“I always have good humor. And I am full of bravado.”
“That’s very true.”
“Besides. How upset can I be? I’m the maid of honor.”
“Uh-huh.”
“My mother is the wedding planner for the wedding here and I asked her to do it. They have another planner for the ceremony in Israel, which Meghan is invited to.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And the only reason the rest of the Malones aren’t invited is because of, well ... ya know ... the thing.”
“Right. The thing.”
“Which was not my fault but my cousin’s and he’s returned almost all the artwork, including the Monet, to Israel.”
“I’m well aware.”
“And not only that, but when Bri told me he was marrying Rivka, I said, ‘Yeah. Great. And you may want to send your support check before you leave on your honeymoon.’ ”
“I’m sure you did.”
“Then why would any of them be concerned?”
“I think they’re under some delusion that you care.”
“I care about my kid. I didn’t eat her at birth or anything. Care about you. My parents. Josie, of course. Tolerate my brothers.”
Jai nodded. “I agree with all of that.”
Turning back to the mirror, Cella said, “My God, my family’s so insane. It’s no big deal. After the wedding this will all blow over.”
“Well ...”
Cella again faced her friend. “Well, what?”
Jai bit her lip again before announcing, “They’re talking matchmaker.”
Cella stumbled back against the sink. “No!”
Jai raised her hands. “Now don’t panic.”
“Don’t panic? Are you insane?” Cella bet this was her Aunt Deirdre’s idea. Her mother always said that Deirdre could convince most Malones that John F. Kennedy was a Protestant. And while Kathleen ran the New York Malone females, it was Deirdre who was the equivalent of her enforcer. Only she was way meaner than Cella could ever dream of being on the ice.
Jai reached over and patted Cella’s hand. “Don’t worry. Your father says it’s not necessary—”
“Well, at least he’s being reasonable.”
“—because you already have a boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend? What boy ...” Cella gasped. “Oh, no.”
“Do you know who he’s talking about?”
“God. The bear. The polar bear from Friday night.” She’d told Jai about what had happened with the bear on their drive home from the game. “Christ, I thought Dad knew he wasn’t my boyfriend.”
“Apparently he doesn’t know that. And it sounds as if he likes the guy. ‘He’s a fine, slightly tongue-tied boy,’ according to him. Which is perfect because maybe you can use the bear to get your aunts off your back for a little while.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Your mom told my mom that if you’ve got a boyfriend already, your aunts will back off the matchmaker thing. The problem is Deirdre’s convinced them you don’t have a boyfriend. That Butch was mistaken.”
“But he was! I was kidding when I said he was my boyfriend.”
“Your father seemed to have missed that.”
“How could he miss that?”
“It doesn’t matter. But maybe if you use your Malone charm, you can get the guy to help out.”
“Help out with what?”
“Pretend to be your boyfriend for a couple of days. Give him tickets to the next game or something. I’m sure he’d help for that since you say he’s a fan.”
Cella wasn’t so sure. “You don’t understand. That bear barely tolerated me and he thinks I’m a bad mother.”
“Why does he think ... ?” Jai rolled her eyes. “Did you do that thing again? Where you pretend Meghan can barely tie her shoes, but you’ve left her alone to fend for herself?”
Cella shrugged. “You had to be there. It was funny at the time.”
“Funny or not, you’ve got a problem. You could probably get one of the other players to have your back or someone from KZS to pretend to be your boyfriend, but your father already met the bear. Although, I’m surprised he’s okay with a bear. I thought the Malones would be all, ‘he must be tiger.’ ”
“Only if I hadn’t already had the kid. My aunts are happy because I’ve been a good little Malone female and given them a girl to carry on family tradition. Which only leaves me wide open for anything the aunts may dredge up. But I’m betting this is Deirdre. She’s trying to start a fight with me.”
“She always starts fights with you.”
“Yeah, but ...”
“Yeah, but what?”
Cella let a breath out, her neck getting tight. “But I promised Meghan I wouldn’t fight with Deirdre until after the wedding.”
Jai let out a loud laugh until she realized Cella wasn’t joining her. Then she stopped. “Oh ... you’re serious.”
“It’s a long story involving sleep-punching, tampons, and an early-morning drive to the pharmacy. I don’t want to get into it.”
“I don’t think I want you to get into it.”
“That old bitch. I bet she knows. I bet she knows I promised Meg I wouldn’t fight with her.”
“Now you’re being paranoid.”
“I’m not. She knows I’ll never agree to a matchmaker, which will set off a whole chain of events and then she can make me look bad in front of my kid.”
Instead of debating that, Jai asked, “So what are you going to do?”
“I’ll just talk to the family. Calmly. Rationally. I’ll make it clear these old-school rituals no longer apply in modern society. I’ll make it clear how ridiculous this all is.”
“You mean you’re going to act like an adult?”
“Yes. I’m a thirty-six-year-old adult and I can act like one.”
Determined, Cella finished drying off and changed into a pair of sweats, black T-shirt, and sneakers. With Jai by her side, she returned to the kitchen. And again as she walked in, her family stopped whatever conversation they were having and stared at her.
“Where’s the kid?” Cella asked.
“At the mall with Josie, using the gift cards she got for her birthday.”
Perfect, but before Cella could continue, Aunt Kathleen asked, “Do you remember your cousin Pete? Lives in Atlantic City?”
“Cousin?” Jai softly asked.
“Fourth cousin, twice removed,” Cella elaborated. “Yeah, I remember him. Why?”
“I still say—” Barb began, but Kathleen held up a finger, silencing Cella’s mother. Much to Barb’s annoyance.
“Stay out of this, Barbara Feeney.”
“It’s Malone now, even though you keep forgetting that.”
And this was why Cella was convinced her mother deeply loved her dad. Because being a strong-willed female and marrying into this family? It better be love.
“He’s got an RV dealership,” Aunt Maureen explained around Barb and Kathleen’s bickering. “Maybe we could all go down and visit him. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
Cella and Jai glanced at each other, and Cella asked, “Go down there?”
“Sure. We can play the slots, maybe a little blackjack, and you can spend some time with Pete and the rest of the family.”
“Aren’t most of the AC Malones under federal indictment?” Butch asked, looking more annoyed by the conversation as every second passed.
“The feds don’t have nothin’,” Deirdre snipped, glowering at her brother.
“And do you really see Pete leaving his business and moving here?” Barb asked.
“A good girl would move there.”
“If being a good girl’s an actual requirement, doesn’t that rule out all the Malone females?” Barb shot back.
“I don’t see what the problem is,” Deirdre said. “She’s always wanted to leave. Being that she’s too good for the family. So here’s her chance.”
“Do you really think I’d leave my kid?” Cella asked.
“You left her the first time,” Deirdre tossed back. “And the second. And I think there was a third.”
“Bitch!” Cella roared. She and Deirdre went for each other at the same time, her father and the aunts holding Deirdre back while Jai shoved Cella with her entire body toward the door.
“We’ll be back,” Jai called out over the yelling. She grabbed a set of keys for one of the family SUVs and continued to push Cella out the door and into the backyard.
“You should let me kick her ass for that last shot!”
“You promised,” Jai reminded her before catching hold of Cella’s arm and dragging her toward the car. “Besides, you cannot beat up an old woman.”
“In the seventies that old woman was the Malone Bare Knuckles champ.”
“Right. Which is also why you can’t afford to be beaten up by her, either. Your fragile Malone ego would never get over that.”
They stopped by a dark blue SUV. “She’s just going to keep at me, Jai. She has nothing to lose because she didn’t promise anything. But if I fight with her, I end up breaking my word, which a Malone never does ... to one of our own, I’m not talking the general populace, of course.”
“I know, hon.”
“So what am I supposed to do?” Cella demanded.
“You’re going to get on the phone and track down that bear. I’ll drive.”
“Okay,” Cella said, when Jai pulled to a stop in front of a nice little house in Queens. “This is the address MacDermot gave me.”
“It’s cute.”
“Whatever.”
Jai put her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Cella. I promise.”
“She’s just trying to get between me and my kid.”
“And so far she’s failed.”
“Has she?”
“Hey, listen to me, Meghan loves you. She will always love you. And nothing Deirdre does will ever change that.”
“If you believe that, why are you here with me?”
“Because I’m your wacky sidekick?”
“The wacky sidekick with advanced medical degrees who can repair arteries and heart valves?”
“You say tomato ...” When Cella groaned and began to rub her temples, Jai reminded her, “You know this could be a lot worse.”
“They’re trying to match-make me with a cousin, Jai.”
“Not a close cousin.”
“That’s not the point!”
Realizing she wouldn’t calm Cella down with words, Jai pointed at the bear sitting in a chair on the front porch. “Is that him?”
“Yeah. That’s him.”
“He doesn’t look that cranky.” Cella had told Jai the bear was cranky. But he seemed rather pleased with himself sitting there. And he was handsome. A big boy with white hair and black eyes, a Rangers baseball hat sitting on his head.
“Well, he is cranky. So wish me luck.”
Jai killed the engine and looked at her. “You want me to go with you?”
“Why else would you be here?”
“My knowledge of the Queens area?”
“Look, I’ve got one shot at this. So I’m asking you as a friend ... don’t let me blow it.”
“Yeah, but are you going to be okay lying to your dad ... ?”
“No, I hate doing that.” Jai had no doubt that Cella adored her father and vice versa. Like Jai and her father, Cella was Butch’s protégée and pride and joy. He loved his sons, but it was his daughter who could do no wrong.
“But,” Cella went on, “once the kid’s on her way to Israel with her dad, I can have it out with Deirdre, and I can tell Dad the truth. Trust me, it’ll be easier to wrangle this difficult bear than it will be to get the family off this matchmaker thing now that they’re all onboard.”
Jai realized her friend was right. “All right. Let’s go. Just remember ... cool and calm.” Two words most Malones didn’t know. “You need this guy’s help, so don’t let him goad you into one of your ‘moments.’ ”
Cella nodded. “I’ll do my best.”
That was all Jai could ask for.
They stepped out of the family’s SUV and walked to the house, stopping at the bottom of the stairs.
“Hi,” Cella said and gave a little wave.
The bear’s head slowly turned, his black-eyed gaze focusing on them. With a lazy smile, he said, “Hi.”
And that’s when Jai saw Cella’s entire body tighten—and not in a good way.
Cella’s eyes narrowed. “How are you?” she asked, walking up one of the steps and resting her hand on the railing.
“I’m doing great. And you?”
“Good.”
He took a deep breath like he was just enjoying the fresh Queens air this Sunday morning, his gaze looking around before he moved back to her. “So what can I do for you?”
When Cella didn’t answer, Jai moved a little closer. “We need a favor.”
“A little favor or a big favor?”
“Well ...”
He swung long legs off the banister and rested his elbows on his knees. “Why don’t you both come closer and tell me what you need? I’d be more than happy to help you out.”
Jai took another step, but Cella swung out her free arm and placed it against the other rail, preventing Jai from going anywhere. She waited a second for her friend to get the message. Then Cella walked up the steps herself, stopping at the top.
“You seem in a better mood today,” she observed.
He gave a little laugh. “I know. I know. I can be a dick sometimes. I try not to be, but I can’t help myself. I just get so ... uptight.” He looked Cella over from head to toe and back again. “Maybe I just need something to relax me.”
Before Cella could respond to that little bit of not-too-subtle innuendo, the bear’s cell phone went off.
He growled a little, looked at the caller ID, and grimaced. “I gotta take this. Be right back.”
He walked to the front door, but looked back at her before going in. “Don’t go anywhere.” With a wink, he stepped into the house and closed the door.
“Why are you so tense?” Jai asked her, following her up the steps until she reached the porch.
“I don’t know.”
“Well, stop it. You’re going to put him off. I thought you wanted his help.”
“I do but ...”
“But ... what?”
Cella shook her head. “I don’t know. He’s just acting weird.”
“In what way?”
Cella almost laughed. That was so Jai. She loved to talk shit out. To analyze. Without any of the Malones realizing it at first, it was good to have the Davises as part of their family. They were the rational to the Malones’ irrational.
“Look, the guy I met the last couple of times was a total uptight fussy-jeans. He looked like a mass murderer but underneath the scowl and barely tolerant nature was this ... this ... Boy Scout.”
“And this guy?”
“Smiles too much and seems like the kind of Boy Scout who would help an old lady across the street so that he could chuck her back and let her get hit by a truck.”
“Why don’t you just say you don’t know how to deal with a nice guy?”
“I know I don’t know how to deal with a nice guy. That’s why I’ve been torturing the man every time I’ve seen him. But I don’t feel like torturing him at the moment. I feel like shooting him in the head.”
“Do you ever have small emotions, Cella? Little ones? That don’t involve either sex or death?”
“I’m a tiger. I’m either fucking or killing something. I can’t be all sitting up in a tree, lounging like you people.”
“Mountain lions don’t just sit in trees and lounge. We’re looking for our next meal.”
“Hey.”
Cella looked over at the far end of the porch. The bear, now without his Rangers hat and his hair combed off his face, stood on the outside of the banister, watching her and Jai.
“What are you doing?” Cel
la asked him.
“Enjoying the beauty of the day. And you?”
Cella glanced back at Jai and her friend gave a small shake of her head. She didn’t like this anymore, either.
“Where’s your hat?” Cella asked.
“My hat?”
“Yeah. The one you were wearing two minutes ago? That hat?”
“Oh. My hat. Yeah, uhhhh ...”
The front door opened and the bear—you know, the one that had just come from around the house—walked out, offensive Rangers hat back in place, so that there were now two bears. Two exact copies.
“So ... where were ...” The second bear stopped, glanced over at the other end of the porch and the lookalike bear standing there. When he looked back at Cella and Jai, he grinned and said, “I can explain this—”
“What’s going on?” another, more cranky voice, said from behind her.
Cella looked over her shoulder and she felt nothing but relief at seeing that searing scowl, those ancient jeans, and a goddamn Islanders hat on his head. The Rangers? Really? At least her bear understood loyalty.
“I said”—the bear she’d woken up naked with stepped closer, a bag of groceries in his hand—“what the hell’s going on?”
“Can’t we just come visit our brother?”
“Not and live to tell about it. No.”
“Can you believe the way he treats us?” the one with the Rangers cap asked Cella. “Born just a few minutes apart and he never has any time for us. Isn’t that unfair?”
“You never mentioned all that,” Cella observed, “when you were pretending to be him.”
Crush threw his bag of groceries down, his scowl turning worse, his big body vibrating. “You’re still doing that?” he bellowed.
Cella laughed and walked up the stairs. She could feel Jai’s hand swipe past her T-shirt, just missing her, as she made a wild grab to stop her.
“You guys,” Cella teased. “Did you do that to a lot of girls? Pretending to be each other?”
“We were kids,” the one with the hat explained, still grinning. “We didn’t know any better.”
“Well you know what?” Cella asked, stepping close to him. “I’m an adult. And I still don’t know any better.”
Then Cella punched the smug bastard in the face.
Bear Meets Girl Page 10