passed in a flash, and she wondered if she were tricking herself.
“Well, with you back to stay, I’ll see you around. Diamond Creek isn’t too big. Not to mention that Susie’s a frien
d,” Luke said.
Hannah realized she was staring and silent, again. “Oh yeah, I’m sure we’ll see each other again. Nice to meet you,” she said.
“Ditto,” he said, dimples winking again. At that, he turned and walked across the beach toward his brother, weaving his way through stations of coolers, people cleaning fish, and areas where seagulls were gathered, feasting on the easy meal offered from the scraps of cleaned and gutted fish.
His stride was long and loose. His shoulders were broad and muscled, the cotton jersey he wore pulled tight across them. He met his brother at the path, and they disappeared from sight as they crested the small slope that led to the parking lot. She looked around and saw Susie turning to head into shore. Glancing down, she groaned. There was so much sand on her, she might as well have laid down and rolled in it. Sand stuck in sheets on her damp waders from her brief tumble when she ran into Luke. She blushed when she realized she had actually thrown a fish against him by accident. She swatted her gloves against her legs, knocking some of the sand loose.
Chapter 4
A flash of black and gold caught Hannah’s eye. She turned to look out the window and saw a dog in motion come to a quick stop and start sniffing madly along the edge of the deck. The dog was mostly black with gold accents on its feet, eyes, and chest. The dog’s fur was long and glossy, its tail a waving flag of black and gold. The dog lost interest in that particular spot on the deck and turned toward the window. She caught the dog’s eye, at which point the dog sat down and stared intently at her through the window. With a shrug, she walked to the door and stepped outside.