by Croix, J. H.
They had been quiet for several moments, so Luke’s voice startled her when he spoke. “You must have been surprised. What are you going to do?” he asked.
“Wait.” She shrugged. “Not much else to do. I’m not good at waiting, but I’ll have to. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. It was just a lot. A lot, a lot. Between just getting back here and still getting used to my parents being gone, I stalled on this.”
“No need to be sorry. We haven’t known each other that long. A lot is one way to put it.” He looked toward her.
“I just wanted to get it out there. Believe me, it’s hard enough to talk about in general. I can only take it in small doses. It started to feel weird seeing you as much as I have and not mentioning it. That’s all…” She trailed off and shivered.
He pushed away from the railing. “Let’s go in. It’s getting chilly.”
She led the way into the kitchen. As usual, Jessie ambled in behind her and headed for the dog bed against the wall by the kitchen table. Hannah started to clear off the kitchen counter. Luke silently started loading the dishwasher. She paused when she realized how comfortable she was. Being with Luke doing something as mundane as cleaning up the kitchen felt as comfortable as it would have years back with her parents in the kitchen. Recognizing the feeling for what it was led to a surge of panic. She didn’t want to feel this comfortable, it only added to her internal confusion. She focused on pushing the feeling away by methodically rinsing dishes and wiping down the counter.
Luke leaned against the counter. Hannah stood by the sink, which was situated in a small U-shaped area created by the counter, stove, and refrigerator. Her hands curled around the edge of the counter. She turned to face him; he stood directly across from her. Her heart still pounded; she felt like it was trying to beat away the panic. He could easily reach her and did so by simply leaning forward and lifting his hands to rest them on her hips. She allowed her crossed arms to fall. He pulled her to him. In slow motion, she allowed herself to be gently tugged into the haven that was his body. She closed her eyes and felt warmth, comfort, and the now-familiar flickers of heat that built quickly between them. It was as if there were banked coals that were stirred to flame anytime they touched. The panicky feeling faded. Desperate to keep it at bay, along with other thoughts, she lifted her gaze, took a long look into his green eyes, and brought her lips to his. She threw herself into the kiss. The flickers flared into a wild heat. In moments, they were tugging at each other’s clothes.
Morning sun slanted through the windows that faced the bay, warming the wood on the stairs and floor. Hannah made her way downstairs. She had woken tangled in the sheets with Luke curled behind her, one arm thrown across her hip. It had been early, yet the sun was already brightening the room. She had dozed off to be woken later by his lips on the side of her neck. They had made love yet again. A slow, lazy tangle. She felt fluid and boneless when he had slipped inside her. This morning had felt different than last night. Last night, she had needed to be absorbed into a vortex of heat and brought to the brink in her body. Anything to keep thoughts from intruding. Something had happened in the kitchen, and the feeling of panic that had welled frightened her. But this morning, the panic seemed a distant anomaly. Luke had held her close after she came apart in his arms seconds before he arched into his own climax. They showered together before he left to meet his brothers to do some work on one of their boats.
She walked into the kitchen, seeing a flash of Jessie’s tail out of the corner of her eye. Luke must have let her out when he left. Once Hannah opened the door, Jessie trotted in and circled her, tail wagging and tongue flopping. Discovering that Luke had left her with a fresh pot of coffee, she sat down at the table, mug in hand and took a welcome sip. Flipping her laptop open, her e-mail announced with a friendly “bing” that she had new mail. She froze and remembered she might have a message from her possible sister. She hesitated to look, but forced herself. There was a response from the Emma she had e-mailed yesterday. She abruptly got up from the table and unnecessarily topped off her coffee. Standing by the counter, she looked over at her laptop, sitting innocuously on the table.
After a few more sips of coffee to fortify her, Hannah returned to the table and clicked to open the message before she backed out.
Hi,
It sounds like you might be my sister. Wow…I knew when I put this post up that I’d have to figure out how to respond if I heard anything. You left a number. Would it be okay to call? Let me know if and when it’s okay to call. I have tons of questions, but I’m not sure where to start. Thank you for responding to my post. Emma
Hannah read the words several times and then sat back. She took a sip of coffee and cradled the mug in her hands. Jessie came over and curled up by her feet. Before she lost her nerve, she replied to the e-mail, typing in her number since she had left Faye’s yesterday. She kept it brief and decided on a few times to tell Emma to call. That way, she wouldn’t be wondering all day when the call might come. Just as she was about to hit reply, she remembered to tell Emma that Alaskan time was four hours behind North Carolina. After hitting send, she sat still and tried to calm her heart. She was elated and terrified. The thoughts she’d so successfully pushed away through Luke last night came roaring forward. Getting up, she looked around for her cell phone.
She dialed Susie’s number, wondering if Susie was up yet. Susie was more of a late sleeper than she’d ever been. It was just past eight now. It didn’t surprise her when Susie didn’t answer. She left a message, asking her to call back, and walked out onto the deck. Jessie dashed into the yard, sniffing like mad as if she hadn’t just been out there. Hannah looked out toward the bay. The sky was dotted with clouds and sunlight shone down on the bay. She abruptly decided to head to the beach for a long run.
Hannah ran along the shoreline. The tide was out, so she could run in the firm sand by the water’s edge. Starfish, seaweed, driftwood, and the occasional lava rock dotted the beach. A breeze blew in from the water. She breathed in the scent of saltwater and the earthy scents of tide pool life. A raft of sea otters floated in the distance. Jessie jogged alongside her, frequently stopping to investigate. Hannah pushed herself to run hard, welcoming her pounding heart, the steady pattern of breathing, and the strain and push of her muscles. She grounded herself in the sensations of her body.
After a solid forty-five minutes of running, she slowed to a walk as she approached the area where she’d parked. She was on one of the more remote local beaches. It was accessed by a casual parking area just off the road—really just beat down grass where locals parked when they wanted to get to this stretch of beach. A short, but steep trail down the rocky bluff landed on a lovely stretch of shoreline that offered a view of the water, the mountains across the bay, and Mount Augustine. If you didn’t know a town was only a few miles away, you could be convinced you were in a deserted area. The high bluffs shielded views of anything but the ocean and the bluffs themselves. A good six miles or more away, the shoreline turned and the harbor and town came into view.
Hannah was sweaty and tired. Her heart gradually slowed as she and Jessie walked toward her truck. Jessie scrambled ahead of her up the rocky trail and leaped in when she opened the passenger door. When she closed the door beside her and turned the key in the ignition, she felt Jessie nudge her with her nose. She thought back to the day Luke showed up at the house with Jessie and realized how much it meant to have Jessie with her right now. On a morning like this, it meant the world to have Jessie keeping her company in the unconditional way dogs could.
Hannah drove home with one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on Jessie. She pulled up to the house to find Susie’s car parked in the driveway. Susie and Cammi were sitting at the top of the stairs, cups of coffee with the distinctive Misty Mountain label in their hands. Jessie ran to greet Susie and Cammi while Hannah followed more slowly.
“Hey there,” she called.
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br /> “Hey yourself,” Susie responded. “Got your message. I was in the shower. Since I was already meeting Cammi for coffee, we decided to bring you breakfast and coffee.” Susie pointed to a cup sitting on the deck railing. “We thought about breaking in, but decided it was too nice out anyway. Just back from running?”
Hannah nodded and wiped her face on her sleeve. “You mind if I take a quick shower?” she asked as she walked up the stairs.
Susie and Cammi stood as she reached the top of the stairs.
“Of course not. How about you shower and we’ll heat these up?” Susie asked, holding up a bag of bakery goods from Misty Mountain. “We grabbed some of the day old stuff, but we can make it seem fresh if we heat it up. Think we have a few ham and cheese savories and some muffins. Your coffee is a shot in the dark. That’s what I thought you liked.”
Entering the house, Hannah kicked off her shoes, aiming for the coat closet. “Sure. I haven’t had anything to eat yet, and coffee from Misty Mountain is perfect any day.” She waved toward the stove as they walked into the kitchen. “You know how to use the stove. Check to make sure the pilot light’s on though. It’s been finicky lately. I may need to have it looked at.”
Hannah left Susie and Cammi in the kitchen while she went upstairs to shower. While she stood in the shower, steaming water pouring over her, she realized she hadn’t mentioned anything in her message to Susie about the message from Emma. She wondered about bringing it up in front of Cammi and decided she didn’t care. She needed to talk. Not to mention that she couldn’t spend the rest of her life hiding what she learned, especially if she had found and met her sister.
Susie was talking on the phone when she returned to the kitchen. Cammi sat at the kitchen table, coffee in hand. Hannah sat across from Cammi, who pushed the remaining cup of coffee from Misty Mountain over toward her.
“Haven’t seen you in a bit. Thanks for stopping by,” Hannah said.
Cammi looked over, absentmindedly toying with the edge of one of the bright red place mats on the table. “I told Susie I wanted to get together soon. She thought this morning was a good time. I need to get your number myself. I have the old one here, but did the phone stay on while you were gone?”
Hannah shook her head. “No, I turned the service off. Don’t know who has that number now. Kind of weird. We had it for years. Now I just use my cell. I thought about getting phone service for the house, but I don’t really need it. I have the Internet and that’s enough with my cell.”
She recited her number while Cammi typed it into her phone, and then she put Cammi’s in her phone. “I’ll probably change it to a local number soon. I have a few friends from back East that I don’t want to lose touch with, but I plan on staying here so it makes more sense to switch.”
Susie hung up from her call and pulled open the oven just as the timer went off. “I think they need a little more time.” She shut the oven and set the timer for a few more minutes. “Sorry about that. That was one of the owners at the brewery. He forgot to send one of the reports over yesterday.” Susie pulled out the chair beside Cammi and sat down. “So what’s up?” she asked as she brushed her curls back with one hand.
“Just giving Cammi my number.”
“Yeah, I told her to make sure to get it. It’s not like I need to be your social secretary. But…that’s not why you called this morning. Was it just because?”
Hannah took a breath. “Nope, not just because. I got an e-mail back this morning.” She looked to Cammi and back at Susie. “Have you mentioned anything?”
“No. That’s your call,” Susie said.
“Okay, I may be a little slow, but I can tell I’m missing something here. What’s going on?” Cammi asked.
Hannah took another breath and plowed forward. “If I seem a little tense, it’s because I am. A few weeks ago, I came across some papers of my mother’s in a box she’d left with June during the remodeling project. It looks like my parents had a baby girl when my mom was seventeen and gave her up for adoption. It was right before my dad went off to Vietnam. I kind of freaked out, but Susie and her mom wanted to help, so Faye started looking online and found a post on a forum. She thought it might be Emma because the details fit, so I e-mailed her yesterday.” She ended in a rush and stopped, her breath running out with her words.
Susie turned to Hannah and swiped a curl away as it bounced in front of her eyes. “I’m glad you told her. I honestly had no idea that’s why you called this morning, but I don’t think it will help for you to keep this to yourself, not from your friends, that is.”
Cammi looked toward Hannah and held her gaze. Tears welled for a moment as Hannah took in her warm glance. Softly, Cammi said, “Oh sweetie, I’m glad you’re home. Just tell me what you need.”
Hannah looked across the table at Cammi with her air of sweetness, her open blue eyes and pixie cut giving her a childlike quality. Hannah had felt a brief rise of the panicky feeling that she experienced last night when she told Cammi what was going on, but it had faded much more quickly today.
“I’m okay, I guess. Since I found the papers, I’ve alternated between obsessing about it, being angry at my parents for not telling me, and trying damn hard to pretend like nothing’s new.”
“Do you think your parents wanted to tell you, but just hadn’t figured out the how and when?” Cammi asked.
Susie piped up. “My mom told us that Janet had talked to her about it the same year Hannah left for graduate school.” Susie caught Hannah’s eyes. “Mom thought the whole situation was hard for your mom. I know that doesn’t answer all your questions, but…I don’t know. Can we see Emma’s response?” she asked.
Hannah tugged her laptop over and opened her e-mail. “It’s not like she had a ton to say. I wish there were instructions on how to go about this. I mean, what if she’s not the right Emma? And how do I tell her, if it’s the right her, that our parents are dead?” She pushed the laptop over to Cammi and Susie.
She sipped her coffee while they read. Susie looked over and asked, “Can I pull up the link where her original post was?”
Hannah nodded. “It might take a minute. I sent the e-mail from your mom’s computer. I remember the name of the forum though.” She recited the name for them while Susie started searching.
Cammi turned away from the screen. “Wow. This is a big deal. Remember how we all used to complain about not having siblings? We were all only children. I hated it when we were little. You might have a sister! That’s just crazy to think about,” Cammi said.
“You can say that again. Sometimes I’m excited and can’t wait to find her. Other times, I just want to pretend I didn’t find that paperwork and burn it. If I think about it too long, I start obsessing. I don’t doubt that I’d like to find her. But I’m worried about telling her about our parents.” Hannah put her coffee down and let her forehead fall into her hands. “It’s just…a lot. This was a giant detail my parents never mentioned to me. Sometimes I’m pissed about that, and then if I think about what it must have been like for them, I feel bad. It’s just complicated.”
“Found it,” Susie said. “Look Cammi, here’s the original post my mom found. What do you think?” She tugged on Cammi’s sleeve.
Cammi started reading. “You two are forgetting that I haven’t heard all the details yet. I’m guessing they fit what she’s asking about?”
Susie turned to Hannah. “Go get the papers you found. If you’re going to obsess over the details, we might as well have Cammi’s opinion too.”
“Be right back.”
When she returned to the kitchen, Jessie plopped on the floor beside her chair. She handed Cammi the papers and petted Jessie while Cammi read.
Cammi looked back over at the computer, her eyes scanning the screen quickly. “Yup, the details seem to fit. Realistically, it doesn’t mean it’s her, but I definitely think it was worth e-mailing.” She
looked back to the papers she’d placed on the kitchen table. “Damn. Can’t imagine what you felt like when you came across those.”
“Oh, it was weird all right. I need to figure out what to say when she calls. Do I tell her my parents are dead?”
Cammi responded first. “You have to tell her. It’ll be awkward if you don’t. It sucks to have to tell her, but you have to. Don’t you think?” Cammi turned to Susie.
Susie nodded. “I don’t see a way around it. Hard way to get started, but it’s too important to not tell her as soon as you can.”
Cammi and Susie remained there for the next hour or so. They both offered to stop by if and when Emma called if Hannah thought she needed someone there. Hannah thought mostly she’d need someone to talk to afterward. As they got ready to leave, both taking off for errands and work, relief pulsed through her. Despite her worries about finding Emma and the call to come, she didn’t feel alone anymore.
She waited on the deck as they pulled away, watching the dust from the road rise and fall behind the car as Susie drove down the hill. Jessie leaned against the railing, her head pushed into the small gap between the railings. It wasn’t even noon yet. The sun was high in the sky. The wind was up over the bay, ruffling the surface of the water. Sun glinted against the waves.
Chapter 16
“Pass me that oil filter,” Luke said.
“Right here, dude,” Nathan responded.
Luke rolled his head to the side and reached to grab the filter from Nathan’s hand. He was on his back on an old skateboard under his truck. He and his brothers tried to handle most basic car maintenance themselves, and his truck was overdue for an oil change. He quickly fitted and tightened the new filter in place. As he wheeled forward on the skateboard, he paused to push the drain pan out of the way. He refitted the plug for the oil pan and wrenched it in place before rolling the rest of the way out.