by Tia Siren
He shrugged. “I see it.”
“Dad! This is bad! You owe a quarter of a million dollars!”
He nodded, looked a little embarrassed, but said nothing.
I put my face in my hands. I didn’t know what to say. This was unreal. He couldn’t possibly think it was just going to go away. It was then I realized that he truly didn’t care.
“Dad,” I started again.
“Ashley, listen. Let me explain. I know it’s bad. Trust me, I know. I don’t need you to lecture me. Remember, I’m your father. Afford me the respect I’m due.”
“I’m sorry, Dad. I am. I didn’t mean to come off as disrespectful. I guess I’m trying to understand what’s happening here,” I said in a softer tone.
He sighed. “Ashley, I don’t have health insurance. I thought I did, but it turns out I didn’t. I tried to buy a policy, but it was a joke. I had to pay out of pocket for my medical bills. Chemotherapy, surgery, and doctors aren’t cheap. I didn’t have a lot of options.”
I choked back a sob. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you dealt with it all alone. Why didn’t you call me?”
“I didn’t want to burden you. You have your own life. I knew you didn’t want to come back here.”
“I would have come back to help.”
He shrugged. “There were plenty of times you could have come back. You didn’t. You avoided this place like the plague.”
He was right. I had, and I couldn’t blame him for not calling me for help. I hadn’t exactly been the best daughter. I didn’t call often and I never visited. I had all but abandoned him, assuming my sisters and brother would take care of him. I still couldn’t believe none of them had any idea of what he had been dealing with. It infuriated me to know they lived five minutes away and didn’t know he was struggling.
“What about Hank? Why didn’t you ask him for help or at least let him know what you were facing?”
“I don’t want to be a burden on my children. I’m supposed to help you, not the other way around.”
“I think the whole family dynamic thing works both ways. We’re supposed to help each other,” I said softly.
“Ashley, I’m a proud man. I hate asking for help. I probably would have been okay if that first round of chemo had worked, but hell, this damn cancer just put a wrench in all my plans.”
I fought back tears, but it was futile. They silently flowed down my cheeks. I felt an enormous amount of guilt and pain for my own cowardice that had left my dad here all alone. He and I had a special relationship. In many ways, we were closer than him and any of my other siblings, even if I was the farthest away. I should have known something was wrong.
I looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry. I had no idea. I was incredibly selfish. I should have checked in. I should have come home for Christmas. I didn’t mean to abandon you, Dad. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t take this all on your shoulders. It isn’t your burden. I made the choices knowing the risks. Don’t take this on. I don’t need my daughter bailing me out of trouble. This is my mess,” he said with firmness.
A thought crossed my mind. “Dad, you know I wasn’t running from you, right? It was the idea of being trapped. If I could have you, the farm, and the city all in one bundle, I would love it.”
He chuckled. “I don’t think it works that way. You have to make some compromises. I know why you ran. I was young once. You get that wild streak from me,” he said with a grin. “I knew you had to figure things out for yourself. When you do, you will find what makes you happy. Whether that’s here or in New York is for you to decide, but don’t you dare let me influence your decision. You make it based on what you want, not what you think is best for me.”
I wiped my cheeks. “Thank you for being so understanding. I’m here now. I’m going to figure this out. Don’t you worry about anything except getting better. You beat the cancer; I’ll handle the financial side of things. There are programs that will help with the medical bills. I’ll get in touch with some folks and see what kind of help we can get.”
“You do whatever you think is best, but don’t do it for me. I’ll be okay, Ash. Really, I will. I don’t need this big ol’ farm and the big house. I never intended to live out my days here alone. Your mom and I had always assumed one of you kids would take over and we would travel or retire to some condo. Kind of ironic that’s what will be built here when the farm is gone,” he said with a small smile.
“No. I am not going to let that happen. I will fight that tooth and nail,” I said vehemently.
He smiled. “I’m going to go out and play with Jasper. I sure do like having him around. He is a joy to have, and just seeing him makes me feel a little better every day.”
“Good. Go relax. I got this,” I told him with a confidence I didn’t feel.
He leaned down and gave me a hug around my shoulders. “Thank you, Ashley. I appreciate you trying, but please don’t get too caught up in this. You have to take care of yourself and your son. This is my problem.”
“I know, Dad.”
He walked out of the kitchen and through the screen door. Once he was gone, I went to my room and grabbed my laptop. I needed to figure out what kind of help I could offer. I refilled my coffee and went a little heavier on the Irish cream this round. It was about to get real.
I pulled up my bank information and checked my savings account first. Then I checked my business accounts. I was still not going to make it. I checked the clock and knew it was a little late, but I needed to call my money manager. I had invested money a few years back and left it in his care. He always sent me updates, but I never paid attention. I figured if I did know, I would get comfortable. I didn’t want to know how much money I had. When it came time to send Jasper to college or for me to retire, I would be pleasantly surprised—I hoped.
My dad knew I was good with money management. My siblings had always spent money as fast as they got it. I had been the hoarder. Whenever one of them needed a loan when we were kids, they all came to me. It had been a running joke in the family.
When I got out on my own, I had been extremely frugal. I think I lived off the bare minimum for years. Having a baby without any financial help was not easy, but I was proud to have managed to do it without going into horrible debt. I bought with cash only for most things. I had two credit cards but rarely used them. When I did, I paid them off. My credit was stellar. If needed, I knew I could probably get a loan to cover the cost to keep the farm.
My biggest problem was deciding what to do. How much money did I want to invest in a farm I wasn’t going to live on? My hopes of buying a home for Jasper and myself in New York would be dashed if I did this. I could make more money and invest more aggressively. Jasper and I could live in my loft a few more years.
I heaved a heavy sigh after getting off the phone with my money man. He was going to have to do some checking and promised to get back to me tomorrow or Monday.
I could wait. In the meantime, I needed to spend time with my dad and maybe try to get some shots that I could sell. Every dollar was going to count at this point.
Chapter 18
Brock
It had been oddly quiet the past few days. I hadn’t heard from Ashley, and there hadn’t been any sneak attacks. I kept expecting to see her come charging through the door of my office. I should have known hiring Anna to work for me would be an Ashley repellent. Those two were like oil and water. They had never gotten along, and it seemed like things had only gotten worse. Having Anna in my office meant Ashley would never stop by for a quick round of sex in the back room. Bummer, but probably for the best.
She and I weren’t together. I couldn’t get used to seeing her on a regular basis. It would only bring that old heartache to the surface. I couldn’t let myself fall for her again.
Who was I kidding? None of that mattered now. It was too late. I missed her, even if it meant her yelling at me for something. I liked seeing her, challenging her, and making her so mad her chee
ks flushed. Ashley had matured into a beautiful woman. I loved that she was confident and had done what she wanted to do. She hadn’t let anyone stop her. Of course, I would have liked to have been by her side as she climbed the ladder of success, but I would have probably held her back in some way. The fact that she had managed to do it all while being a single mom was even more surprising.
Dammit! Why did she have to be so amazing?
This morning, she broke the silence. She called while I was still been in bed, and I almost didn’t answer the phone. The persistent ringing and the possibility of a client wanting to look at a property was what drove me to roll over and answer the thing. I was glad I did. The moment I heard her voice, my heart kicked up a beat.
She wanted to meet at the park at eight in the morning. That seemed a bit early for a Saturday, but I was certainly not going to deny the woman. Her voice had been friendly and even chipper. I didn’t second-guess why. My body was too excited at the prospect of seeing her. I made sure I had on new underwear. I had no idea what she had planned, but if she wanted a quick roll in the grass, I was up for the task. Hell, I was always up for the task when it came to her.
I quickly breathed into my cupped hands, inhaled, and was happy with the minty fresh aroma. I knew it would probably be for naught, but I wanted to make sure I was ready for anything, and having fresh breath was important.
I pulled into the small parking lot adjacent to the park and saw that Ashley was already there—with Jasper. They were sitting in the area with the picnic tables at the bottom of one of my favorite trails. Ironically, it was the same bench where I’d seen Anna that day. It made me happy to see Jasper, and but I was a little bummed at the same time. I wouldn’t be getting laid, but on the bright side, I would be spending some time with my son.
“Hi.” I greeted them with a warm smile, not sure what to expect. “Hi, Jasper.”
“Hi.” He waved, holding up what appeared to be a coffee.
I looked at Ashley, a little surprised, but who was I to question her parenting decisions? I didn’t know the first thing about kids, but I didn’t think coffee was a good choice. If she wanted to give her kid coffee and amp him up, that was her choice.
“It’s chocolate milk,” she said.
“What?”
She looked at Jasper’s cup. “He has chocolate milk. I didn’t give him coffee.”
“Oh.” I smiled, a little relieved.
“Here,” she said, pulling a cup from the cardboard carrier on the table. “Black, right?”
I nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”
Something felt off, and I was instantly on guard. I glanced behind me, looking to see if there was someone sneaking up on me. She was being a little too nice. Something was about to happen, but I had no idea what it could be. My stomach was a bundle of nerves as I looked from her to my son.
“Have a seat,” she said, waving a hand at the bench across the table from her and Jasper.
Before sitting, I looked at the bench, wanting to make sure there wasn’t glue or tacks. The woman had me on my toes. She was acting strangely. I didn’t think she was a killer, but I had watched plenty of reality television. Women did some crazy things in the interest of protecting their children.
She took a sip of her coffee. We sat there for a few seconds before she opened her mouth and shocked the shit out of me to the point that I felt like a fish out of water, gasping for breath.
“Jasper, honey, this is your daddy.”
My mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. Jasper was off the bench and running around the picnic table a second after she made her announcement. He threw himself at me, his arms going around my neck and squeezing me tight. My arms automatically went around him. I embraced his little body against my own. I fought back the emotion that brought tears to my eyes and a giant lump to my throat.
“I have a daddy!” he squealed.
I nodded. “Yep.”
“Every birthday I asked for a daddy before I blew out the candles, but I didn’t tell Mom because if you tell, your wish won’t come true. I always asked Santa to bring me a daddy, too. I got one! I got one!” He clapped his hands.
“His name is Brock,” she said, “but you can call him Daddy or Dad or whatever you like best.”
“I’m going to call him Dad. I’m not a little baby. Only babies say daddy,” he said with a great deal of authority.
“Hey,” Ashley protested. “I call my dad Daddy.”
“But you’re a girl. I’m a big boy. I can’t be in the first grade and call my dad Daddy. I’m going to call you Dad,” he announced.
I nodded my head in agreement, still too shocked to add anything of value to the weirdest conversation I had ever been a part of. “Dad works for me. I would really like that. I’m Jasper’s dad,” I said, testing the words on my lips.
Imagining the baseball games and parent-teacher conferences where I could use that phrase made me flummoxed. I was Jasper’s dad. Me, an actual dad. I suddenly felt old and very inept. I didn’t have the first clue about how to be a dad.
“Okay, Dad,” Jasper said, hugging me one more time.
I looked up at Ashley. She was standing next to the table, watching her son with amusement on her face. I still couldn’t believe she had done that. There had been no warning. I hadn’t had a chance to prepare what I would say to my son when he found out who had fathered him.
Instead, I had prepared myself for a fight, a long and dirty fight that would leave us hating each other with Jasper caught in the middle. I thought for sure I would have to drag her ass to court and use the DNA results to prove paternity. I had gotten them back earlier in the week. It was no surprise to learn I was his biological father. The test had merely been a formality.
Then she sprang this on me. It didn’t make any sense. I had a feeling the other shoe was about to drop, but for now I wanted to enjoy the moment. I knew from experience that when something looked or felt too good to be true, it usually was. Ashley had done this to me once before. I had thought I was getting my happily ever after and she had ripped it away without even looking back.
“I’m glad you’re my dad,” Jasper said before pulling a rock out of his cargo shorts. “Here is a rock for you.”
“Thanks, bud. That’s a cool rock. I’m pretty glad you’re my son,” I told him, ruffling his short hair.
He smiled before pushing his glasses up his nose. “Can I go play now, Mom? You said I could after we talked to the man. My dad, I mean.”
“Yes, you may. Stay close, please.”
She sat on the bench across from me. I looked at the rock in my hand and then at Ashley. She seemed completely normal, as if she hadn’t just rocked my world. I looked over at Jasper and watched him kick some dirt with his shoe before moving to another area.
“Mom?” he called.
“What?”
“Can I go play on the playground?”
“Yes, but please don’t lose your glasses. If they fall off, bring them to me, okay?”
Jasper took off running toward the small playground and started to climb one of the toys. I watched him for several minutes. I vaguely remembered being a kid. He seemed so, so—normal. Well adjusted. He was lacking for nothing, it appeared. Ashley had done a great job with him. It made me proud to be able to call him my son.
“Why?” I blurted out.
She shrugged. “Well, I figured if we’re going to be living in the same town, he may as well know who you are. I don’t want people gossiping about who his father is. I want it all out in the open.”
“The same town? What do you mean?” I asked.
This could be very good and very bad. If she planned on sticking around, I would have a real relationship with my son. It also meant she knew something I didn’t about the farm. Had she found a way to keep it?
“Jasper and I will be leaving New York and coming here to live.”
“Oh.”
“It isn’t right for me to deny Jasper his father forever. He dese
rves the opportunity to know you, especially since we’ll be right here.”
“You’re moving back?” I clarified. I knew I sounded ridiculous, but my head was swimming from her confession. Maybe that was her plan: throw me off and then announce she was keeping the farm.
“Yes,” she said, not explaining further.
“Then we can share custody?” I asked hopefully.
She smiled. It wasn’t a real smile, but one that said “step away or I will bite you.”
“I’m not quite ready to approach that subject just yet. Can we take it slow here?”
I nodded. “Slow, yes, but we can’t avoid it forever. Now that he knows I’m his father, I want to spend time with him. I want to take him to games and go camping and teach him to fish.”
She laughed. “Slow down. You need to get to know him first, don’t you think?”
I nodded. “I guess. I have a lot of missed time to make up for. I want to spend as much time with him as I can. You have to be willing to let me hang out with him. I can’t possibly get to know him if you deny me time with him.”
“I know that, and I will. Let’s take it slow though. We have to ease him into the idea of having a dad before we spring weekend camping trips on him. Although, I don’t think he would mind a bit, and I think once you get to know each other, I’ll be more than happy to have a little weekend break now and then.”
I laughed. “You’ve done good, Ash. Like, really good. He’s amazing. I can’t wait to get to know him.”
“Thank you.”
“So, what exactly did you mean when you said you’re moving back?” I asked again, hoping to get a better answer—an answer that would tell me what I could expect for my land deal.
The smile she bestowed on me sent a shiver down my spine. I knew I had lost. Somehow, the woman had done the impossible. She didn’t say the words, but I knew. A pain in my stomach erupted at the thought of the money I would not get and the money I had wasted on lawyers and planning.
“I meant we’ll be staying. Jasper and I will be living here for the foreseeable future. Is that okay with you?” she asked sweetly.