Silence for a moment, then. "But you are her."
Jin sighed and very quickly summarized her dream of Guan Yin. "You know how I did that?"
More silence. Then, "I think so. It's very difficult, though. Out of all the Guan Yins That Were, you'd have to find the right one."
"So how do I even start looking? Or are you allowed to say?"
"There were no instructions in this regard so I suppose so. You go to sleep," he said.
"That's it?"
"No. First you go to sleep. Then you open your Third Eye and search the past from the beginning of time."
Jin sighed. "Sorry I asked. Good night, Frank."
"Good night, Jin."
Jin got undressed and flopped into bed. She turned out the lamp on her night stand and stared at the darkness. If Frank was right she was beginning to see what Guan Yin meant about the difficulty in crossing the gap between them. Could she do it? She could try. But first she had to fall asleep and that, considering how tired she was, should have been the easy part. Only it wasn't.
Head's too busy.
The strangeness of the day itself and her encounter with the skeletal girl and Shiro the Shadow had left her much more keyed up than she'd thought. Jin stared up at the ceiling for a long time, wide awake.
Best do some reading.
She thought about the novel she'd abandoned on her night stand weeks ago, then changed her mind. It was a dog. Besides, the stelae in front of her was much more interesting. Something about Pharaoh Ramses the Great smiting some Nubians, or the like.
Stelae...?
Jin blinked. She was standing in front of a stelae of limestone, and she was reading it. And it made perfect sense. She saw other stones beyond the first one, thousands in fact, almost a virtual forest of stone. Some in Chinese, some Greek, some Latin and, further away still, something that looked like what she thought was Sanskrit. She could read them all.
This is interesting.
She thought, perhaps, it was even a little strange, but couldn't quite put her finger on why it should be. The stelae were all here, and of course she could read them -- the writing was plain enough. This one talked about a Han emperor's building projects. That one was a thank-you offering to Hermes for curing a case of gout. Another was just the Roman equivalent of "Eat at Joe's," though it certainly was a classier advertisement than any Jin had seen in a long time. Yet the thing they all had in common was how ordinary they all were, stripped of the mystery of time and language.
"People are all the same," she said aloud, as if it were a revelation. She knew it wasn't. Just one more of those ordinary facts, though this one wasn't written on any particular stone. Rather, in a way it was written on all of them, an echo of the human voices that survived from their time to Jin's.
"All time is the same," she said then, though she felt this was on shakier ground. According to her reading, all time was an illusion, but that didn't mean Joyce wouldn't fuss if she showed up late. Which reminded her that she'd have to get up soon. She wanted to check the time, illusion or no, but couldn't find the clock, or her bed.
I'll just have to look harder, she thought, even though she finally understood why her bed and her clock were missing, and why she could read all those normally impenetrable scripts. She held the thought at bay, afraid the sharp edge of her understanding would pop this particular bubble of illusion before she was done with it. Jin opened her third eye.
She later wondered if perhaps, in hindsight, it was better not to think about what she had done before she did it. If she had, truly, thought about what she might see before she did, there's a good chance she'd have refused. It was like the old story about movie monsters. Sooner or later the camera would always pull back and reveal what had been scratching at the door or lurking in the cellar, and such things were always as terrifying as the art of makeup and special effects would allow. Yet the monster revealed was never as frightening as the monster one imagined.
When she opened her Third Eye in her dream, she did not see monsters. She did, however, see herself. Guan Yin was there, standing alone among all the now ghostly and insubstantial inscribed stones. She did not look very much like all her statues, and yet Jin recognized her without any doubt. It was easy enough. Except for what looked like a plain white robe and an unearthly glow, she looked exactly like Jin. "You're real," Jin said, then glanced at the stones, "they're not."
"Ohhhh, bother," said Guan Yin. "I didn't think you'd catch me so easily."
"If I'm you," Jin countered, "how can you ever be really far away?"
Guan Yin laughed. She had a nice laugh, Jin thought. Not mocking. Delighted, rather. Joyous. Even though Jin wanted to strangle her.
"Good one, Jin. Well, don't worry. I won't be so close or easy next time."
"Next time?"
"Of course. Do either of us believe I'm going to spill the proverbial beans now? Do we believe that you'll be content to just let it go and not try to contact me again? No on both counts, Luv. We know us too well."
Jin shrugged. "You more than me, and I hardly think that's fair."
Guan Yin was still smiling, but there was a somber note in her voice when she said, "Jin, I would not put either of us through this if there was any other way to save him. Believe me, I've been trying for most of a thousand years."
"Save him? You mean Shiro?"
Guan Yin put a finger to her lips. "Oopsie."
Jin wasn't stupid enough to think her divine self had made an actual mistake. More likely Guan Yin was going to give her just a little more this time, like throwing a dog a bone to distract her from the side of beef. Fine. Jin would take the bone, but that didn't mean she'd forgotten about the beef.
"I suppose Emma-O told you about him. Typical," Guan Yin said.
"Shiro can pass between the hells at will."
"Not quite as easily as that, but close enough. He has mobility, yes. Almost as much as we do. That's been a problem for a long time."
"He's somewhere in Medias, or was. That's another," Jin said.
"It will make avoiding him more difficult."
"Difficult? It's impossible! He shows up wherever I need to be! How the blazes am I supposed to avoid him, especially if I'm supposed to 'save' him somehow?"
"Hmmmm," was all Guan Yin said. Jin knew that sound. It was the exact same tone that Teacher took when he wasn't going to say any more on a particular subject.
"Look, can you at least tell me why I need to try and avoid him?"
Guan Yin laughed. "Jin, that's the one thing I really can't do. And by the way, we're almost out of time again. Pick better questions."
"Try this one, then: You've sent me a servant who withholds vital information. Why should I trust him any further than I can toss your sodding statue?!"
Guan Yin put her hands on her hips in gesture that reminded Jin a great deal of her friend and boss, Joyce. "For pity's sake, Luv, buy a clue! If the Celestial Youth tells you that it's raining gumbo, you better grab a bowl! He can withhold information at my command, but he can't lie. Not ever."
Jin groaned. "You're making my head hurt. Ok, fine. You can't tell me what to do about Shiro. You can't even tell me why you can't tell me. I'm up against something extremely nasty and you say I can't beat it!"
Guan Yin wasn't smiling now. She said, very slowly and clearly, "I never said you couldn't beat him. You already have the only weapon you need, but if I tell you what it is and how to use it then you won't have it anymore."
Jin looked at her. "Isn't there anything you can tell me? Anything at all?"
"Try trusting yourself a little more."
"Meaning you?"
"Meaning you," she said. "It's almost but not exactly the same thing. I'm counting on that 'not exactly,' by the way."
Jin sighed. "That's it?"
Guan Yin grinned. "One more thing, Luv. Close your Eye and open your eyes. It's time to wake up."
(())
Chapter 8
Jin dragged herself out of bed when t
he alarm rang, though she didn't remember much of what happened right after that. She had some vague memory of cooking breakfast, then a slightly less vague memory of an argument with Frank the Celestial Youth when she sent him out to locate Shiro.
"I'm not sure that's wise," he had said.
"I'm not sure I care at the moment," she said. "I'm not supposed to look for him. Did the previous me command you not to look for him?"
"Well...no."
"Then do it," Jin said. "Don't confront him, don't attack him, don't even get near him if you don't have to. I just want to know where he is."
Frank put on his nice leather jacket and left. Jin poured herself a third cup of black coffee and got ready for work. It occurred to her that the idea of having someone entirely at her at her disposal was a very strange one, and that it should be making her a lot more uncomfortable than it was. Yet any help she could get, she wanted.
Jin sipped her coffee, now wondering when her other promised assistant was going to show up... what was her name again? Dragon Princess? Something like that.
Jin had halfway expected to run into Teacher again on her way to work, but there was no sign of him. She arrived barely on time to find Joyce already there. She waved hello and then went to her own desk.
The demon was still there, but Jin hadn't really expected otherwise. She ignored him and he went on with his work. Joyce, for her part, looking rather pensive but not particularly angry or upset. They worked in silence for a while, but Jin could only stand so much of this. She knew the demon was there. There had to be a reason.
"Feeling better today?" Jin asked finally.
Joyce frowned. "Hmmm? What are you talking about?"
"You were a little spaced out the last time I saw you. Thought perhaps there was something wrong."
"Oh. Not really. I mean, the usual."
Jin hesitated. "I know what 'the usual' means in my case. What's the usual for you?"
Joyce didn't say anything for several long moments. "You just askin', or do you really want to know?"
"I really want to know."
"I threw Lucius out. Third time this year. It's getting old, to tell it plain."
Jin sighed. "Joyce, you don't have to tell me the reason you threw Lucius out if you don't want to, but I'm guessing it's not too far from all the other times?"
"Got that right, girl."
"Then I understand why you threw him out. What I don't get is why you let him back in."
HEY, WHAT YOU DOING? Jin heard the demon's voice in her head.
I'm being a friend.
DON'T HAND ME THAT. YOU'RE INTERFERING!
Damn right, and as completely and deeply as possible. Listen to me, imp, cause I'm not going to repeat this -- we both have a job to do. You do yours the way you think best, but don't presume to tell me how to do mine.
BUT --
Jin cut him off. She'd rather suspected that she could do that. She was pleased to be right. The demon on Joyce's shoulder looked annoyed, but he finally shrugged and went back to whispering.
Joyce, oblivious to all this, shook her head. "Listen Jin, you're a nice kid and all, but you're young and cute and you have no idea what it's like for someone like me."
"You're right," Jin said. "I also don't pretend to be the smartest person in the world, or even in this office, but I can listen."
Joyce smiled a tentative smile. "Tell you what -- finish logging those eviction notices before half of downtown Medias is out on the street, and we'll talk. 'Kay?"
"'Kay."
They did talk for a good bit of the afternoon. It wasn't much that Jin hadn't heard before, at least in bits and pieces, but Jin had the distinct feeling that Joyce talking about it mattered more than Jin listening. Joyce clearly needed someone to listen, and had needed that someone for quite some time. Jin was more than a little chagrined that she had been too distracted by her own problems to notice, even granted that those problems were a little unusual. At the end of the day she was rewarded by the sight of the little demon sitting, not on Joyce's shoulder, but on the paperweight on her desk, looking thoroughly frustrated.
Sorry 'bout that, Jin said.
WE'RE ON THE SAME SIDE, BELIEVE IT OR NOT. I'LL JUST BE BACK TOMORROW, the demon said grimly.
So will I, Jin said, and cut him off again. The door to their office opened and Frank strolled in. Jin hurried up to meet him before Joyce could get up.
"My apologies, Immanent -- "
"Jin," she corrected in a harsh whisper.
"Again, my apologies. I forgot. About the shadow -- " he began, but now Joyce was there.
"Jin, you've been holding out on me. Who's this?"
Jin thought quickly. "This is Frank...Celeste. He's a friend of mine."
Joyce smiled and nodded. "About damn time, too. Hi, I'm Joyce Masters," she said. "Jin has told me absolutely nothing about you."
"Pleased to meet you," said Frank, looking a little nervous. He glanced at Jin who shook her head slightly. She mouthed the word "careful."
"So. How long have you two been seeing each other?" Joyce asked.
"Just a few days," Jin said before Frank could answer. "I met him in the library. I've been doing some personal research."
Joyce glanced from one to the other. "Riiight. Well, time to go. You two have fun." Joyce pulled Jin aside as they left, whispering. "Tomorrow I will have details or else."
Jin just nodded, wondering what sort of details she'd have to make up. Maybe Frank couldn't lie but there was nothing to stop Jin from doing so, even if she didn't feel right about it. It's not as if she could give Joyce the true story.
"Let's walk," Jin said to Frank when Joyce had left. They set out down Pepper Street toward Elysium. Frank looked confused.
"What was this Joyce person talking about?"
Jin stifled a grin. "She thinks we're a couple."
Frank blinked. "A couple of what?"
"Lovers," Jin said, and Frank actually blushed. Jin thought this was the cutest thing she had seen in weeks.
"We must correct this misapprehension," Frank said and started to turn around, but Jin pulled him back.
"No, that is one thing we must not do. I've been thinking about this a bit. I can't operate openly as Guan Yin. The people of this Hell would try to lock me up for a loon, and then how would I function? No. As long as you're with me, we need a cover story, and this is it: you're my boyfriend."
"But I'm not -- "
Jin raised a hand. "I know. I also know that it's not your nature to lie, according to that other Guan Yin. However, I already know you can withhold information and refuse to answer."
"Well... yes."
She nodded. "That's all I'm asking now. Try not to reveal your true nature or the nature of our relationship unless there's no alternative. Ok?"
"I will do my best," he said. "The appearance of carnality has precedent."
Jin stopped so suddenly that Frank had taken a couple of steps past her before he realized.
"Now what are you talking about?" she asked.
"Just that there were traditional aspects of your divine self that used your beauty as an enticement, though to tempt men to the True Path rather than toward their baser natures."
"Frank, are you saying that in some times and places I'm essentially a Divine Cock Tease?"
Frank looked horrified. "If I understand the term correctly, certainly not. You are blameless, Jin. Your nature does not change and is always pure, but human perceptions are faulty at best, and it's possible for anyone's actions to be misinterpreted. You always act for the good."
"Maybe, but right now there's a great deal of me that's not divine at all. I'd remember that if I were you. There's also a saying here, that 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions.' I'm betting that things don't always turn out right, no matter how good my actions are; that's common sense."
"It's hard to say how anything has turned out, when so much has yet to be decided," Frank said, "even -- " He stopped.
Ji
n saw a thread of understanding and she grabbed for it. "You were going to say 'Even Shiro' just now, weren't you?"
"I mis-spoke, Jin. Please don't ask me to explain, because I cannot."
"You don't have to. The implication is that I had something to do with why Shiro is the way he is now. He said as much himself."
Frank looked so distressed that Jin felt a little sorry for him, but she grinned anyway. "You can't lie, even with your expressions. I'm right, aren't I? You don't have to answer that, but considering Guan Yin's attitude and the way Shiro keeps turning up I had my suspicions already."
Frank didn't say anything. He just started whistling a tune Jin didn't recognize. She sighed.
"All right, be that way. What about Shiro? I mean, did you find him?"
"No," Frank said. "I did not."
A direct statement. Unless what Guan Yin had told her and Jin's own instincts were way off, he was telling the truth. "You're saying he's not here?"
Frank shook his head. "No, just that Shiro's time skulking between Hells has made him very good at concealment. If he's here I will find him, but it may take time."
"That's fine," Jin said though, for the moment, her mind was elsewhere. She started walking again and Frank fell into step beside her. "Frank, tell me something -- are there any unforgivable sins?"
He frowned. "It's not a question of forgiveness. It's a question of correcting error."
"Fine, then -- an error that cannot be corrected. Does such a thing exist?"
"No."
"Then what about the Avici Hell?"
Frank brightened a bit. "Ah. I think I understand. Emma-O -- Teacher, that is, told you of this?"
"Yes. He seemed to be saying that to be trapped there was so close to forever that the difference wasn't worth squat."
"There is a vast gulf between forever and 'almost.' Granted, this is the absolute worst Hell there is. It does take an extreme level of error to gain entry."
"For example?" Jin asked.
"Well, deliberately harming one's own parents would do it. Pretending to be a bodhisattva and using the position to cheat honest believers..."
"Anything else?"
All the Gates of Hell Page 8